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lostmymaserati · Jun 4, 2009, 08:32 PM

This is my first and only attempt a doing this, but I can't seem to get an answer from people close to me, especially whom aren't bias. Long story, but here goes... I met the love of my life 2 years ago, it was unbelievable, never thought I could feel that way, and it was reciprocated. Side note, and this might sound silly, but I think it is relevant. I am a very attractive man, and have always had beautiful women in my life, I have dated models, actresses(people you would know) anyway back to the story. So I meet this woman and we fall in love right away, from our first date we have spent almost everyday together. When I kissed her I could have world war three behind me and not notice and it was the same for her. She is drop dead gorgeous, smart, funny perfect(no joke she is perfect) OK so bliss everything is great, marriage on the horizon, buy a house together, I bought her a car. I have always been very successful, but then I lost my ambition, I began hating my job even though it paid amazingly. I had 3 cars by the time I was 28. And I am talking italian. So I knew I would get burnt out in my job at one point but maybe for 2 to 3 months and I had plenty of money to get threw that rough spot and still live the life I was accustomed too. But it didn't get better in three months, it got worse, this is when it began. I started lying to cover up my failures, I became insecure, and jealous. Everything was put in her name, she trusted me with everything. She didn't have to work, she modeled since she was fifteen, but with me she stopped, she didn't have to work. When she noticed things were off she asked if I wanted her to get a job and I said no. Then the lies kept going and I kept getting caught in them. She would tell me that no mater how bad it was that I could tell her and she would help cause we were a team. She believed in me no matter what. All she asked was that I told her the truth, but I couldn't bare to tell her. Long story short, lost my cars, the house is being forclosed on, in her name, and I have ruined her credit and her life. I can get back all the monetary things that nots a problem, but I crushed her, broker her heart like no other. She should want me dead, but it never came from a bad place, I just got lost. I never cheated on her, she was the woman for me. Even after we broke up she gave me chance after chance to come back and I couldn't stop ing it up. Now she is dating as she should, getting wined and dined by wealthy men, but recently she started to invite me over, saying she misses me, and loves me and she has never stopped saying those things. She was mine to lose, but she knows I am not ready yet. She goes on dates and still calls me. I don't know what to do, we are still intimate(we have amazing sexual chemisrty) we have both been with other people in the past 10 months we have been apart. But I haven't felt anything with anyone that comes even close. And she says the same, but after all I have done to her why on earth does she still love me, should I fight for it or should I let her go... Most sites that I have looked at will say she is insecure and is afraid of being alone. Et me just say her name and insecurity don't go in the same sentence. She is a 10, trust me a 10. Everyman onthis site would want her(again don't mean to be so snooty, just really being honest, and want honest oppinions) PLEASE HELP ME, I don't know what to do, we get into arguments when either one of us goes out with someone cause it still hurts us both. I just know she would have me back, but after what I have done, she doesn't let herself and I don't blame her. I love this woman more than life itself... can I fix this??

mudweiser · Jun 4, 2009, 08:38 PM

She was mine to lose, but she knows i am not ready yet

You just said it right there buck-o. Your not ready yet.

You should let her go. I think you've done enough damage.

As for her, it's human to go back to what seems "comfortable" - even if it is bad for you.

Let her go. Move on.

That's just my opinion.

Sarah

none12345 · Jun 4, 2009, 08:50 PM

You said she is a 10, it is just your rating. Not all guys have the same taste in women. I think you are blinded by your emotions because of all the wonderful moments you had with her and that's why it doesn't seem you can let her go.

A lie is a lie and there are no excuses for them no matter how small they seem to be. I think there might be some trust issues here caused by all the lying that has been going on. Also, you said you guys get into lots of arguments which basically means it doesn't seem you guys could get along as well as you thought.

Don't get me wrong, every couple argues but to the point where it is just pure argument and can't come to terms that just means you aren't really compatible no matter how good everything else might be. If that is the case it might be best to let go.

