[Jake2008]

On the plus side, you are in control, and slowly finding your comfort zone for both your friend and your ex.

I think it was inevitable that you would eventually have some sort of face to face encounter, and I think you handled it well. I am very proud of you that you went back to the nurse, and took that step.

What you do next is up to you, but try to remember to put it all in perspective, and keep it that way, you will have to be prepared for good, and bad. If you can somehow even out the emotions and just take it and see things for what they are, you won't end up backsliding to that dark side again.

I am happy you are busy with family and Christmas. It will be good to catch up and have some fun with them and give you something to keep you busy.

I truly hope you have a peaceful holiday, and that you'll post with your progress.

[Misshersomuch]

Hi again Jake, thanks a lot for replying!

Yes, I definitely feel like I'm in control again.

I actually feel more or less ready to start working on my friendship with my friend again. I know this will take time, but I feel like he's too good a guy, we are too good a match and used to have too good a relationship to let a girl get between us. I'm not even seventeen yet!

I like this saying, even though I believe in true love:

Girls come and go but true friendship lasts forever.

I'm not saying I'm ready to start pretending like nothing happened or something, I'm more thinking of getting back to rehearsing with the band we both play in (been 8-9 weeks since the last time) etc.

I also feel more ready for facing whatever happens between me and my ex now. I no longer feel like my life, future or happiness depends on her. It's actually quite a relief to be rid of those thoughts! I guess you could say I'm starting to believe more in myself.

I don't know how I'll feel about all of this tomorrow though. My feelings about this (well, about how ready I am etc.) change from day to day. Perhaps I'm thinking too positive because of how great a time I had with my family this evening, who knows.

Bottom line is that I'm feeling better!

Thanks a lot, I hope you have a great holiday as well. I definitely update you on how I'm doing.

By the way, I have an appointement with the school nurse for the middle of January plus a standing agreement to contact her if I should need to. It feels good to have someone to contact, and I somehow haven't been able to say much to anyone I "know". A lot of people have asked, and even though I want to talk with them I just can't do it. But now that I have someone to talk to, I feel much better.

Merry Christmas!

Take care.

[amicon]

I'm happy that you're feeling better!
Have a Merry Christmas and A Great 2010!

[Misshersomuch]

Short update (actually, it got quite long as usual):

We (my ex and I) have been a little on and off on the contact side lately, so I decided to send her a good night message last night (text message). Just friendly, saying "Good night:)".

The reply I got said something about her following a relative home, because of the weather and that I should sleep well etc. She finished the message with hearts and saying that I'm her beloved (in a lover way, not friend way).

Two minutes later she said sorry, that she's a little drunk (she was at this sort of party thing that night), and that the message was indended to a friend of hers (with dots after that). She also apologised, and said that she didn't want to confuse me.
I should add that this is a close, female friend of her.

I replied asking if she usually called her friend for her beloved. She said first that she didn't realise, then that it wasn't intended to send it to me. I asked who the message was intended to, and she replied the same thing. Then she said I must've misunderstood, and that it was an internal humour thing.

I said that it all seemed a little weird, and she said that it's not because she had this little gag going on with this friend of her that night (I know she was with that friend).

I said okay, and good night.

Now, you can all guess what I'm thinking. I want to believe her, but it seems to me that the most likely scenario is that she sent a message to me instead of to my friend (mentioned in this topics title), by accident.

The reasons I am doubting this, however is the following:

She has said she doesn't want to ruin my friendship with my friend, and knows that them having a relationship will.
He has done the same.
She has told me that she loves me a couple of weeks after we broke up, and she seemed still interested in me.
Both of them have guaranteed that there's nothing between them.

So, I sent her a message this evening, asking who the message really was intended to. I haven't gotten a reply yet.

I don't know what to do about this. I've gotten to the point where I was starting to move on, I've stopped taking it all so badly and I was ready to start working on my friendship with my friend, and to place that friendship a bit higher on my priority list than trying to win back this ex of mine.

