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Jack Sparrow · Apr 16, 2009, 02:59 AM

I've been dating this girl for about a month and a half now, but we were friends for a month first before we started dating. We started just talking on the phone, every single day for hours on end we talked, I got to know this person and I really started to like her. Since there is a bit of a distance between us and her parents are quite strict I could not get to see here as often as I wanted, but regardless we made plans every now and then to meet. She just came out of a 2 year relationship. She gave he ex-boyfriend plenty of chances and she says she will never get back with him no matter what because of the way he treated her.
Now she wants to take a step back and have her space from us. She says she really likes me and I'm the sweetest person she has known and she does not want to mess our relationship up and that's why she needs her space because it's unfair to me that she has some feelings left for her ex-boyfriend. So I agreed to give her her space and not commiunicate with her often so that she can get over the hurt that was caused to her by her ex-boyfriend. What I want to figure out is, is she trying to break up with me? And was this a way to let me down easy?
Am I being paranoid about the situation and reading too much into it? I think I've fallen for her and I'm going crazy with out communicating with her. It's only been a day and I feel as if I've lost her.
Please help?

RIrwin · Apr 16, 2009, 04:23 AM

Well I think that you need to talk to her about these things. Let her know one last time how you feel and what exactly the status is on your relationship. Be honest and ask her is this a way to let you down easy. It won't be easy to hear, but in the long run it will help you much more to know the truth and not living with false hope. When the conversation is over give her exactly what she wants, space. Leave her alone completely NC.

I wish · Apr 16, 2009, 05:29 AM

She already knows how you feel about her right? She made it clear that she just wants a friendship now and that she needs time to recover from her recent breakup. If you want any chance with her, then respect her wishes. Just back off and give her space.

Let her recover so that she can think more objectively before considering a relationship with you.

talaniman · Apr 16, 2009, 06:15 AM

Your doing what many of us have done here. We get the space conversation and the first thing we do, is have all these feelings, and forget what we were told, to give them space.

It means give up the romantic notions, and redirect your attention to other things, and leave her alone. It truly sucks, but you just have to deal with your own feelings, of hurt, rejection, and loss.

Accept she doesn't feel like you do, and keep your dignity, and self respect, by leaving her alone, with no buts.

Sorry for your loss.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 16, 2009, 06:20 AM

Give her the space. Focus on yourself and being the best person you can be. No expectations is best. Okay.

Good luck.

liz28 · Apr 16, 2009, 06:32 AM

I agree with everyone else but I just wanted to add, what I see as a red flag, your falling in love with her.

If you was to tell her that you love her, believe me, that would scare her even more especially since she is trying to get past her feelings for her ex. In the end, your only be hurting yourself more because if your feelings are this strong less than two months and I hate to know how it would've been after that.

Space/a break sometimes isn't a temporary thing. In most cases it is permanent thing.

So I want you to realize that and if anything respect her honesty. Who wants to be with someone that isn't capable of giving you their all because they still have leftover feelings from their last relationship. I know you might think "why since he treated her bad", hey some things are just unexolainable. Be glad you ended it before you became her rebound.

Jack Sparrow · Apr 17, 2009, 01:13 AM

Originally Posted by liz28

I agree with everyone else but I just wanted to add, what I see as a red flag, your falling in love with her.

If you was to tell her that you love her, believe me, that would scare her even more especially since she is trying to get past her feelings for her ex. In the end, your only be hurting yourself more because if your feelings are this strong less than two months and I hate to know how it would've been after that.

Space/a break sometimes isn't a temporary thing. In most cases it is permanent thing.

So I want you to realize that and if anything respect her honesty. Who wants to be with someone that isn't capable of giving you their all because they still have leftover feelings from their last relationship. I know you might think "why since he treated her bad", hey some things are just unexolainable. Be glad you ended it before you became her rebound.

Liz, I think I have been falling in love with her, but she was the one who said it first, she told me she is falling. She told me this about 2 weeks ago and she did state that she is afraid that it's too soon and she did not get a chance to close the chapters of her past relationship.

Last night she txt'd message me asking if I'm okay and saying that she is thinking about me. So I txt'd message her back and say the same. An hour later she calls and she tells me she's missing me and she's thinking about me. I tell her the same, keep the conversation short and told her I hope you have a fabulous day tomorrow.

What do I make of this situation, because now I'm totally confused??

talaniman · Apr 17, 2009, 07:37 AM

If you read the stories here like yours, after a break up, any further contact will confuse you.

That's why you stop all contact, and let the emotional dust settle, so you can see things in a much different, realistic light.

Keep talking, and stay confused. No buts about it, end the confusion, and deal with reality, not feelings based in shock and FEAR!!