[Sillygal]

You are so right Talaniman, working together is both an opportunity and an obstacle. Up until now I had only saw it as an obstacle.

It hurts to see him every day, we work quite closely together, but thankfully not in the same physical office.

My cousin tells me to always be charming and to look great, which is probably a good thing.

With everything going on at work, combined with the break up I slipped into heavy depression and wasn't taking care of myself or my appearance. I was in tears every day, and generally dark on the world.

It was during this time that I contacted him every day. His last text message before we had lunch, the good lunch, has made me think that I wasn't being fair on him, and doing as he said "driving him away".

His last message was "Please for once, think about me. I cannot talk to you anymore. I have been taking your calls for weeks only to hear crying, emotional blackmailing, attempted suicide, endless repeating of the same thing, nothing every good or positive. I am SOOO tired and weak. Please dont call me".

Since our lunch I haven't contacted him and its so darn hard. Its only been 3.5 days and its killing me.

The funny thing is mostly I feel in control and am focusing on me. It is just that he was such a big part of my life that I can't forget and I am so hurt over the way things ended.

It doesn't help that I he told me that he only initially got together with his current girl "because he was so lonely", or that he never really considered what he wanted because I kept hounding him, and that the one thing he wanted was time and space, he never really got.

Last time I gave him time and space he wrote me quite a nice email,

"Time and space is doing me good.

I loved you very much and was convinced you were the one.
Yes, there were mistakes from both sides. Things we could have done better/differently, circumstances that didn't help.
But that's all passed now, and it's time to move on."

The moving on bit Im trying to do - I guess I really just have my tail between my legs for acting like such a fool. He says that it was only because of the way I behaved AFTER we broke up that made him think he made the right decision. I wish so much someone had taken my phone off me, that I had found this site then, or that I had not been suffering from depression and acting so out of character. This is why I feel like such a silly silly girl - when normally Im quite confident, easy going and able to deal with pretty well anything. But the combined situtions of work, and losing the love of my life, really knocked me for six.

And now here I am trying so damn hard not to contact him whilst he is away - and instead Im writing here, as a means of distraction.

Im not proud of the way I behaved in the those first few weeks, and that is why I have been trying to focus on me (seeing a therapist has helped and continues to help) but its hard.

[talaniman]

I know exactly what you mean about the healing, and rebuilding of yourself is very hard. But be fair, you are taking some good steps in the right direction by leaving him alone, getting help for yourself, and coming here to vent, rant, and get some support. Actually you may be ahead of the curve, but don't stop what you are doing, and don't slow down your progress. You can do this and be much better for it, and forgive yourself for making a human mistake.

[elwoodb]

Hey sillygirl, 3 1/2 days! Your doing great! The first week is the hardest, but once you get through it you feel that you've achieved something. I found after the first week that I'd regained self control and more importantly self respect! Don't worry I felt like a pathetic idiot with my behaviour, that had goneon for months. But that's in hindsight, can't change it now all I can do is not do it again :/ don't be too hard on yourself either, you thought you were fighting for what you thought was right? Nothing to be ashamed of there!

Btw I think his words conflict with his actions, to my brain time & space does not = get girlfriend

keep going mate your great!

All the best

[Sillygal]

THanks for your words of encouragement, Its been 4 days now! Last time I managed 8 days or so, that was when the email came and of course I replied.

Btw I think his words conflict with his actions, to my brain time & space does not = get girlfriend

I agree. There has been a lot of confusing and mixed messages. When we broke up he said he didn't want to be with anyone, but then I know he started things with her so quickly. I really do believe it was because he was hurt and lonely, and I know this girl, she has been flirting with him constantly - even during our relationship. She was always a source of jealousy to me. So it kind of makes it worse now that he is with her.

My friends and colleagues think she initially was a distraction from the pain and confusion he was feeling with us, but now he is in a situation he can't get out of, and that as she has left her boyfriend of 10 years for him, he is making it work. It has only been a few months. Its just such a ****ty situation.

But I am going to be the best "me" I can be, for me. If we ever have another chance then I want to be in a good place, and if not, I want to be in a good place for the next person who comes along and sweeps me off my feet. Its just so hard when I really feel we ended so prematurely and I pushed him towards her by being such an emotional mess.

[elwoodb]

4 days! Woot! Good work keep it up your doing great ;) I reward myself for not talking maybe an icecream, catch a movie etc. Early on I used to write a list at the end of each night with what I was going to achieve tomorrow - starting with 'keep going your doing great!' at the top. I take it a day at a time, just like yourself and it takes a while. One thing I found was how much fb can effect you, in the end I had to remove her just to keep my sanity. If he emails again, sit wait and post here first! That's what I did and it was surprising as to how an independent persons who's judgement wasn't clouded by emotion could help clarify the situation.

To me it sounds like a really sh*tty situation there at the moment but with your actions you have removed yourself from it (as much as possible). You're a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for! I wouldn't try to worry too much about the ex's situation, he's an adult let him worry about the situation he created. I know you care for him, its hard not too, but care for yourself first and foremost!

I know how you feel about the premature ending feeling. I still have the engagement ring money, so I know that feeling too well. A feeling we both have to deal with for a while yet I would think.

Don't beat yourself up, you behaved like any other normal person would have. I know I acted the same way before my ex brokeup with me, she also said to me that I had 'pushed her towards someone else'. I consider that to be a ******** statement and it breaks my heart to think about it. It was a getout excuse for her poor decisions. I know that every situation is different but I don't think you should beat yourself so harshly about it! I try not too!

Go out have some fun! Find ways to blow off work stress (gym, run, massage) do whatever it takes to get rid of it otherwise it's going to be a problem in the future. Be happy with yourself again and you never know some guy may sweep you of your feet, or you might sweep an unsuspecting guy off his feet ;)

Keep going strong, your doing great!

[elwoodb]

If your very bored and I mean very very bored you can have a read of my debacle! Talk about being a mess!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...le-484198.html

All the best!