Sitting down and having a calm, mature talk would be a good idea to see where both of you stand in the relationship. It also seems you aren't ready yet, take all the time in the world you need but also don't expect her to wait around for you because she needs to get on with her life as well.

biversen · Jun 4, 2009, 09:14 PM

In my opinion you should be together. You both love each other and if you really feel like you were meant to be then let it be. However, you really need to work on your communication with her. She wants to help and being honest with her is the least you can do. I really do hope it works out for you two. Good luck

taoplr · Jun 4, 2009, 11:18 PM

Take a look at what you have written. What a snapshot of your mind! You are running about in a state of confusion and self-condemnation that cover up a bedrock of petty egotism. Why is it relevant that you are both attractive people? Do you think that has anything to do with being in a relationship? Slow down, dude, take a couple of breaths, and reflect on your thinking.

You are not the first guy to lose what you have lost. Fortune and fame come and go for people and their relationships survive, even if the people involved haven't been perfect. If you are industrious, you will recover.

But you won't be able to be with her again unless you do some work on yourself, specifically on your ability to build a relationship with someone like she is who continues through difficult times. Your fights are indications that you both need to grow up and either be committed to each other or be apart. Your lies show your fear of being a person with vulnerabilities, and not the veneer-person that your attractiveness has placed on you.

If you are willing to struggle with her in order to be with her, then let her forgive you. Forgive yourself. See a therapist with her. Get a job. Be just a guy making his way. Make the next phase of your life. Do it with her.

Gemini54 · Jun 5, 2009, 01:12 AM

I'm with Tao - I found myself squirming when I was reading your post.

Who cares if she's a 10? Clearly you do, but in the end she's just an imperfect human being and so are you.

It all sounds incredibly superficial and none of it is relevant except that you believed your own $hit.

You are expecting things outside you to make you happy - money, looks, cars, your social scene. Now you've lost it all, and you're still looking. But the emptiness is inside you and she won't be able to fill it - she didn't when you were with her did she?

You must fix yourself before you can fix anything else. You must fill the empty vessel inside you with humanity not hunger for perfection. You are the one that is insecure and afraid of being alone! You'll never be able to be content with yourself, your world, or your relationship unless you can deal with your own imperfection.

If you really want her then prove to her that you are a real man, not a wanker. Make a decision to start again without all the superficial stuff. Accept that you've been an idiot and don't let pride get the better of you again. Try and be humble.

ordinaryguy · Jun 5, 2009, 05:37 AM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

You must fix yourself before you can fix anything else.

This is the heart of the matter, right here. Your own insecurity and self-doubt got you where you are, and until you deal with that, nothing will change.

talaniman · Jun 5, 2009, 09:34 PM

You have a lot of growing up to do, leave her alone until you do.

lostmymaserati · Jun 8, 2009, 05:01 PM

For the few who actually answered my question, I thank you. A lot of what you wrote, I have thought myself. I think I just needed to hear it from somebody else. To those who rather than answere the question chose instead to challenge my ego, I will say this. Just because I strive for the best, because I workout 6 days a week, and run 20 miles a week, and had nice cars and beautiful women n my life does not make me have an ego. There are spectators and there are players in life, stop being a spectator!! Those are the same people that say "I lead a simple life, I dont need those things to be happy". Its not about being happy about possesions. Its about not limiting yourself, or settling. The only reason why people are stuck making 60k a year is because that's where they stopped striving. I again thank the people who took the time out and offered sound advice. Godbless and I wish you all success and happiness you deserve.

Gemini54 · Jun 8, 2009, 06:04 PM

Originally Posted by lostmymaserati

For the few who actually answered my question, I thank you. A lot of what you wrote, I have thought myself. I think I just needed to hear it from somebody else. To those who rather than answere the question chose instead to challenge my ego, I will say this. Just because I strive for the best, because I workout 6 days a week, and run 20 miles a week, and had nice cars and beautiful women n my life does not make me have an ego. There are spectators and there are players in life, stop being a spectator!!!! Those are the same people that say "I lead a simple life, I dont need those things to be happy". Its not about being happy about possesions. Its about not limiting yourself, or settling. The only reason why people are stuck making 60k a year is because thats where they stopped striving. I again thank the people who took the time out and offered sound advice. Godbless and I wish you all success and happiness you deserve.

