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bjohnrupp · Dec 22, 2009, 08:37 PM

OK so it was a serious relationship since you were together a long time. Being that she's 19 explains a lot- she still has a lot of wild oats to sow. Don't worry man its nothing you did wrong she's just young and finding herself. I wish I was 20 again man- have fun and date as many girls as possible until you find another great one.

Tylerbouchard · Dec 22, 2009, 11:54 PM

Yea I know I have tried but as of now I feel awkward hooking up with other women. It does not make me feel any better. I fell in love with this girl and I still am in Love with her. She has made a stupid mistake and she will realize it one day. I can not wait for her but I feel like she is the one so I kind of have to. She has to grow up and so does her new boyfriend I keep getting messages from him telling me that I have to grow up. It just keeps pissing me off, but I don't want to hurt the kid. I am not that kind of person. I love this girl and if I do that she will never come back. We were great together I just wish it could be OK for both of us.
Ps. This is the best way to let your feelings out. If anybody needs to start one of these things hearing all of you just makes me feel so much better. As of now I am doing great.
The actual conversation from the other night.
Her-Hey Tyler.. I know I did horrible things and I was just letting you know that I'm sorry for everything I have done. My car spun out twice on an off ramp today. With ditches on both sides it could have easily flipped and killed my friend and I. I truly believe God was trying to tell me something and I just want to apologize. There si no need to reply. I just wanted to say sorry and I hope you are OK.
Me- Im sorry how come your not saying that to your new boyfriend.
Her- Because I don't have to apologize to him
Me- well you don't need to
Her-huh
Me- What you did was harsh and you need to talk to him not me
Her-??
Me- You are dating him not me. We are over and there is no need for you to text me. You need to stop. I am doing great without you.

talaniman · Dec 23, 2009, 06:40 AM

We are over and there is no need for you to text me. You need to stop. I am doing great without you.

That sounds pretty final to me, and I can't see why you would wait for her to grow up, after telling her that.

How long are you thinking to wait??

bjohnrupp · Dec 23, 2009, 06:43 AM

Originally Posted by Tylerbouchard

Yea I know I have tried but as of now I feel awkward hooking up with other women. It does not make me feel any better. I fell in love with this girl and I still am in Love with her. She has made a stupid mistake and she will realize it one day. I can not wait for her but I feel like she is the one so I kinda have to. She has to grow up and so does her new boyfriend I keep getting messages from him telling me that I have to grow up. It just keeps pissing me off, but I dont want to hurt the kid. i am not that kind of person. i love this girl and if i do that she will never come back. We were great together i just wish it could be ok for both of us.
Ps. This is the best way to let your feelings out. If anybody needs to start one of these things hearing all of you just makes me feel so much better. As of now I am doing great.
The actual conversation from the other night.
Her-Hey Tyler.. i know i did horrible things and I was just letting you know that im sorry for everything I have done. My car spun out twice on an off ramp today. With ditches on both sides it could have easily flipped and killed my friend and I. I truly believe God was trying to tell me something and I just want to apologize. There si no need to reply. I just wanted to say sorry and I hope you are ok.
Me- Im sorry how come your not saying that to your new boyfriend.
Her- Because I dont have to apologize to him
Me- well you dont need to
Her-huh
Me- What you did was harsh and you need to talk to him not me
Her-???
Me- You are dating him not me. We are over and there is no need for you to text me. You need to stop. I am doing great without you.

Hey man... I know exactly how you feel. I have felt the same way since I got dumped and its been 4 1/2 months now. I only hooked up with one girl since I got dumped just to see how it felt and honestly it was akward and bad. I haven't hooked up with anyone since. Last night I had a date with a girl and it was akward just kissing her so I'm still not over things so it'll take you quite a while also I'm sure.

Like you I fell in love with my girl and I do still love her- however I know that things would never be the same after what she did. Based on what you just wrote you are definitely just beginning to heal and so take your time and when you're ready to start dating again you will know.

Its good that you're not responding to her new boyfriend but why is he texting you in the 1st place? Your ex gave him your #? You're doing the right thing by ignoring him.

What you wrote to her was perfect when you guys were texting. I'm sure she wasn't expecting that. I wish I wrote my ex something like that after I got dumped but in reality it probably wouldn't have made much difference. Its funny because your ex sounds just like mine when you wrote your guys conversation.

Our ex'es just feel guilty about dumping us- reality is they don't care because if they did they wouldn't be with someone new. I know its hard but you're better off just ignoring her completely and go no contact. I know you might not be ready to but false hope is the devil and you don't want to be waiting for her while she's doing her thing with this new guy.:cool:

slapshot_oi · Dec 23, 2009, 07:41 AM

Originally Posted by Tylerbouchard

She has to grow up and so does her new boyfriend I keep getting messages from him telling me that I have to grow up. It just keeps pissing me off, but I dont want to hurt the kid. i am not that kind of person.

