[Nelson789]

Hi, this is my story but shortened down. I have split up with my girlfriend 2 months ago after a really good 2 year relationship due to my actions, kissing another girl on a drunken night out in a night club and being caught by her brother and his girlfriend.

Of course she dumped me the same nignt and ripped everything up of ours, photos etc. Since that night, I have been trying everything and anything possible to get back with my ex because I love her and we had an amazing 2 years together. We where the perfect couple, in love, never argued etc. I was again foolish one time and said that I felt we should go on a break because I was going through a depressed time and didn't know whether I wanted to be single... the break lasted about a week for me and I knew that I made a mistake and did everything to show her that it was a mistake.

It casted doubts in her mind but she did forgive me and we went on being really happy. This time I have really gone to hell and back trying to win her back. I have gave my ex space without texting, calling or seeing her. I have sent her flowers to her work, wrote her a letter telling her how sorry I am, I have been to see her at work and at home but still to no avail.

It has been 2 months since we split now. The last time I spoke to her was on Thursday when I went to see her after work, uninvited but it was nice. We talked for about an hour, catching up, laughing, I even did abit of flirting to show her that I still very much found her attractive. After small talk, I asked her if she ever thought about me... she said that there was certain things that reminded her of me. I also asked her if she still had feelings for me... she said that she didn't think so. She said that she that she had feelings for me but not 'relationship feelings'. I asked her why thought this and she said because of what happened and due to being apart for 2 months.

I accepted what she said and looked into her eyes and said I want to tell you something... we laughed as I couldn't get my words out but I then I said 'i really still loveyou'. She tried to hold back the tears but ended up crying. I asked her why she was crying and she said that she didn't know. I said that I know I really hurt you and I would never repeat what happened ever again. She said that she believed what I said and that these things are meant to be. After telling her how I feel and she explaining how she felt we left it at that.

I feel like she has put up the barrier never to be hurt again. I feel like she has drilled it into to herself that maybe we need to both make fresh starts which is what she seems to be doing. Even though we both admitted we where really good together and compatible.

Will time be on my side with this one? Has she moved on or is she just trying to block away her feelings for me completely? Can I ever win back her heart?

This is really a sad case because we where really good together, the affection and love was for all to see and I repeat we never argued at all! We used to work together and where good friends before we got together that's how the attraction started. If I'm honest I don't know what else to do... all I know is how much I love and want her back in my life forever.

[lickemlolly]

You have made you point... and you have laid down how you feel... what did she tell you after you told her that you still loved her... did she have the same feelings back? Did she say she might be willing to try it again? If the answer was no then the only thing that you can do is move on with your life... sucks but the reality is that you messed this one up buddy... maybe she will come back around and maybe she won't.. but don't put your life on hold in the meantime.. you need to start thinking about life outside of her now.. life without HER in it..

[redhed35]

The thing is,it was a very good relationship,no problems,no hardships,it was true and lovely,then you kissed someone else... trust broken then and there,how ever much you try to show her it was a mistake you can't take away the hurt you caused her and the broken trust.

You did it twice,once when you wanted a break,she went back,trusted you,then again when you kissed someone else,broken trust again..

She has told you how she feels,and whatever feelings she has perhaps without that trust she just can't give it another go.

No trust no relationship.

I suggest going complete no contact,start rebuilding your own life.

Leave her alone to heal and move on.

You do the same.

There are stickies in the relationship forum,there is good solid information in there that perhaps you may find useful to your life.

[Nelson789]

you have made you point...and you have laid down how you feel...what did she tell you after you told her that you still loved her...did she have the same feelings back? did she say she might be willing to try it again? if the answer was no then the only thing that you can do is move on with your life...sucks but the reality is that you messed this one up buddy...maybe she will come back around and maybe she wont..but dont put your life on hold in the meantime..you need to start thinking about life outside of her now..life without HER in it..

Thanks for reading this message. She just started crying and then went quiet. She listened to what I had to say in a relaxed manner. You could tell that she had sort of put up a barrier that's why she was trying not to let me see her tears. She listened to what I had to say but I still no she didn't say that she wanted to give things another go and she didn't say that she had feelings for me. Even if she did I don't think she would tell me this because she is not the expressive type. She's very stubborn, high grounded and a very laid back character.

the thing is,it was a very good relationship,no problems,no hardships,it was true and lovely,then you kissed someone else....trust broken then and there,how ever much you try to show her it was a mistake you can't take away the hurt you caused her and the broken trust.

you did it twice,once when you wanted a break,she went back,trusted you,then again when you kissed someone else,broken trust again..

she has told you how she feels,and whatever feelings she has perhaps without that trust she just can't go ahead and give it another go.

no trust no relationship.

i suggest going complete no contact,start rebuilding your own life.

leave her alone to heal and move on.

you do the same.

there are stickies in the relationship forum,there is good solid information in there that perhaps you may find usefull to your life.

