[loversrock]

Met the most incredible man, we both fell in love.. knew we were mean't for each other... now an ex has contacted him and dropped the bomb she had a child by him and is professing her so called love for him. He's going to do paternity test etc.

He has asked that I give him time to get to the bottom of this, sort himself out, clear his head etc and is going to do a paternity test. He's mad like hell with her.. thinks she's lying etc. But he can't focus on us right now. Thinks he will only keep me sad and upset by dragging me through all his stress.

I was mad like hell, because I know in my heart he's my soulmate.. we both felt the same.. I cried and I screamed.. I cursed like hell. But I eventually calmed down and called him and told him I'll be his rock, he has my unwavering love and support.. I promised to give him as much space as he needs to get himself together.. but how do I keep that silent strong support for him.. how do I go about doing it.. I told him if he needs to offload go ahead I'll listen..

I have pulled myself out the equation, trying to be unbiased and unselfish.. just be there if and when he needs me..

how do I?

[positiveparent]

You've definitely set yourself up with a huge challenge, however as a couple yes you should be doing this as a united front, well that's how I would view it.
Why does he need to be alone to focus on this person who claims to be having his child,? He can do all of that via a solicitor/lawyer they don't need to cross paths, for that to be carried out.

He doesn't need to personally be there with her for a paternity or whatever test to be carried out, does he?

He would surely be able to ask for a DNA test to decide the child's paternity, and for that he wouldn't have any reason to be in contact with her in person that can even be done by post, or are you in the USA, if so then I am not aware of how this would be carried out over there I am in the UK England.

Ill do some investigating about the paternity testing and procedure in USA, and get back to you...

[loversrock]

Wow.. ur in the UK.. that's where he is.. we're long distance.. she claims she already had the child... WOW.. WOW!

Umm.. he had a history with her.. thought she was the one... turned out she had a boyfriend and was with the two of them at the same time... she actually called to say she broke off with the boyfriend and wanted to get back together with him.. he told her about me.. and then everything started spiralling downwards.. he ignored her calls and messages for a long time and then finally decided to just meet her and say no more.. he's happy with me.. that's when she dropped the bomb... he thinks she's lying.. he's mad like hell and just so very messed up.. I don't mind the space.. I don't like stifling people.. if that's how he thinks it best to deal with it

But I love him like life itself... that could be good and bad.. and if we are mean't to be eventually it will fall in place.. I don't want to add to his stress.. everyone handles things differently..

Youve definitely set yourself up with with a huge challenge, however as a couple yes you should be doing this as a united front, well thats how I would view it.
Why does he need to be alone to focus on this person who claims to be having his child,?? he can do all of that via a solicitor/lawyer they dont need to cross paths, for that to be carried out.

He doesnt need to personally be there with her for a paternity or whatever test to be carried out, does he??

He would surely be able to ask for a DNA test to decide the childs paternity, and for that he wouldnt have any reason to be in contact with her in person that can even be done by post, or are you in the USA, if so then I am not aware of how this would be carried out over there I am in the UK England.

Ill do some investigating about the paternity testing and procedure in USA, and get back to you...

[Kitkat22]

How did you two meet?

[loversrock]

How did you two meet?

Why? What does it matter how we met? That does not seem important

[Kitkat22]

why?? what does it matter how we met? That does not seem important

Did you meet online?

[loversrock]

Did you meet online?

Why? Seriously though.. what are u trying to get at.. please just be direct..

[Kitkat22]

why? seriously though..what are u trying to get at..please just be direct..

Because there are people who are on this site everyday with a broken heart over someone they have met on line. They have never met the person, only talked but they fall for these guys or gals whom they have never met. That's why I ask! That's why I want to know. If you want advice we need to know this.

[loversrock]

Because there are people who are on this site everyday with a broken heart over someone they have met on line. They have never met the person, only talked but they fall for these guys or gals whom they have never met. That's why I ask! That's why I want to know. If you want advice we need to know this.

Yes we met online.. but we have met and been together since.. we do love each other.. we know we're not perfect and did not lead perfect lives.. but everything just fit well.. fell into place.. we already discussed the sacrifices involved and that one day one of us have to make the ultimate to leave our home to be with the other..

And now this..

[Kitkat22]

yes we met online..but we have met and been together since..we do love each other..we know we're not perfect and did not lead perfect lives..but everything just fit well.. fell into place..we already discussed the sacrifices involved and that one day one of us have to make the ultimate to leave our home to be with the other..

and now this..

Ok.. you have met in person? You have lived together ever since and now he is in the UK to find out if he is the father the baby of his ex? Or does he live in the Uk and you live in the US and you have met him once or twice?

[loversrock]

Ok..you have met in person? You have lived together ever since and now he is in the UK to find out if he is the father the baby of his ex? Or does he live in the Uk and you live in the US and you have met him once or twice?

I don't live in the US.. he lives in the UK.. we travel back and forth..

Listen I have pulled myself out.. just a bystander... for now

Just want to know how to be there for him.. without crowding him.. that's all. If we can't be together now.. it will hurt but I'll eventually be fine

[Kitkat22]

i don't live in the US..he lives in the UK..we travel back and forth..

Listen i have pulled myself out..just a bystander...for now

just want to know how to be there for him..without crowding him..that's all. If we can't be toghether now..it will hurt but i'll eventually be fine

If you love the man.. I would say give him space and see what happens.
But be careful.. sometimes a little one can steal that mans heart and it won't be because of the ex. If he has never given you any reason to mistrust him.. then Yes.. give him space... Good Luck...

[loversrock]

If you love the man..I would say give him space and see what happens.
But be careful..sometimes a little one can steal that mans heart and it won't be because of the ex. If he has never given you any reason to mistrust him..then Yes..give him space....Good Luck...

Yes.. I know that.. a child is a blessing from god no matter what! And I know that it can steal him away from me! He has never ever given me any reason to mistrust him.. it's the woman I don't trust!

Thank you very much.. I will give him that space..

Thanks again... :)

[Kitkat22]

yes..i know that..a child is a blessing from god no matter what! And i know that it can steal him away from me! He has never ever given me any reason to mistrust him..it's the woman i don't trust!!

Thank you very much..i will give him that space..

thanks again...:)

If he loves you... the woman isn't important to him, only as the mother of his child and who knows.. he may not be the father. Good Luck :)

[talaniman]

Just be a good listener for his thoughts.

[loversrock]

Just be a good listener for his thoughts.

Thank you so much.. I told him that.. I'm here to listen.. I told him don't worry about me I'll be fine.. whenever he needs that push or support or an ear to offload /vent.. I'll be there..

And give him all the space he needs..

Just hope.. one day all will be fine and that we will be together forever

[Kitkat22]

Thank you so much..i told him that..i'm here to listen..i told him don't worry about me i'll be fine..whenever he needs that push or support or an ear to offload /vent..i'll be there..

and give him all the space he needs..

just hope ..one day all will be fine and that we will be together forever

Good Luck and be happy... Let us know how things work out. If you need to talk about anything, just let us know. We'll listen:)

[positiveparent]

With him being in the UK then finding out if he is the Father is easy, you can buy special DNA testing kits online, and all it will need is a swab from inside his cheek and same from the Baby, and Mother, and he can even if the mother doesn't want to be involved still find out if he is the Father.

The swabs are then send off and he will receive a detailed report stating if he is or is not the Father, its all done in a matter of 2 weeks max.

These tests can be done at anytime.

So you and he need not be apart for too long.

Oh and the cost £99 all inclusive.