[paxe]

It's your own decision here. I'm neutral on this one.

[emopunk7]

As usual, I will save your day AE. You are having a hard time with this and Tal's advice is not clicking in your head and Paxe is neutral. Since you obviously want to help her and you don't want to simply let go then this is what you will do.

You will contact two professional therapists tomorrow. Get enough information regarding cost, location and duration of each session. Upon completion, you will contact the girl and give her this information. Tell her she should go to church as well. As soon as she has this information, that is more than enough and you have done your part and you can never feel guilty. This is helping her a lot and also you get to leave her alone at the same time which is exactly what she needs because with you around, she may get confused and have mixed signals. Do this ASAP tomorrow and save both your life and hers and move on!

[amicon]

Tal makes valid points let them sink in-my take is still,tell her ,once,that she needs to seek help,then leave it alone.
You broke up with her for good reasons,and I advice you to look after yourself and not take it upon you to try to 'save' somebody else.

[jmw0713]

You can't save people who don't want to save themselves. If she hasn't taken the initiative to help herself yet, it is going to take something drastic to make her wake up.

[talaniman]

Back up for a few days so you have room to think without her influence.

Married guys refer to this as "going fishing" and you could benefit from the time away from her. Be nice if you actually do fish.

[A4Effort]

Ok, you all do make sense. I cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves but I can offer them the support if they ask for it. We have free counseling available to all students here at my university.

I have to go over there tonight because I have left a belonging of mine there. When I go to pick it up, I will just let her know to take advantage of the services and if she needs any further help that I will be there to support her and help her find the help she needs (aka a therapist).

Thankfully I have a vacation coming up real soon so I will be able to clear my head from this whole mess that I have been involved for the past 3 months or so. Not only will I go "fishing", I will sail around the world.

I just need a break from this whole mess I put myself into.

[paxe]

Ok, you all do make sense. I cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves but I can offer them the support if they ask for it. We have free counseling available to all students here at my university.

I have to go over there tonight because I have left a belonging of mine there. When I go to pick it up, I will just let her know to take advantage of the services and if she needs any further help that I will be there to support her and help her find the help she needs (aka a therapist).

Thankfully I have a vacation coming up real soon so I will be able to clear my head from this whole mess that I have been involved for the past 3 months or so. Not only will I go "fishing", I will sail around the world.

I just need a break from this whole mess I put myself into.

The joy of vacation after an intense final session, oh gosh, "it's better than sex!!" (stewie griffin, family guy).

Kidding aside, vacation will do you good. Relax, go do some sport, hang out with friends, and relax again without any worries.

[amicon]

You'd be amazed how much clearer everything seems after a holiday and some 'me-time'. Enjoy!

[A4Effort]

I am so glad everything is winding down. School is finishing up for the semester and all relationship problems are going away.

Today was a very introspective day. I was able to finally say to myself that I forgive my ex ex. I might not be a 100% over her but I am not angry at her anymore. Maybe what she did to me was not right in my mind but I should not be passing judgement.

Today is a fresh start. Time to learn how to deal with this single thing and get my life back on track.

[emopunk7]

Good job!

EVERYONE MUST LISTEN TO THIS SONG! 'Without You' By HINDER!! Listen to it NOW!

[paxe]

I am so glad everything is winding down. School is finishing up for the semester and all relationship problems are going away.

Today was a very introspective day. I was able to finally say to myself that I forgive my ex ex. I might not be a 100% over her but I am not angry at her anymore. Maybe what she did to me was not right in my mind but I should not be passing judgement.

Today is a fresh start. Time to learn how to deal with this single thing and get my life back on track.

Gosh, school's finished? Everybody does have it lighter than me :(.

[A4Effort]

No, school has not finished yet. I just said it was finishing up. We have one more week of exams to go and we will be done.

So, quick update. The break up has been very smooth. The other day I went to pick up my belonging that I left there and that was the last time we talked. I just told her that if she ever needs someone to talk to that I will be there for her. I did not want to talk any further since her roommates were all there.

Another funny thing happened too. I saw an old friend who is part of my original group of friends. We haven't seen each other ever since the break up from my first ex happened. She invited me to come hang out with her and couple other old friends at her place, which happens to be where my ex lives. I asked her if she was going to be home and my friend said she was out of town for the weekend. I was hesitant to go over there for several reasons but I really wanted to reconnect with the group.

