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Yea just before we split up we were making plans about what to do on our 1st year anniversary.
Tomorrow would have been a year since our first date and I'm just feeling so much pain right now, I know she won't even text or do anything regarding it.
Its amazing how fast life can change around.
Hello again, zoo:
Dude! Are you still sniviling over your lost girl?? You need to get yourself laid.
excon
So make plans to do something with yourself and celebrate you. I can't believe your doing this to yourself over a girl that you didn't even date for a year. I'm not saying you shouldn't feel the hurt or pain but at some point you have to accept this wasn't a lifetime you spent with her. A year from now you'll look back and wonder what the big deal was. Five years from now you realize that this relationship was fine for this period in your life but would never have lasted. Ten years from now you won't even remember these anniversaries or dates as being important.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Look I'm not saying break ups don't suck, especially the first ones but other then beat yourself up, what exactly have you done to make something of this break up and the relationship? Have you learned anything? Have you looked back and thought about some of the things you said or did and the reactions they got? Have you been able to pick up some valuable social tools that you can use in the future? That makes this worth while, other wise you'll just end up repeated the pattern over and over.
With all due respect, why would she? She didn't see this as even being remotely close to what you saw this as. She doesn't owe you a conversation on a date that means nothing to her and should mean nothing to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
But that's what you keep doing. You keep punishing yourself by feeding your jealousy, which by the way is an emotion you choose to accept at some point in your life because you thought it would help you or give your control, and it has done neither. But you punish yourself with these dates, what she did before you met her, what the church says, what her parents think and anything else. And again, and I feel like a f*ucking parrot here but again I ask you WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOU? You are the most important person in your life and you don't do one thing for yourself as far as helping out your emoitonal and mental health.
Yes it is. Life is constantly changing. People will come and people will go. I'm only 30 and I've had friends, ex's, and even my own family come and go through out my life. Change is constant, how you deal with it is permanent.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Hay zoopp you have to realise although it was hard this relationship did not go for very long. It was never going to work out you need to be going out for a bit longer than this to be so upset. I know you are and obviously but no one who wenters your life for this short period can be worth the pain. I had my ex for 3 1/2 years and she left you just had a few casual months. Also don't think aboutn how 1 year anniversary is coming up think hopw lucky you are that this happened now and not in years time...
Yes its amazing how fast life can change that's how it is you are born you blink your eyes your gone... Life waits for no man and don't let it pass you by... Don't rush out and do anything just take a month and stop thinking about this try and be happy with no one and realise one day tere may be someone else in your life... As hard as it is to do that's how it is. Its been 3 monthd for e and I'm stilol not over it. My situation did not even involve any other people like yours so iwould have felt better knowing she left for someone else or some drama but all I got was I need to be by myself and grow. Now that's hard couldn even get angry at that... Now that's pain... Think about it your girl was off with someone else who woud want a girl like that she's not worth it you don't need a girl like that in your life. Idont even get to say ell anything was crap how do you think I'm handling it well this I what I say...
SHE LOST ME>>>> That's RIGHT WE HAD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP AND SHE LEFT, I wish I could be angry but she didn't even get me angry just confused and she has all my presents and gift after all this time, you think I don't feel crap with her walking away with everything I gave her and leaving me and telling me she did what as best for her...
You at least have a good reason to just forget her she had someone else that's when you say she wasn't worth it mate
Ah sh!t, I meant to dissagreeQuote:
Originally Posted by excon
You're only 22, you'll get over it. The next time you break up with someone you'll find it easier because of getting over this one. Life is about experience, the more you gain your ability to deal with life's little obstacles are greatly improved.
However, you did make me laugh with your storm reaches the shore bit. It's funny how all the soppy songs, and crap romantic movies come out when you've just broken up with someone! 99% of the time you think it's rubbish.
I agree it wasn't a very long time and sometimes I feel like an idiot when I see others on here that have lost their girls/boys after a 3 or 4 year relationship but she was my first love, she was the only girl that I trully give myself too emotionally and out relatationship was very intense.
