[Homegirl 50]

And he has taken me on a date, and I've taken him on a date. I'm usually the one to make plans though. I don't agree with the begging for affection portion - I don't let him know that I think about him all day (I generally won't text more than once within 24 hours unless he responds). I just hate making these rules for myself to follow...I'm giving him until later tonight to get ahold of me, then I'm making my decision. Sigh.

If it takes that much effort, if you are always "should I do this, say that, give him 24 hours" it's not worth it. Especially if you're the only tripping.

[Enigma1999]

And he has taken me on a date, and I've taken him on a date. I'm usually the one to make plans though. I don't agree with the begging for affection portion - I don't let him know that I think about him all day (I generally won't text more than once within 24 hours unless he responds). I just hate making these rules for myself to follow...I'm giving him until later tonight to get ahold of me, then I'm making my decision. Sigh.

Why even wait until later tonight to help make your decision? Just cut off all ties with him. He doesn't want you. He doesn't care about you. He will never care about you. You were too easy. There was no challenge what so ever.

Take it as a learning lesson, and wash your hands of this.

[LostnConfused1]

Wait, so you're saying unless I play hard to get I won't ever have a lasting relationship? That's not even in the sense of sex either, I'm talking about communication. So if I text once or twice a day, and talk with him, ask to go out... I'll be "easy" and "unwanted"? I asked him if he'd gotten anything in the mail from me, and he responded that he hadn't checked. An hour later he responded "Yes I did" - and didn't say anything else. Wow. No thank you, no "cute", no nothing. I kind of just want to text him back and say, well I wish I wouldn't have sent it, so you can just throw it away. Gah!

[talaniman]

Your question was how do you read between the lines of this new relationship.

If your not happy, then back up, and take a long look. If you still aren't happy, stop, and go the other way.

[beachloverjohn]

He sounds kind of selfish, self centered, and one sided. I think he will take advantage of you every chance he gets. If you continue in this relationship, you will lose all respect for yourself. You will resent him for not treating you right, and I predict your relationship will turn into a lot of agruing and eventual heartbreak. Try to break away from him so you can allow yourself to move on, without regrets, and meet someone you are more compatible with.

[Enigma1999]

I was introduced to a guy through a friend while out at my college's local bar. We didn't talk much, but he added me on facebook the next day. We talked for about a week on there, and then I invited him over one night. He spent the night, and things got physical quickly. It stayed that way for a few days, and then classes started the following week. He came over a couple times that week, and we texted a lot. The following weekend I took him out on a date. A few days after that I asked him if he'd like to go out with me. I explained to him why I wanted to date; I liked everything I knew about him, but there was still a lot I didn't know. Since things had gotten physical I wanted an agreement that we'd both stay faithful while we discovered each other. He agreed and we stayed boyfriends for a little under 2 weeks. I could feel him pulling away; less texts, no returning the kisses. I confronted him, and told me he could tell me anything (in fact I told him this since the first week we met, because things were moving so fast...I'm a very open person.). He told me he could feel himself pulling away, and that he thought it would be best that we call it off and back up and get to know each other. I told him if that's what he felt he needed, than I'd agree to do it as long as he wanted to get to know me better - not because he doesn't see things working. He assured me he just wanted to get to know me. It's been rough since then. He doesn't text me unless I text him. He says he's busy with school and work, but I am too (I have the heavier course load). I don't want to be the annoying needy one so I try my best to refrain from texting him. I sent an invitation I made (it was cute) to him in the mail asking him out on a date. He should have gotten it by now, but he hasn't called or texted me. I just don't know if he needs space or what is even going on anymore. There is no communication and it drives me crazy. I don't want this to fall apart, but I'd rather know that he's not interested than sitting here in the dark. Do I leave this alone - wait for the text that might not ever come, or do I risk being the needy person and send the first text. There are so many ways this could go, I'm just sick of sitting here wondering what he's thinking.

Hello again Lost,

I want you to reread your original post...

THAT is why he doesn't want you. You gave him way too much and more all in a few short days. You managed to sleep with him on the first invite without even really knowing him. Then all of this pressure on your part about not enough communication, etc...

