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    AskingQs4real's Avatar
    AskingQs4real Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 3, 2010, 08:42 AM
    Why am I jealous?
    I have fallen in love with a woman who has been married four times... two abusive situations and two cheaters. I don't believe I am afraid of her past, rather attracted to how she has handled everything... at least that is what I thought. Now I am showing jealous tendencies of some things that have happened. She has many male friends and often gets phone calls or texts... one in the middle of the night in which she claimed it was a mistake on the part of the sender. I also stumbled across a dating site that she still has a profile on although not really active.
    She recently asked for some space and some separation because I have shown that I do not trust her. This is hard for me because I really do, I believe I have just asked legitimate questions about what I have perceived. I have not got angry.
    I have also violated her trust by lying to her on occasion because I felt like she would get upset with me. I do not normally do that but have in this situation and not sure why. I am really miserable right not. I can't live without her it seems and I can't live with her.
    This is complicated I know. She really is a wonderful woman.
    How do I show more security and less jealousy? How do I rebuild trust?
    Please let me know what you think////

    I began my relationship with my girlfriend under false pretenses, but came clean with her after 6 weeks. Now afer 5 months she is going back to that and says I violated her trust. How do I rebuild that trust back? She already has been through a series of bad relationships.
    slapshot_oi's Avatar
    slapshot_oi Posts: 1,537, Reputation: 589
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    #2

    Aug 3, 2010, 12:38 PM

    We could start by having you tell us what those false pretenses were.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
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    #3

    Aug 3, 2010, 12:50 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by slapshot_oi View Post
    We could start by having you tell us what those false pretenses were.
    Merge both threads of the OP. We could probably understand much better.
    Shadowburn's Avatar
    Shadowburn Posts: 249, Reputation: 179
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    #4

    Aug 3, 2010, 03:00 PM

    You can't rebuild trust all by yourself, she has to meet you half way, which she is not interested in doing because she asked for a space already.

    Maybe she is not a good match for you - she seems to be outgoing and social with many male friends, and you have to ask yourself is it something you will be able to deal with in a long run. Four marriages do sound kind of messy, so while being wonderful woman, maybe she is not a long term relationship material either.
    positiveparent's Avatar
    positiveparent Posts: 1,136, Reputation: 291
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    #5

    Aug 3, 2010, 03:51 PM
    Hi OP it would appear that the relationship youre in with this woman is not a very healthy one, with you having lied to her and you saying you are jealous perhaps you would be better off to leave and end this relationship before one of you ends up badly hurt by the others actions or supposed actions. JMO
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,794, Reputation: 2604
    Dating & Teen Expert
     
    #6

    Aug 3, 2010, 07:56 PM

    She has already been in some messed up relationships and if she smells a rat, she is going to back away. Looks like this is what she is doing.
    She may very well be a nice lady but you two may not be a match.
    Leave her alone.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
    Uber Member
     
    #7

    Aug 3, 2010, 08:06 PM

    Let her go. Don't blame yourself.
    I think she's one of those women who will never be satisfied being married very long or in a relationship very long.

    Let her go and move on. I'm sorry.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #8

    Aug 4, 2010, 05:15 AM

    Maybe neither of you is really healthy enough to be in a relationship with each other. You both have issues to overcome on your own, and that takes time and that's what she asked for, so give it to her so maybe you both can get yourselves through your individual problems.

    Looked good on paper, but didn't work in reality.

    To have trust in the future, DON'T LIE!

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