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Jor2052258 · Oct 25, 2012, 03:15 PM

I was with my girlfriend for 4 1/2 years. I'm 20 and she's 22. The last 2 years we have had unresolved issues. She said that she didn't know what she wanted and but she loved me. Even though we had problems we still talked about getting married and having kids. But my insecurities and low self esteem made me go through her phone and for the past 2 months.

Before we broke up I saw some really flirty texts messages with two guys and conversations with another guy that she knows I don't like because I know he loves her in the romantic way. So the incident that caused her to break up with me was that I needed a ride to pick me up from work so I called her and she wouldn't answer so I called again and still no answer. So then I get a text saying from her saying I went out to eat with my friend. I knew it was a guy because anytime she goes out with her friends or guy friends I know she says I went out with _____ and mentions their name. So I started freaking out and getting mad so I went to her house and asked her who she went out with and she mentioned the guys name that loves her and has feelings for her.

So she told me that that's why she didn't want to be with me because I'm a psycho and have self esteem issues. I do feel like I ruined this relationship and I don't want things to end like this. We were best friends and I know she really loves me and I admit my insecurities played a role with some of our problems. I don't know what to do. Please any advise will help. Thank you.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 25, 2012, 03:22 PM

Well it sounds like she was cheating on you, so I don't know why you are so down on yourself.
You have been with her since you were 16, maybe you need to be away from her and find out who you are apart from her. You may surprise yourself.
Maybe you both need to be away from each other and find find out who you are.

Wondergirl · Oct 25, 2012, 03:35 PM

I agree with Homegirl. It's time to find out who you are before getting into another relationship or deeper into this one.

Jor2052258 · Oct 25, 2012, 05:17 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well it sounds like she was cheating on you, so I don't know why you are so down on yourself.
You have been with her since you were 16, maybe you need to be away from her and find out who you are apart from her. You may surprise yourself.
Maybe you both need to be away from each other and find find out who you are.

Yeah I always had that thought that she was so I started to text and even reached the point of messing around with others girls because I had started to feel resentment towards her but the other girl meant nothing afterwards I would feel disgusted with myself I felt like I was always walking on eggshells with her. I was scared to bring up issues because I didn't want to start a fight. I just can't stand the idea of her being in love, having sex with someone else because I know she still is in love with me... This sucks.

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I agree with Homegirl. It's time to find out who you are before getting into another relationship or deeper into this one.

Yeah I just don't want her to hate me I don't want to end up on bad terms because she was my best friend and I feel like no one else will ever match up to her..

Wondergirl · Oct 25, 2012, 05:29 PM

Originally Posted by Jor2052258

cuz I know she still is in love with me... This sucks.

If she is still in love with you, she would be with you.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 25, 2012, 05:34 PM

If she were still in love with you she would not have been cheating on you. I can imagine this is painful but you need to move on. This girl is no longer yours. Stop feeling guilty, stop thinking she still loves you and accept what is.

Jor2052258 · Oct 25, 2012, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If she is still in love with you, she would be with you.

Yeah you're right

Homegirl 50 · Oct 25, 2012, 07:13 PM

You be concerned for yourself not her. You will be fine given time.

Jor2052258 · Oct 25, 2012, 07:16 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If she were still in love with you she would not have been cheating on you. I can imagine this is painful but you need to move on. This girl is no longer yours. Stop feeling guilty, stop thinking she still loves you and accept what is.

Yeah you guys are right I hope in the future maybe we can be friends

Homegirl 50 · Oct 25, 2012, 07:28 PM

You may or you may not. Either way you will be fine.
I wish you well.

Jor2052258 · Oct 28, 2012, 12:53 AM

Me and my ex girlfriend broke up 2 weeks ago and it was kind of a bad break up. A week later I sent her a very long text explaining why acted the way I did. She never replied. The thing is she had bought me and her Kevin Hart tickets for my birthday to go see him Saturday November 3rd she knows I was really excited to go. Obviously I doubt were going now. And we also have the phone bill together that's due every 18th, so it would be coming up in a couple weeks as well.

I know she feels good now. She probably is just tired of our relationship and we both had unresolved issues within the relationship. I know I'm going to have to see her to give her the money for the phone bill because it's under her name. I just don't know if I should try to have a honest deep hearted conversation, or a quick smile light conversation or say nothing at all and just hand her the money.

