Multiple threads merged

Ok... so this is my first post, but for the past week, I have been browsing (and searching like crazy) these websites for some comfort. At times, I think I have found some, but I always come back!

Here's the story... BF broke up with me after 10 months together. The relationship was very one-sided, he is incredibly spoiled (by his parents) and just down-right selfish. Oh... also diagnosed as bi-polar and doing nothing to treat for it. Throughout our relationship, there were constant ups and downs and he treated me pretty badly... We have taken time apart a few times, but most recently, he has said that he thinks he should look for a new girlfriend... one who he is happier with. He said if I need an answer right now, then it is over, but he would like for me to give him some time (2 weeks) and see what happens. I am devastated. I was an awesome GF to him... did EVERYTHING for him... and put up with an awful lot of stuff I probably shouldn't have (my friends all told me I was nuts for dealing with him) ONLY TO GET MY HEART BROKEN?? I am beside myself and need advice. Does he come back when he figures out I was the best thing that ever happened to him? Or is this really the end?

From the general tone of your voice, it doesn't sound as though you were very satisfied with the relationship. You said he is spoiled, bi-polar, and the relationship was very one-sided.

Based on that, does it seem unreasonable to you that you may be better off outside of the relationship? Of course it is going to hurt, as something dear to you was taken away. Look at it in light of the things you have said here... maybe it would be good for you to get some time to yourself and see where you stand, and what type of relationship you want right now - if any.

Thanks for your answer... You are right about my tone in my question. There are many reasons I was often unhappy in this relationship... But the fact that he is maybe finished is KILLING ME. I did everything for this guy... How is it that he thinks he's better off without me? He says he finds it hard to relax with me, that I'm not a relaxed, chill personality and that he wants to see if he can be happier with someone else. I am so sad!

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

I was an awesome GF to him....did EVERYTHING for him....and put up with an awful lot of stuff I probably shouldn't have

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I think that the focus of this should not be is he coming back. Your post makes it obvious that you know you are too good for that behavior. I understand how you can be hurting, and how you can love someone even when the reprecussions of that love are tearing you down emotionally.
I understand the statement "Just forget about him and move on" Is a lot easier said than done...
But its necessary.
My suggestion would be to find something that takes up most of your time. Don't let yourself have any free time to focus on what's happened.
A really good option is working out. I do it, and it helps with the emotional state.
Physical activity releases saratonin (Gawd I spelled that wrong) into the bran, the 'happy chemical" which makes one feel better quite effectively... plus knowing you are doing something that is benefitting your health and is socially applauded, boosts our self esteem.
Also... the next time you get into a relationship... be friends with him for a while. Push off that urge to tell him "I feel something for you"
Watch him, how he interacts with his family and friends. His respectlevel.
If he isn't gracious and respectful to everyone else don't be so nieve to think he will be to you

God... it's so amazing how helpful complete strangers can be! Thank you so much for your answers. Why is it that I am soooo hoping that he comes to his senses and wants "us" back? Does he really find his happiness with someone else instead of me? He is a pretty unhappy person, himself... is it reasonable that he will find "happiness" with someone else after I treated him so well? Does he regret? Why can't I let him go?

Babe, your problem is that your focus was always on him... and it still is. Don't make this guy god.

Hi hurting a lot! If you read question about moving on after a break up, I know you'll learn a lot from there...
But I'm someone who is going through it right now.. moving on and the pain is just driving me crazy from time to time...
But that's why I'm already focused on moving on because I've already made up my mind that I will move on despite the pain I'm going through... so my problem now is just about how to move on... and it's being addressed and it's really not easy at all... easier to read it in the forum... but I know what you're going through

My advice is for you to decide first if you're ready to let him go and whatever you decide, you have to stand by it... we all have our options to make like spidey said in spiderman 3, and it's up for us to choose the right one... and your mind at this point knows the right decision , and your heart is denying it... so you have to just constantly tell yourself, it's got to be mind over heart this time... that's why our brain/mind is on top of our body and our heart is right there at the middle, because somehow, the one in control who is the mind, is usually the one who's seeing the whole picture... the heart can only see from your chest down, while the brain can see the whole body...

So just make that one time, big time decision of letting go... and we can move on together :) I'll be here... WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER... GIRL POWERRRRR!!

from--hurting less and less each day :)

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

Why is it that I am soooo hoping that he comes to his senses and wants "us" back? Does he really find his happiness with someone else instead of me? He is a pretty unhappy person, himself....is it reasonable that he will find "happiness" with someone else after I treated him so well? Does he regret? Why can't I let him go?

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you know, I want to ask those questions too and I really did ask them but wherever you go, whatever you do, you wouldn't find that answer now... maybe years from now or maybe not at all...

the reason we can't let go of people is because we love them, we value them and we are attached to them. But somehow, we got to adjust and have the mindset that they died and there's not going to be any chance of them coming back... so we are left with the decision of just coping with the loss, grieving, accepting, etc... I want my ex back too sometimes at the back of my mind especially if I miss him, but I realize it's just because of attachment... I wish sometimes, I don't know how to love at all so I don't get hurt but then , we have to deal with the current reality that we love and we are hurt. But getting back with him will only prolong the agony... you know it, so don't justify it... AGAIN>>>LET'S JUST DO IT!

How can I miss him so much? The thought of him being with/talking with/laughing with/HAVING SEX with someone else absolutely turns my stomach... Does he ever regret letting me go?