Fair enough comment. I would urge you to strive to be the best within yourself though! You have seen how the money, the body, the beautiful women don't in the end provide peace of mind and happiness - by all means strive, but strive to be balanced and whole.

cozyk · Jun 8, 2009, 06:40 PM

First things first. You need to find out what happened to you that made you lose all your secure disposition, your drive, your ability to be truthful, and ultimately her respect and ability to trust you. I am posting this after reading your op and I haven't read any of the other posts yet. I hope I am not repeating something already written.

If "dating " other people is hurtful to both of you then just stop. Neither of you have to always be dating somebody. Take some alone time.

You work on YOU. Part of that is being accountable to her for ruining her credit. Do all you can to help her. If she needs a loan you could co-sign or whatever. You need to make amends for that. Just do all you can to help raise her credit score. If she sees that she is going to be late with a bill, you give her the money she needs.

AFTER, you have gotten to the root of your problem, after you have helped raise her credit score, after she has seen a change in you, not just lip service but action, after she has it in her heart and head to forgive you, then you can give it another shot.

LEARN a lesson from this. She did not ask you to keep her in fancy cars, homes, or jewelry. She ask you to trust her. To share with her and not lie to her. That is where you fell.

cozyk · Jun 8, 2009, 07:00 PM

Originally Posted by lostmymaserati

For the few who actually answered my question, I thank you. A lot of what you wrote, I have thought myself. I think I just needed to hear it from somebody else. To those who rather than answere the question chose instead to challenge my ego, I will say this. Just because I strive for the best, because I workout 6 days a week, and run 20 miles a week, and had nice cars and beautiful women n my life does not make me have an ego. There are spectators and there are players in life, stop being a spectator!!!! Those are the same people that say "I lead a simple life, I dont need those things to be happy". Its not about being happy about possesions. Its about not limiting yourself, or settling. The only reason why people are stuck making 60k a year is because thats where they stopped striving. I again thank the people who took the time out and offered sound advice. Godbless and I wish you all success and happiness you deserve.

Looks like I repeated myself in my effort to choose my words carefully when rating your post. Sorry:o

lostmymaserati · Jun 8, 2009, 09:46 PM

This is for COZYK, THANK YOU!! Finally someone who actually read what I wrote and gave an honest, un-bias opinion. You are right COZYK actions speak louder than words. I have spent a lot of time trying to talk my way out of it, which normally I can, but with this I need to just let go and fix myself, then if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. Thank you again for your post

cozyk · Jun 8, 2009, 10:14 PM

You are so welcome. By George, I think you've got it. You might want to change your user name now, because that was the old you. The you that thought there was value in what you had, instead of what you are. You do better, when you know better. Good luck.

liz28 · Jun 8, 2009, 10:27 PM

Maybe in the future you should work on your honesty. It is great that you want to take care of everything fiancially but the truth of the matter is you couldn't. It doesn't make you less of a man if you can't and sometimes you have to set pride aside and not live beyond your means.

Right now the two of you are hanging to each other because your familiar with one another but the truth of the matter is can you trust again and get past your lies and her ruin credit because of you.

To be honest I wouldn't even be talking to you and if I did it would be regerding the money you owe me or in court from me suing you. Why did you put the house in her name in the first place? I guess your credit wasn't good then and she was looking to gain a house if the two of you were to split--bad move.

She might love you and you might love her but there are too many puddles to jump over and a relationship (if you get back together) will never be the same never the same.