Like I said before if I hadn't texted her by noon she would get worried and constantly text me and friends to make sure I was OK.
We spent all our time together and I know this isn't healthy but it was both of our choices to do this.
Sadly as some point she didn't want it anymore, I think her friends had something to do with it, we had an argument over the text and we started talking, I joked about how her friends must want her to dump me and she said they did. Next thing I know she's dumping me 4 days later. I just wish she had of gave me the chance to show her how much she means to me.
It funny you mention that. My first true love was a relationship that lasted 3 years. After she dumped me I was confused just like you. I had no warning and didn't see it coming at all. But that's because I had no experience, looking back the warning signs were there and if I knew what I was to look for I could have seen it months in advance and not been blindsided by it. It took several more being blindsided by break ups to catch the signs. Don't be that guy and start learning now, not ten years from now.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
After the break up, I also remember thinking to myself "Will the pain ever just go away?" I thought that all the time. So guess what I got. More pain. One of the problems I had that you have is I constantly focused on it. Your going to get what you focus on. You focus on the pain and you will get it. That's allowing your brain to control you, and not you controlling your brain.
Tell your brain that you would like 50 minutes of focus on something else, it doesn't matter what you focus on even if it's just television. Then give yourself 10 minutes to feel the pain at the end of every hour. Is it going to work 100% of the time? No. But it will at least give your brain a direction and permission to feel the pain. The thing is once you start concentrating on something else your brain will follow.
Yeah that's one explanation.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Here's mine. She was so insecure about herself that she wanted to keep a short leech because you were desirable by other women and she knew she wasn't good enough for you.
You choose to believe the one you want but mine's the one that's going to build you up and help you overcome this situation. It's also probably the truth.
Two things.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
1. You know this wasn't healthy. So you are learning something from the pain. That's good news for you. Accept it and hold onto to it and give yourself credit for doing something positive by learning this lesson.
2. You said it was both your choices, well perhaps because of her insecurity, which recognized above, she choose to constantly be around you so that once again you could not be available to others. She monopoliesd your time out of her own insecurity so that others could not get near you.
She gave you enough time. If she was really into you her friends opinions wouldn't mean a thing. It was her decision and because your so blinded by her and her lies you try to blame everybody around her without actually blaming her. While it's time. It's time to place the blame exactly where it goes, and that is one her feet because she is the one, and only one that deserves it. She's not the lady you try to give her credit for and quite honestly she's not good enough for you. But it's time you start getting good enough for yourself because you didn't do anything to deserve this self punishment, so quit doing it and accept that you got dumped, just like I have been.. more then once, just like 99% of all other guys on the planet. It sucks that is for sure, but punishing yourself for her own insecurity, lies, and down right studpity doesn't help you at all. Plus it's not an accurate description of who she is and what the relationship was. I hope in the coming months, say 6 months from now you will look back and read these posts and see without the emotions you have raging at this point just how lucky you were to get this person out of your life.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Will be a year tomorrow and it's still hurting and hoping to hear from her? Sad... very sad... ur life got stuck in the past and all this while you never actually existed... can u imagine that?
No what I meant was it was a year today since our first date that's all, its only been 8 weeks since we split although when I think about it that's a 5th of how long the entire relationship lasted!Quote:
Originally Posted by diya
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Originally Posted by excon
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Originally Posted by rockerchick_682
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Originally Posted by rockerchick_682
Now that's funny.Quote:
Originally Posted by excon
I'm glad my stupidness is amusingQuote:
Originally Posted by chuff
:confused:
Part of your problem is that you have no other experience to draw from, as how to handle this situation. Your point of view is that you gave it all, and she repaid you with leaving, but the truth is you fell deeper than she did, so you hurt more and unless you accept this is over, you will akways be stuck getting over this. As chuff and others have pointed out, time will heal and if you learned anything here, you will handle the next relationship a little differently.Quote:
but she was my first love, she was the only girl that I trully give myself too emotionally and out relatationship was very intense.
