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anika_ · May 24, 2009, 12:08 AM

Threads merged.

I'm really confused.. my ex boyfriend and I broke up a looong time ago for many many reasons. I was really in love with him but over time I eventually moved on.. Now he is back in my life and saying all these things that I've always wanted to hear. But after all that's happened I'm not sure if its what I want anymore..

Should I give him another chance??

Gemini54 · May 24, 2009, 12:48 AM

If you're uncertain that it is what you want, then no, don't give it another chance.

The usual rule of thumb in these things is to trust your intuition - "if it don't feel right, don't do it!"

liz28 · May 24, 2009, 09:55 AM

You said he is saying all the things you want to hear so do you think he is saying those things because he knows you want to hear them?

Do you want to give another chance? What cause a break up in the first place?

artlady · May 24, 2009, 10:15 AM

Some doors should remain closed for a reason.

Actions are what is important,not words.

Has anything truly changed?

Do you want to pick up where you left off?

Clearly,he is an ex for a reason.Do you want to have more of the same in the future?

Break-ups are horrible and you need to ask yourself if you are willing to toss all your hard work of getting over him out the window only to possibly find yourself back where you were.

Some things never change.Some people never change.You need to ask yourself many questions and decide what you have to do to protect yourself.

The fact that you are questioning it is a big thing from my perspective.Your inner voice is usually very accurate.

I wish · May 24, 2009, 01:07 PM

If you have that many doubts, then what's the point of giving him another chance? It's such an uphill battle. You're fighting whether you still feel anything for him. Then you're fighting to see if what he's saying is true. Then you're fighting whether you should give another chance because you're scared it will blow up again.

Sometimes wounds do heal... but why open old wounds when they are healing very well? You broke up for a reason.

talaniman · May 24, 2009, 01:40 PM

Another chance to do what?? Why are you confused? I know, because he is back in your life, and whispering Bull crap in your ear again. And of course you love the attention, since its better than nothing right?

Wrong, your depending on someone to make you feel special, and wanted because your either to lazy, or inexperienced.

Which is it, so we can end your confusion for you.

none12345 · May 24, 2009, 02:17 PM

Don't reply.

It seems like that's what everyone agree on. If he treats you bad, you don't deserve to be treated that way, so why give your time to keep in touch with him?

anika_ · May 25, 2009, 03:27 PM

The thing is I've always cared about him and he has always cared about me.. I'm only unsure now because yeah we had problems but what couple doesn't? The last time we were together was a long time ago now and he seems like he has changed since then and so have I.. as in we are more mature..

I think if we were to get back together things would be different now but there is still a small part of me that is scared that it would go back to the way things were..

We talked for like 5 hours the other night about everything and he said that the main reason he couldn't let go with me was that he couldn't trust me.. I just don't really understand why because I loved him more then anything and would have done anything for him. He is very loyal and would never cheat on me.

What I want to know is is it possible that it would work now when it didn't before?

Gemini54 · May 25, 2009, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by anika_

The thing is i've always cared about him and he has always cared bout me.. I'm only unsure now because yeah we had problems but what couple doesnt? The last time we were together was a long time ago now and he seems like he has changed since then and so have i..as in we are more mature..

I think if we were to get back together things would be different now but there is still a small part of me that is scared that it would go back to the way things were..

We talked for like 5 hours the other nite about everything and he said that the main reason he couldnt let go with me was that he couldnt trust me.. I just dont really understand why because I loved him more then anything and would have done anything for him. He is very loyal and would never cheat on me.

What I wanna know is is it possible that it would work now when it didnt before?

He didn't trust you then, he won't trust you now. The truth is, he doesn't trust himself.

Don't be deceived by his sweet talking. He lacks self awareness and the capacity to really give of himself in a relationship. He's a boy not a man.

Why would things be any different? He's still saying the same things things about not trusting you and is making your previous breakup your fault.

