Well! Ive posted my story on here and thought I had seen the last of my ex and learned from many not to rely on a maybe. All she said after 2 months of talking was maybe this maybe that. Adventually I told her well you wanted to break up and she said yes Ive done the right thing. I said OK and that was it.

So I thought anyway were speaking the other night and she said to me I get sad sometimes at night when I think about you and think that you are no longer my boyfriend.

She works at a nightclub near me and the other night I went there with this new girl I know to have a few drinks with some friends anyway when I arrived I went up to get a drink I deliberately didn't get served by my ex cause didn't want any drama. Anyway got my drinks and while this was happening my ex came over and said hay! She said something and as she said that, the new girl I was with came over and put her arms around me my ex couldn't believe it she tried to brush it off but you can tell when people get that look. She kept looking over most of the time we were there and then when I went to get some more drinks she quickly came over and mumbled something like that your new girl.

I know I should not be getting involved with her again but I still have feelings for her and think she is the one for me. We had such a good relationship and pretty much when she left she said I love You but don't know if its enough to be with you forever, She said I don't know what it should feel like and I'm just not sure. Anyway I guess she realised it wasn't love and wanted to be single but well. it was all emotional and maybe she is feeling it now seeing me with someone else. Im not sure what to do. I know what would be right and that would be to move on.

She is so up and down and that's cause I became clingy, Im mixed up now and I know this is wrong but I'm thinking of getting back with her.

Anyone suggest anything here, am I wrong, If she had of cheated or something I would have known but she is so honest but yet I hate the fact that she wanted abrak in the first place how could she dothat to me... Im still hurting

Most of people in this website will advise you to leave her alone. BUT I think it is the lost game. Quitting is NOT great, it is actually just a weakness.

So in this post. I can see that you only mention about your ex-- which means SHE IS the one you love, not the new girl. ANd you saw her painful, means she loves you too. SO, GET HER BACK!! Don't quit! BUt yo have totake it slow, for her to realize how much you mean to her. Let her make the first move. Be patient and happy!

Wiat and see what happens. Both of you sound a little on the confused side. She's the maybe this or that. Yet she wanted to break up with you and at the time it seemed okay with you. Tell her how you feel and give her time to think things over. I'd also advise you to find another night club to visit for a while. That'll save on the uncomfortable feelings all around.
If the two of you are meant to be it'll happen. Sometimes we go through stumbling blocks before we find the one we want most.

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Originally Posted by lmnotok

Most of ppl in this website will advise you to leave her alone. BUT i think it is the lost game. Quitting is NOT great, it is actually just a weakness.

So in this post. I can see that you only mention about your ex-- which means SHE IS the one you love, not the new girl. ANd you saw her painful, means she loves you too. SO, GET HER BACK!!! Dont quit! BUt yo have totake it slow, for her to realize how much you mean to her. Let her make the first move. Be patient and happy!

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I agree,
There is something you have to ask yourself before you commit to try to do something
Is she worth trying for? Are you willing to take the risk and chance it all? But remember to stay happy.

Confusion between the both of you is not good, space is needed to work around the feelings. It's best not to hope for the best. Its not easy to know which to do, friends with ex or NC. However we all know NC is the best option for healing and moving on with your life it just depends whether you can live with what if?

Why did you take the new date to a place that you know your ex works at? Was it partially to to try to make your ex jealous? You said you don't want drama, but is seems to me if you were trying to avoid it, you would have chosen another night club to go to. Seeing your ex is only leaving you more confused and upset. Wondering if the ex was jealous of the new date probably put stress on your fun night and probably put a damper on your new date's night as well because she didn't get your full attention. It doesn't sound like the best idea to have gone there of all places.

Well what am I supposed to do it is the club where all my friends go it is right near my house and what else am I going to do sit at home. I hadn't gone there for the last month cause I was avoiding ythe place but at the same time I was unable to see any of my friends. What should I be doing?? {ep[le on here told me to get busy and spend time with friends

No, don't sit home. That's not what I am saying. Of course see your friends. Just go to a different club or restaurant or anywhere that she doesn't work. If they are good friends, they should understand your situation and be happy to go with you to another club. If my ex showed up somewhere that I worked with another date, my first thought would be that he was purposefully trying to make me jealous and I would know that he was not over me in the least.

