Ask Me Help Desk - Should I Leave Her or Not

I am engaged to a girl I really love. I am only 21 and she is 24. Of course I have always had doubts because of my age and so has she because of my age. We have been together for 2 years. We seem to fight a lot and sometimes I want to leave just because of that. We had a fight a couple of weeks ago and apparently she signed on to a website looking for other men. She said she was just checking it out because she got an email from them. But she made a profile and says she only made the profile so she could check out the website. I found this very offending and am in the process of finding a new place. I am so confused though. I don't know confused if that was a good enough reason to leave and I really want to be with this girl too.:confused:

Looking on a website isn't a reason to leave...

Ok, so now what are the real issues.

The age difference is nothing and gets less important as each gets older.

You both will do stupid things and make mistakes, loving each other means working past all of that.

So why are you with her, and why do you really want to leave ?

Well certainly one should not simply drop everything and run for the nearest exit at the hint of something a bit smelly in a relationship. That isn't what it is about. You should try and work out what was wrong and how it can be fixed. If you love someone you should want to exhaust all other avenues before resorting to leaving them.

Now I agree, that this behavior of hers logging on and creating a profile at a match making / dating site is totally unacceptable. I wouldn't tolerate that either.

But I certainly wouldn't go running for the door without first seeking some explanation as to why, and whether there is regret and if they are willing to change things.

Have you exhausted all options? Sat down and communicated like and adult your feelings and hurt at this?

And what was her response?

If so, and you still can't trust her and think there is no hope for a relationship to continue then move out by all means and begin to move on.

If you decide this is what is best then please repost letting us know of your choice and we can help you through the confusion and pain you will feel!

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedyoung1

I am engaged to a girl I really love. I am only 21 and she is 24. Of course I have always had doubts because of my age and so has she because of my age. We have been together for 2 years. We seem to fight alot and sometimes I want to leave just because of that. We had a fight a couple of weeks ago and apparently she signed on to a website looking for other men. She said she was just checking it out because she got an email from them. But she made a profile and says she only made the profile so she could check out the website. I found this very offending and am in the process of finding a new place. I am so confused though. I dont know confused if that was a good enough reason to leave and I really want to be with this girl too.:confused:

No relationship is a fairy tale.
Everything has its up and downs.

We all fight. Its healthy to fight BUT in moderation. You can't just decide to walk out after every fight. Learning each others likes and dislikes and characters is part of the communication part in any relatsionhip.

The profile on the website is not great true, I wouldn't be jumping with joy, but I wouldn't either just walk out like that, you are taking the easy and childish option. Be a man and confront her, tell her you are upset and work on your problems instead of walking out which isn't going to solve nothing!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedyoung1

I am engaged to a girl I really love. I am only 21 and she is 24. Of course I have always had doubts because of my age and so has she because of my age. We have been together for 2 years. We seem to fight alot and sometimes I want to leave just because of that. We had a fight a couple of weeks ago and apparently she signed on to a website looking for other men. She said she was just checking it out because she got an email from them. But she made a profile and says she only made the profile so she could check out the website. I found this very offending and am in the process of finding a new place. I am so confused though. I dont know confused if that was a good enough reason to leave and I really want to be with this girl too.:confused:

21 is rather young yes but not too young to be with a 24 year old. At least that's my opinion. Others might think differently. As for leaving her I think yes you should. For her to set up a dating profile to meet other men if she is supposed to be committed to you shows absolutely no respect at all. If she cared about you, then she would not do things like that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedyoung1

I am engaged to a girl I really love. I am only 21 and she is 24. Of course I have always had doubts because of my age and so has she because of my age. We have been together for 2 years. We seem to fight alot and sometimes I want to leave just because of that. We had a fight a couple of weeks ago and apparently she signed on to a website looking for other men. She said she was just checking it out because she got an email from them. But she made a profile and says she only made the profile so she could check out the website. I found this very offending and am in the process of finding a new place. I am so confused though. I dont know confused if that was a good enough reason to leave and I really want to be with this girl too.:confused:

Maybe you should talk to her. If you are willing go to a "marriage" counselor (you don't have to be married to go to one) if you love her and she loves you then your better off.Take the risk.