That's really low, he's a jerk for telling you that and she's a jerk for letting him. She will leave him eventually and then he'll be in your shoes, and when that happens, if you feel mean enough, give it right back to him. Revenge is a dish best served coldly.

Originally Posted by Tylerbouchard

Her: "Hey Tyler.. i know i did horrible things and I was just letting you know that im sorry for everything I have done. My car spun out twice on an off ramp today. With ditches on both sides it could have easily flipped and killed my friend and I. I truly believe God was trying to tell me something and I just want to apologize. There si no need to reply. I just wanted to say sorry and I hope you are ok."

That would piss me off too. She had to have a near death experience to realize what she did was wrong. You're right, you'll do great without her. Good riddance.

amicon · Dec 23, 2009, 07:53 AM

Tyler,really, you don't need the drama-NC is the way to go.

Tylerbouchard · Dec 23, 2009, 10:38 AM

I don't want to wait very long. I want to see how this winter break goes and see if she is still dating that guy. She did not give him my number he is messaging me on Facebook. I told her that if her were to come try to kick my that I will make sure he does not play football again. That stopped him in his tracks. I know its hard to believe that I want her back with everything that she has done but I can't change how I feel. I know I could do better off without her but What we had together was perfect until she decided to throw it away for her crush. I know that if she comes back, at first I will not be there. Because she would not have learned much from it. That I feel would be the hardest part. I do not contact her she contacts me. It was only the message posted previous. She told me that she is going to wish me a merry christmas on christmas but I don't know what I should send back. Should I say "merry christmas to you too." "You too" or should I just not respond. I just do not know how to respond if I want her back. People tell me to play hard to get which I am trying. I love this girl to death and only dating for more then a year I feel like she is the one. I just get that gut feeling. And I have to go for it.

Thank you everybody you are all awesome.

talaniman · Dec 23, 2009, 11:11 AM

Not meant to be harsh, but probably will be, warning!

I am not trying to change your mind, nor questioning your feelings, as I imagine they are rather intense, but your putting your life on hold until winter break, to see if they are still together? Straighten me out on that one, because no one is worth waiting for to see if they change their minds.

Further, playing hard to get with some one who has already lied, and cheated, and moved on is not healthy.

You found her broken and hurt, healed her (or was there) and when she got strong enough, she left. Patients that see a doctor don't go back after they heal, and neither will she, so what was so perfect to you during that time, was not so perfect for her, it merely served her purpose (to get over an ex) and thats not a basis for love my friend.

She contacts you after a near death experience with an apology for her behavior, and thats all that was, her trying to make amends for past bad behavior, which you rejected, and rightfully so.

But now your really just on hold waiting for her to "learn her lesson" and see how she made a mistake with leaving you, and come back. Not good, as its no longer her doing something to you, its you doing something to yourself.

What you feel, and what she feels are two entirely different things, and expecting her to see what you see, or feel the way you feel, is highly unrealistic, and very highly unlikely.

I think it better if you would stop waiting, and put as much time and energy as you put into her, into yourself, and healing from this situation.

At least that way you can be doing your own thing, and enjoying it, and later can make much better decisions for yourself based on real facts, and not just intense feelings as its very obvious from what you have written, she is doing her own thing without you.

Time will give you clarity, and perspective, as it does for us all, and the we can accept the facts.

What she did was wrong, and dishonest, and selfish. But what your doing to yourself now, because of feelings, fed by false hope, is truly a tragedy.

Tylerbouchard · Dec 23, 2009, 02:10 PM

Im not putting my break on hold. I am living my life as I did without her. She was a bonus which I loved having. That's the way I look at it. Right now I have all my friends getting me out of the house everyday just so I can go out and have a good time. Then I have all you guys helping me on the computer. Right now I feel like I am living my life the way I used to without her. I do miss her and I know that I will probably always miss her. How is playing hard to get unhealthy. I still want her back and people say that the only way is if I play hard to get. I am a sweet heart and trying to do this to her kills me. Like I am so in love with this girl and want her back. And am willing to try anything. As of now I was told no contact and that is what I have been doing.

talaniman · Dec 23, 2009, 02:45 PM

How is playing hard to get unhealthy. I still want her back and people say that the only way is if I play hard to get.

PLAYING hard to get is a game, a game of manipulation at best.

As of now I was told no contact and that is what I have been doing.

No Contact is part of a healing process for YOU. Not a strategy for her to come back.

To play the game of hard to get, there must be some contact, so how can you do both?

No Contact cannot truly work for you to heal if your not looking to heal, and get beyond this situation.