You aren't stupid, but quick to hand out those reddies aren't you??Quote:
Originally Posted by rockerchick_682
Get up tomorrow allow yourself to be sad for a moment, shed a tear or two... then go do something that makes you happy (that doesn't involve moping over her) surrond yourself with people that want to be with you. Let yourself preservation kick in. You'll make it, and be a stronger guy for the experience.
A big part of the problem + she was less emotionally invested than you thought she was in this relationship as tal has pointed out.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
This is all part of life, living and learning and you will do just that.
Thanks guys, the day is almost over and its only now at 8.42pm that I decided to cry, id been holding it in all day.
I did what you guys told me, I focused on getting my car cleaned up and worked on that for a good part of the day.
I have to say though that it wasn't a one sided relationship, I know it sounds like that but then again you are only getting the one side of the story. She was so sweet to me and knew how to make me happy. We were good together and it was her that was first to say she loved me.
Im coming to terms that it is over, its hard to know that the girl who once felt so much now wants to be with someone else, be it today or tomorrow that's the fact of the matter.
It just gets me how she couldn't dump a guy that really treated her bad many times, he dumped her. I make a mistake that I repeatidly tell her I regret and sorry for and she kicks me to the kerb. She even grew more and more distant and never once give me a reason for the coldness.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is, if you really loved someone then surly deep down you would try and do anything to keep that person in your life.
Im just amazed how someone can go from being to nice to being so cold as to ignore me at a junction when I waved, I mean why would someone act like that for no real reason, I just wish she would give me an answer for that and then I could move on.
It hurts not knowing why.
The answers are already there for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Its simple and I hate to bring reality home but she did not/does not love you.
She does not love you.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
She does not love you.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
You do know why.Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Well, I had to spread it but Geoff is 100%, dead on correct. The answers are there and quite honestly it's clear as day to the rest of us who have no emotional attachment. She did not love you. She did not care for you. She did not like you. You can hold onto all the good times that you perceive and what she told you but she did not care one damn bit. And again, the answers are already there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane
Yes I am trying to tell you something because you need a reality check. I can understand the hurt your feeling but this is all a new beginning for you. Ask yourself this question though.
What have you really lost?
Someone who never really loved you, not truly anyway.
What have you gained?
A lot... or at least, you will have gained a lot once you accept and let go, you will be much wiser and would have learned a great deal from all this.
You are in a much better position than you think you are but it will take a bit of time to realise that.
True, I'm sure most here will know that even during the relationship there was one big topic that was buggin me. Maybe this was for the best and I ca start afresh with someone that will make me happy and appreciate the love I may feel for them.
Many thanks to everyone on this topic.
Its prob to late but ask her to go out for launch notthing more just friends
Ahhh here's the thing, when we first split she said she wanted to be friends, not at that point I was a mess, I didn't want friendship I wanted love. I said maybe one day but right now I want you back.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stunning07
Anyhoo a week passes and I ask if she still wants to be friends, she says yes but not until she finishes her exams, I thought that's a bit weird that you can't start a friendship with someone you already know, like it's a big deal. So I say OK.
Then she asks me to leave her alone until her exams are over, I again say OK.
Then She says in the distant future maybe we could be friends. Now all this time she wanted to be friends is out the window for some reason. She even blanked me, how can you make a friendship out of that.
She said she never wants me out of her life but now that's all she seems to want.
Its weird how she changed like that and went from wanting friendship to wanting nothing.
God no. He's struggling enough as is. He doesn't need to see her. Plus that will only confirm to her he still needs her in his life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stunning07
Yes very true, but if she still cares about him, one year anniversy is special or any year aniversy is, if he knows how to control himself, and not show any! Affection it would not be a bad idea at all, but if she's giving him stupid excuses that means she wants the space, and you need to give her that space.