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Originally Posted by mckenzie134

Im not sure what to do. I know what would be right and that would be to move on.

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You know what would be right, but you're not sure what to do? That's another way of saying that you're considering doing what you know would be wrong. Think about that. Has that ever worked for you before?

To add a thought to my post: I'm not putting you down for going there, McKenzie. It's just that when we are in the midst of hurting and wanting someone back, things seem like a good idea to us because we are not thinking clearly. What seems harmless enough when we are in the situation is seen differently by those who are on the outside looking in.

I speak from experience about an ex showing up where I worked with another girl because it happened to me once. I had broken up with a guy (because he was clingy to the point of borderline stalker) and he was angry at me for it. So after the breakup, he started dating a girl who already hated me (because I had went out with a guy that unbeknown to me, she had wanted to date) and purposefully brought her to where I worked a couple of times and I saw right through it. It didn't make me jealous or want him back. In fact, I thought even worse of him for doing it.

I am not an advocate of no contact to the point where you wouldn't speak to an ex if they wanted you back. If they are talking reconciliation, by all means talk to them. But if they are just trying to be your "friend" when there is no talk from them about or a chance of getting back together and therefore it is hurting you and keeping you stuck, that's when you need to ask yourself if it is in your best interest to keep them in your life or to see them.

Mac, Mac, Mac, you are so wrong on so many levels. You already know that talking to her is like a cat chasing his tail, even if he catches it, he is still going in circles and getting nowhere fast. Now you come up with the brlliant idea of making her jealous, which is the product of a confused mind, with an innocent not knowing what's going on. Revenge and using another as a pawn, will come back to haunt you. After all this time, you could have moved on. Not a very healthy, or honest way to do things. If you were healthy and in a calm controlled state of mind, I think you could have handled things much better, in a more mature way. Don't you know that it takes two to work on a relationship? One just won't cut it. Back off and stop playing games with each others feelings.

I understand that talkinggets you know where and inew that before my relationship ended but was unable to implement that when it did. I no just find myself feeling like I have lost in his situation which I ad so muchcontrol over but I pretty much hande tat control away because I started to fel a bit like I was manipulting things by doing certain things in the relationship like saying I wa busy when I was actually nt busy cause I didn't have much of a life and to tell you the truth I enjoyed doing nothing and just sitting on the couch and relaxing watching TV or just sitting around. The fact was this meant that I was to available so when she rang I just didn't answer or answered and said I was out with friends or at the shops hoping or whatevr just to busy. But then I fell into the well we been together 3 1/2 yers surely I don't have to keep this up if I'm free I can see her WROING WRONG WRONG on all levels SURE HER TOO MUCH and that was NO GOOD BACKFIRED and she says I need time on my own which I believe I is saying Im seeing you too often and sick of that.

Thatswhy I kind of decided to get her jealous thought I could dra back some of my control, which I had DAM so much of foe so long. Funy how you can ave so much control one day and nil thenext.

I read many posts on here and have also red how many people say but my relationship was disserent and so on and I SAY No they just think that all here are pretty similar. Well I have found and thought my situation was similar but from most of the relationships here when a girl wants a break nearly all the time there is another guy involved because for a girl too leave the relationship there has to be somewhere to place the emotion they are carrying. That's wy I feel like I stuffed it up cause my girlfriend could have a lot of guys but she left me and did not have another guy and still doesn't, whch I found hard because I could nt keep her and she could just leave and yet I knew what to doo but was not doing it prperly that's all.

She as told me she would never go from one relatonship to another cause you need to go into a relationship with no bagage. When we first met she had only had one other boyfriend for 3 monthsshe was only 18 and said you can't meet someone whileyouu are in a reltonshipa relationship neds to start when you are not with someone. HOW DID SHE KNOW THIS WHEN SHE HAD ONLY ONE RELTIONSHIP AND WAS !8. Now she is 22 and she saysshe wantsto be single to she is ready to let someone share her life. Yet she could be with me for 3 /12 years and then say "I love you but dont know if the love I feel is enough to be with you forever, I thought it woud feel differnt, I dont know Ive never felt the way I feel about you about anyone before "