I went over there and it felt just like old times. I had a really good time. Things have changed a lot in the group. Certain friends don't talk to each other anymore. Others have grown apart. New relationships have been formed, etc... It felt really weird being in the apartment itself because it brought back many memories of the ex. I ended up meeting this girl there and we just casually talked throughout the night. She ended up kissing me several times throughout the night. I was good though. I kept it at kissing only and did not go any further (not that I would ever do that unless I was in a relationship). Overall I had a great night. I hope I can continue reconnecting with my friends but that might not be possible since much of the time my ex will be there.

But I do have a confession to make. My gut still twists as I think about the first ex. She still makes me feel sad. The feelings are not as strong as they used to be and I deal with them very well but they are still there.

At my University we had the annual naked bike ride and I participated in it with a good friend. As her and I were running I saw my ex with a mutual friend of ours running next to each other. Talk about an awkward time. I just said hi and ran ahead. But either way, I am not over her and it bothers me.

Is reconnecting with my friends a good thing, even though it brings back memories of the ex?

Its been 3 months, at what stage should I be with my feelings?

[amicon]

How important are these friends to you? That's what you need to decide. As for memories of ex mark 1 don't they come and go regardless of who you're with or where you are?
There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to the length of healing period after a breakup; the more you focus on your own wellbeing the quicker you get there.

[A4Effort]

I really do not know how important they are to me. I would be perfectly fine without them but it is great to have a group of friends you can reconnect with. I know we cannot be friends like we used to be but it would be nice to see them once in a while. Tonight one of the girls is turning 21 so I am going with her and a few other people out to celebrate.

[amicon]

Then just play it by ear.
Enjoy your evening!

[paxe]

At my University we had the annual naked bike ride and I participated in it with a good friend. As her and I were running I saw my ex with a mutual friend of ours running next to each other. Talk about an awkward time.

Which part was awkward? The running naked in front of the whole university or seeing your ex? Please tell me it's the running naked :eek:!

[talaniman]

Everything changes in life, some slower than others. The whole key is the adjustments you make to those changes.

People, places, and things will always stir past feelings, just as new memories will replace the old ones. Its normal as we learn, and grow through life.

Heck, I have one ex, or another, still haunting me from time to time, but who really has the time to really think about the why's and if's that the mind brings forward? I sure don't, just too busy, even now, years (decades) later.

Don't be so caught up in thoughts and feelings from the past, recent or not, because there is always something to do right here and right now.

[A4Effort]

Which part was awkward? The running naked in front of the whole university or seeing your ex? Please tell me it's the running naked :eek:!

Nope, actually it was seeing her. :D

Everything changes in life, some slower than others. The whole key is the adjustments you make to those changes.

People, places, and things will always stir past feelings, just as new memories will replace the old ones. Its normal as we learn, and grow thru life.

Heck, I have one ex, or another, still haunting me from time to time, but who really has the time to really think about the why's and if's that the mind brings forward? I sure don't, just too busy, even now, years (decades) later.

Don't be so caught up in thoughts and feelings from the past, recent or not, because there is always something to do right here and right now.

It is so strange. I meet many girls/women everyday. Whether it be meeting the in class, at a party, through friends, at work, etc... But no matter who I meet, talk to, hang out with, date, etc... I still think that my ex had these great qualities. Now, I am not even putting her on a pedistole. I am thinking very rationally.

She has great self-esteem, confidence, and integrity. She is very intellectual, can carry on a conversation, and works hard for her grades. Physically she was beautiful in every way. She is thin but not weak. She has a flat stomach but still has curves. Beautiful hair and gorgeous eyes. She is very adventurous and always was up for trying new things. She loves the arts and being outdoors. She even knows how to cook, is crafty, and very thoughtful. I know she will be a great mother one day and will have a successful career. I could go on and on for pages.

Now before I get berated, I just want to say that there are no emotions behind what I said above. This is purely thinking rationally. My chances of finding another girl with these qualities are almost slim to none I feel. I feel this way because I have met many girls who lack so many of those above qualities. Those qualities matter to me a lot. I do not look for all of them but there are some do I do look for. This is why I am having trouble moving on. I believe that I will not find another girl with those qualities. Once again I am not painting my ex as a perfect woman but I am strictly highlighting the qualities that stood out in her and how I feel not many women have all of those qualities.

This is just a rant though. I do not feel sad, emotional, etc... I am just processing this random information and thought I would write it down to help with my process.

[emopunk7]

You ran naked in front of people? Like they saw your penis? And your ex was running naked as well? Is this real?

[paxe]

This is one of the reason why you jumped into a new relationship: your insecurity. These qualities can be found in a lot of girls and trust you ARE putting her on a pedestal.

I suggest you put the emphasis on you instead of her. Use the attention you are getting to get your confidence up.