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sts193 · May 16, 2013, 12:55 AM

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Hi.
My boyfriend and I were together for almost a year and a half. I went away on a holiday for seven weeks and wouldn't go more than two days without talking. He kept saying how much he missed me and couldn't wait for me to be home. I came home and ten days later he dumped me out of no where.
It was clear he had no idea why he was dumping me either because he was crying and confused and didn't have a conclusive reason why. He said he didn't love me anymore and that he feels he needs to be alone.
A few weeks have passed and we've decided we are on a break until he comes home from his 5 week holiday in June.
Everything is sti exactly the same when we see each other. He lights up when I'm around and he's determined 'not to lose me from his life'.
I'm just not sure how to deal with this 'break'. It's so painful hearing him say I'm not in love with you, then acting completely the same.
How am I supposed to act on this break? It's seems he's trying so hard to convince himself he isn't in love with me anymore so he can have a guilt free holiday. How do I make him miss me? And see how in love he still is without having anymore 'talks'.

joypulv · May 16, 2013, 02:06 AM

I'm not sure how we could be expected to know what he is thinking, given this short glimpse into his actions. How old is each of you?
It may be that he just felt so much pain with you gone that he thought that it wasn't worth it, and then discovered that making a decision like that isn't as easy as he thought. People all over the world every minute are saying 'Love isn't worth the pain' and then continue to fall in love. Maybe during those 7 weeks you were 'too happy' doing things without him, talking about all the things you were doing instead of missing him terribly. Who knows? You must have some insight into his reactions. Couples need to communicate their feelings. Be honest before things boil over, not after. Ask him (gently) if there is any possibility about this theory of too much pain.

navraj1987 · May 16, 2013, 02:27 AM

Your message itself saying that, how much he loves you? Do you love him the same as he loves you? If yes, Just go and tell him that I'm a shadow in your life and I always come after you till the end. Now we are fall in dark surrounded time and the humans or reality things can appear in dark. However, shadow can't be appear with the reality in dark. Shall we try move from this dark and join us together in sunshine. Good day to the good man by the good girl.

sts193 · May 16, 2013, 03:01 AM

He knows how much I missed him. I told him everyday. I think maybe he doesn't want to go over seas and have to miss me like I missed him. I think he just wants to have fun instead of having to check up on me like I did.

I thought if I was too available though it wouldn't give him the chance to miss me. If he knows I'm there at the end of the day all the time, there's no fear in losing me.

sts193 · May 16, 2013, 03:03 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I'm not sure how we could be expected to know what he is thinking, given this short glimpse into his actions. How old is each of you?
It may be that he just felt so much pain with you gone that he thought that it wasn't worth it, and then discovered that making a decision like that isn't as easy as he thought. People all over the world every minute are saying 'Love isn't worth the pain' and then continue to fall in love. Maybe during those 7 weeks you were 'too happy' doing things without him, talking about all the things you were doing instead of missing him terribly. Who knows? You must have some insight into his reactions. Couples need to communicate their feelings. Be honest before things boil over, not after. Ask him (gently) if there is any possibility about this theory of too much pain.

Both 21.
I've asked him if he thinks that it's possible he hasn't fallen out of love, he's just nervous about where our relationship was going because we started to settle down and grow out of the honeymoon stage.
He said that it probably was. Then the next day he goes back to saying he doesn't love me.
I just want him to stick to one story!

joypulv · May 16, 2013, 05:23 AM

'I just want him to stick to one story!'

Chalk it up to youth, I think. You sound like a good communicator with a better idea of what your feelings are, while he doesn't, or is just plain conflicted. Do women mature sooner than men? It seems that way, doesn't it? Maybe it's something primal, getting prepared for a secure nest and support system in order to provide for and raise children.

I had a boyfriend when I was 28 and he was 21, and he told me with a straight face that he should be allowed to pursue any woman who showed the least bit of interest in him because men had a harder time finding women than the other way around. AND he hung all over me possessively when available guys were around. That was 35+ years ago, but has much changed?

I realize that's not your situation, but thought I'd commiserate a little.

sts193 · Jun 2, 2013, 03:52 AM

Hi.
Long story short I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months in April.
We've been undefined these last few weeks since. We've fought. Hung out like old times, had sleepovers and slept together. We also work together.
He goes away on holiday in late June for 5 weeks. Up until a fight we had two weeks ago we were on break until he came home and we'd see where we were at when he came home in August. Now we are no longer on break. He said he'd see where he was at when he came home but not to get my hopes up. But every time I see him, he acts like he's still in love with me

My question is. How do I avoid the friend zone when he returns? I was going to cut my hair, buy new clothes and jewellery so I catch his eye. But I know he's going to want to catch up when he comes home. But I don't want to be friends. I want him back.
Help?