Guess I'm just angry that now I realisewat se said when she dumped be may have actually been true and she neded to work out herself how she didn't feel cause she kept saying I don't want to make a mistake ith the person I'm going to spend my life with. At thetime I really couldn't see this but then maybe she is honest and did need time to know. I foundit hard though cause she said Ive been thinking this way for a while and yet there was no sgin of that and she was so cligyto me.
Suppose just thought I might be able to get her Back kidding myself AGAIN...
WOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER TO UNDERSTAND IF I CAME FROM RELATIONSHIP LIKE SOME ON HERE WHICH HAVE A LOT OF DRAMA AND FIGHTING AND CRAP WERE YOU CAN SAY WEL HE WASBNT GOOD FOR ME iVE BEEN IN ONE OF THEM BEFORE AND I CAN LOOK AT T NOW AND SAY THANKGOD AND I DID THAT AFTER A MONTH.
This tome that's the hard bit, I knew what I wanted and set out to achieewat I intended to but really honest I had only planned for about 3 years of the relationshipand did not oplan muc sfter hat I guessed to mate a he start I said Ill go out and make this chick fall totally for me and after about three years ask er to mrry me, thougt I had it all figured, I got to the 3 year mark fine and plan was going great but really had noplan on the after that biy-t it wa prettymuch get to that point and then Im right well that's where my planningand thinking enede andi find my relationship ended after that leaving me upset at planning and achieing so much then letting it go to waste.

Soryy gone on tooo long well I sppose I still am trying to get her back and its been 10 weeks. Hadn't spoke for last 3 weeks. Just really feel like I lost at this game which I was winning and should still be winning. She pisses me off to cause se as canged a littl was so nice when se was with me now she's cold!! Ive got to get her back but I know its not right to case Got to WAKE UP That's WAT IVE TOLD EVERYONE ELSE...

Well Mack, I would have to say that you're upset that you lost all of the control that you thought you had. You manipulated her from the get go by just pretending to be busy when you really weren't. And probably in many other ways that you haven't mentioned (and don't need to). So, ask yourself... is it her you really want? Or is it getting control back over the relationship? Are you thinking it would be easier getting back with her than going out and starting the game all over again with someone new? Someone as honest as her (your words) has seen right through you and has decided she's had enough. You're better off moving on. You say that you're pissed off... I hope you're only pissed off at yourself and not at her. She didn't do this. She only realized that she didn't want to play your control game anymore. That's not what love is all about. Next time do it right.

She's an ex for a reason mac. This will only end up in more pain for you.

Who says she wants you back anyway?

Your focusing on the wrong things again. Forget her, forget this other girl your using and focus on you and you only.

I feel this is far fro over though. You are going to keep banging your head on the brick wall for a while to come yet aren't you? One day you will realise and be able to tell us we were right! I hope that day is soon!

Skell I already know that your right and what I should do. Trying to come to an end but I know where I went wrong in this game!! I gave myself in the end and boy I've paid the price not wanting to hurt her and always wanting to be there in the end has come back too kick me in the arse!! That's why I'm so pissed at myself and her she can't get the resson why she liked and then didn't like me as much, I know exactly why.

In the end I didn't play it properly skell, 6 months ago she dumped me for two weeks I got her back with some good tactical work disappeared for a bit and from then the relationship was firing she said she felt so great and told me at christmas we were destined to be together but stupid me took it too heart again and let her get close and made her feel great instead of making he miss me and do what was workingh for me!! That's why I get so pissed at this situation and its not over yet!!

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Originally Posted by mckenzie134

Skell i already know that your right and what i should do. Trying to come to an end but I know where i went wrong in this game!!! In the end i didnt play it properly skell, 6 months ago she dumped me for two weeks I got her back with some good tactical work

Thats why i get so pissed at this situation and its not over yet!!!!!

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Sure, games may work on and off for a while, but ultimately your partner will see through you. The only "game" you need to play when you are in a relationship is to genuinely be happy, have high-self esteem, be independent, and have a full life and interests of your own. This has to be real, not faked. This way you will naturally be busy and not clingy and obsessive and drive your ex away. Giving up your life for someone when you are in a relationship is a bad idea for this very reason. Not to play games, but to keep yourself from becoming clingy and overly needy.

You are starting to sound a bit obsessed here. You can't make her be with you if she doesn't want to. All the "games" in the world can't force someone to love you. As much as it hurts, other people do have a choice whether they want to be with us and we have to respect it. It reminds me of a quote, "what we resist persists" and you are doing some major resisting here. This situation will persist in driving you up the wall and keeping you frustrated if you keep banging your head against the wall.