She never really mentioned space, she said she wanted to be friends and then proceeded to tell me how she couldn't be friends with me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stunning07
Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
This sounds identical to a situation I had with an ex... ironically enough of about 1 year. Turned out she was seeing someone else towards the end and then when her exams came she asked for time to study. What she really wanted was time to date this other guy and if he didn't work out use the Chuffster as a back up plan if that didn't work out.
Much like you, I was confused, I thought no way would Ann (real name, no need to protect the guilty) lie to me, or not give me a chance, or throw away the past year. But guess who was really lying? Me. To myself. The clues were all there. I see them plain as day looking at it now. It was obvious then as it is now, I just was blinded by my devotion and love that I gave her but never came back to me.
Much like what happened to me, your ex doesn't need your friendship anymore. She's got someone new to keep her occupied. That's a real world lesson in how women work and that's why you never give more then 50% in a relationship. You gave 90% or more and she took 90% or more from you. That's why on reason she has no effects from the break up and your still coping with the loss. You gave so much of yourself that you have little left and you have a bigger void to fill then she does.
Hmm interesting, I have asked her if there was another guy, she said no she wants to be single but she has lied so many times that I just don't know anymore.
Her having another guy is kind of like my worst nightmare right now.
If I may ask, what caused you two to split up?
I sent her a text saying I wasn't going to her birthday party, to see what she would say.
Turns out her ex didn't show up at her party once and she thought I was turning into him. That's the only reason I know off. She never explained to me.
Aren't you interested in knowing and making things clear? Would you really let some stupid nonsense reason keep you apart?Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa1985
Maybe you two should have a serious talk and clear things up. Otherwise, I don't see how you two can move on.
What do you think?
Trust me when I say I have been trying, she doesn't want to know, I have asked and asked and even pleaded for an explanation and she wouldn't give it, all she ever said was that she had to build her trust and respect in me again.Quote:
Originally Posted by kristynn
I would love to sit down and find out why but she won't give me the chance.
Well now, it's already more clear: she doesn't trust you anymore.
What did you do?
What because I sent a text?
I never cheated or lied, I told her how sorry I was and she was fine, we even went out that weekend and she was fine, then I get the text on Sunday saying it was over.
Girls especiαlly ones thαt know whαt they αre doing won't give you the time of dαy once they αre through with you- I'm one of them. I don't wαnt to be so hαrsh but : get over it-- your mαulling over it while she's with somebody else or hαving fun with friends...
You αsking her over αnd over is probαbly reαlly creepy to her αnd she probαbly mαkes fun of you for thαt (hence the no respect pαrt)
wαlk αwαy before you lose your dignity
You mαy hαve loved her once but who knows if she ever did. Love unresponded is though but its α sign thαt you should move on.. like I sαid in the other posts : "move on its not worth wαiting for-- it could be yeαrs, months, weeks.. αre you willing to wαit thαt long? lαter on αfter if she does love you bαck you'll see you don't love her-- love unresponded is intended for α reαson"
It sounds like she's hiding something. Only she knows.
Maybe she cheated on you and she feels guilty. Maybe she was too afraid you'd find out...
I don't know what else to say...
Orr it could be she just wαnted to be single!
Look she dumped me, her choice no matter what I understand and respect her decision.
What hurts is how she has handled the aftermath. She didn't have to be so cold, she didn't have to leave me hangin with no explanation.
I feel hurt but also anger with her, I gave her everything and this is how she repays me, I'm sorry but no girl has the right to treat someone like that.
Perhaps she didn't realize the way she was treating you.
Or maybe she was treating you the way she thought you deserved to be treated.
Yet, you say you're innocent.
TRY HARD TO MOVE ON!
There's nothing else you can really do. Don't worry about her anymore. Don't waste your time on someone who's not worth it anymore.
Try not to see her or talk to her. Just stay away from her. Out of sight, out of mind! Seriously!
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