Check out some similar questions!

N0help4u · Jul 27, 2009, 09:56 AM

Originally Posted by wth_happened

In reading all this it also sounds like he was working on me so that he could have the best of both worlds and when he realized that wasn't going to happen, he then got mad, hence same time I was upset.

I think that sums it up
You were a shelter with benefits like friends with benefits until he knew where to go from there

wth_happened · Jul 27, 2009, 09:58 AM

Woohooo... we figured it out!! Thanks everyone!!

wth_happened · Jul 27, 2009, 10:03 AM

By the way nohelp... Is that your tattoo? I really like it if it is!

N0help4u · Jul 27, 2009, 10:06 AM

No I am too chicken to get a tattoo but I liked the heart.
May have to change my avatar to a motorcycle :D don't have one of them either--afraid I'd break my leg or something but I like bikes.

Jake Parker · Jul 27, 2009, 10:13 AM

Hey hey slow down lady I see you're pissed and pissed big time and the worst part is you're pissed on your own self but.. hey come on he's just another schmuck whose being greedy and confused over emotions... its like he was already pissed over his devotion to his ex and now you caught the sneeze... See first of all pull yourself together and then tell this tommy to go take a hike and you go on to let things settle down a bit and then pull your emotions out of this puddle and you know even if you're going to try to fix things they are only going to get worse on you cause this ain't about you darling its about that tommy and his little 14 years old fantasy or call it infatuation and you've got nothing to care about only if you're too weak to trail him after... from what I see you are a strong lady with a future to grab and some peace to snatch so go hail peace and bury that tommy for some time cause he needs a lesson to be taught... but don't worry he'll be back.. back sometime... but take care if you go on nannying him he'll never come for a nanny.which you ain't.
See you... and let me know.

Justwantfair · Jul 27, 2009, 10:16 AM

Originally Posted by Jake Parker

Hey hey slow down lady i see you're pissed and pissed big time and the worst part is you're pissed on your own self but ..hey come on he's just another schmuck whose being greedy and confused over emotions...its like he was already pissed over his devotion to his ex and now you caught the sneeze....See first of all pull your self together and then tell this tommy to go take a hike and you go on to let things settle down a bit and then pull your emotions out of this puddle and you know even if you're going to try to fix things they are only going to get worse on you cause this ain't about you darling its about that tommy and his little 14 years old fantasy or call it infatuation and you've got nothing to care about only if you're too weak to trail him after...from what i see you are a strong lady with a future to grab and some peace to snatch so go hail peace and bury that tommy for some time cause he needs a lesson to be taught ...but don't worry he'll be back ..back sometime...but take care if you go on nannying him he'll never come for a nanny.which you ain't.
See ya.....and let me know.

What did you read?

His 14 year old fantasy, a/k/a his girlfriend of fourteen years... doesn't sound like a fantasy to me.

Why in the world would she or should she want him back in her life.

Please follow the complete post so that you can give accurate advice inclusive of all of the facts. It didn't seem you completely read this entire post.

N0help4u · Jul 27, 2009, 10:20 AM

Or this part too?

Originally Posted by Jake Parker

and you've got nothing to care about only if you're too weak to trail him after....

winding200 · Jul 27, 2009, 10:30 AM

Originally Posted by wth_happened

Winding thank you for your efforts. I never agreed to the no strings... I said no complications but he heard no strings, big difference there.

Good to know, and it sounds much better. I feel relieved in fact.

When you say "no complication", and have sex with a man in the short period time, the combination implies "simply physical relationship", which means "no string" (EVEN FOR ME!). It is a heaven sent message for the 'no string' type guy, and make him to jump on you with joy. Unknowingly, you set you up as no string type girl.

You rather say "let's see how it goes, and take it slowly." Period.
It opens you a good possibility of developing true feeling between you and your man. Your man will set up his mind in the direction, and treat you with respect.
Why do you have to have the 'no complication' talk in the early dating stage? You never know how you will feel after having physical relationship with the person. When you say less, you seem mysterious, and a man will wonder & pursue you further. Do not have sex in 2 weeks either. The longer a man waits, the more he will respect & want you. Good luck!