Now, I don't know what to do. I know that if this is what's happened, I cannot regain my friendship with him (this is what I'm imagining has happened right now):

He kissed my ex while she was my girlfriend, which lead to her breaking up with me and getting together with him, thus making me feel like he stole her from me.

What's worse about this is that if this is true, he has also lied to me about it all - over a long period.

Now, her being dishonest to me, I can sort of live with - because right now I'm starting to accept her not being a part of my life anymore (unwillingly, but still).

Getting this from your best friend, whom you go to school with and play in a band with though, is worse.

If this is the case, I see no choice but to just break off the friendship. I feel like I deserve better than this in the first place, and especially if he has lied to me.

On the other hand, I know I tend to overanalyze stuff and always prepare for the worst case scenario. The good part about that is that I won't get so crushed if it's true, the bad thing is that I might tend to always think bad of people and come with false accusations.

I also have a feeling that I'm taking this all to serious and that they both have been honest to me, and that she actually intended to send that message to her (female) friend.

I want to believe her. I want to believe him.
I want to believe that they respect me so much that they don't have anything going, and she IS capable of pulling such a gag (she does things like that). The thing that makes me wonder is that she actually wrote this love thing in spanish (she is fluent in spanish), and as you might now, spanish grammar differs between male and female. She used male.

What should I do? I have already sent her another message asking who it really was to, but haven't gotten a reply (as I said).

I was planning on contacting my friend tomorrow, to plan a band practice, but don't know after this.
On one hand I want to ask him straight out, however, I feel like I'm asking him all the time if there's something between them, and I've already told him that if he wants this friendship to work he needs to be honest and open to me about it if something is to happen between them.

I'm really lost right now!
Right now, if my worst case scenario is true, I don't care about my ex anymore - not in that way anyway, I've sort of given up on us two if that's the case.

My friend however, if he first steals my (ex)girlfriend from me (I say steal, because she was with me when it all started. Would've been a different matter if we already were exes as we are now), but even worse lies about it - not once or twice but many times - over a long period. I can't live with that, but I don't want to "live without him" either.

What should I do? I'm seriously lost in my thoughts right now.

[amicon]

Did she use the word querido? If so it was meant for a guy so that sounds dodgy to me.
On the other hand if they are seeing each other don't you think you'd have been told by the gossips by now?
I think you need to go complete NC with the ex-to avoid all confusion when she next drunktexts you.
As for your friend how many times can you ask him?
If he is lying to you he won't admit it never mind how many times you ask.

[Misshersomuch]

She wrote "amor mio" with hearts around it.

Yeah, I'm going to go NC now after I've gotten a chance to ask her again. The reason I wasn't NC now was the definitely was sending me signals of wanting us to work it out, as I've described earlier.

I don't know what to do with my friend, that's where I'm lost. I might be wrong about all of this, but if I'm not I just can't accept it. IF this is what's happened (still if), meaning first stealing my (ex) girlfriend and then lying, I can't keep considering him a friend of mine.

However, he's the opposite of the guy I'd expect to do such a thing, and I just can't make myself believe that this is in fact what's happened.

I need to know for sure if it's the case or not, but I don't know how to find out. As youv'e said, if my friends lied already he might as well do it again. I don't know if my ex will reply to the message I sent.

I don't know about the gossip part, as I really don't think her friends would "betray" her and tell if she told them not to tell. They're not that kind. And besides, I have no troubles imagining her keeping it from them.

In a way, this might be something I needed to really start realizing that me and my ex are no more. And it feels god in a way, because then I've at least got a definite answer. Seeing it as I've been trying to accept losing her for a month now, that's not the worst thing anymore. It's my friendships that's bugging me.

I cannot let my friend steal my (ex) girlfriend, and then lie to me and still be my friend. But on the other hand, I don't want to draw any hastened conlcusion based on something that might be a misunderstanding (from my part).