You are pushing him, and he doesn't like that.

I'm ot trying to be rude with you. As an outsider looking in, this is how I see it.

AND yes, maybe if you were to put up a little more of a challenge, perhaps you would have a longer lasting relationship.

[Homegirl 50]

This relationship has not even been that long. I think this guy is just not in to you.
All of this drama in what a month?
You want more than this guy wants to give.
Call it quits and move on.

[LostnConfused1]

I asked him if he'd gotten anything in the mail from me, and he responded "I haven't checked recently.", and then an hour later "i got it". I'm outraged. You got it? More like I got it and I'm thankful... or if you're not then that's fine too. I responded with "Well did you open it" and he hasn't gotten back to me. I'm trying to wait patiently for his response, but I just want to text him back and say "we need to talk" I'm not one to break things like this off in any other way than face to face, but I'm so angry that he's unapreciative, and can see that he won't ever be able to satisfy me.

Everyone on here talks about how I gave two much on the first date... but let's think about it. We're both guys. We both gave things up in equal amounts of time - I'm just on a different emotional level in this relationship than he is, and unfortunately I think I just dropped below him and want it over. Gah, I'm texting him soon and telling him it's important we talk so I can be done with this.

[Homegirl 50]

I'm just on a different emotional level in this relationship than he
And that is your problem. He's not into it, you are. And it could be that you started looking for a relationship of the heart and he was looking for a sexual one. So just because you both gave things up, you may have done them for different reasons.

You cannot expect him to be appreciative if he does not care. You two are not on the same page.
Don't do drama, just be done with it.
If he wanted to talk to you he would have already. Drama and desperation are not attractive.

[Enigma1999]

I wouldn't even give him the satisfaction of having a conversation with him any longer. I would STOP texting him, and I would not except his calls or texts.

[LostnConfused1]

Well I texted him again, and he responded that "I don't know what to say" referring to the invitation. I said that I'd like to talk with him soon. He said the earliest he could was Thursday. I couldn't wait. I texted him back that I don't think things would work out, and said I'd still like to meet Thursday, because I think there is a lot I'd like to say and hear from him. He responded that he agreed he didn't think things would work, and that he would have had the courtesy to wait until Thursday, but would still meet if I wanted. I tried to call him - he sounded hurt through the text. He forwarded me to voicemail, and so I sent him a text, trying to let him down lightly.

I know you guys say that I just need to drop him like a rock, but I'm not that kind of person. Even when something doesn't work out, or someone ends up hurting me, I'm still going to try my best to put it behind me and see them for who they are. It's hard to do, I've had cases where I just can't do it. I've learned my lesson, and I won't go through this again, but I'm not going to ignore, avoid, or hate him. He's still a person, and there's probably someone perfect for him out there, as there is for me, we just didn't seem to be the ones. Plus, doesn't it sting a little bit when you see the person that you were awful to walk away with no resentment?

I do have the personality that allows me to be used by other. I'm caring, easily won over, and gullible, but that's what makes me who I am. I learn the hard way, but I'm still going to be that same person, and hopefully next time I can catch things before they get so out of hand.

Thanks for all your feedback, discussing this with you was the biggest relief I've had in awhile, and it helped me process everything.

[Enigma1999]

Well I texted him again, and he responded that "I don't know what to say" referring to the invitation. I said that I'd like to talk with him soon. He said the earliest he could was thursday. I couldn't wait. I texted him back that I don't think things would work out, and said I'd still like to meet thursday, because I think there is alot I'd like to say and hear from him. He responded that he agreed he didn't think things would work, and that he would have had the courtesy to wait until Thursday, but would still meet if I wanted. I tried to call him - he sounded hurt through the text. He forwarded me to voicemail, and so I sent him a text, trying to let him down lightly.

I know you guys say that I just need to drop him like a rock, but I'm not that kind of person. Even when something doesn't work out, or someone ends up hurting me, I'm still going to try my best to put it behind me and see them for who they are. It's hard to do, I've had cases where I just can't do it. I've learned my lesson, and I won't go through this again, but I'm not going to ignore, avoid, or hate him. He's still a person, and there's probably someone perfect for him out there, as there is for me, we just didn't seem to be the ones. Plus, doesn't it sting a little bit when you see the person that you were awful to walk away with no resentment?

