[superwoman08]

OK; I have one. I have been reading the previous/current posts hoping to find one similar to my situation. I didn't exactly find 'the' topic/answer that hit mine on the head, so here it is. I am 38 yold and my guy friend is 36. We have been in each other's lives, known each other for 2 1/2 months. We actually met online (something that I said I'd never do). We met each other in person after 3 1/2 weeks of meeting one another online as we live in proximity to each other. I don't know how this happened, but my friend and I had talked on the phone, text, email, IM for the 3 1/2 weeks and when we finally met, he asked me if I would be his girlfriend. We kind of joked about that; and I said, 'yea, on certain accounts.' Those accounts were in relation to conversations that we've had in the past such as, when two people are together quality time would be required, we would join each other in the likes/interests of the other, etc. We both agreed on them. It seemed to me as if he wanted to pave the moment with the foundation of bf/gf prior to us being intimately involved. Yes, we did... that night. And it was WONDERFUL. My feelings were growing more and more fond of him from the first conversation we had on the phone. In his online profile he spoke of how ready he was to be married, and even during our phone conversations. He even mentioned a couple of times prior to us physically meeting, that he had a feeling that I just wanted to be online friends, chat buddies and of course I told him that I didn't as I have been showing him ever since we first physically met. I visited him approximately every weekend; if not the entire weekend, maybe a day here, a day there. Whenever we are together we're in our own world. We're touchy feeling, hugging, holding hands, lying in the bed together, cuddling, etc. Mind you, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT when we're together. My problem is, the in between time... during the week, I would call him, text and he doesn't answer my phone calls. Every now and then, I would log on to Yahoo Chat and we would chat a little, play online games and kid around, etc. So, on Friday I will autmatically know to expect to hear from him because I know he wants to see me during the weekend. I would always go over his house... he doesn't come to mine. Never has. Early on, as I started going to his house, his house was somewhat a wreck; as if no one lived there (until I went to his bedroom). His house was basically half way cluttered; but the more I visited, he began cleaning and clearing out... I mean I can see a TREMENDOUS difference from before. In between time, he would make a playful comment like, "I was down, out, depressed, and I thank you for givin me that umph to want to clean, and make things look alot better around here." I didn't think I was the reason he was motivated to clean, etc. So, I kept that in my mental, knowing that once my visit was over, there was going to be no more interaction until the next weekend. And in between time, I would email him, just reaching out and also letting him that I miss him, I wish he would reach out to me, and that I really enjoy being with him, etc. I emailed him that I felt like I was doing all the work, and that I don't 'chase men' well... I never have and I wasn't going to start now." He even told me once that he was going to hang out with my girlfriend, her boyfriend and myself (double date) but he stood me up... but still wanted to see me the next day. We kinda had a disagreement with that, but I still visited him later, even after he stated to me that my insecurities were rather discomforting, although I don't hear from him during the week... any phone calling done during the week is me calling him, only to get his voice mail. Then i asked him last weekend, 'so, what do I do when I am approached by other men? Should I say that I'm taken, or just talk to them, etc." He replied, "Well, do what you wanna do or say, I will support whatever you say."?? Last Friday I called him and left a message, and he called me very early Saturday morning in response to my message and he said that he was going to be out of the loop until later that evening and that he would call me later. Well, I was already uptight with the riff raff and the chasing, no phonecalls during the week.. when he called me Sat eve, I had unavailed myself to him and preoccupied my time with something else. He called me Sat twice within 10 minutes and the last message was that he tried calling several times but he got no reply and he stated that I am the one who complains all the time about him not calling me and there his attempts were... mind you; I only hear from him most of the time only on Fridays when he wants me to come see him. So Sunday morning I called him and he didn't answer, Sunday afternoon I called him and he had turned off his phone.. ignorin all calls. I am very much interested in him, but he doesn't seem to be returning the same interest to me. Or amd I over reacting?? He's the one who asked me to be his girlfriend and I was 'happy' that he did because I am really feeling him, but his actions don't parallel his proposal. I am getting a little inpatient; I try to pre-occupy my time in doing other things, but I think about him a lot and I really miss him. He comes across as insensitive when we're not together. Advice?? SORRY THIS IS LONG.

[plonak]

OMG seriously next time you post a long post, please write it in paragraphs

You are way to accessible for this guy.. he calls you and bam you're there like a puppy dog on his doorstep.. I think it seems very clear that he's using you for sex..

Sorry hun but that seems to be what's going on here..