All that good advice you have been giving others and the red squares, and your stuck chasing your tail. You must love misery.

If you have been playing games mac all this time with her then that's where you went wrong. Your mistake wasn't how you played the game, it was playing the game at all!

Relationships aren't games, despite what some people will try and convince you.

Sure in the beginning ill admit there is a bit of too and fro and some games played during the flirting stage, but once a meaningful relationship has developed then the games should be left behind.

Skell I may say games but really its not a game I am just saying to have more interests in my life. That is what I mean.

Taliman I think you are spot on, I do have a problem and that may stem from way back. For some reason its seems when I am most happy I need to feel misery.

This sound stupid but for some reason I always seem to like to end up that way. My relationship was going so well such a great one yet somewhere in my head I cannot explain it but for some reason I seem to want to end up miserable. I can't explain it but I wish this was not the case. But ever since the break up I have thought to myself why do I like to end up this way.

I hust never seem to be happy and tell myself Ive done a great job I always seem to do things to try and make things not work for me. I seem to like things to fail so I can end up complaing how bad Ive done.

I know this is definitely a problem Ive got and as I explain it now I believe its because I like to end up saying how badly I've got things.

Whereas in the past with her everything was great but for some reason maybe I wanted to lose her, not saying I wanted her to go but when she does I have something to moan and be down about. This may come from my dad who is very negative.

I guess only I can change this.

I am hoping you guys understand what I am saying, I really nwas positive during the relationship but I believe towards the end there came a time where I like to bad and like I ve lost her.

I used to listen to songs while I was with her and she wasn't around but for some reasons I always like the crap songs about How people left each other and how there all alone and I used to sit around imagining she had left when I was still with her. Don't knmow why I did this

I've heard of people who sabotage themselves because they don't think they are worthy of love or happiness. If that's the case a professional can guide you through the process of healing.

Thanks taliman the hardest thing is I know what the problem is but seriously this is my second long term relationship and I am 28.

I definitely started to think just before it ended last 8 months, was how have I possibly got a girl like this who is so good looking and everyone is after and I don't deserve to be with someone like that. How did I ever possibly get jher.

One of my mates who is OK with relationships told me a whil;e ago your problem is you think that you are no good and not worth it instead of believing that you're a great guy and she is lucky to have you. And he said you are and she should feel lucky too bee with you. But you know its hard when you go out places and people used to say how did you get a girl like that she's awesome. And I think it played on my mind and even at times when I was sleeping with her Id think god howd I end up with a girl like this wanting me!!

That's what I mean my dfropped my guard for the first two and a so years I was not thinking like that I was actually thinking she was too good but I did not want that too come across cause I new that would not be good. But as we went on longer and more people kept saying your so lucky I think I started to believe that I was so luycky and I don't no what makes me deserve someone like that and theerefore always think about losimng her and not being with her!!

I know this was no goood and I must believe I am good enough cause hell I get heaps of girls wanting me...

To bad you can't see that when you need to. I would advise that you stay out of all relationships, until you work out your issues and get a good understanding of yourself. I know that should sounds really familiar. Why be insecure if you don't have to be? Be warned that all that good free advice from a lot of caring people should be followed now, as you know for yourself that the healing is a must, and no contact has to be stuck to. Remember you have nothing to prove to anyone, not even yourself at this point. Just the routine of work, and finding yourself is all that's important. If you can't afford a counselor (Check anyway) then a trusted older adult, or see if they have free counseling at a local church. Any one who can guide you through the process, of getting to the root of your insecurities, and showing you how to deal with it, and get over it. Keep us posted as you know you can always talk here, we don't bite, most of us. Much Luck!

Have to agree here with tal. Insecurities must be worked on! Its so important.

Wel I really was never that insecure maybe I became a bit insecure nut the fact was she made me feel like that in he end I suppose because she was so up and down she seemed to always talk about what she wasdoingin the future she never spoke ike "WE" do you think that is a problem. She never really said we aregoing to do this. I know people say youdont worry about stuff like that but cmon after 3 years youthink people would be talking about both people??