I do have the personality that allows me to be used by other. I'm caring, easily won over, and gullible, but that's what makes me who I am. I learn the hard way, but I'm still going to be that same person, and hopefully next time I can catch things before they get so out of hand.

Thanks for all your feedback, discussing this with you was the biggest relief I've had in awhile, and it helped me process everything.

WOW! He just told you that he didn't think it would work out. THEN, he put your call straight to voice mail.

That should tell you that he doesn't care about you.

You have to do what you have to do.

Good luck.

[Homegirl 50]

I don't understand why you feel you need to talk to him. What else can he say to you?
He said he did not think things will work out and sent your call to voice mail. That is like saying OK, I'm done.
If you want to put yourself through the humiliation of talking to him face to face and repeating what you have already said, go ahead.
Personally I think you are hoping if you two are face to face he will want you back.
I think that is a mistake. You have to be you but if you know you make it easy for people to use you, don't volunteer for it. This passive aggressiveness is not attractive.

[answerme_tender]

This sounding more like an obsession. You are having a hard time not being in control of the situation. Not having him show enough attention, enough appreciation for invite you made and sent him. He has told you he doesn't want relationship, yet your still going on, because your still not in control. Just let him be and move on, he is not going to give you the recognition you need.

[talaniman]

You are having such a hard time ACCEPTING his rejection. Its easier to let go and move on if you do. That seems to be all the closure he is willing to give you.

I understand though, you want his actions and words to match, so won't be happy until he rejects you in person, face to face.

[LostnConfused1]

I actually decided last night that I wouldn't be contacting him to set up a meeting on Thursday. If he does the asking, I might go, I might not. I won't be the one asking for it - I don't feel like there's anything left to say.

[Enigma1999]

I actually decided last night that I wouldn't be contacting him to set up a meeting on Thursday. If he does the asking, I might go, I might not. I won't be the one asking for it - I don't feel like there's anything left to say.

Good job! Trust me, you will be happy about your decision in time to come.

[Homegirl 50]

I think that is smart.

[LostnConfused1]

Okay everyone, so I've been doing a lot of thinking about everything that has happened since last week. I wanted to know why I felt the need to keep texting him, when I knew by doing so I was crowding him/making him uncomfortable. I didn't think about it at the time, because I was so obsessed and upset with the situation. I had to sit down and really think, and it finally came to me. The reason I needed to keep texting was because I wasn't getting responses, but I wasn't feeling hurt by the lack of contact, I was feeling like I couldn't control the situation. I NEEDED his attention just so I could feel in control and important. I thought about this some more, and decided to hit the library and dig through some books. The more I read, the more I realized what I did. It wasn't surprising once I thought about it either, my Dad is an extremely controlling and dominating person. Wow. I feel awful, but I'm glad I've realized what was going on. I've got a lot of reading to do still, but I can definitely see the patterns of my Dad in what had happened, and I'm learning how to change it. Holy crap. I'm hoping I can learn to control myself to prevent this from happening again. To think I'd mistaken loneliness for jealousy, domination, and mistrust, it's quite embarrassing.

The reason I've decided to come and post again is to get your advice. I've been thinking that if I did indeed mess this up by pushing too much (which I'm sure I did), should I try talking to him in the future? I'm not planning to right away, but maybe sometime in November or December, once I think I've got a hold on things and figured myself out. I just feel awful knowing that my actions (even though I didn't consciously realize what I was doing), most likely caused this to fall apart. Fact is, that boy is an amazing person. Not the average college kid after getting in your pants (no am I). We both are career driven, and have great outcomes for our futures. Sigh. We'll see where this goes, I plan to go to a therapist next week and hear myself out loud. If typing has helped this much, actually speaking with a person is bound to do wonders.

[Homegirl 50]

I think you should work on yourself and leave him alone. He may be a nice person but not the one for you.
He played games and was not entirely honest himself. This was not all you.