I suggest you dump this dude and find someone worth your time.. good luck

[Fr_Chuck]

Some does not sound right, he has almost no contact during the week,

If I had a girlfriend, ( had one just broke up) we would talk every night and a couple calls during the day.

Yes sounds like he wanted sex.

[ZoeMarie]

I agree with everyone here. Something doesn't sound right. He only wants to spend time with you or call you when it's convenient for him. He sounds selfish! I wouldn't stand for that and you shouldn't either. You can find someone that will treat you better.

[Kia]

I don't want to say for sure that he is using you for sex, but it does seem like he may be dating around

[kctiger]

It's guys like this that give the rest of us a bad name. Seems like you deserve better... just my opinion.

[Boristheblade]

I'm not sure if it's just sex, I don't think we've been given enough information to make that judgement. HOWEVER, I agree something is just not right. All is not what it seems...

[superwoman08]

Thanks to all for your feedback. SORRY FOR NOT PUTTIN it into paragraphs. I am at work and only had so much time; so I just typed non-stop. Yes, I think he is using me for sex, and all the hugging & touching that comes along with it. He also is not puttin forth as much effort as I think the average person who is interested in someone would. He told me a couple of times that he is interested in me. I don't know how true that is, because actions speak louder than words. A friend of mine asked me, "Well, what if his language is just different from others." If that is so, then I feel like if he really cares, he would adjust his language, or brush up his communication skills just to make our relationship work. I know I would. And get this, one weekend I went to Nashville and he called me on that Sunday saying that he was on his way to the movies and thought about coming to my house, knowing that I was in Nashville, then asked if I could leave sooner than I planned so I can go to the movies, and spend time with him. WHAT THE?? However, I stayed in Nashville, even after he said that he attempted to spend time with me two times (he called me twice that day) but I was unavailable. Tough cooties.

Yes, I will admit that I have been extremely accessible to him, and it's only because I really like him... (outside of the in between non-communication). He is a school teacher, and I will allow some of the reason why he is not available most of the time is maybe he has a full schedule? I don't know... just thinking out loud. It seems that if school teachers know what they want, they know how to go after it. But I guess Im not allowing him the chance to go after me in the right way... I keep going back to him, with high expectations.

I have been out of the 'one on one' dating scene for almost two years. I have male friends who I may spend time with. Other guys are interested in me.. but I can't figure out why am I so drawn to this other guy so much? I don't try to call him anymore (as of Sunday). I am finished with that. I hardly ever log online to communicate with him anymore. Once, I did not call him nor communicate with him for a whole week, and he finally texted me and asked me to logon to Yahoo. I did, and he asked me how have I been... I replied, and when I asked him how has he been.. he replied "Janky without you being here," and I thought that was a good start for him missing me... maybe I need to stay away longer... :confused:

[liz28]

I think you should start dating other guys. This guy actions tell a story, a story that you should see through. Stop this now by removing yourself from this situation because it is obivious that he don't want the same things as you and he is only doing what you allow him to.

You stated that you haven't dated in a while but don't let that factor play against your common sense. I know everybody wants somebody but never settle and if something doesn't make sense to you most likely it is a lie.

Find someone that wants to be with you and who is going put in the same effort as you. Also, read their actions because actions speak louder than words and sometimes when your with someone all you have to do is take a step back and view their actions to analyze them.

[superwoman08]

I think you should start dating other guys. This guy actions tell a story, a story that you should see through. Stop this now by removing yourself from this situation because it is obivious that he don't want the same things as you and he is only doing what you allow him to.

You stated that you haven't dated in a while but don't let that factor play aganist your common sense. I know everybody wants somebody but never settle and if something doesn't make sense to you most likely it is a lie.

Find someone that wants to be with you and who is going put in the same effort as you. Also, read their actions because actions speak louder than words and sometimes when your with someone all you have to do is take a step back and view their actions to analyze them.

Thank you VERY much. I will take your thoughts/advice and move on. It always helps hearing it come from someone else, because you spoke my feelings on the flip side; and if a person wants another then the chase shouldn't be so ridiculous... this dude would meet me half way, half the time... I call that a two way effort. I already know he's going to call me at least by Friday and I so do not want to answer the phone. That part I will have to work on... disconnecting myself from those issues he has with himself. Because of this, I had begun to feel as though I'm just not good enough and I almost had a made up mind to never date again... well at least not for a verrrry long time.. just pray for me that God helps me to be strong during the process. Thank you again. :o

[Kia]

Yeah I think you should just date other people and keep your options open...