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teastalk · Mar 27, 2009, 11:14 PM

One time my boyfriend took my diary and started reading it. I told him to give it back to me, but he walked down my hallway reading it. I tried taking it back from him, but ended up tussling with him trying to get it back. He just laughed and seemed like he was having a good time. After he was finished with it, I managed to get it back and he didn't fight with me to get it again. Is this normal or odd behavior?

I suppose he could've just been playing...

neverme · Mar 27, 2009, 11:24 PM

It's private, doesn't matter, it's rude, intrusive and disrespectful.

You know what, should it ever happen again I know a trick...

... a swift kick in the groin stops the laughing and releases the muscles in the hand, no need for a 'tussle' :D

(By the way the 'tussle' is a bit worrying to me, I don't know exactly what you mean by that, one woman's tussle is another's...)

slow man · Mar 28, 2009, 12:04 AM

Well, the behavior is a little immature-sounds like he was just teasing you. Now, if he reads it while you are not around-or uses any of the information-that is not right
.

liz28 · Mar 28, 2009, 04:52 AM

Wrong is wrong and of course your going react to your boyfriend reading your very private intimate thoughts.

This is why you need to hide it better. Don't put in a obivious hiding place and change the location of it once in a while.

Even though this is morally wrong but if you leave where someone can see it ,especially a boyfriend, they might read it or be tempted too.
Also, you might want to consider putting a heavy pad lock on it because those locks are hard to break.

I wish · Mar 28, 2009, 06:58 AM

I guess the first question I have is how old are you guys?

He just has some growing up to do.

teastalk · Apr 9, 2009, 10:59 AM

He's 20.

He should be mature by now.

taoplr · Apr 9, 2009, 11:26 AM

This behavior might be "normal" for him, because at his level of maturity, it seems OK. He probably thinks that his peers would do similar things.

But, for you, it was neither a respectful nor healthy act. If you feel intruded upon, you can set a boundary, a line that separates OK behavior from not OK behavior. Having clear boundaries is a requirement for any good relationship at any age. If you agree, you can tell him that it's not OK for him to read your diary, that it's not OK for him to force you to tussle to get it back, and that he needs to respect your privacy.

Don't say any of this with any anger. That can trigger an unnecessary argument, since he will feel attacked, and his testosterone will be activated.

If you set this boundary with a respectful yet firm tone, he might get it without becoming defensive. If he gets it, (Be sure that you don't come off as attacking him, just that you are setting a boundary) you can put some more trust in the relationship. If he dismisses your position, you can be sure he will disrespect you in other ways in the future.

kctiger · Apr 9, 2009, 11:39 AM

Simple Question: Why do you ask questions about what your EX boyfriend used to do?

Let the past be the past.

teastalk · Apr 9, 2009, 11:58 AM

It gives me peace of mind that there are better things out there even though I miss him a lot and I can try to focus on the "not so good" parts of the relationship. My mind keeps wandering into the "good" parts of the relationship.

We never fought about anything. We didn't have any complications that I often see on the threads, so it makes me feel even worse about losing our relationship.

88sunflower · Apr 9, 2009, 01:21 PM

Well that's a private matter and he never should have even "pretended" to want to read it. It put a stress on you that was foolish on his part.

MiSSsy111222 · Apr 9, 2009, 03:10 PM

Must say I agree with KCtiger let the past be the past

Romefalls19 · Apr 9, 2009, 03:55 PM

Why did I miss that shot during the 4th shift of my last hockey game?

I can spend time wondering about all of this, but it still doesn't get me anywhere, much like wondering why your ex boyfriend did the things he did.

teastalk · Apr 9, 2009, 04:20 PM

People! People! You know what I just realized!! I just realized that I would have been reallllllly upset and disturbed if he had grabbed one of my recent diaries and started reading it. I feel a little better now because I've come to realize that his actions were wrong and I should not have had to deal with such behavior. It's ludicrous!

Also, I've come to realize that reason why I'm analyzing his actions is because a lot of the times I just took whatever behavior he threw at me because I was intent on keeping the relationship. Relationships are meant to be push and pull (only a little). If we don't jive because I get mad over his reading my diary or because he tells me not to go to events and what not, then that's his problem!!

talaniman · Apr 10, 2009, 10:24 AM

BINGO!! Do I see a light bulb above your head?? And its on!!

Its seldom about what life throws at us, but how we handle it.

artlady · Apr 10, 2009, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by teastalk

It gives me peace of mind that there are better things out there even though I miss him a lot and I can try to focus on the "not so good" parts of the relationship. My mind keeps wandering into the "good" parts of the relationship.

We never fought about anything. We didn't have any complications that I often see on the threads, so it makes me feel even worse about losing our relationship.

Then him reading your diary should make you happy he's an ex because that was immature and invasive.

teastalk · Apr 11, 2009, 04:00 PM

Yes, yes! Invasion of privacy is wrong! I don't know anyone who likes their cabinets opened and drawers opened so that their boyfriend or girlfriend can rifle through the contents.

It's so awkward and weird for such an event to occur. Thinking about the situation:

Person1: "Hey, why're you going through my stuff?!"
Person2: "Just because. I wanted to. I wanted to see your stuff."

All of the responses from Person2 sounds pretty lame... I can't think of a justifiable reason for someone to rifle through someone else's belongings without permission.

artlady · Apr 11, 2009, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by teastalk

Yes, yes! Invasion of privacy is wrong! I don't know anyone who likes their cabinets opened and drawers opened so that their boyfriend or girlfriend can rifle through the contents.

It's so awkward and weird for such an event to occur. Thinking about the situation:

Person1: "Hey, why're you going through my stuff?!"
Person2: "Just because. I wanted to. I wanted to see your stuff."

All of the responses from Person2 sounds pretty lame... I can't think of a justifiable reason for someone to rifle through someone else's belongings without permission.

O.K. thin line here.If you think someone is cheating then I think it is O.K. to snoop.
The end does justify the means,in this instance.. you got away with some sh$$ :rolleyes:
Its all good!

teastalk · Apr 11, 2009, 05:23 PM

Yeah! Usually people have a reason to believe their partner is cheating and will tend to look around and snoop when the other person is not looking.

However, to simply start methodically going through another person's stuff is a little strange.

Malteseeers · Apr 11, 2009, 05:34 PM

Originally Posted by neverme

It's private, doesn't matter, it's rude, intrusive and disrespectful.

You know what, should it ever happen again I know a trick...

...a swift kick in the groin stops the laughing and releases the muscles in the hand, no need for a 'tussle' :D

(By the way the 'tussle' is a bit worrying to me, I don't know exactly what you mean by that, one woman's tussle is another's...)

Haha! This is a brilliant answer and made me laugh loads, I agree strongly with this answer! :P

teastalk · Apr 18, 2009, 04:18 PM

I'm feeling down today guys.

I went hiking this morning with a bunch of people I know and then later I'm thinking about hanging out with another group. I usually like to stay home, but I've been trying to keep busy, meet new people, and do new things.

Unfortunately it's not helping right now, I'm feeling upset that things did not work out between me and my boyfriend. I can't believe that things were good and then suddenly I couldn't feel his love anymore. It was as sudden as a light turning off and leaving me in the dark.

Any useful tips from the "veterans of love"?