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Boristheblade · Feb 7, 2009, 04:19 PM

I have a had a tumultuos relationship with my ex (if any of you have ever read Wuthering Heights we are like Cathy and Heathcliff). Anyway things finally came to a head. Now I have two choices. I can make the effort(with him too) and talk about all our problems, maybe go and see a counsellor, put the past behind and forgive him. Not go out with him EVER again, maybe not be friends but be at peace with him and myself, and be amicable, I don't know if he's really worth it because he has done so much wrong.

On one hand I think he is though. The relationship I had with him is the closest I've ever had. Anything worth having is worth working hard for, and if I leave things unsolved now and never talk to him again which is the other option all this anger I've been feeling for the past 2 years will just carry on. I am EXHAUSTED with being angry, exhausted.

I am lost, I've been searching my mind and heart for the right answer and I flit from one to the other. Do I make the effort to start afresh on account of someone I love with all my heart. Or do I COMPLETELY just walk away because he has used up MORE than all his chances to do right by me...

ConfusedandLost · Feb 7, 2009, 04:30 PM

Based on what you have written it looks like you have made up your mind but have not accepted the answer. Your looking for someone to validate you giving this individual yet one more chance.

Ask yourself this; do you really want to subject yourself through all of this over and over again? Relationships do require work and sometimes hard work... but from both parties and not just one. I would walk away from this and learn from what has transpired. Remember the definition of insanity "Doing things over and over the same way, expecting the same outcome". Your better than that... you know it.

Good luck...

Boristheblade · Feb 7, 2009, 04:50 PM

Thank you...

No not a second chance, just making peace-more to help me stop being angry allllllll
The time than anything else. We have never sorted our big problems.

Alty · Feb 7, 2009, 04:56 PM

You have to let go of your anger, the only person it's affecting is you. The best thing you can do is to move on, find someone that treats you the way you deserve, someone who will give his all to your relationship. It doesn't sound like this guy is it.

Love hurts sometimes, but if that's all it does then it isn't love.

ConfusedandLost · Feb 7, 2009, 04:57 PM

I hear you, your looking for answers... remember this person is the one that has caused all of this anger in your life. Imagine a life without all of that anger and drama. You will be a much more happier person.
Based on what you have posted you have given up pieces of yourself to try and rectify your situation but have never had the chance to really discuss the root issues. You can only give so much before you run out... and have nothing left of yourself but a shell.

Boristheblade · Feb 7, 2009, 04:58 PM

I think I already am a shell...

ConfusedandLost · Feb 7, 2009, 05:02 PM

Now is the time to start with a new you. Eliminate him from your life, ignore all efforts of contact. Do things for you now... be happy with the single life and learn about yourself. That will prepare you for that next relationship that will happen down the road when you are ready. You will eventually build yourself back up and fill that shell of yours...

Start now!

Boristheblade · Feb 8, 2009, 06:12 AM

Altenweg thank you but you misunderstand me... I have NO intention whatsoever of ever being involved with him romantically again, or even to be friends really, I'm talking about making peace.

neverme · Feb 8, 2009, 07:34 AM

Originally Posted by Boristheblade

I can make the effort(with him too) and talk about all our problems, maybe go and see a counsellor, put the past behind and forgive him.

If you have no intention of seeing this guy again, get yourself to a counsellor alone. There's no need for him to be there. And to be honest, you have a very.. eh... interesting... relationship if he agreed to go? After-couple counselling... I'm not saying it doesn't have a ring to it but..

Well anyway, it's time to start alone and build yourself up alone so that you are strong for you. This would only lead to yet another attachment for you guys.

talaniman · Feb 8, 2009, 07:50 AM

Originally Posted by Boristheblade

Altenweg thank you but you misunderstand me... I have NO intention whatsoever of ever being involved with him romantically again, or even to be friends really, I'm talking about making peace.

Your solution is simple, take the advice you have been given in your other posts and disappear from his life and get one of your own. Thats called strict No Contact, and it takes time to work in your life.

You will never have peace and resolve anything until YOU have healed. Until you let this go, and do the hard work of focusing on you and a life without him, your asking for more confusion, misery, and pain.

So drop the "peace" excuse, and stop looking for ways to keep him in your life, and do this the right way.

Boristheblade · Feb 8, 2009, 11:41 AM

It's OK I already made my decision and I know I can't talk to him again and I've arranged an appointment with a counsellor.

ConfusedandLost · Feb 8, 2009, 12:10 PM

That's good to hear... your on your way to happiness.