Hi all. I was wondering whether you could help with my issue.

I have been with my boyfriend for 11 months. We have a loving relationship, he has been good to me and vice versa. However I have found out he lied to me. He let his ex girlfriend stay at his house for a night a few months ago without letting me know. He said he gave her his bed and he slept on the couch. They broke up many years ago and stayed friends. He let her stay for the night as she came from abroad for a few days and the friend she was meant to stay with was not at home that night.

He has broken my trust. He said he lied as he was trying to help her but knew I wouldn't understand so he didn't want to tell me. He is now trying to gain my trust and has said he won't do such a thing again and will let me know when she talks to him. I don't trust him and believe he might still be meeting up with her behind my back since she has now moved here.
What should I do? What are the chances of him not seeing her again?

He didn't lie to you. He just didn't tell you about because he knew you'd have a fit. (That's not lying.) It sounds like he's a really nice guy and willing to stretch himself to help a friend. And he apparently behaved himself because he loves you.

You can guarantee he'll spend time with her if you keep harping on this. "Heck, she doesn't trust me and thinks I'm with Cindy, so I'll go ahead and be with her."

If I were you, I'd thank him for helping her out, and then drop the subject -- and never drag it out again during any argument.

What are the chances of him not seeing her again, well, kind of hard for us to determine that because you know him better then we do. I guess you cant move on from this and just take his word for it. You don't mention a history of this happening and could be just a one of situation and possibly he is telling you the truth. What other option do you have? Should you throw him to the curb over this? I sure hope not !

What hurts here? That fact that he didn't tell you that a FRIEND was couch surfing at his place or the fact that this person was an Ex-GF of his? Another question, how old are you two?

First off I believe you're getting angry about nothing here. I believe he was completely in his right to let her stay at his place because it is HIS place after all and he's helping out HIS friend. I believe you've not trusted him from the get go. I don't think you've ever trusted him and you've been suspicious and jealous from the start. I believe this because he told you that you wouldn't understand, an you believe that he's meeting up with her after being broken up for years.

I believe that he should have told you that he's got someone couch surfing, but I don't think anything bad happened. I think you're blowing this out of proportion and that it's a sign of the health of this relationship. Which isn't very healthy.

I think you need to figure out your trust issues. If your boyfriend doesn't believe he can go to you with any information then he doesn't believe that you'll trust him that the information is accurate and correct. IE, Him: We slept in different rooms; You: that's not true, you two played hide the sausage. Then you'll never be able to trust him in the future. In a functioning relationship if there is no trust there can be no love.

There are three things you can do:
1). Nothing, let this fester and cause the relationship to end in a couple of months. Full of hurt and pain.
2). Dump him. It hurts but it could be for the best. You can work on your trust issues and when you're healthy and sane you can re-enter the dating world.
3). Admit and work on your trust issues. Trust the he's faithful to you and you can leave him alone with an EX without them having naked times. You might need to seek counseling for this part.

The bottom line is that everyone is a little bit damaged and the only thing we can do is know our damage and either work on it to fix it, or accept it and make sure it doesn't affect our lives too much.

Good luck.

First, no, he did not lie to you. This is not lying. He did not tell you something, that he knew you may get angry about.

He can have friends, and you really have no right to demand to know who is staying or visiting him, and he had no obligation to tell you either.

So a friend, stayed at his house, a few nights, sorry, if he wanted to jump between the sheets with other girls, he could, it sounds like he helped a old friend, that needed a favor.

Sounds like you have trust issues and really blowing this out of proper level.

You are right, he should have told you what he did, let you get mad, and dumped you if you couldn't let it go and get over it. So blow up, and be done with it.

Bottom line is you better deal with your own issues and recognize it's HIM that doesn't trust YOU to be rational. My guess is you have given him reasons to be wary of telling you the truth before, and have always had trust issues.

Funny how so many people think they have the right to dictate who someone else what they will and will not do and who they can and can not associate in any way shape or form when they are doing nothing more than dating. When they don't. (male or female)


As was mentioned , time to deal with your own insecurities or you WILL find yourself being dumped. As have so many other people have.


Jealousy is not an endearing personality trait. Nor is controlling behavior. If it was me I'd be reconsidering seeing YOU again at this point.