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nehapuri · Aug 9, 2010, 06:29 AM

I have been dating this guy for the past 4 months. We have been to the same school and have a common set of friends but we never knew each other in school. We meet when I was travelling through europe. He was single when we met, he had been dating this girl for 2 yrs who he got pregnant within the first 4 months they were dating. When I met him we hit it off instantly and over time our visits got more frequent and soon I was living with him and everything seemed perfect. All this while he was in touch with his ex girlfriend as he said he had a responsibility towards her as he got her pregnant and she is going through a really tough time with her mother dying of cancer and he helps her out financially for her mothers treatment and I am OK with that. He said he just did not want to be with her because she takes up a lot of his energy and is not stable. 2 weeks back she came to visit him at his place and started a confrontation and asked him to confess to me that he had been sleeping with her the same time he was dating me. First he denied it but then later he confessed that he had slept with her twice first 9 days after we met and the second time a bit later. I was ready to forgive him but he said he needs a transition period for her to go back to her own country so that she is completely out of his life and for him to be alone for a while before he starts dating again. We broke up of course since I felt hurt and cheated upon and was very angry at the moment. He said we could be friends and I was very angry so I told him I never wanted to see him again or have any contact with him. 2 days back his ex girlfriend contacts me saying that she needs to tell me something very important( frm his fone and when I called back she/he never picked up the fone) and I called up his sister (angry) telling her to tell him not to contact me anymore... then I mssgd him to call me back and give me an explanation for what had happened but I got no response... the thing is I want to be with him and still date him... I miss him ever so much and I sincerely believe that this was meant to be. What should I do?

I wish · Aug 9, 2010, 06:59 AM

You can't force him to come back to you. You can tell him how you feel to see if he's willing to give it another shot. But if he's made up his mind, then you can't force him to change, you have to learn to accept and respect his decision.

Starry nights · Aug 9, 2010, 09:07 AM

From the outside I can see what you cant... this isn't a healthy,happy relationship.not only did he get his ex pregnant and got into a relationship with you without getting over her,he also slept with her behind your back and lied about it... once you get over the heady feeling of what you call love and look at things as they are,without the rosy-tinted glasses,you won't feel love for a person who a)doesnt know his mind b)isnt treating you right and giving you all the explanations you deserve c)is still very much in touch with his ex and has some baggage which he needs to clear.

Back off,cut ties with him,preserve yourself respect and hurt soul,nurture,heal and move on.

Devorameira · Aug 9, 2010, 09:25 AM

I know right now you're feeling hurt and rejected, but in a few months I think you'll thank your lucky stars that you aren't with him.

You need a guy that loves you and who can focus on YOU! A life with him would always be filled with lies and drama. It may seem exciting for a little while to have the drama and emotions that go with it, but believe me, that drama would get old and cause you a tremendous amount of pain.

I highly suggest that you move on and find a guy who doesn't cheat, who isn't involved with anyone else, and who has the time for YOU! You deserve better!

talaniman · Aug 10, 2010, 12:42 PM

Baby mama's are with baby daddy's forever, tied by the child they made together. Whether we like it or not. In time you won't miss him because you will be doing your thing without him.

nehapuri · Aug 11, 2010, 02:22 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Baby mama's are with baby daddy's forever, tied by the child they made together. Whether we like it or not. In time you won't miss him because you will be doing your thing without him.

They did not keep the child. It was aborted.

talaniman · Aug 11, 2010, 04:43 AM

So now what?

nehapuri · Aug 11, 2010, 04:50 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

So now what?

I have no idea what this guy wants but I'm moving on anyway... as hard as it is and as wrong as it seems to my heart... time heals...

Homegirl 50 · Aug 11, 2010, 07:16 AM

Good for you.
The guy is a cheater. He lied to you and he lied to this girl. This is not the kind of person you want to spend anymore time and emotion on.

lickemlolly · Aug 11, 2010, 09:04 AM

Soooo right... he is a loser.. he cheated on you.. gave you an excuse as to why he kept ties to her and its probably all just a lie... you are better off without him and it will take some time to adjust and get used to but let it go... dont answer the phone if he calls and don't respond to her texts... if she is texting you from his phone then obviously they are together.. which should tell you something... just ignore them.. change your number if you have to... start the process of getting over him

nehapuri · Aug 13, 2010, 08:08 AM

Why has his sister deleted me off Facebook? I thought she liked me??

I just don't get why...

talaniman · Aug 13, 2010, 08:26 AM

Maybe she isn't the friend you thought she was. Take the hint and be done with her too.

lickemlolly · Aug 13, 2010, 09:02 AM

Umm she probably doesn't want to be involved in the nonsense... and he probably told her not to talk to you anymore... you guys aren't dating anymore there is no reason to keep contact with you... just cut EVERYTHING off... keeping in contact with her is only going to give you false hope that you guys will be getting back together and you need to adjust to your life without him... whats the point of keeping in contact with her? So you can get information about him? Through her? There is no reason..