If you really want to be with someone you don't just cut and run if there is a problem. You stay and work it out. After 2 years the lines of communication should be open enough to have a dialog about what direction this relationship is going. The age difference is nothing, but you are both young and have a lot of growing to do. Dating and singles sites is a no-no and if she doesn't see it that way... DEALBREAKER, no excuses. You say you argue a lot. What about and how do you resolve these issues? Do you physically fight or what? If you can't talk and get resolutions then marriage is not the way to go.

I agree with many of the responses you have received here.

I would like to reiterate that communication is the key here and communication is exactly what route you should have gone down before thinking of simply running away.

Dealing with problems by running away from them won't help you in life. This is also the rule for most other areas of your life too. You must learn to tackle them head on!

Relationships are hard work and it is always a good thing to try and exhaust all other options (as Skell points out) before deciding to take the final decision to walk away.

It does not sound as if it is too late for you to take a step back and do this...

Well I'd definitely put things on hold for a while if not leave her altogether. Take a break for a while and let her work on her issues. That can serve as a very powerful message to her, to the effect that "you either straighten out or you lose me." Don't contact her and, if she contacts you, don't return her calls. Go on with your life as though she doesn't even matter. This may well get her back on track and put an end to her "escapades."

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedyoung1

I am engaged to a girl I really love. I am only 21 and she is 24. Of course I have always had doubts because of my age and so has she because of my age.

Not a big deal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedyoung1

We have been together for 2 years. We seem to fight alot and sometimes I want to leave just because of that.

That’s telling. The very fact that you admit you want to leave leads me to believe you aren’t too confident in this relationship. You would know better than anybody else. If your admitting it I’m thinking you should probably end it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedyoung1

We had a fight a couple of weeks ago and apparently she signed on to a website looking for other men.

She’s already left you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedyoung1

She said she was just checking it out because she got an email from them.

She’s lying. I get emails all the time from the daughters of kings and queens that promise me untold fortunes if I just turn over my bank account number. My point. I ignore them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedyoung1

But she made a profile and says she only made the profile so she could check out the website.

She’s putting “feelers” out there to see what kind of response she can get.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedyoung1

I found this very offending and am in the process of finding a new place.

Good. She’s already has or is in the process of emotionally leaving you. By that I mean she’s keeping you around but putting her focus on other guys or just other things in general. She’s preparing to leave you by letting her emotional side “come down” before she just up and leaves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedyoung1

I am so confused though. I dont know confused if that was a good enough reason to leave and I really want to be with this girl too.:confused:

I’m not sure that the relationship is necessarily over, but you’ve got to separate for the time being. Perhaps by showing her that you won’t put up with this behavior and providing her with some time to think about you while your gone she might come around.

That being said, her behavior seems to be of someone who is preparing to leave this relationship and minimize the emotional pain she will have to feel.

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedyoung1

I am engaged to a girl I really love. I am only 21 and she is 24. Of course I have always had doubts because of my age and so has she because of my age. We have been together for 2 years. We seem to fight alot and sometimes I want to leave just because of that. We had a fight a couple of weeks ago and apparently she signed on to a website looking for other men. She said she was just checking it out because she got an email from them. But she made a profile and says she only made the profile so she could check out the website. I found this very offending and am in the process of finding a new place. I am so confused though. I dont know confused if that was a good enough reason to leave and I really want to be with this girl too.:confused:

I know exactly what you are thinking about.. I have a submissive husband and told him to go to theses sites to look for people with the same interest as him when I should have considered in the beginning when I got married at 21 that we had different interests... You are young.. You have lots of time... Take care of yourself and communicate a lot!