[jphorner13]

My ex of 2 years and I broke up officially a few weeks ago after a very roller coaster relationship. He treated me poorly and I was reluctant to leave him and got taken advantage of (controlling, possessive, abusive, selfish.. you name it). I wasn't allowed to talk to any male whatsoever aside from family. He cheated on me last November, and from there it should have completely ended. I feel that from there, our relationship was over and the months after we spent together were empty hopes of mine and convenience for him. He broke up with me after I caught him suggestively texting other girls.. again.. yea HE broke up with ME. But from there, I've finally summed up to courage to finally get my life back. I'm not going to say he was horrible, we had our good times obviously which is why I was with him in the first place, but the bad completely outweighs the good.

It's been a few weeks since we've been together, we haven't talked but a few times. Anyway, I've recently went on a few dates with someone new. So far he's been very sweet and respectful of me. It's a complete turn around, and I finally find myself smiling for no reason again. My family and friends have even noticed the difference... the same people who begged me to stop seeing my ex because they could see the hurt he caused me daily. The only thing I find myself doing that may cause me to second guess anything is that I find myself thinking, "Wow, (my ex) never did so and so for me." And smiling, being happy about it.

I don't want to get into a legit relationship for maybe another month or so. Does all this seem too fast?

[ZoeMarie]

I think you're smart for being cautious. Does this person know you've recently been through a breakup? If you explain that you've been through a breakup recently and you want to take things slow, but you enjoy getting to know this person, that there really shouldn't be a problem.

I was in a long relationship and I think I was over my ex before I broke up with him since he had drifted so much toward the end. It's hard to tell if you're over your ex yet or not but getting out and meeting new people isn't such a bad thing as long as you take things slow. You don't want this guy to be a rebound.

[Romefalls19]

Work at a pace that feels right to you. Some people can adjust well, others just "miss" the feeling of having someone. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, and other ways of handling their emotions. If it feels too fast, slow it down, you are in control here.

[jphorner13]

Threads merged

A month and a half ago I got out of a bad relationship which began out with him treating me very well and quickly turning the other direction for the rest of the two years. I've recently began dating someone new and constantly find myself very observant of his actions even though he does treat me well. I feel as though I will anger him for things that my ex would get mad at (such as going out with friends) although afterwards I find it doesn't. I don't feel like he's putting on a front, but I feel like I'm waiting for the good treatment to disappear like my relationship before. So how do I tell if he's showing his true self and is actually a good guy?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Time. If he's still friends with exes or at least communicates with them, that's a good sign too.

Otherwise wait it out. If it starts to turn ugly, get out RIGHT AWAY.

I won't lecture you on staying with someone who's abusive for two years, cause I'm sure you already know how stupid that is.

[talaniman]

Take your time getting to know him, and if you see things you don't like, or can't deal with tell him about it. If things don't change, leave.

[Starry nights]

A month and a half ago I got out of a bad relationship which began out with him treating me very well and quickly turning the other direction for the rest of the two years. I've recently began dating someone new and constantly find myself very observant of his actions even though he does treat me well. I feel as though I will anger him for things that my ex would get mad at (such as going out with friends) although afterwards I find it doesn't. I don't feel like he's putting on a front, but I feel like I'm waiting for the good treatment to disappear like my relationship before. So how do I tell if he's showing his true self and is actually a good guy?

Once bitten twice shy--sometimes when we go through a bad experience,no matter how strongly we deal with it or get over it or come to terms with it,it lingers on at the back of our minds.

A bad relationship makes every new relationship twice as difficult work.Its as if,like you said,expecting something bad to happen.In some cases,almost waiting for it to happen.

Don't pre-empt anything.Be watchful,cautious but also just go with the flow.If this is a good relationship,slowly and gradually,it will erase all the bad memories and one fine day,you will just know he's a good guy and this is a good thing.

I have also found another way to deal with putting behind bad stuff and preparing yourself for the good stuff.Its to keep believing I deserve better and why not?If people around me are succeeding in love and landing great partners,surely I haven't done anything out of line not to have the same fortune,right?

It may take its time,but I'm positive life will bring love to me,in some form or the other.Just keep the faith.

All the best:)

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Also, being as you just ended that relationship less than two months ago, I'm sure you are still very very cautious. This will lessen with time and with a good guy.

[Gemini54]

You were in an abusive relationship that has hardly finished.

So how do I tell if he's showing his true self and is actually a good guy?

When you decide never to let yourself be treated badly again. Bad guys teat women badly because those women allow them to. It's up to you, not up to him to treat you well.

