[DestroyedSoul]

I met a woman. And she was amazing. She is everything that I look for in a woman from looks to most importantly, her soul. At first it was about her appearances, but when I started discovering what made her tick within, that was when I truly fell in love with her.

But I let my insecurities get the better of me. Time and time again, I would hurt her emotionally (never physically). I kept pushing her away because I was scared of being hurt. This happened about 7 times and every single time she would take me back, give me another chance. The last occurrence of this happened a month ago. I thought it would be the same. I would lose it, hurt her emotionally, push her away, and then she would take me back. It was a sick game that I was playing.

Since that time, we haven't communicated. I e-mailed her explaining my actions (pretty much the same explanation the past 6 or 7 times) and just this past week I texted her saying that even though she won't fight for me, I will keep fighting for her and she will always be in my heart and mind.

I know this is unhealthy for me. I'm living with the consequences of losing her already, the pain and the regret and not having possibly the best person to ever grace my existence in my life. I want to move on. But then why am I clinging onto hope?

Can someone please suggest how I can get over this? I know a month is still early days but the thoughts and the pain are showing no signs of slowing down. My days are spent thinking about her, all the times I did her wrong. I know I can't change the past, and I have an inkling that she has moved on, I want to move on too. My days are being affected and my productivity has reached an all-time low. I want to stop punishing myself for what I did. I learnt a massive amount from my relationship with her and will always be grateful for that. But not knowing how this particular story could have ended is going to haunt me for the rest of my lifetime. She said she wasn't ready for something, and I knew she couldn't love me the way I wanted her to love me, but now I have lost her as a friend and that pains me more than you think. I wanted to be there for her in this tough time of her life and now I'm just another statistic in her life.

Has anybody gone through something like this and survived it? If so, please feel free to answer.

[C0bra_M3nace]

But not knowing how this particular story could have ended is going to haunt me for the rest of my lifetime.

This part scares me the most. If you seriously let this haunt you for a lifetime you're never going to be happy, or in a healthy relationship ever again.

Breaking up is only as hard as you let it, and you sure are letting it tear you apart. Are you doing anything at all besides sit around and think about what went wrong? That's the past my friend, dwindling on the past only leads to misfortune. You need to focus on today, the present and the future. The present and future is what you make of it, and right now you're throwing every day away.

Get up man, go out with some friends, go to your favourite club, try something you never got to yet but wanted to, find a new hobby/activity that you love. Anything at all, the monster inside you telling you that you still love her is easily distracted, stay distracted long enough and soon you'll let go. Time is your new best friend, together you can conquer your ex and move on with your life.

You will move on, you will get better, you will be happy again and you know what, you will find someone better. Life is what we make of it, so get out there and make yours better.

I wish you the best my friend!

[DestroyedSoul]

Hi C0bra_M3nace.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I am a student so most of my days are just filled with studies and lots of idle time, so I can't help but let the thoughts pop up in my brain. Sure, the studying helps me get my mind off it sometimes, but even while studying there are times where the whole situation pops into my head.

And I have been doing the things that you suggested. I have been with friends, going out to try and distract my mind, but sometimes doing these things just seem to make the thoughts even more intense. As you can tell, I am a very obsessive person.

I have forgiven myself, I truly have, and I remind myself daily that the past cannot be changed. I just can't find a way to stop obsessing about how everything turned out, which in turn is making me feel miserable.

[C0bra_M3nace]

Time my friend, in time your thoughts will fade, but time needs your help. Keep up what your doing, I also forgot to mention to stay completely no contact from her. Don't speak, message or try to think about her.

For you to heal properly you need to obey the no contact rule, thinking about her and what happened violates that, and starts you right over.

Continue what you're doing, stay busy, try and keep your mind off it as much as possible and eventually your heart will let go. It will just take time.