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tree56 · Jun 5, 2009, 12:57 AM

Aahhh, come on.. I don't believe in friendship, after a devastating break up.. Neither does my ex, what about your ex?

If she calls back and asks for my friendship, it's a definite sign she wants us to be a couple again.

Pirandello, there is something u said, that has been swirling my mind, that put me in deep consideration.. "Sometimes it takes a long break to teach them a lifetime lesson".. However, her dumping is a very, very hard pill to swallow.. So, I guess, if she calls back, whether I'll forgive her or not really depends on what she has to say (although I admit there are few explanations that can make me forgive her)..

Would you accept your girl back, if she told you that she dated a couple other guys, but finally understood that all others are jerks and you are THE one?

If ever my ex told me such a thing, I wouldn't be able to forgive her.. Picturing her, being touched/kissed by another guy (or having sex with), makes me want to puke.. Yikes.. This should be a definite non-return point... Last time I checked, I was not a spare part... Neither are you.

Already, seeing pictures of her on Facebook having fun at the club with new guys, that was enough for me.. Let alone if I'd ever find out she hooked up with one of those...

talaniman · Jun 5, 2009, 04:56 AM

Interesting comments young fellows. I would not assume, or presume the actions, of an ex, especially given you can't control the feelings of another through NC, or any other means. Sounds good on paper, and for your egos, to punish them for life, because they dumped you, but the reality is, they find someone else, and so will you.

Not realistic to really think there is only one person in the world for you either, as reality and life, will prove that is not the case.

I comment just to point out, your healing is not complete as of yet, just because most of us who do heal are very wary, if not down right against, giving exes a second chance. Like respect, that's not something anyone deserves, they earn it through actions, and deeds over time.

Willing to bet you both, soon that will be your attitude also, if you have truly found out what we all do, happiness starts with you not them.

PirandelloLuigi · Jun 14, 2009, 11:39 AM

A little update, it's been 4 month's today since the breakup. What can I say? What is my conclusion of this, How do I feel?

Simple, in life sometimes we do not want to accept the reality of things but unfortunately it happens. We see it as a bad thing for a while, but slowly we start to realize it's for the better. You will lose less hair and probably get less gray hair and will lead a healthier life.

A bad relationship can affect your health and your life in a significant way. If money or other superficial things come between a couple, it's time to talk about it or get the hell out of there.

My conclusion is, yes I loved her very much, but I could not deal with her bad attitude anymore, if she loved me as much she would have stopped the bad attitude, but she did not.

I do not regret my decision to refuse casual relationship with her, I know I did the right thing, I keep my dignity and it won't be on her terms. Yes at times I still miss her, was it attachment? Love? I do not know.

Anyway just wanted to say it's been 4 months and it is possible to live happy again without her. One day at a time, we find ways to survive and not fall into depression.

When do you know you have completely healed and moved on?
I met some girls recently and I could not get into a serious relationship with them and they got hurt when I refused.
When do you know your ready again?

talaniman · Jun 14, 2009, 12:13 PM

When do you know your ready again?

When your happy with what your doing.

friend4u178 · Jun 14, 2009, 03:48 PM

Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

When do you know your ready again?

When you don't need to ask anymore , just be patient.

tree56 · Jun 14, 2009, 08:11 PM

Hmmmm, difficult question..

I guess it depends on each individual... I suppose that you know you are ready, when:

1)you don't check your email inbox as often as you did 3 months ago. Or,

2)last time you went out with your friends you realized that you had a really good time without her. Or,

3)the ratio between happy/sad moments in your daily life is something like 80/20 (compared to a 10/90 a couple of months ago). Or,

4)you felt the desire to flirt again with those pretty ladies that kept staring at you the night you went out with your friends

I strongly believe that if more than 2 conditions from the above are true, then you're ready to move on (which can eventually lead to complete healing).

Pirandello, you said you refused to get in a serious relationship with some girls you met recently. Have you ever thought that it's not necessary to go for a serious relationship? You can just start flirting, and then you'll see what happens, your progress. It's not necessary for you to get seriously committed with a woman so soon.

PirandelloLuigi · Jun 14, 2009, 10:18 PM

Originally Posted by tree56

Pirandello, you said you refused to get in a serious relationship with some girls you met recently. Have you ever thought that it's not necessary to go for a serious relationship? You can just start flirting, and then you'll see what happens, your progress. It's not necessary for you to get seriously committed with a woman so soon.

Absolutely, I will not get serious with any girl right now, not ready, it's summer and it's time to have fun. Flirt around and just stay happy and cool. No time for comittment.
Be happy with yourself first. Enjoy the freedom of the single life again. No pressure, no pms from a nagging pain in the... girlfriend. More financial freedom to do what you want.
So many things to look forward to.

2 months ago it felt like a big nightmare, now it's sinking in and acceptance and moving forward is the best things you can do. Don't look back anymore.

jmw0713 · Jun 15, 2009, 06:36 AM

You will know. When you don't have to ask about whether you are ready to move on or not, is when you're ready.

2 months is not that long in the whole time line of things. It will take longer for you truly except everything an let go. Once that happens, you will be ready.

Give yourself time and don't rush. There is plenty of time left in your life to find someone else.

PirandelloLuigi · Jun 30, 2009, 11:09 PM

A little summer update, July 3rd will be 3 months I have'nt heard or spoke to ex-girlfriend.

I have made a little analogy of the relationship I was in to help me move on. Here it goes.

