I have lost myself while being in my relationship with my boyfriend of seven months. No one likes him out of my friends or family so I feel restrained whenever I want to say anything about him. I also avoid letting them know that I'm going to hang out with him because of all the negativity I get from it. It's been annoying me for a long time because secretly, I kind of understand where they're coming from. The majority of his friends are girls and he seems to never lose sight of his phone (almost as if he's hiding something). My grades this semester have been declining, my relationships with my family and friends have changed, I've lost trust with some people, and I feel like an utter mess. It's almost as if I'm living a lie. The depth of this situation is a lot deeper than I'm disclosing, however I can't find the courage to leave him. He really is good to me and treats me really well. But my problems seem to be compounding. What would you do?

How old are you?

22

I think it's time to take a time-out in this relationship to find yourself and gain some perspective.

It sounds like you have several problems.

Can you talk with your boyfriend? Have open and honest discussions about any concerns and feelings you have? Is he open about calls and texts he receives or does he attempt to hide them? Does he steer you away from your family and friends? If you spend time with them does he get jealous or complain that you aren't paying attention to him? The big one: Do you TRUST him?

What have you told your friends and family about him? Do they know him as a person or just through what you have said? Do any of them know more about him than you do? How have they reacted to your past boyfriends? Are they seeing a pattern in your behavior and choice of boyfriends? The big one: Do you TRUST their judgment?

Part of growing up is family and friends knowing that they can't tell you who to date and that all they can ultimately do is give you their support. Another part is you learning to listen and really think about the advice that they give you.

You also need to listen to yourself. Your grades are slipping and the whole mess is causing you to do things in ways that are against your personal feelings.

You need to come clean and admit that you are still dating this person and that while you appreciate their advice, you have to make your own decisions. Next, you need to tell him that you have obligations to school, family, friends, etc. as well as to him and you are not going to be a tug-of-war rope anymore.

Back off from everyone until you get your grades back up. Those who care about you will understand. If he doesn't understand, then you know where you stand with him. He should be out the door.

I appreciate your comments. Well I feel as though I'm forced to call it off even though I really like him. He never complains about who I hang out with or that I'm not giving him any attention. The only troubling thing is is that we're completely different. He's nonchalant about partying with all these girls who are his "best friends" whereas I think it's rather disrespectful. He loves to party and drink, whereas I'm not into that scene. I talked to him about it yesterday and he reassured me once again that everything is fine. I do trust him, but I'm just losing grip with everything else. My best friend and I got into a huge fight over him yesterday and I guess we're not friends anymore. And like I stated before, my grades have slipped and my relationships with those around me have changed. My last relationship was a long distance one for a really long time, so it's almost as if I don't know how to behave/react in my present relationship. I'm just not used to it and I feel as though I'm at my lowest point ever...

You have to work out whether the relationship is beneficial to you

- you say you trust him yet you complain about him going out.
- it doesn't matter if you have different interests as long as you don't prevent the other party from doing what they enjoy, or are willing to join in too

- are friends and family giving you a more objective opinion of him or are they biased for some reason?

We come from different religions...