I have to say your attitude is healthy, despite you being willing to do anything to get her back. If she is not as willing though... it never works out good.

Tylerbouchard · Dec 23, 2009, 11:01 PM

So what am I supposed to do to get her back?

talaniman · Dec 24, 2009, 07:16 AM

That's completely up to her. Just a question though, do you actually think she got with some guy after only 3 days? Highly unlikely. She probably had been going behind your back for sometime, you just didn't know it.

Another question, even if she did come back, could you trust someone that had lied, and cheated on you already? What fact do you have that she would never do that again?

Tylerbouchard · Dec 24, 2009, 08:35 AM

She did not go behind my back I know that. We stayed over at each others places every night. We saw each other after classes everyday. I knew she was talking to the guy. And I knew that he was hitting on her. I checked her phone every night and looked over what they had said to each other. Im not too sure if I could trust her like I used to. But I am a very loyal guy and feel that people can change and that people make mistakes. I know that I would be questioning her where ever she would go. Im not sure if I could live with it or not because I have not tried it. I just know that this girl was a great addition to my life and want her back.

sully123 · Dec 24, 2009, 09:37 AM

Sorry Tylerbouchard, but if you have to look through her phone, your in the wrong relationship. That isn't a relationship built with trust. She cheated on you, and you accepted it. How can she be a great addition, doing that to you. Wake up, she isn't for you. She doesn't deserve that much credit. Playing hard to get isn't going to do anything, she moved on to someone else. I guess your going to setlle for seconds.. when she is sleeping with someone else.

bjohnrupp · Dec 24, 2009, 10:50 AM

Hey Tyler, Listen man we all know how you feel about this girl. I'm sure she's beautiful with a great body- my ex was also. Sometimes we overlook things because of the girls beauty but listen to what guys like Tal and Sully123 are saying.

I know we don't know her like you do BUT the facts are she left you for another guy. She has MOVED ON. I know its hard to accept- it took me a long time to finally accept my ex didn't want me.

It hurts like hell when you loved the person more than anything in the world and you plan on spending the rest of your life with themand they kick you to the curb as soon as the next good looking guy comes around. This shows she didn't have the same feelings towards you as you did to her. As hard as that is to accept it's the truth.

Remember actions speak loudert than words. Look I'm not trying to get you upset- I'm trying to help you. Even if down the road she dumped the new guy things will never be the same between you two- you'll always have tons of animosity towards her for what she did to you.

Think about the huge lump of shyt she left in your lap. Your picking up the pieces of your shattered heart and she's doing a new guy. Yea that hurts like hell to hear but it's the reality.

Whenever I think of my ex I picture her with her new man and it makes me hate her but its better to hate your ex than have FALSE HOPE.

Really man just disappear from her life forever and forget about her- you deserve so much better.

Don't think of this as an ending to something great- think of it as a failed relationship because your girl was mentally fu**ed up- think of it as a second chance at finding someone who is better suited for you and won't hurt you or run as soon as a new guy comes around.

Think about that- she got rid of a great guy she was with for a year and a half for someone she just met recently. That's low and heartless- good luck Tyler.

Tylerbouchard · Dec 24, 2009, 06:11 PM

Thanks I will do that. I was thinking and what she did was horrible and I know that I would tell my friends the same thing if he were in my shoes. So I am going to search for the right one. She may not have been the one, I thought at one point she was but I wonder what its going to feel like when the true one comes around.

talaniman · Dec 24, 2009, 07:24 PM

I know that feeling well, as I have kissed many frogs, and to be honest, some sure looked like they could be princesses, but when the real thing came along, there was little doubt, and more than 30 years later, no regrets whatsoever.

Matter of fact, I am very grateful for the exes that dumped me because, those heartbreaks just cleared the way to the happiness that followed, and the life I enjoy today.

It will happen for you, Just never feel bad for kissing a frog even if it hops away.

cromptondot · Dec 24, 2009, 07:30 PM

It will take time,but you will recover,and will find someone new. Just take it one day at a time.

bjohnrupp · Dec 24, 2009, 08:17 PM

Good man- I'm glad to hear you're going to try moving on. You'll ALWAYS think about her- even 1 or 2 or 3 years from now. But you'll think about her a tiny bit less every day. Unfortuneately our ex'es don't think about us- its sad but the truth. They'll just send their pity/guilt texts but that's about all. They only do that to make themselves feel better.

Tylerbouchard · Jan 30, 2010, 04:38 PM

All right now that I have taken a step back, I have realized what she has done. I never want her back right now. I have moved on to better people. I am right now talking to this beautiful girl in my class. Hopefully this will go somewhere. Thanks for all your help, ill let you know what happens with this one.