I somewhat doubt getting a reply from my ex, and don't know how to ask my friend in the proper way!

[amicon]

Tell him that if he values your friendship he owes you the truth. And if it IS true he is not who you thought he were.

[talaniman]

Drop contact with her, and stop this line of questioning, with your friend. Since you know nothing, after all this time, and are still suspicious, leave him alone also.

Its time to let this mess go before your mind starts playing tricks on you. Through all this he seems to keep saying ain't nothing going on, and so does she. Has he ever initiated any kind of conversation to reassure you, or proclaim his innocents? If not leave him alone, and if he is a friend he will be asking you what's up.

For sure the more you push, the less you get, so stop pushing, and let the truth come to you for a change. Just keep your mouth shut, and your eyes open.

[Misshersomuch]

I will do as you suggest, talaniman, however the following has happened:

She contacted me, and has assured me that the message was indeed intended for her friend, and not to mine. She also assured me that she barely has any contact with him anymore.

I will go into no contact with her again now. I will also wait out for my friend to take action, rather than doing it myself.

I should say that he's approached me multiple times during the past weeks, asking if I wanted to talk. I've tried sometimes, but never really managed to say much. It's not all that simple for me, I'm still having a rough time.

On one hand I feel you're completely right, tal, when you say I should be leaving him alone (I will stop bothering him with questions anyway), but I still feel like it will be for the best of our friendship if we start working on it. And I also feel like having a band practice is a good way to start. After all, we are going to have to live with each other in one way no matter what, seeing it as we still have 2.5 years together in the same classes.

I feel more secure now, anyway. I know my ex might be lying to me, but I've gotten to know her pretty well over the past year and I believe I know when she is being sincere. She was actually quite upset about all of this suspicion of mine (which I can understand).

Bottom line: I will NC with my ex, and either try to work things out (babysteps) with my friend or go NC with him 'til we are both ready.

I've been doing my best to cheer up lately, spending a lot of time with family and relatives plus watching feel-good movies. I definitely feel motivated for working on my friendship.

Thanks a lot for your replies guys, you always help at getting things into perspective.

[Misshersomuch]

Another short update: I'm not very good at NC, so when my ex contaced me (on MSN) and started to talk with me, I replied.

I told her that I'm still very confused of all of this, and (with all due respect) I'm tired of not having the slightest idea of what she really wants.

She was really tired (it's 04:25 AM so I can understand that), so we decided to talk tomorrow (probably on the phone or over MSN).

I'm not sure how to approach it, well I'm sort of. I'm going to take it as it is, a talk with my ex. I'm not having false hope of us getting back together or anything, rather the other way as she was sort of signaling that she's not interested in me anymore.

I just want to know what's going on really. I have no problem with me and her not being together (finally), I'm getting over that now, if she wants me back, I won't come running this time, she'll have to convince me. If she wants it to stay ended, fine. My main worry right now is whether something is going on with her and my friend, as I've said earlier.

I know I said to go NC, but when she approached me and wanted to talk things over, it just felt right, so I went for it.

I'll expect the "worst" and just take it like it is. I'm beyond the point where the worst case scenario would equal the end of the world, right now I just want to end all of this drama and move on from the whole situation, really.

With or without my friend, with or without my ex, I want to move on.

[talaniman]

You let us know how that works, but waiting for a confession when there is nothing to confess ain't my idea of moving on. And she will only add to the confusion. And drama. That's simple enough to see. The moving on is up to you, but will never happen as long as she has her hooks in you.

Forgive the guy, and let it go.

[Misshersomuch]

That's really what I want by now.

I want to get over her - and I definitely feel like I'm heading the right way there. I have been at most two days without really missing her.

I'm not waiting for her to confess about anything she hasn't done, I just want to know what to expect and what's going on, really.

I also want to forgive him, but it's not that easy for me. To me, forgiveness or not depends on if he get's together with my ex. Not forever, I don't think that I can sort of have a ownership right on her or anything, far from it. I just feel like he needs to respect that she was my girlfriend and not get involved with her - at least for a period.