First of all in order to move on with your life you have to accept the fact that the relationship is over, for good! That means not talking about her and not going to places that she works, even if your friends go there. Just leave her alone and move on, I know that you care for her but you cannot move on unti you come to realize that the relationship is over. I am just saying this because you will get your hopes up and get hurt again, it will take time to move on but just accept that it is completely over and do not call her or talk to her, time will heal all wounds and you will be feeling exactly the same before you met her and you will no longer be in the pain that you are in now. But if you have an idea of you getting back together you can't move on so she should not be playing games with you and vice versa. You will find another girl that will make you more happier than her and at least you haven't made nay huge mistakes yet like having a child with her, etc because now you have a lot to be thankful for and you can move on and find someone that will appreciate you for who you are.

I UNDERSTAND YOU BRANDY BUT BEFORE I ME HER I Wasn't THAT HAPPY THAT IS MY PROBLEM. THE 3 1/2 YEARS I WAS WITH HER WERE THE HAPPIEST OF my life. I had so much fun and enjoyedall parts of my life. Nothingwa wrong in ourrelationship andshe just told me she doesn't know if her love is enoughafterall this time.she was a bit worried about deciding she watsto be with me and thenin five years ralising maybe she should havesoent some time on her own. Simple in the end she just isn't sure andfeels she may not love me like she thought. Longtime 3 1/2 years for he to realise that she told me I've been deciding this last year and well to tell me rightup until she broke up how great the relatonshipwasand then to spring this wow . Ho could she think like this maybe she did need time but she was never real emotional she said peoplejust get hurtwho show thereemotions. A great relationship and she doesn't know how she feels.

This does happen a lot and you are not the only one going through this. I kind of feel that this is your first relationship or you would understand life a little better.. Okay so you have been happier since you have been with her, etc but you will move on. I was in a relationship for 4 years before and the guy called it off for no reason at all, it was painful because I couldn't eat and didn't sleep for a while but I eventually got over it. It was painful for weeks!! I kept saying to myself that I would understand and move on easier if I knew why I waisted 4 years of my life and why he would just break up for NO reason because there was no falling out or anything and we got along great. Now like I said I dated the guy for 4 years and during that time he did not ask me to marry him or talk about getting married. I talked to him about it but he would never say much about it. I should have known after being with him that he would not marry me but I guess I thought he would.



I think he did not no if he loved me either which is similar to your situation which is mostly lack of commitment, love, etc.. The second time something similar happened but in a year but he lied and said he needed space when he was cheating but did not say that. I found it out om my own. Finally boom I found the one that I am spending my life with because we are married and have been together for 6 years and we know each other. I have still learned to expect anything though, so since I think this relationship is going strong who knows what is in store for the future. People always think they know who they are going to be with for the rest of their life but it sometimes it doesn't happen like that because people change and relationships end or bad accidents, etc change everything.



I now realize that the other guys I was with, I really did not know them like I thought I did. You basically have to take risks in a relationship because you don't know if they are going to leave you or what is going to happen years down the road!! That is why I say that you should know if you love someone and I think someone that goes over 2 years without being engaged is un-commited and doesn't know if they want to be married. I know way too many people that have been dating for 5- 10- 15 years and have not been married or even engaged or have talked about commitment.




There are a lot of people afraid of commitment for what ever reason and things happen for a reason. Your ex may have fallen into one of these categories and you will find someone else that will make you happier than she can! I was happier being in a relationship then single, I think most people are and even though she made you happier than you have ever been doesn't mean that it want happen again because you will find someone else to make you even happier but you will have to find the right one and a person that you totally know and can trust to tell anything to, etc and you will find this again, I promice.

Hi Mckenzie,
Also about the thing where you said that she is so honest and you don't think she would have cheated. You never never never can tell people. The guy that I dated was so honest and was even a youth pastor and he always said how bad adultry is but he cheated. I felt sick to my stomach and refused to believe it because I was in shock that the person I trusted would do this and I trusted him more than anything. I now know that anyone is capable of anything and it made me realize that the only one you can trust is God. This guy had never ever lied to me about anything and he really was honest in everything but this! Again I was shocked and he was a good cover up also, he never used my phone or his cell to call her and was so good at covering it up. I did not notice any other sign that he was cheating, accept he was dressing a little nicer at times but again I never kept tabs on anything because he was so honest and everyone looked up to him. Anyway it is truly sickining but I have truly learned to relaize that people are human and things happen for a readon but you have to move on.