I know she wants and needs space. I'm sure she's probably happy now. But I don't want her to stop talking to me we were each others best friends nobody knows her like I do and vice versa. But I'll accept it if I have to. I just don't know how to act or if to say anything at all because I have to see her in like 2 weeks.

Please help anyone. I'll really appreciate it a lot. Honestly I miss her and still love her a lot so I can't stop thinking and even dreaming about her... Help

talaniman · Oct 28, 2012, 11:23 AM

Handle your business and go with the flow. Takes time so plan on NOT having that deep conversation.

Polite and cordial. Then leave!

Jor2052258 · Oct 28, 2012, 06:05 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Handle your business and go with the flow. Takes time so plan on NOT having that deep conversation.

Polite and cordial. Then leave!

Would it be much if I tried to have a conversation with her to see how she responds?? I just don't want things to end like this I still love her and I would like to be at least friends with her...

Alty · Oct 28, 2012, 06:11 PM

You don't have to see her. Send a cheque or money order in the mail for the phone bill, and then ask her to take you off her plan so she can cut all contact. There's no reason for you to hand her the money in person, there are other ways to pay your bill.

The thing is, she doesn't want contact, she's doing what's called no contact, and that's exactly the right thing to do when a relationship ends. The chance of you remaining friends, especially after a bad breakup, are not good.

Let her move on with her life, and move on with your own. That includes getting your own phone service and cutting all contact with her.

Good luck.

Jor2052258 · Oct 28, 2012, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

You don't have to see her. Send a cheque or money order in the mail for the phone bill, and then ask her to take you off her plan so she can cut all contact. There's no reason for you to hand her the money in person, there are other ways to pay your bill.

The thing is, she doesn't want contact, she's doing what's called no contact, and that's exactly the right thing to do when a relationship ends. The chance of you remaining friends, especially after a bad breakup, are not good.

Let her move on with her life, and move on with your own. That includes getting your own phone service and cutting all contact with her.

Good luck.

Yeah but I don't have the money to help pay the cancelation fee. The thing is that she knew she wanted space but we never really faced the issue so when we talk about things she would always say "if we do take a break I don't want you (me) to stop talking to me" and I say I would say I wouldn't. I just want to just talk about the unresolved issues and the truth about why things ended. I've accepted it. Because I know if I don't have a chance for closure I won't be able to move on because we both always wanted to talk about the problems within but avoided the Q's I don't know what to do.. I want to leave things at least on mutual terms that would help me a lot...

Alty · Oct 28, 2012, 06:48 PM

The thing is that she knew she wanted space but we never really faced the issue so when we talk about things she would always say "if we do take a break I don't want you (me) to stop talking to me"

We all say things when we're with someone that we don't mean once we break up. Her actions speak louder than words she said when you two were still together. Now that you two are split up she wants no contact.

Borrow the money to pay the cancellation fee and send it to her. If you can afford the bill you can afford to cancel it. You're just making excuses so you can keep her in your life, and it won't work.

Because I know if I don't have a chance for closure I won't be able to move on

She doesn't owe you closure. She doesn't owe you anything. What you want doesn't matter. It takes two to have a relationship, two to talk things over, two to remain friends. She doesn't want to, which means that you'll have to figure out how to deal with things without talking to her. You'll have to get your closure without her. You don't have a choice, and she doesn't owe it to you.

The sooner you realize that the better off you'll be.

Jor2052258 · Oct 29, 2012, 01:27 AM

Originally Posted by Alty

We all say things when we're with someone that we don't mean once we break up. Her actions speak louder than words she said when you two were still together. Now that you two are split up she wants no contact.

Borrow the money to pay the cancellation fee and send it to her. If you can afford the bill you can afford to cancel it. You're just making excuses so you can keep her in your life, and it won't work.

She doesn't owe you closure. She doesn't owe you anything. What you want doesn't matter. It takes two to have a relationship, two to talk things over, two to remain friends. She doesn't want to, which means that you'll have to figure out how to deal with things without talking to her. You'll have to get your closure without her. You don't have a choice, and she doesn't owe it to you.

The sooner you realize that the better off you'll be.

Thank you you're right. You're right.