If he is in fact staying away from her (in that sense, atleast), I know I will forgive him.

But if this is the scenario that's actually happening:
He kisses my (ex) girlfriend, thus stealing her plus lying about it for over a month.

That's something I cannot forgive.

So, to sum it up, I need to have a talk with both of them before being sure about what I should do.

I'm ready to let her go by now. My main concern is my friend.

My "dream" scenario is for this to happen:
She saying she wants to keep it ended, and that she doesn't have and doesn't want a relationship with my friend.

In that case, I will go NC on her and work on my friendship.

Anyway, I will let you know how it goes.

Thanks for your reply, tal :).

[Llisa]

I agree with Tal's statements. If you're to have a good relationship with your friend, you need to trust him. So trust him and see what happens. And I am so glad that you said you are moving on and are over all her BS.

[Misshersomuch]

Okay, this will probably get quite long, as always.
I don’t know quite where to start, but I’ll try to take things from the top and keep them in that order:

We talked on the phone for about two hours tonight.

I told her that I know that it hasn’t been easy for her, and that it still isn’t, but that I can’t take anymore of all of these mixed signals.

She told me that she still didn’t know what to do. She told me that she had been moving on from me, because apparently I hadn’t convinced her enough that I wanted her back.

This got me pretty mad, and I think I might have overreacted but heck – I don’t regret it, because I couldn’t accept that statement. I still think it’s an unfair statement.

I told her about how I was getting a different signal from her every time we spoke.
First, she went out and did all of those things, and even though people can do mistakes, they really hurt me.
Then she broke up with me.
Then she told me that she had no feelings for me, and that she was in love with my best friend.
Then she told me that I had to move on, that it was over between us.

Later, she told me that she still had feelings for me but things are hard.
Then she told me to get over her.
Then she told me that she still loves me, and later we kissed.
Then I didn’t hear much from her.
And then comes present.

Now, during all this time, I did the following:
I told her about how I felt.
I showed her my feelings for her, and that I still wanted her back.
I comforted her.
I left her alone when she wanted me to.
I tried to get over her.

My question was; how could I do the following at the same time:

Leave her alone, get over her, comfort her and win her back?

WHILE dealing with the following:
Hurt and let down by my best friend.
Hurt and let down by my girlfriend, the girl I loved.
Left by the girl I loved.

I told her that I have done my best to understand what she wanted, but that I couldn’t do it no matter how hard I tried.

She got a bit upset, but I repeated what I had said. I don’t see how I could’ve shown her that I wanted her back more than I already had done – while at the same time leave her alone and get over her.


Then, the conversation took a different direction.
I asked her what she felt and what she wanted.
She told me that she felt that things could never ever work out between me and her, in the sense of getting together. I asked her why, and she told me that she just felt that way.
I told her that I understand that, but that I want to know if there was any special reason, like if I had done something or she had lost her feelings for me.

She told me she didn’t feel the same way for me anymore.
I asked her why she had told me that she did and then kissed me but never really got a reply.

Then I asked her how she was standing with my friend.
She told me that she had been keeping something from me; they have indeed had some contact.
I asked her if they were friends, she said yes.
I asked if there was something more, she said no.
I asked her if the message (“amor mio” thing) was intended for him, she said yes.
I asked her if she doesn’t think it’s strange to call your friend “amor mio” (“my beloved”), she said that I didn’t understand.

Then she explained how things had happened:

She had a crush on my friend way back (before me and her happened).
She got over it.
She had a crush on me, and we got together.
When we got together, she got to know my friend better, and after a while started having feelings for him. (The feelings came back shortly before all the drama started).