On a side note, don't try to knock anyone down that makes less than 60,000 a year because you stated you had money and 3 cars, a house, blah blah but it is obiviously you couldn't afford it. You lose the cars, the house because you had things you didn't need and given with what you say about your lifesyle I bet they were big names cars. Yes, I don't have 3 cars, a house, and make under 60,000 a year but I live within my means and pay all my bills on time. So you need to manage your money better and stop trying to be something your not.

Btw, you are right because this one is for the books.

TheOreeoShow · Jun 8, 2009, 10:44 PM

First of all before you do anything, Get a hold on your life! You need to realize that you don't need money to win a girl and you can't let desires especially money rule it for you, secondly and it is second because YOU MUST DO THE FIRST ONE FIRST this situation is tricky but not the first one of its kind I've seen. So far it looks like the two of you might be meant for each other so far you need to gradually get her trust back Only after you get it all together though! If you love her this much then , why let her go?

taoplr · Jun 8, 2009, 11:20 PM

Your question was whether you can you fix this relationship. The answer from many of us was "Fix yourself first." After all, you deceived this woman, destroyed her credit, went through a breakdown without confiding in her, and are ambivalent about getting back together with her after she has made it clear that she still cares for you. Do you think that perhaps some reflection on yourself and some housekeeping would be a good idea?

Originally Posted by lostmymaserati

For the few who actually answered my question, I thank you. A lot of what you wrote, I have thought myself. I think I just needed to hear it from somebody else. To those who rather than answere the question chose instead to challenge my ego, I will say this. Just because I strive for the best, because I workout 6 days a week, and run 20 miles a week, and had nice cars and beautiful women n my life does not make me have an ego. There are spectators and there are players in life, stop being a spectator!! Those are the same people that say "I lead a simple life, I dont need those things to be happy". Its not about being happy about possesions. Its about not limiting yourself, or settling. The only reason why people are stuck making 60k a year is because that's where they stopped striving. I again thank the people who took the time out and offered sound advice. Godbless and I wish you all success and happiness you deserve.

Thanks for the kind wishes. I know that it was unpleasant to have your words reflected back to you the way they were. But you said:

... just really being honest, and want honest oppinions) PLEASE HELP ME, I don't know what to do, we get into arguments when either one of us goes out with someone cause it still hurts us both. I just know she would have me back, but after what I have done, she doesnt let herself and i dont blame her. I love this woman more than life itself... can i fix this?????????

I, for one, had no interest in challenging your ego. That's yours to do. I just asked you to read what you had written, to stop and look at yourself for a moment and become aware of how you came off with that "She's a 10 and I'm extraordinary" text filler. That information is not relevant. Your behavior, as you are aware of it and described it, is relevant. Her behavior is relevant. Both of your feelings are relevant. Your pattern of interaction is relevant. But how good you look doesn't matter. How you blew it with this woman, and whether you understand it or not, and what all that says about you, and her, and what it would take for you to become developed enough to have a wholesome and fulfilling life with her, all that matters.

Cozyk gave you a plan, and you acknowledged the value of that. Bravo. Along with a plan, I propose to you that your need to so prominently claim your and her beauty indicates an obstacle to having a good relationship with anyone. If that strikes you as possible, I suggest that you work on it. If not, a good run should be enough to get such ideas out of your head.

Good luck.

tao

talaniman · Jun 9, 2009, 05:27 AM

To those who rather than answere the question chose instead to challenge my ego,

If your ego is so fragile, it can't deal with criticism, or opinion, then maybe that's something to look into Mr. Hard Driving Man. Take it as a challenge to yourself. Tell me what you find.

I have always been very successful, but then I lost my ambition, I began hating my job even though it paid amazingly.

I found this amusing, as I have heard this story many times, from the drug addicts, and alcoholics, I have sponsored over the years. Not saying that's you, but it is the pattern.

The only reason why people are stuck making 60k a year is because that's where they stopped striving.

What an ego driven assumption, no wonder you lost your ambition, and everything you had, including the girl. You'll never learn a darned thing, when your head is so full of itself.