You can still care about him - just don't get involved with him until he grows up.

liz28 · May 25, 2009, 06:52 PM

I want to know his reasons for not trusting you because even your unsure why.

anika_ · May 25, 2009, 10:07 PM

Well he said he didn't trust me because I used to go clubbing a lot without him (he never wanted to come with me because he workd a lot during that time).. And he started wondering why I wanted to go clubbing so much..

And then I'd get upset that he would never come and we'd fight etc. But I have always liked clubbing and I still go.. So in that aspect nothing has changed.. What am I supposed to do sit at home and wait for him when he's not around?

But I still don't really understand why he doesn't trust me.. He made me promise that I have never cheated on him when we talked the other day. I think its more of his issue then anything I did.

Anyway that was only one of our problems we had lots of other issues like physically. We went out for about a year and never slept together because he said it didn't feel right for him.. I don't know he's just forever conflicted about me I think he wants me in theory but when it comes down to it he can't fully let go and be with me..

See that's why it seemed like this time everything is different but who knows.. But all he wants to do is talk talk talk and I'm all talked out. Lol.

This morning I said to him that I'm sick of the bs and that it doesn't have to be complicated it can be simple we either are together or not and that when he knows exactly what he wants to give me a call.. No call yet so guess that's my answer..

Gemini54 · May 25, 2009, 11:04 PM

Yea, well, I'd be sick of his BS too! Sounds like he has a few issues to me - I'd get on with my life and wouldn't hold my breath for a call. You can't hold his hand while he grows up. Well done for putting it back in his court.

liz28 · May 26, 2009, 12:35 AM

Okay, he used to get upset that of your clubbing habits in the past and this lead to many agruements but what you failed to forget is you still go clubbing. History would have repeating itself.

He make you promise you wouldn't cheat on him? :-O This just shows he have major insecurities. I have been with my fiancé for over 2 years and I never nor has he ever made me promise such a thing.

Now he is backing off but this is something you should have done instead of entertaining his thoughts. You said it best when you wrote, "he is saying the things you wants to hear", he was only trying to butter you up. After he did he did a 360.

Don't let him back into life. Block him on any social site like myspace, Facebook, etc. You can block him from sending you emails. Don't answer if he calls and don't open any text messages or voicemail left by him.

roxypox · May 26, 2009, 12:41 AM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

Yea, well, I'd be sick of his BS too! Sounds like he has a few issues to me - I'd get on with my life and wouldn't hold my breath for a call. You can't hold his hand while he grows up. Well done for putting it back in his court.

Had to spread the rep, but well said!

Liz: had to spread the rep, well said!

Anika: It does sound as if he has a lot of insecurities... why make someone promise to NOT cheat... isn't that implied when you're in a relationship of that nature.

anika_ · May 26, 2009, 12:44 AM

Ahhh you guys are sooo right! I don't know what I was thinking... whenever I don't talk to him he gets really upset but he will never just stop the crap and decide he wants to be with me.

Soo over it! I'm actually really angry at myself for even considering it

liz28 · May 26, 2009, 12:58 AM

Don't beat yourself up too much because the only thing you can do is live and learn from your mistakes.

Now you know not to fall for his crap and it is better to leave the past in the past.

If you didn't go through what you briefly did with him you would have never learnt this lesson.

Life is grand!

roxypox · May 26, 2009, 02:33 AM

Yeah, don't beat yourself up... at least you are one lesson richer. He is full of BS and you know not to take it!

Besides, isn't that how we learn? We fall down, make mistakes and we get back up again... ;)

anika_ · May 29, 2009, 01:10 AM

Yeah it just seems like I make the same mistakes over and over and over again! When will I learn.. lol hopefully this time

none12345 · May 29, 2009, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by anika_

Yeah it just seems like I make the same mistakes over and over and over again!! when will I learn.. lol hopefully this time

You will learn eventually but anytime soon? That's for you to answer =P