Basically the relationship we had was like an airplane.
In the beginning we have the take off (making out)
Then as the plane takes altitude we go in cruising mode (best times of the relationship).
Then we get turbulence (first arguments and obstacles)
Then for those that could not survive the relationship you get the crash landing, ( The breakup ).
Then you try to pick up the pieces, try to get back together, but if the breakup was really bad, there is too many pieces to pick up.
It's broken, it crashed.
If you suvived the crash, pick up your gear and move out, go find a new airplane and start a new trip.

It will be a better trip and this time maybe you will stay in cruising altitude for a longer time and a smooth landing.

A little message of hope and cheer up to those who are still sad about their break up. Better times ahead.

LoveStoned · Jun 30, 2009, 11:19 PM

Originally Posted by PirandelloLuigi

a little summer update, july 3rd will be 3 months i have'nt heard or spoke to ex-girlfriend.

I have made a little analogy of the relationship i was in to help me move on. Here it goes.

Basicly the relationship we had was like an airplane.
In the begining we have the take off (making out)
then as the plane takes altitude we go in cruising mode (best times of the relationship).
Then we get turbulence (first arguments and obstacles)
Then for those that could not survive the relationship you get the crash landing, ( The breakup ).
Then you try to pick up the pieces, try to get back together, but if the breakup was really bad, there is too many pieces to pick up.
It's broken, it crashed.
if you suvived the crash, pick up your gear and move out, go find a new airplane and start a new trip.

It will be a better trip and this time maybe you will stay in cruising altitude for a longer time and a smooth landing.

a little message of hope and cheer up to those who are still sad about their break up. Better times ahead.

Very good analogy... How you been Piran? Haven't talked to u in a while. Glad to see you are doing well!!

jlove09 · Jul 1, 2009, 03:44 AM

The girl reminds me of my ex.
We broke up 3 weeks ago, like a fool
I chased after her all over the place
And kept asking her to come back EVERY SINGLE DAY. Starting NC now...
Need to get my life together

jmw0713 · Jul 1, 2009, 07:08 AM

PL, glad to see that you are doing well. Things only go up from here.

s_cianci · Jul 1, 2009, 07:18 AM

Stick with the NC. And yes, if at all possible try to see your dentist at another location where you won't run into her, even if you have to go out of your way to do so.

wontgohomewou · Jul 1, 2009, 07:33 AM

I've been like NC for I think 3 weeks now and man I haven't felt better. I actually like being single lol, I now kind of wish she broke up with me earlier.

PirandelloLuigi · Jul 1, 2009, 12:53 PM

Originally Posted by LoveStoned

Very good analogy.....How you been Piran?? Haven't talked to u in a while. Glad to see you are doing well!!!!

Hi lovestoned, I am doing well thanks, I can say I have improved a lot since last post.
I still have thoughts of her in the morning, but then goes away...

I met a few women, but I could not continue seeing them as I kept thinking of my ex while I was with them, not healthy.

So I just keep busy with my 3D modeling work and maybe going back to school soon.
I think a year being alone will do me good.

How about you Lovestoned? How you doing?

PirandelloLuigi · Jul 1, 2009, 12:58 PM

Originally Posted by jlove09

The girl reminds me of my ex.
We broke up 3 weeks ago, like a fool
I chased after her all over the place
and kept asking her to come back EVERY SINGLE DAY. Starting NC now...
Need to get my life together

Keep to strict NC my friend, it will help me you a lot. Chasing her will just push her away.
You got to show her and yourself, you can live your life without her.

Think of it as a break, just like a soccer match, the first half has ended, time to pause and reflect and if destiny wants it you will have a second half with her, if not, well...

Move on and start a new soccer game...

Never beg someone to take you back if they don't want you in the first place.
In time maybe they will be the ones begging you to come back...
It has happened to me before.

Cheer up dude you can do it.

PirandelloLuigi · Jul 1, 2009, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Stick with the NC. And yes, if at all possible try to see your dentist at another location where you won't run into her, even if you have to go out of your way to do so.

I arranged something and I won't have to go back anymore and in the future I will go to a new dental office closer to my house.

I haven't broken NC for 3 months now and it's going to stay that way.

Thanks cianci

tree56 · Jul 1, 2009, 07:20 PM

Hi Piran, great to hear from you, again.. I'm glad you've made progress.. But, I disagree with what you said about staying a year alone, and then commit to a new relationship.. Pal, it's going to happen sooner than that, I promise.. 3 months of NC, have the positive thoughts about your ex been dissolved, even to the slightest degree? Normally, after that period, we tend to forget about positive aspects of our ex and concentrate on their bads

PirandelloLuigi · Jul 1, 2009, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by tree56

hi Piran, great to hear from you, again.. I'm glad you've made progress.. But, I disagree with what you said about staying a year alone, and then commit to a new relationship.. Pal, it's gonna happen sooner than that, i promise.. 3 months of NC, have the positive thoughts about your ex been dissolved, even to the slightest degree? Normally, after that period of time, we tend to forget about positive aspects of our ex and concentrate on their bads

Definitely I been concentrating on all the bad thoughts. I concluded she was a bit crazy and she drove me crazy too. I think it depends for each person. I believe I will need longer before I can get in another relationship.

Whatever the time it takes, take the time to heal properly and not do a rebound, your just going to hurt someone else's feelings for revenge of your ex.

It's OK to be alone for a while. No big deal. And when you meet the right girl you will appreciate it more because you waited and you know how it feels to be alone for a while.
You will deserve it.

friend4u178 · Jul 1, 2009, 07:48 PM

Piran is right

Everyone has a different time frame and it's actually not a good idea to say how long before you can back out there.

Just enjoy your new found freedom and take each day as it comes , only you will know when your ready.

Glad to see you've come out of it well Piran , you seem to have learnt quite a few lessons from this , don't lose them :)

Good luck!