By the way, he is not a good man, you did not loose anything. A man with unresolved 14 yrs of relationship sounds very aweful. Do not date a guy who has emotional baggage. Just forget him and move on. I am glad you are in the right direction.

s_cianci · Jul 27, 2009, 11:05 AM

If you did in fact agree that it'd be "no strings, no commitments and no complications" then you really have no cause to be hurt or upset. And it really isn't fair to expect so much after only 2 weeks anyhow. But I think you do have a pretty good grip on the situation between him and his ex. She sees him happy and sees him moving on, so she now "wants him back." And obviously he can't let go, which explains why he was still living with her and why he's allowing himself to be lured back in. But I think she's just trying to control him and he's allowing her to do it. I don't think she really wants him or cares for him but he's too naïve to see that. Disappear form the picture for a while and see how long they continue to stay together. It's a shame because he probably is robbing himself of a lot of good dating opportunities by continuing to allow himself to be putty in her hands.

wth_happened · Jul 27, 2009, 02:18 PM

So I guess it took me to help him realize he better give this 14 yr relationship a real shot of fixing before he actually leaves her. If he comes back he better be out of that situation. Just two nights before he was asking me where in London I would want to live. I said where I do live lol. All I know is the whole thing is strange. We clicked... I mean really clicked but I am not putting up with this bs.

Justwantfair · Jul 27, 2009, 02:21 PM

Even if he comes back and isn't going to work through the relationship with his girlfriend... they had fourteen years together, he should really be single for a long time to heal emotionally. Why wait around for two years or become the rebound girl for a two week relationship. Heal yourself and wake away completely.

wth_happened · Jul 27, 2009, 02:23 PM

I think you are right s_cianci. He did tell me she was a strong woman and could see her leaving if she wanted to. Fact is this... she was having an affair who is to say she won't do that again. She is just buying time till she meets someone else. That's what I think anyway. He said she came home with a bunch of self help books lol.

wth_happened · Jul 27, 2009, 02:28 PM

Justwantfair, ty for responding. He says he has been living like this with her for a year and a half... but NOW she wants to work on it. He said he stayed because neither of them could afford being out on their own and he was working out of town for 4 weeks at a time. Honestly, what I see is we met.. we were friends, we hit it off.. he shows he is in a very good mood, she panics because wth is she going to live lol and he has no idea what is going on but that he wants to move on but then he doesn't. He doesn't even know how he feels about her. Gee, the more I write about this, the more I realize why do I want this complication?? This is what I meant about no complications lol.

liz28 · Jul 27, 2009, 02:30 PM

Things will always be complicated because of him. He is giving you nothing but a list of excuses to why he have to be with her. If he doesn't want to be with then he knows where the door is. Also, she isn't forcing him to stay this is something he is doing on his own because he wants to.

To make things simple you should stay away with him and stop listening to his long list of excuses.

Justwantfair · Jul 27, 2009, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by wth_happened

Justwantfair, ty for responding. He says he has been living like this with her for a year and a half... but NOW she wants to work on it. He said he stayed because neither of them could afford being out on their own and he was working out of town for 4 weeks at a time. Honestly, what I see is we met.. we were friends, we hit it off.. he shows he is in a very good mood, she panics because wth is she going to live lol and he has no idea what is going on but that he wants to move on but then he doesn't. He doesn't even know how he feels about her. Gee, the more I write about this, the more I realize why do I want this complication???? This is what I meant about no complications lol.

That is what I am trying to point out. Mentally you are making excuses and putting yourself on hold for this man, it shows in your writing.

It doesn't matter why she is interested again. It matters that he jumped, it matters that it 'was convenient' for a year and a half to live together, still consider each other best friends and that there are still unresolved issues between the two of them. They couldn't make this break before you came along, they won't make it now. Your relationship has showed him that he is not over her and you are wasting energy worrying about their relationship.