After me and her broke up, she was still in love with my friend. She needed someone to talk to, and went to him. He wanted to stay away from her, for my sake, but she kept contacting him. He comforted her but insisted on keeping it to that.
She told me that she had tried to stay away as well, but that it wasn’t so easy.
She said that she had been sending him “amor mioish” stuff sometimes, but that he never replied the same way (even though he has feelings for her).

I asked her straight out if they were together, she said no.
I asked if they were kissing or holding hands when they were together together, she said no.
I asked her if they had any relationship beyond friends, and she said no.
I asked her if she doesn’t think it’s weird to send those messages to a friend, and she tried denying that it sounds a bit weird.

After this, I was so upset and I lost it for a sec. I asked her if she ever had feelings for me, or if I was always nr 2, behind my friend. Of course, she got upset. I know that’s not how it is. I know she had feelings for me, and I spent 10 minutes apologizing. I think she forgave me for losing it.

She said that she feels like she has messed everything up.
While I to some extent find myself blaming her sometimes, I disagree, and told her that. I kept telling her about all of the good things she has done to me and made me do for myself (childhood related, I can tell you more if you want, but I’m trying to keep it short for now. Ask if you want to know!).

She said that she has fukced everything up for good now, and that things will never be the same.
She said that if it wasn’t for her, I would be talking with my friend on the phone now –not her.
I told her that it wasn’t true, and that I (and this is true) want to get back in contact with my friend, and explained how I felt about everything.

I said that if she has been completely sincere this time, everything will be sorted out in time.

This is about as far as the conversation got, I think she got tired of talking with me, really. I know she was tired already, and I got upset and cried among each other. Anyway, I told her that we might talk again sometime if she wants to, and she said maybe.

***

Okay, this was a bit of a shocker to me.

To begin with the good bits:
She was honest with me, she doesn’t think we can ever work things out. This makes it even easier for me to move on, and I feel ready for being single now. No kidding. I’m not saying I have a date for New Years Eve, but still. I can handle this. Me being without her isn’t going to be a problem. I know this by now.

The bad bits:
She has lied to me about some things, but really, I feel, is it really a big deal? I do not feel like I can trust her any way after all that’s happened, and to be honest, she’s wasting herself being dishonest – not me.

What’s worse is that my friend has lied, or I thought he had anyway.
Come to think of it, he’s explained the following:

He have been talking with my ex, and getting more contact with her, but didn’t want to make a move or anything, for everyone’s best.
I told him I appreciated that, and that I wanted him to be honest if anything happens between them.
Now, according to my ex, all that’s happened after this is a bit of comforting and her showing her feelings to him, without him responding in the same way. No girlfriend/boyfriend situation.

This, I can live with. I can live with him being friends with my ex. In time, maybe I can handle them being a couple, but not right now.

My first thoughts were: “OH MY GOD, HE LIED TO ME!”, but he never really did.
What I want to do now is talk with him. Hear his story, confront him with what I now know and fint out if it’s the whole truth, and tell him this:

If he wants this friendship, the following needs to happen:
He cannot engage in a relationship with my ex for a period. In time, maybe, I cannot rule over this forever, but this short after – I want some respect.
He also needs to tell me if ANYTHING happens between them, if they kiss, get together, send messages, anything. Honesty is required for me to trust him.

I’ll then tell him that I’m giving him another chance. He’s a good guy, he deserves it. I trust him again.


***

What do you guys think about this? I appreciate any replies, as I don’t doubt that I’m seeing this from one perspective only. Please, no reply is too short or too dumb, and no question is too silly.

Thanks for reading all of this.

[CanIBuyAClue]

To be quite honest I think that you are better off without both of them. It is my view that if he was truly your best friend he would not have kissed your girlfriend in the first place. I know who my best friends are, and I would never do anything remotely close to that. If their girlfriend did try to kiss me I would push them away. That is what true friends do - that's my two cents on that matter.

