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She is a flirt and always talks about guys and that makes me fill insecure
I have had two relationships with the same girl and both times she has made me feel the same way because she always flirts with other guys , talking about them and even kissing on them , and she tells me I'm insecure. Am I ? Or does her actions make me feel like that?
Is this someone you having been with for awhile or is this a new relationship?
Either way, you can tell her how her flirting and comments make you feel. It is likely part of her personality, but if she cares about your feelings, she can ease up on it a bit and you can try to not read more into it.
Hopefully, the longer you are with her and see that there is nothing to be concerned about, you will feel more secure and it won't bother you, at least not as much.
If things don't change after you speak with her, you will have to decide if it is a relationship you want to continue in as it is.
Added: OK, just read the second part. She obviously knows you don't like it, and isn't going to try and change anything, so don't put yourself through it if you don't like how she is. Stop going back to her and find someone who doesn't cause you to feel this way.
Maybe you are insecure... many people are to some extent, but her actions certainly don't help. You'll have to decide if the relationship is worth it or not.
Yes, you are insecure, and she was probably flirty with guys before you got with her. But if you knew that, and expect her to change her ways for you forget it. Maybe you can't handle flirty females so that means you are with the wrong female. You tried once, it didn't work, and doesn't sound like its working for you now.
You need to just move on without her.
I imagine that flirtiness is a part of her personality and with you obviously already being an insecure person, I'd say she's just not right for you.
Either deal with it or move on.. you cannot ever change a person to be what you want them to be.. a person will only change when they want to or see fit..
Another approach you could take is to pretend to not be bothered by it. Joke and be cheeky about it -- when she does it go "ohh that guy over there says he's feeling lonely and wants a kiss too" smile and give a little wink. It'll show confidence and security. Flirtly girls LOVE people who are confident about themselves. You sound like the insecure type but you can train yourself to become more secure.
That's a good point. Made me think of another possible twist. Perhaps she is just fishing for reassurance herself... she may not even realize it.Quote:
Originally Posted by aaii
By getting a reaction out of you when she flirts with or comments on other guys, you let her know that you are jealous by how you respond. It feeds into her ego and also gives her the assurance that you care.
Try what aaii suggested. Play along with her, even beat her to making a comment... "Hey, take a look at that guy, there's a hot one for you". Or, turn it around and comment once in awhile on a pretty girl that walks by... "Would you look at the legs on her!". See what her reaction is. She may catch on and begin to realize how it has all been making you feel and ease up. She may not.
Might also be she isn't really into having a serious relationship with you if she is kissing on other guys and behaving in a way that she knows bothers you. So you will have to determine just how serious is the relationship you have going with her, on both of your parts.
If nothing changes, save yourself a great deal of frustration and heartache, and find someone who is more your personality type.
Doulalc, I can't BELIEVE I (for the very first time) don't agree with you.
I don't believe in playing games, including attempts to make the other person jealous. I believe if you are dating a person you have the right (when you've had enough) to say right straight out, "This upsets me, I don't like it, you are embarrassing me, please stop 'it.'" If the behavior continues, you walk away.
I see the OP, who appears some insecure, saying, "Wow, look at that" and the girlfriend taking that as permission for HER to get even more outrageous. I wouldn't do it.
I dated a pro football player for a while. Women came over all the time, asked for autographs, flirted, asked for a kiss - never ONCE did he ever make me feel insecure, uncomfortable, embarrassed. He looked them straight in the eye and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm with my girlfriend." I never had to address it because he took care of things first. Agreed that this is a different situation but would I have said, "I've had enough"? Certainly.
JudyKayTee, it's not a matter of playing games, it's to do with a way of fighting his own insecurities. By being cheeky but nice about it will show confidence and (hopefully) will train him to become more confident in himself. Let's face it, what's there to lose?
And let's remember this is all done in a jokey, friendly, flirty kind of way and not full face blanked out, serious "oh look at that girl's legs" -- I fully agree with you this isn't the right approach, but that's not what we are suggesting. Instead, it should be light, fun little cheeky comments or, as its known better, banter.
I suspect this is one of those things that a girl takes a very different view on it. I can't imagine a girl, from a third party perspective such as yours, responding well to either mine or DoulaLC's comment because it's taking power away from the girl -- letting them know you don't depend on their actions and making that known to them. It's about being the man in the relationship and not being insecure over every little flirty kiss, and showing it through mine and DoulaLC techniques.
How can she condone these actions, yet can’t take a little back with cheeky comments? That would be a sign of her own insecurities.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
LOL... I knew someone would pick up on that... :D I guess I didn't word it very well. Not wanting him to play games or make her jealous perse, but giving her the opportunity to see what he is talking about. I get the feeling she would take notice and start to realise why he has felt the way he has. Walk a mile in my shoes, so to speak. Certainly she may not be bothered at all by it.
Also, the possibility that he may come to see that it is just part of who she is, that she means nothing by it, and he can become more comfortable with it. They can sort of joke about it. He may start to feel more confident that she is with him and not looking to be with someone else.
Just a thought since he appears to want to stay with her, but not feel the way that he has. She may or may not tone it done, so if she doesn't, then he will have to be the one to try and make some changes if he wants to continue the relationship.
My first response is to tell her right out how it makes him feel and if she doesn't respect that, and he either doesn't want to, or is unable to, change how he feels about it, then he moves on... allowing himself to be free to meet someone who will be more suitable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aaii
No need to scream at me, which typing in bold is.
I wasn't addressing you. I was addressing DoulaLC. As far as addressing your comments I don't know that "flirty girls" are looking for confident men. She could be "flirty" for any variety of reasons from needing attention to needing to be in control to preferring to be a free agent.
Everyone handles things in a different way. You stated yours. I stated mine. That's what this board is about.
"Cheeky" and "game playing" are pretty much the same thing. If the boyfriend doesn't like the behavior, then he needs to tell her, not go along with the "game" and hope she's astute enough to catch on .
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. She's a flirt and if she gets a chance she'll cheat.
You are insecure and you don't seem to have much self esteem. Why else would you go through the same thing with the same girl twice.Quote:
Originally Posted by rdh0119
She is a flirt and is not likely going to change who she is. She shouldn't unless she wants to. But you don't have to be with someone who makes you feel bad. You've done this twice with the same person.
Leave her alone and work on yourself.
I think this is a little harsh. His expectations don't seem out of line. He is just focusing them on possibly the wrong girl.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
If this person does have self esteem issues, they will likely interpret this as, "hey, somethings wrong with me. im insecure and don't have self esteem, no wonder this girl is flirting with other guys"
I think homegirl hit right on the head. He is insecure or he would know there are a lot of girls who will find him attractive.
He stick with this girl because he thinks he cannot do better. To the OP you can do better!
Rdh... I don't think it was ever stated; how old are you and your girlfriend?
I think it comes down to if you want to stay with her, you will have to try and ignore the flirting and accept it as part of who she is. She is not likely to change... some people are just natural flirts. They mean nothing by it, are just having fun, and would not step out on their partner.
On the other hand, if you continue to find it bothers you, and you are not able to ignore it, or simply feel it is inappropriate behaviour for the sort of relationship you want to be in, you may be better off ending the relationship and moving on.
If not liking your partner flirting makes you insecure, then plenty of people are insecure... you are not alone.
But he has gone through this with the same girl twice. Why? If she makes him feel bad why did he go back and now he's asking about the same problem with the same person.Quote:
Originally Posted by CarrotTalker
What he should do is either let her be her and deal with it or leave her and move on to someone different.
I don't think it was harsh, it was true. If he lets her walk all over him and still chooses to stay he's asking to be used.Quote:
Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
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