Nothing would have ever come from your relationship with him. You were not going to be the one he changed for and can you even imagine spending ten to twelve years loving a men who will not marry you? He apparently cares for and loved this woman... so why hadn't he married her? It was before the cheating and she probably started cheating because she was stuck with a commitment phobic man who wasn't fulfilling her needs... is that where you really want to be? Wake up... now move on.

wth_happened · Aug 5, 2009, 07:34 PM

Hi Winding... ty for your response and sorry it has taken me so long to get back. I just wanted to explain what I meant by no complications. I did not want a man with baggage. I don't want to live with anyone, nor marry anyone. I am no where ready for any of this. I just want someone I can do things with, have fun, companionship and intimacy. I find many men want to have control or try to manipulate... hence, just like he tried.

wth_happened · Aug 5, 2009, 07:45 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

Things will always be complicated because of him. He is giving you nothing but a list of excuses to why he have to be with her. If he doesn't want to be with then he knows where the door is. Also, she isn't forcing him to stay this is something he is doing on his own because he wants to.

To make things simple you should stay away with him and stop listening to his long list of excuses.

Hi, yes he is there right now with her trying to fix things. He has to try everything first. They have a lot invested in that relationship fortunately though no children. He has my support to try and work on it. Just a few nights before we were talking about my relationship with my ex and how I did not have any regrets. My reasons for no regret is because I know I did everything I could to try and salvage it. I believe that is where he is at right now. He is not sure how he feels, if he wants to stay etc. The last time I talked to him he said they agreed to seek counselling together :). I don't just care for him as a sexual partner... I truly enjoy his friendship and care. I believe he does too hence why he told me. He said he felt like a selfish prick... he did this all on his own. I mean I had no clue because he was giving me all his time and attention A LOT. He said they were living separate lives under the same roof except for family functions. Anyway, he still wants to keep in touch via phone or emails. We decided we should not see each other though because I don't think that would be such a good idea. I just did not / could not understand why he was mad at me for being upset. I never agreed to no strings... that's just what he thought. I wanted no complications... I have enough to worry about to have to worry about a relationship but here I am !

wth_happened · Aug 5, 2009, 08:02 PM

An update... at first I was not supportive but now I am. I was angry at him because he had not told me he was living with her. Anyhow, once I got over that we decided to not see each other anymore but he would like to talk with me occasionally and asked me if that was OK. Not sure if this is a good idea if he is going to be trying to work on his relationship and why would he want to keep in touch?

amicon · Aug 6, 2009, 02:26 AM

A hundred red flags.step away from this.let him get on with his manipulative life.you deserve better.good luck

talaniman · Aug 6, 2009, 09:19 AM

I can't see someone going through the trouble just to get some or would they??

Are you kidding? Men will travel for miles to get some. No trouble at all for us!

Anyhow, once I got over that we decided to not see each other anymore but he would like to talk with me occasionally and asked me if that was OK.

He is a liar and cheater, and that's a fact. Remember that. So its reasonable to assume he will do it again, especially if it worked before.

Not sure if this is a good idea if he is going to be trying to work on his relationship and why would he want to keep in touch?

It's a lousy idea to keep in contact, because if you do, you will get more of the same lying, and cheating, as you did before. Was the sex that great that you disconnected your brain?? Don't believe anything he says about his relationship, as his "lines" are standard for liars and cheaters. His G/F probably has no clue what he is up to and knows NOTHING!! How do you know he isn't married? ( Yeah right, he SAID he wasn't, sheeeeezz! )

Break off all contact with him whatsoever, and disappear from his life. It no longer matters what he says, It only matters what you do about what he has done, and sorry to be harsh, he used you to get his rocks off, and wants to do it again, as long as you let him. Your probably not his first "no strings attached" victim, nor will you be the last.

Pray for his g/f, and leave the lying cheating b@st@rd alone. This is a no-brainer!!