I really don't think you're losing much cutting off contact with either one of them. The ex has proven that she is a liar, and doesn't know what she wants out of life -- too bad, leave her alone to figure that out on her own. She has made her bed, now let her lie in it. Don't be there to comfort her at the cost of your suffering and tricks on your mind, it will delay your healing... and for what? To help out the person that broke your heart? No thank you. I've been down that road, me trying to show the ex how much better off she would be with me, than what she is choosing -- it's a losing battle. You can't save somebody from themselves. I was entirely dedicated to my ex and was going to pay for and put her through her final 2-3 years of college and would've ended up marrying her when we were both at the right stage of our life. Where is she now? She's been dropped out of school for almost a year and is back living at home with her parents. Furthermore, once you nurse her back to health she'll be gone anyway to the next guy who is not as available as you are.

Adios to the friend who has not been honest with you.

I'm a pretty black & white person :) Best wishes!

[amicon]

I'm going to be harsh. Stop all contact with both of them. They've both lied and deceived you and its time to STOP the BS and get past this mess. Stop trying to be Mr Nice guy and go NC and stick to it this time , you need to heal And you won't as long as you are all over the place trying to sort this out.

[talaniman]

I'm sorry guy, but you have had enough respect from your friend, and enough of the games from your ex. Have some respect for yourself now, and get out of the way, and I mean completely out of the way of their business. Enough, is really enough. Leave them both alone, as she is clearly pursuing him for her own purpose, and you trying to control what they do is not possible.

Your the one who is hurt, and must deal with that yourself, and if by now, you don't have the closure you need to leave her alone, and stop making this a bigger drama than what it is, then that's your misery you bring to yourself.

Whatever role your friend is playing in this game, is his business, and you need to let him deal with it. You sure can't stop it, so leave them alone.

You talk so much of respect, with your artificial deadlines, and guidelines, but it starts with you, doing what your supposed to without imposing it on either of them.

You can't force a girl to have feelings for you, and you can't impose your feelings, or brand of respect, on your friend.

Now get out of everyone's business, and get your own. Get on with your own life, and get some new friends. Personally, your friend should tell you that himself, get out of his business. I would.

[Misshersomuch]

To be quite honest I think that you are better off without both of them. It is my view that if he was truly your best friend he would not have kissed your girlfriend in the first place. I know who my best friends are, and I would never do anything remotely close to that. If their girlfriend did try to kiss me I would push them away. That is what true friends do - that's my two cents on that matter.

I really don't think you're losing much cutting off contact with either one of them. The ex has proven that she is a liar, and doesn't know what she wants out of life -- too bad, leave her alone to figure that out on her own. She has made her bed, now let her lie in it. Don't be there to comfort her at the cost of your suffering and tricks on your mind, it will delay your healing... and for what? To help out the person that broke your heart? No thank you. I've been down that road, me trying to show the ex how much better off she would be with me, than what she is choosing -- it's a losing battle. You can't save somebody from themselves. I was entirely dedicated to my ex and was going to pay for and put her through her final 2-3 years of college and would've ended up marrying her when we were both at the right stage of our life. Where is she now? She's been dropped out of school for almost a year and is back living at home with her parents. Furthermore, once you nurse her back to health she'll be gone anyway to the next guy who is not as available as you are.

Adios to the friend who has not been honest with you.

I'm a pretty black & white person :) Best wishes!

I've gotten to the point where I agree with you about my ex. I still have feelings for her, but at this point, all the negatives summed up is more than all the good things. As I said, I still have feelings for her, but I don't want her back.

I'm definitely going to quit being there for her now. When she accused me of not wanting her back enough, I really lost the rest of my motivation to help her - even as a friend.

To my friend, however, I slightly disagree with you.

To be more precise, I agree on the part that a real friend doesn't do that kind of thing (kissing your friends gf).

However, he's always made it clear that he regreted it instantly. He says he didn't know what was happening before it had happened, and that he actually cried all the way home because of guilt.

He's not really been dishonest with me, I feel. Given that I know everything by now, of course. I feel like I have more reasons to doubt it than to trust it, but that's why I want to talk with my friend before I know exactly how to act.

