[candles]

Hello,
I am writing to try to seek the necessary help and motivation to move on, both from an awful relationship and from the aftermath that I created. I am almost twenty, and two years ago, I got involved with a girl that I thought was, and could have been my first love. It seems now more like I was very naïve and just was in love with what she seemed like... a beautiful girl with no problems what-so-ever. I could go on writing about this all forever, but it wouldn't change the reality. As background, the girl was incredibly gorgeous, was known for breaking peoples hearts, and was bulimic. It was almost as if I knew this was a bad idea when I got involved, because there were times I sat waiting while she was with her boyfriend. It was the summer before freshman year of college when this all started. Moreover, she was also my good friend before all of this. When college came around, I didn't meet good people and instead became a little obsessed or depressed by her.. She wouldn't date me, but also wouldn't let me go. It was selfish when I look back. She broke up with me several times, and would come back while I would be miserable. This kept going on until the end of freshman year summer, when I got dumped. She said it was just not working.. when really the problem was so evident to me.. I could not trust her, and I had good justifications. Anyway, it was just arguing so it ended. However, by then it had taken a huge toll on me. I transferred schools to be near her, had a school year starting ahead of me at another school for no reason, and was depressed. I couldn't get it and I wanted her back so bad. As sophomore year went on, I got involved in a fraternity in the south, and drank and smoked weed at an unstoppable pace. Drank maybe 4 times a week. Smoked possibly everyday. What hurts me the most is that I know I need to get over her. Everyone tells me, and heck, I even seem to realize why. It's over, she is who she is, and unfortunately who she is wasn't worth my time when I was OK. But now I am not. I have been depressed for so long, and have not felt any change. I need to get over my pot habit, my alcohol habit, and the girl so badly, yet I don't know how. I feel like the feeling still lingers around like an addiction, that is causing me to smoke and drink to feel normal. As a junior this year, I just want to go back. And get healthy, because the more I put it off, the worse it will be when I finally decide it is time. What can I do to get this miserable broken heart out of my mind, along with the drug problems. I will be so thankful for any response.
Thank you.

[broken_ heart]

Try to make new friends, hang out with them, try to concentrate on your studies and just try to get yourself busy all the time. Don't be alone if possible. Whenever your mind starts thinking of her just tell yourself that you deserve someone better and you don't need her. If you have any stuff that reminds you of the past time just throw it away.
And about the drug problem I would suggest you to please share it with your family, they can help you out in this and if required get some medication. Don't spoil your life for such a cheater.. You deserve someone much much better.

[candles]

I am trying my best, it's all so hard and has been a year since break up, two years since the relationship started. Its so hard to just keep the good memories and lessons and throw away all the painful thoughts and problems that came with. And start over I guess.

[kctiger]

Get out of your fraternity, get out of your normal routine and seek help immediately from counselors if need be. There are people in universities that are good at helping you with this. You have buried yourself in a comfort zone of drinking and smoking pot to cope with this. To get out you have to break the habitual lifestyle you've set up. This involves a lot of change. Right now it's just easier for you to do the normal thing rather than make a change.

I don't think anyone on here can sit here and try to motivate you. Good news is that you realize there is a problem, bad news is you lack the self discipline to do anything about it at the moment. The years you are in college will ultimately set on to define much of your adult life. This is by far the most important thing you should realize. Education my friend, it is truly power!

I know at your age I did a LOT of the alcohol thing in school (never smoked), that is typical of most young adults from my experience. But I grew out of it and turned my attention towards what really counted (not women and NOT booze)... the degree you are seeking.

You can do this, you will do this and you will break these immature habits. It starts with being proactive and only you can make that choice right now. Good luck sir! You sound like an otherwise very well put together guy. I went through the "first love" thing as well, depressed the hell out of me. I will say, looking back, your first love should always be yourself (not to sound too cliché here).

[talaniman]

AA can help with the boozing (alcohol is a depressant), and can show you a better way to rebuild yourself, and your life.

There is no need to suffer alone, or without help and support.

Alcoholics Anonymous :
Make the call, and it will get better.

[candles]

It's like I am trying so hard to just man up and get the hell over it. I want to so badly in some ways, and in some ways I let myself just sit here..

[positiveparent]

it's like i am trying so hard to just man up and get the hell over it. i want to so badly in some ways, and in some ways i let myself just sit here..

Hi OP not wishing to offend you however in saying you let yourself just sit there, I feel that's similar to saying you are wallowing in your own misery.

Only you can get out of this situation, and by going to see someone at UNI about this as was suggested by earlier poster, that's a good way, and a first step to helping yourself, so is going to AA.

You have to realise that's no ones going to come along and wave a magic wand if that was the case the person wouldve been hijacked years ago by all of us here.

I understand it feels hard for you to make that effort at times, Because you maybe feel what's the point, however that's a negative attitude and one that's going to keep you stuck right where you are now.

You need to tell yourself you're not going to succumb to this awful state of being, you're tougher than that your made of sterner stuff, and you can get over this and you will get over it and do whatever it takes to achieve that aim.

You're a man you say you want to man up and get over this lifestyle you've adopted since the split with the ex. OK so nows the time to do just that. Sit up, breathe IN, large one (breath in I mean LOL) Stand up and walk to the door open it and walk outside, now aim for the UNI advisors area and when you get there ask for an appt to see someone.

There easy. Now you do it.

Go on just do it. Hope this helps.

[candles]

What I don't get is that I have moved on before... not from something of this extent, but I have moved on. And I feel like if I can move on from this relationship, were it was just so awful, then I will start to enjoy life more, live more realistically and deeply. I tell myself every night to move on, and even give myself what seems like good reasoning. Unfortunately, none of it is just making it happen. I guess it's natural, but I want to be over it so much.

[lickemlolly]

All right... really you need to get into some other activities... sports gaming something... plenty to do when you are young... the key here is staying busy... the more you do the less and less you will even think about this experience... as for your habit... there are support groups... and your depression... doesn't the campus have counselors on site?? Maybe you need to try talking with some counselors... talking about it sometimes helps... having a support system works too

[positiveparent]

what i dont get is that i have moved on before... not from something of this extent, but i have moved on. and i feel like if i can move on from this relationship, were it was just so awful, then i will start to enjoy life more, live more realistically and deeply. i tell myself everynight to move on, and even give myself what seems like good reasoning. unfortunately, none of it is just making it happen. I guess it's natural, but I want to be over it so much.

Its all well and good telling yourself you have to move on, what youve got to do now is, put those words into actions, the time has now come for you to stop telling yourself, just DO IT, get up in the morning, stretch, have your coffee and breakfast, and before you have the chance to park your bum, get dressed, and smartened up, then walk out the door and go get that appt made with a counsellor, stop stalling stop playing for time, either you want to stop feeling like crap or you dont, you choose, but do something.

Or expect to feel like crap everyday until you do, its as simple as that, we can advise you and make all the suggestions going but its got to be you who makes the effort and puts it into action, so what are you a Man or a Mouse. If you can't do this then youve only yourself to blame for how you feel, we can't do it youve GOT TO MOVE and do it yourself.

Or suffer, and hurt and feel bad like crap, like death warmed up, if thats what you want, Have a Nice Day.

So you going to move or wallow??

[candles]

Thank you guys. I am doing my best to try. Its really weird because I know that it wasn't meant to be. I accept it. Its just that I let myself wallow around with the thought that maybe one day it will come back and I will have another shot at it. Which is stupid because I was not the one who ruined it in the first place by cheating

[seldaadam]

Tell her how you feel or just write her a letter and explain how you feel :)