[talaniman]

By taopir

Oh, and yes, such a person exists. Many, actually. What makes it happen is that two people create and sustain a relationship in which each of them grows better in life-fulfilling ways because of the other's presence and influence. They might really have a good time together, but their reasons for living under one roof instead of just dating and partying with each other have to do with their ability and willingness to know another person at extraordinary depth and to be known at a similar depth

.

Ability-skills acquired over time, and through practice

Willingness- The quality or state of being willing; free choice or consent of the will; freedom from reluctance; readiness of the mind to do or forbear.

This takes tremendous courage. Over time, they develop the skills and trust and courage to tell each other their truth about everything, to listen and actually hear the other, to observe mistakes and setbacks and know when to talk about what they see and when to shut up, to understand their partner in the partner's own context, to make themselves accessible and vulnerable, to show their weakness as well as their power...

I think more than anything ability, which requires work and willingness, also work, but of the mental, spiritual kind and courage, to take a risk to secure change, and overcome fear, are the real key things to remember.

Insecurity and jealousy, are rooted in fear, in your case, your threatened by anything that means losing that which you hold close and dear, and that fear has made you act in some non-productive ways. Nothing wrong with being afraid, but you really need to trust in your partner, and her ability to deal with situations in a reasonable way.

Now exactly what stops you from having confidence in her ability to do that? Self esteem you think? Or your INABILITY to have the right coping skills, to deal with your own feelings.

Romes technique is a good one, that makes you think before you act, and though you can't see the benefits down the road, Have the courage, to do it any way, and replace impulsive emotional actions, with more thought out, practical ones.

I think listening to taopir, and Romefalls will result in a lot of learning. If your WILLING to listen. I already know your willing to change, and that does take courage.

[BlackVY]

Thanks.

Yeah, I am willing to change and I know it won't be easy, but I will try my best and I will get there. I will take all the advice given to me in this thread and apply it to my everyday life and hopefully, I'll be a better man in time.

Thanks again people :)

[Jake2008]

You're going to be okay BlackVY, you've got the desire and the willpower.

Best of luck to you.

[Stringer]

Well, you started this thread in May Black, how do you feel today?

Stringer

[BlackVY]

Actually, not too bad... I think I've stopped being quite a jerk to her... I'm still trying not to be so possessive, but sometimes, if there is a guy I think who might suit her taste, I tend to put my arm around her and remind her I'm still around... Lol!. but doing a lot better than I was in May... and she tells me that too... so that's good.. :)

[friend4u178]

I think a lot of that has to do with hanging about on AMHD blacky , you get to learm a lot about yourself when your trying to help others right? ;)

[BlackVY]

You can say that again M...

I hear myself in some other OPs and realize its not good... Sometimes I hear OPs posting about how their partner is and I see myself as their partner... so I see what I'm putting my girl through... and it really makes you think...

[Stringer]

I think a lot of that has to do with hanging about on AMHD blacky , you get to learm a lot about yourself when your trying to help others right?? ;)

Excellent point.

[friend4u178]

You can say that again M...

I think a lot of that has to do with hanging about on AMHD blacky , you get to learm a lot about yourself when your trying to help others right?

[BlackVY]

I think a lot of that has to do with hanging about on AMHD blacky , you get to learm a lot about yourself when your trying to help others right??

Smartarse...

[Stringer]

I think a lot of that has to do with hanging about on AMHD blacky , you get to learm a lot about yourself when your trying to help others right??

Funny :)

[friend4u178]

Smartarse...

Thank you sir... I resemble that remark ;)

[BlackVY]

Thankyou sir...................I resemble that remark ;)

Hahaha... you crack me up M...