Hi, thanks for your reply. I know what your saying does make sense and maybe I do need to move on. But do you not feel that if someone is worth fighting for then you should hang in there? Is there anyway to regain her trust over time? She knows how good we where together and your right she did say to me that 'you know what I'm like about things like that and just how untrusting I can be' these where her words. If I kept with it, would this not show her overtime that she is the only girl that I want to be with? We both joked about how stubborn she is, would this not subside over time...

[lickemlolly]

Well you have but 2 options here.. ask her to tell her what up or just walk away.. not much else you can do.. no use sitting waiting and wondering... ask her to be honest and tell you what it is that she wants to do.. I know you are probably afraid to hear what she has to say but at least if she tells you that she wants it to be over you can start the process of moving on

[Nelson789]

well you have but 2 options here..ask her to tell her what up or just walk away..not much else you can do..no use sitting waiting and wondering...ask her to be honest and tell you what it is that she wants to do..i know you are probably afraid to hear what she has to say but at least if she tells you that she wants it to be over you can start the process of moving on

I know your most probably right. She has stated that she thinks we both need to make fresh starts but sometimes what she says and really feels sometimes contridict each other. Im in a hard place at the moment because I don't know whether to stick with it and pursue the girl that I really want to be with or whether to cut it loose and say that it just wasn't meant to be. I know that there is love and chemistry there, you could see that on Thursday when I went to see her. She obviously cares because she sat in my car and talked to me for an hour. I think she wants to move on because she is scared of getting hurt again.

We would have never split up if I haven't had messed things up because where a great couple that shared the same interests and had complete compatibility. I suppose time will answer all questions!

[redhed35]

You cheated, (a kiss is still cheating).. thats hard to get over,for some people its never.

She has told you how she feels,but your not accepting it,denial can be good in some situations but in this case its not.

You know what he story is,you can spend months or years trying to convince her and it may never happen.

[Nelson789]

you cheated, (a kiss is still cheating)..thats hard to get over,for some people its never.

she has told you how she feels,but your not accepting it,denial can be good in some situations but in this case its not.

you know what he story is,you can spend months or years trying to convince her and it may never happen.

I know what your saying is right. Reality is so hard to take some times! I never questioned that a kiss is not cheating because I said to her that its not really what I did is more of what I broke which was the trust between us. That was the real damage, the kiss meant nothing to me.

I think I'm going to give it one more month and then let go if nothing happens. She did mension that her dad is poorly with a bad back, I have bought a card as I got along well with her dad, do you think I should send it?

People learn from there mistakes, I know that forgiveness can be a hard to thing to give. The amount of effort and time I have invested into trying to bring her back to me has been endless. If she never wants me back then she really isn't meant to be. Which is a massive shame and the last thing that either of us wanted!

[talaniman]

Sorry for your loss, deserved or not, you blew it, and she may well be the one that got away. We all have those in our lives.

[Nelson789]

Sorry for your loss, deserved or not, you blew it, and she may well be the one that got away. We all have those in our lives.

Can she really be the one if she can't get me a 2nd chance? As much as I love this girl so much, one mistake shouldn't overall 2 years of loving and being a really good boyfriend to her apart from what happened. Surely the 2 years counts for something...

People get second chances at different things everyday including break ups, way I see it... if there's no second chance for us, then maybe it wasn't meant to be at all. As sad as that sounds.

[vanheart]

Its not worth beating a dead horse.

She obviously doesn't want the same thing you do. You already told her how you feel, so did she,
Now leave her alone.

Don't create false hope.

She's right. Fresh starts are right on the money.

Chalk this one up as a lesson.

NC, my man.

[bree92]

The only thing you can do is give it time if it is meant to be then it will work if it's not then its time to move on happens for a reason and only time will tell how it will turn out

[hunnypooh97]

It is true that sometimes people get a second chance but sometimes they don't.. this is how we learn from our mistakes and try not to do it again.. as much as it sounds you might not get back with her again... it might take a lot to build a good relationship.. but it doesn't take much to ruin it.. trust is broken here, the girl is very hurt.. the kiss might not meant anything to you but imagine if you were in her shoes..

Just let it be.. don't try too hard to "force" it... because it might make matters worse.. if its meant to be its meant to be maybe one day you two will find the way back to each other.. sometimes it doesn't matter how much effort, time or energy you have put in..