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generalchow · Jan 15, 2009, 06:22 PM

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a about 5 months now. She was a Wiccan and practiced witchcraft. I am loosely christian and I think it might be a problem between us. We had a huge fight about this because I told her that I couldn't be with a witch. So we almost broke up, but she decided that she would give it up. Well then she went back and said that she just wouldn't practice it and that didn't really work for me. So I told her it was either witchcraft or me and she finally after two days picked me, but I am still skeptical because she still hasn't gotten rid of any of her wicca stuff... s her wicca friends are telling her it was wrong of me to make her give it up. But I didn't make her do anything. I simply said that she could be a witch if she wanted, but that I would have to leave. She should be allowed to be what she wants and I should be allowed to be with who I want. O is this such a core value that it will get in the way of our relationship and ultimately end in doom?

generalchow · Jan 15, 2009, 06:26 PM

I should also mention that she doesn't tell people she is or was a witch because she lives with her friend and her uber christian friend would flip. So she lies to her friend about it too... does that mean she lies to me?

Alty · Jan 15, 2009, 06:31 PM

If she was to give up being a Wiccan, will you give up being a Christian?

generalchow · Jan 15, 2009, 06:34 PM

Probably not... no. So I guess it isn't fair huh? Then I guess I should break up with her if I'm not willing to make the same sacrifice she is...

Alty · Jan 15, 2009, 06:36 PM

Exactly. Just think of it this way. If she asked you to give up your faith, and you agreed because you love her, would you one day resent her? I think you would, I think she will.

It may be unsavory to you, but Wicca is a very real religion, a very real belief, and it's not nearly as bad as some people think. Maybe you should talk to her about it, ask her her beliefs, ask her to share, and share your beliefs as well. This can work if you're willing to talk with each other about your differences.

Now, if you talk and you still can't accept her belief, then it's best that you end it. It's not fair to ask someone to give up their religion for you.

generalchow · Jan 15, 2009, 06:38 PM

And what if she says she wants to give it up now? Won't that just be her trying to stay with me?

Alty · Jan 15, 2009, 06:47 PM

That would be exactly what she's doing, at least from what you described. You really need to talk to her about this, tell her how you feel, let her tell you how she feels. It could be that she's not really the interested in the Wiccan religion and that's why she agreed to give it up so easily. It could be that she agreed because she doesn't want to lose you. You won't know until you ask.

Either way, when you tell someone to give something up for you, that's never a good sign. If you are unhappy with this part of her, what else will you find fault with? If you love someone, you have to love everything about them, as is, not trying to change someone, that's love. So, you have to ask yourself, do your really care about this girl? If so, why is her religion so imortant? She's not asking you to become a Wiccan.

nike 1 · Jan 15, 2009, 06:49 PM

Let the girl have her hobbies.

Alty · Jan 15, 2009, 06:51 PM

Nike, Wicca is not a "hobby" it is a bonifide religion, a belief. You don't have to agree with it, you don't have to join it, but please don't disparage it!

That would be like telling a Christian that Christianity is just a hobby!

nike 1 · Jan 15, 2009, 07:16 PM

Sorry Altenweg, and no offense to you generalchow. But you said she quit then went back to it. My son did the same thing with cubscouts. I wouldn't take what she wants to do too literally. Sounds like something she just enjoys doing is all.

generalchow · Jan 15, 2009, 07:23 PM

Hmm I'm just afraid that she will go back to it and then we will have the same problem all over again...

Alty · Jan 15, 2009, 07:24 PM

That's why you two need to talk to each other about this. Ask her how she feels.

If you can't talk to her then dump her now, this is a dead end street!

talaniman · Jan 17, 2009, 07:47 PM

If you can accept her for what she is, that's not love, but control, and manipulation, and neither is about caring, and sharing with your partner.

To be honest its selfish. The fact that she chose you over her beliefs, shows she cares, so how will you show that you care? Will you do for her what she has done for you?? If not, set her free now.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 17, 2009, 08:52 PM

We date to find these things out, not every relationship is intended to work and we have to often go though serveral to find the first one.

This is a very bad mix, I could never see this working if either party was really strong in their faith

Dare81 · Jan 18, 2009, 03:09 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

We date to find these things out, not every relationship is intended to work and we have to often go though serveral to find the first one.

This is a very bad mix, I could never see this working if either party was really strong in thier faith

I does not that either party is strong in their faith.

Dare81 · Jan 18, 2009, 03:11 AM

Originally Posted by generalchow

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a bout 5 months now. She was a Wiccan and practiced witchcraft. I am loosely christian and I think it might be a problem between us. We had a huge fight about this because I told her that I couldn't be with a witch. So we almost broke up, but she decided that she would give it up. Well then she went back and said that she just wouldn't practice it and that didn't really work for me. So I told her it was either witchcraft or me and she finally after two days picked me, but I am still skeptical because she still hasn't gotten rid of any of her wicca stuff....s her wicca friends are telling her it was wrong of me to make her give it up. But I didn't make her do anything. I simply said that she could be a witch if she wanted, but that I would have to leave. She should be allowed to be what she wants and I should be allowed to be with who I want. o is this such a core value that it will get in the way of our relationship and ultimately end in doom?

It does not sound like either of you are hard core about your respective religions. You might be able to work this by talking to her about it

talaniman · Jan 18, 2009, 07:47 AM

Originally Posted by generalchow

hmm im just afraid that she will go back to it and then we will have the same problem all over again...

This is your problem, your just making it her problem.

Instead of accept her and showing real love you have selfishly chosen to change her and that's control, not love.

Don't be so self righteous, as when she sees you in a realistic light, she will resent you.