[jphorner13]

Threads merged

We broke up over a month ago after two years of a roller coaster relationship. We were happy at times, but he was very controlling and jealous. He's done a lot of things to betray me, would constantly break up with me, and I always took him back. This time I didn't. I'm now talking to someone new.. not official yet. He's in a relationship with someone new, who he said he's only with to get over me. We were talking today after a few weeks of not and he was begging for me back. He told me he was sorry he cheated and always lied but since I was his first "real" relationship (he used to date a new girl every week), he thought what he was doing was right because I always took him back. He also thought controlling me was right, as in I lost most of my friends and was never able to go anywhere or talk to any guys. I've now began living my life again, hanging out with people, etc.. and I don't want that taken from me again. He says he's sorry, he's truly changed this time (he "changed" every time he wanted me back) because he's never actually lost me before. He won't treat me like that again, I'm all he thinks about, etc. etc. This is just the general gist, but by this, does he seem sincere or is he just throwing out the lines to get me back because he doesn't have a hold over me anymore.

[troy70]

I don't really think its about what he wants. You sound as if your somewhat over him and have your life back on track and don't want to go back to the way it was with him. If so, then don't. Plain and simple. If your happy with how things are now (and things going well with the new someone your talking to) then who cares what he says/thinks/wants. This is your life so live it the way YOU want!

[jphorner13]

I don't really think its about what he wants. You sound as if your somewhat over him and have your life back on track and don't want to go back to the way it was with him. If so, then don't. Plain and simple. If your happy with how things are now (and things going well with the new someone your talking to) then who cares what he says/thinks/wants. This is your life so live it the way YOU want!

I really don't know what I want. I was with him for so long he was familiar to me.. I still love him I can't say that I don't. I felt like it was a constant battle for his affection when I was with him and here he is throwing it out there... in words nonetheless, but still. I'm scared to go back to him and he knows this, I don't want to be hurt that way ever again. If he proved himself I may go back, but I can't go through him letting me down again.

[troy70]

I can't go through him letting me down again.

Then don't. Your so young and there are so many better guys out there. I think you should have yourself a good period on No Contact and see what it can do for you. I did this with my ex who wanted me back badly and I didn't want to go through the issues we had again. And now I'm so much happier. I've met so many new friends and realized there is SO much more out there in life then to be stuck with someone who doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated. I'm sure you love him and still have feelings for you but I can guarantee you there is a man out there for you that will make this guy seem so sub par that you will laugh about the fact you liked this guy! Seriously!

[talaniman]

You don't need him to be happy.

It takes time to adjust to being without someone your use to, and care for, but new friends, and activities is a great way to spend that time.

[amicon]

You re right. In this kind of situation we all need o find ourselves and care about ourselves.

[N0help4u]

You got back on your feet and are rebuilding your life. Don't take two steps forward and three back.
Life is about making choices and living and learning from the consequences. Leave him live with his bad choices --the only way he will learn.

[Gemini54]

He only wants you now because you're moving on with your life and he knows he can't control you any more. He's actually trying to control you again by telling you he wants you back and that he's changed.

Don't fall for it. He's throwing out the big lines.

You said it yourself - he cheated, lied, controlled you and was jealous. Do you really want to go thought this again?

I'd be saying, thanks but no thanks, see you later and have a great life to him.

[aryan2008]

Deleted for chat/text

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...lk-303157.html

[jphorner13]

We were together for two years, had sort of a roller coaster relationship. We had plenty of good times together, but he was very jealous, controlling, and cheated. We broke up often, but never fully. Two months ago we officially broke up. He's since gotten a new girlfriend and I've been dating. I've been moving on with my life. I've honestly been much happier since I've been out of the relationship (the way it was left, he lost all respect for me).

He's now asking for me back.. promising he isn't jealous and won't control my life anymore. He says he'll move the world for me, that I'm all he can think about, he loves me. He told me he finally realizes how much I did for him and how much he needs me. I don't know what to believe. We've broken up before, he's spilled the lines, and I've taken him back. But he's never actually lost me until this time. I don't know what to believe. I'm terrified of being hurt again the way he hurt me, but I miss our good times and his family. I'm also seeing a guy a really like a lot and I don't want to cut that short or hurt him or anything. He's probably the exact opposite of my ex.

So, does my ex seem sincere? Will he really change? What should I do?

[spitvenom]

. I've honestly been much happier since I've been out of the relationship

So you don't want to be happy?