I still feel like forgiving him, though. Everyone can make mistakes, and I feel like he deserves another chance. With that being said, I will make it clear that it's his last chance, if something like this ever happens again he won't ever get another one.

***

I'm going to be harsh. Stop all contact with both of them. They've both lied and deceived you and its time to STOP the BS and get past this mess. Stop trying to be Mr Nice guy and go NC and stick to it this time , you need to heal And you wont as long as you are all over the place trying to sort this out.

Even though my first thoughts when I discovered my ex has been lying was that so has my friend, the more I think of it he never has.

I'm going to stop contact with my ex for sure now, and if she contacts me, I doubt I'll even be a friend to her (not saying I'm an arch enemy, but I'm not going to be there for her).

But my friend stated the following early on, he has some contact with my ex and even though they have feelings for each other he doesn't want to make a move. As far as I know, that's still true, meaning he hasn't lied.

I'm going to talk with him, and if he says the right things (from my perspective) (which are that he has no relationship (beyond friends) with my ex and won't have one either (for foreseeable future atleast)), I will give him another chance.

If I get any reason to doubt that these are the facts, I will probably "give up" our friendship. It might be egoistic of me, but to me those are the requirements for this to work right now.

***

I'm sorry guy, but you have had enough respect from your friend, and enough of the games from your ex. Have some respect for yourself now, and get out of the way, and I mean completely out of the way of their business. Enough, is really enough. Leave them both alone, as she is clearly pursuing him for her own purpose, and you trying to control what they do is not possible.

Your the one who is hurt, and must deal with that yourself, and if by now, you don't have the closure you need to leave her alone, and stop making this a bigger drama than what it is, then thats your misery you bring to yourself.

Whatever role your friend is playing in this game, is his business, and you need to let him deal with it. You sure can't stop it, so leave them alone.

You talk so much of respect, with your artificial deadlines, and guidelines, but it starts with you, doing what your supposed to without imposing it on either of them.

You can't force a girl to have feelings for you, and you can't impose your feelings, or brand of respect, on your friend.

Now get out of everyones business, and get your own. Get on with your own life, and get some new friends. Personally, your friend should tell you that himself, get out of his business. I would.

Really, I agree without you, but still disagree. Let me try to explain.

I know that I can't control either of them. I've given her up by now, really. I'm (too) weak for closure, but I believe I've had my share of it now. I'm ready to leave her.

I don't want to control him either, I just want to know what he wants and let him know my premises for our friendship to work right now. I feel like he should stay away from my ex this shortly after we broke up, as I believe that's what a friend should do. If he disagrees, he can be my guest but needs to take the consequences as well.

I feel like this is a bit selfish of me, and that on one hand have no say on this. I can't control him, but I can control myself. In order to control myself properly, I want to know how the road ahead of me looks.

It's hard for me to go no contact with him at this point, beacause I feel like I need to sort things out with him, one way or another, sooner or later, because I have 2.5 years of school together with him ahead of me, so I feel like sooner equals better in this case.

I also think that the more I postpone this, the harder things will get. I'm going back to school on the 4th of January, and don't want to have this hanging completely over us (for both mine and his sake).

I am however doing what you're saying, getting on with my life and making new friends. Well, they're not new, but I've been spending time with some people I knew better a couple of years ago, and we've really been having lots of fun, which feels great.

I no longer feel dependent on any of them, I just want to get this out of the world as soon as possible and from my view, the best way to do that is to talk with my friend.

***

Thanks a lot for all of your replies. They've really helped, I think I needed the harsh tone. I know I need to stay away from their business - it's not any of mine business. That being said, I feel like some of it is my business as well, but you're right, I should respect them more given how much respect I expect from them.

[amicon]

Its about respecting yourself first. Its also about stepping away from the/their drama.

[talaniman]

Relax guy, stay flexible because life will make you consider adjustments, to the best laid plans.