I've made a mistake and lost the love of my life
I have been been with my boyfriend for a liitle over two years and have been living with him for a year, and when we first moved in together I went out a lot, mainly in an effort to retain my own identity. I did daft things like not invite him out, meet up with male friends, get drunk and then expect him to pick me up late at night. I was insensitive and inconsiderate basically. He also had worries about the fact I had a myspace, and so I got rid of it. Over the last 6 months or so I have not been out nearly as much, and have made a real effort to consider him and make him part of my social life. We were solid, had a great time together and were planning our futures. It was a real bond. I however was having a rough time with work and got a Facebook as a distraction, to email old (female) schoolfriends. He found out and this has greatly upset him, because of my secrecy and the fact that I did something when I knew might hurt him. He no longer trusts me, and is seeing the whole relationship in a negative light.
About a month ago he split up with me because of this, saying it was too late for apologies and that the face book thing had made him question what he was getting out of the relationship and why he put up with those inconsiderate actions. I shoud stress that he is a very sensitive, considerate and kind person and isn't controlling, he just rightly believes in 'do as you would be done by'.
I don't know how to win back his trust? How can I bring back his positive associations with the relationship? I love him and want to change my patterns of behaviour for the better, and I don't want my stupid mistake to take away two years of wonderful relationship. Please help, I really love this man.
How do I handle my next conversation with my ex?
Hi, hope someone can help me, below is a quote from a previous post I made about a week ago...
[QUOTE=hpallister]I have been been with my boyfriend for a little over two years and have been living with him for a year, and when we first moved in together I went out a lot, mainly in an effort to retain my own identity. On a few occasions I did daft things like not invite him out, meet up with male friends, get drunk and then expect him to pick me up late at night. I was insensitive and inconsiderate basically. He also had worries about the fact I had a myspace, and so I got rid of it. Over the last 6 months or so I have not been out nearly as much, and have made a real effort to consider him and make him part of my social life. We were solid, had a great time together and were planning our futures. It was a real bond. I however was having a rough time with work and got a Facebook as a distraction, to email old (female) schoolfriends. He found out and this has greatly upset him, because of my secrecy and the fact that I did something when I knew might hurt him. He no longer trusts me, and is seeing the whole relationship in a negative light.
About a month ago he split up with me because of this, saying that the face book thing had made him question what he was 'getting out of the relationship' and why he put up with those inconsiderate actions. I shoud stress that he is a very sensitive, considerate and kind person and isn't controlling, he just rightly believes in 'do as you would be done by'.
Today he texted me saying he would be moving his stuff out of our flat, where he's been staying in the month since our breakup, this week (which he had said he would do last week) and would I like to meet on Friday to sort everything (rent, etc I presume) out. Things is, I'm not sure how to behave- should I leave the subject of the relationship completely alone or should I address the issues I'm currently talking through with my therapist? He seems to be trying to ween himself off me- I sometimes feel as though he's putting the good side of our relationship out of his mind on purpose if you know what I mean? :confused: He very much seems on the defensive. I don't really know how to handle this for the best? Any advice would be gratefully received...