Yes brandy she does fall into the category problem was met her when she was 18 at first she said if she's not engaged by the time she is 21 that's it. But she is studying a 5 year uni course and well I know whatyou mean by engaged after 2 ears and I suppose I am 6 years older than her so I probably should have been finding out earlier what was ging to happenand looked after myself andwhat I wanted instead of thinking well she's still 20n so we can wait but on the other hand ithink I should have been finding out if she was committed and then not hanging around cause that probably suited her more. Relationship was great but I think I slipped into tha mode of not expecting anything which is exactly what you should dop I k ow now expect anything at anytime. But it seemedso great and she didn't say much aboutloving me but she was reserved and did say not long ago tookher about thre years I love you. I think that made it worse because I dropped my guard abit and thought everything wassafe when really she was evaluating our relationship all the time. She said I've been deciding weather I want to spend my life with youy for a long time now. That's why I get angry at myself because for some reason she was like she had the choiice and reallythere was no choice t all I hadn't even asked her anything probably cause I wasworried of not getting the response or feeling it wasntthe righttime but now I think well best for me to get a response I don't want early than a year later. Saying that a year ago she was totally all over me and wanted be so much but then even if we were engaged things could have changed just cause someone says I will marry you and you get engaged she could have still changed her min. Im leaving her alone now doing my own thin and see what happens. Hard to do but must be done. Should hve been done long ago. She still felt for me deeply and I shouldt have been thee for her I know that now. And probably new that then. She needed time and well that's what she gets . Who knows she may get someone ekse soon and the time she neded was all crap. She may have just lost intereset but dam girls change there mind over night. Justhardto gt her going from so happy and serious relationship and then nothing

I am sorry for what you are going through. I am not like that because I do not change my mind about relationships at all but I do still feel bad that I have waisted a lof of years with guys who are not committed because I know in the back of my mind that they were not committed. Maybe I am a little pushy but my first boyfriend would not tell me he loved me for a really long time and finally did but I had to beg him and that was wrong of me. Finally we had a falling out, we got along great and I think he cared and loved me a lot but he would not marry me, engage to me and had a huge lack of commitement. His exuses were we will marry soon and then he kept saying when we save money and when the money issue got straight he said that he is childish and not ready to commit and didn't know if he felt the same way. He basically lied to me all the years to shut me up I guess because he admitted that he was immature after saying that he was committed but lacked money, etc. I am sorry that you are having to go through this pain right now and I hope and pray that you can get through it to find someone that will care about you and be honest!

-Thanks for that I know she didn't cheat and wouldn't do that. I know that sounds bad but she would leave first and then may find someone she is very attractive and has had plenty of opportunities but I know she wouldn't do that, she loves sex but I know she didn't just want it off anyone it took me a month to sleep with her she just wouldn't. I am going through a hard tome and just find it hard tat she could change her minsd so wuickly although she's says I was thinking ike that for a while. She wwould not move in together till we were married. She was so keen when I ignored her and didn't talk on the phone so often and she even in the last weekcalledant text all the time and wanted to see me.

Problem was even when we broke up she still wanted me to contac t and see each other andi know that was wrong she was just wanting to hold on to make it easier on herself and she would even talk dirty on the phone, I hve no doubt she loved spending time with me but as it was her first relationship she wondered ot about other guys but just wasn't sure if the love she felt for me was enough forever. Didn't miss me enough

Morning Mac, I say it all the time, those first loves are the hardest to get over. For you both. One thing you may not realise, is that you both have changed a lot since you got together, and you being older see the world much differently than she does. She is at that point of defining her self and where she fits into things, and you've been there. As you've said, you were never happier and hoped it continues, but she was growing and seeing things for the first time. That's why you can't let go, because now you can't see or believe that it gets better if you unstick yourself, and heal and move on. As happy as you thought you were, you will be happier, no doubt so take a chance, and that 3 years was not wasted as you enjoyed it but this time now is wasted if you cannot move forward, and see what life has for you. No more talk of her though, you just have to let it go and when you do. This confusing world will get clearer and you can focus of what you want, but first you must be happy with yourself, and then someone will be there to share it with you, so roll out, my friend, your holding up your own happiness. What kind of work do you do, and what part of the country are you from, if I may ask?

Im from australia I now work in the banking industry