GF of 3 years dumped me, help
Well guys, I've also become one of the many hurt/confused/lost people to come across your forum looking for answers. Life has given me a swift kick in the ***** and I'm at amiss of what to do. Let me give you some backstory and you guys/gals can give me some advice:
I met my girlfriend back in March of 2007. I was 21 and she was 18. We actually met on a dating site, we were both just goofing around. She messaged me, I met her, we fell in love. You know the story. After about a year and a half together we moved in with each other. I was without a job for a good while and she worked hard to keep food on the table. I regret this so much and I think that led a lot to this break-up. I've had a steady job for the past 4 months (odd ones here and there before) and I have been contributing but I myself wasn't right. I had been smoking pot and she didn't like it. Not only that but I allowed the relationship to stagnate. We stopped going out together. I stopped spending the time with her that I should. She was unhappy but I didn't notice it.
Now I am of course only telling you about the negative aspects of this relationship. We had plenty of good times. I've cared for her. Cooked for her when she was tired. Done all the good things a boyfriend should do most of the time, I'm not perfect. We went on long vacations that we truly enjoyed.
It seemed to start to stagnate when we started to live together. I've never lived on my own and the idea of paying for my own bills and things was a foreign concept to me. I moved straight from parents house to living with her (big mistake I know, but you know we do these things when we're in love/young/dumb). This girl loves me I know. What hurts me the most is when I was starting to get good and I had been contributing for a while. I mean really contributing. Helping with things around the house and trying to be a good partner she dumped me. But somewhere along the line with her I stopped doing/being the person she was attracted to in the first place but she still loved me. I stopped being self-confident, ambitious, I quit going to school (she's already got her bachelors, working on masters) and more. I don't know why I allowed this to happen or why it did. Now on to the actual break-up. Wednesday of last week we had a little spat in the morning as I was driving her to school. We fought a little and I apologized for it. Then by text she says, "I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, I'm unhappy." I begged her, pleaded with her and she told me to give her some space. I even talked to her later that evening and in front of her threw away all of my smoking material because a person is way more important than a plant. Now comes Thursday, I was upset cause my work was screwing me over so I went to talk to her because I wanted to keep her up to date on my work situation so we could work through it. She said she had a knot in her stomach and it was hard for her to be around me. She was honestly nice to me though and gave me a hug. She even sat on my lap and told me just to give her some space and time. I agreed, even though it hurt me to. I called her later that evening to see that she made it home from her night class and she told me she was with her mom. The next day I ask if I can go by the apartment to get some lunch and she says OK. She texts me and says, "I'm really unhappy could you please let me go." All of a sudden she was very final when the day before she gave me a chance. When she came by the apartment I was still there and I begged and pleaded with her. I acted like a fool but I couldn't control my emotions. After she left to work I even called her at work like a fool. God that was dumb. I wrote her a few dumb notes that were emotional and contained nothing of real substance, at least not to her and I regret writing them.
I realized that I allowed myself and she enabled me to become dependent on her and that was a very bad thing. I realize you should never be dependent on anyone but yourself. This girl was wonderful you guys and I miss her so much. I have to get my things out of the apartment this Wednesday and that's hard. I know the only thing I can do is respect her space and privacy. I haven't contacted her (since my dumb begging/calling stuff) except to tell her I agree with the break and that things could never continue the way the were. I truly get the impression that she just wants to be alone for a while to find out what she truly wants. I've never abused her, never hurt her physically, none of that. I just became lazy, not confident, and lacked ambition. All these things are unattractive traits to her, most women probably. Now that we are broken up I regret all of these things immediately and I've changed myself already. I've sworn never to smoke again. It never got me anywhere. It's a waste of money, time, and it made me complacent. I've been running every day and getting back in shape. Eating the right things, etc.
I want to get back to the self I was a year and a half ago and the person she fell in love with in the beginning. The confident, ambitious, pro-active man that I was. That's what she wants and not only what she wants, what I want. When I'm going full-bore and all cylinders are firing I know I'm a good catch. We had a lot of turbulent nights sometimes and I think because we always got back together that I thought no matter what happened we'd get back together. It's not that I became a bad person its just that I became someone I wasn't and someone I never want to be again. It hurts that now that I've lost her its woken me up. Made me realize that I have to do things for me because the way I am, I am no match for anyone, let alone her. I've kept up the NC as much as I can. Had to fight driving over there to talk to her. Now I know there is nothing I can do but give her time and space. Is there anyway I can show her that I've truly changed? That I want to do things right? That I want to be a confident young man. Full of ideas and ambitions. Because honestly I've wasted my time these past 2 years doing nothing except working bs jobs. I needed to do more and I regret it. I want to write her an apology letter in a couple of weeks because I truly feel bad. I want her to know that I know why it went bad and that I truly apologize. Never in my wildest dreams did I want to lose her and now that I have I want to do a complete 180 degree turn and get my life going in the right direction. Is there anyway I can contact her in a month to see how she's doing? I truly want to try again with her because we had something special regardless of the bad times. There's 2 sides to the story and it's hard for me to spell it all out here and I know there's blame to fall on both sides even if it is mainly on mine. We truly enjoyed each others company. We loved spending time together and we were great friends/lovers. I want to win her back but I don't know how. What can I do?
There is more to this story guys it's hard for me to get it all out in a forum post. Also I appreciate anyone that replies, regardless of your answer I appreciate it and thank you. If you need more info please feel free to ask and I will deliver.