Well, he might regret it but definitely, not yet not now... and there's also a possibility that he might not regret it at all if he'll be happier and more satisfied on his next relationship...
I know it hurts, but just think that if he ever was satisfied with you anyway, he wouldn't let you go...

I have been thinking (and crying) a lot about my situation. I understand that he may not ever regret what he did, but I am SLOWLY trying to come to the conclusion that he really didn't ever deserve all that I gave of myself, if he doesn't regret losing me. I truly gave all of me to this guy... I have no regrets about what I could have done differently, as in some of my other past relationships. If he really lets me go this time, IT IS SO HIS LOSS! I am hoping that the last of my tears for him will be coming, SOON... (I crept into my mom's bed this morning crying my eyes out at 5am... and mind you, I am not 12... but turning 31 this coming Monday... ) He didn't deserve all the great things I did for him while we were in our relationship... considering he really wasn't nice many times... and he certainly doesn't deserve all of my tears now. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be is meant to be, whatever that is. In time, everything comes together, it always somehow does. And, if he sees that he was a complete jerk for letting me go, MAYBE, by then it will be too late for him. I HOPE SO! I deserve something so much more complete in my life... not a bipolar jerk that has crazy hot and cold swings. Mind you, 48 hours before it was "over", so he says, he was at my job telling me he was so into me and begging to be with me... etc... etc... Is this even normal??

Well, I guess it would help if we really just stop analyzing what's going on with him, what's the matter with him, etc. I used to do that a lot too, wanting every reason and justification for his actions... but it wouldn't really help so much... like I always say, no matter how much we would have wanted things to stay or even if we give our all , if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be...

To love. To be loved. To love and be loved. To be sad. To be happy. To be despondent. To be hopeful. To hold on. To let go. To stop loving. Or to go on loving, no matter what. The options are out
there.
Sometimes, goals fall short, things go wrong and plans miscarry.
It's not the end of the world. For those who don't believe in
failure as an option, then it is the end for them. But for the rest
of us who believe that while we live, we have the power to change
the course of our lives, hope springs eternal.

We can choose to give up. Or we can choose to go on. We can choose to be scared. Or we can choose to be brave. We can choose death. But we can also choose life. We can go for our goals one more time. Or we can change our goals over time. We determine our destiny.

Why is it that my mood fluctuates SO drastically all the time? At one moment, I am feeling like this could be the best thing for me... (the breakup)... and others (now) I am questioning how I will go on if it's really over. When I wonder what he is doing, or where he is, or what he might be thinking, I go crazy. I miss him... does he miss me? I am in NC and plan to stay there, no matter what... (I swear I will not contact him first... ) but I am really hoping he misses me and calls me... am I crazy?

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Originally Posted by HurtingALot

Why is it that my mood fluctuates SO drastically all the time? At one moment, I am feeling like this could be the best thing for me....(the breakup).....and others (now) I am questioning how I will go on if it's really over. When I wonder what he is doing, or where he is, or what he might be thinking, I go crazy. I miss him.....does he miss me? I am in NC and plan to stay there, no matter what....(I swear I will not contact him first.....) but I am really hoping he misses me and calls me....am I crazy?

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My Ex/fiance broke up with me 3 months ago. I now we are not meant to be together. But I have all the same feeling still that you describe above. It does get better trust me.

It's really really normal and I felt that way too... but you know, always put this in mind, if he's not doing anything about it, maybe he really doesn't miss you or if he's not making a move, why would you?

It would hurt more to realize you have a wounded ego apart from the wounded heart.

I know that it shouldn't matter what he is thinking/what he is feeling/what he is doing... but the fact is... it often does. I am so fearful that he gets to be happy... without me. I think I will die if this happens before I am through this process, if it really is over.

Doubful... you are right. But it has only been a few days... we have not spoken for longer than this before... is it poss. That he just needs the time to miss me? Sometimes I just don't feel like I will be OK with him not coming back, regardless if the relationship was good or not. Is it truly possible for someone so Narcissistic to have made this decision before I did?

Sucks doesn't it? Know this though, everyone goes through what you're feeling. It'll drive you crazy wondering if the ex misses you the way you miss them. Then one day you wake up and say to yourself-- why did I spend so many hours thinking of that butthead?

Box up the gifts and pictures. Be with friends and family-- keep yourself busy. More importantly, love yourself.

Take heart girl, these are harsh realities of life... No one stays with you forever... if you start believing in it... it'll become easier for you to handle people and expectations attached with them... learn and live...

Separate your life from him. That way, if it does happen, you'll never know. Deep down you feel like you want to know. You want to know what he is up to, what he's doing, how he's feeling... but trust me... if you knew, it wouldn't help you at all - no matter what the answers were.

Well whatever happens, I suggest you don't make the first move EVER! And then don't even hope he will contact you... if he does, then I know you'll be happy , take it from there... but again, like I did, it was also painful to even let go of that little hope at the back of your mind that he might ask you back... but then , like I always say, let the pain knock me down one time , because it's only when we're knocked down that they stop beating...

This way, after we're knocked down, the next move is to slowly recover, heal and then move on and gather strength ready for a fight again :)

Now is the perfect time to be MIND OVER HEART.

Omg! OK so I am in a very similar situation!! But I got dumped twice and he came back to me both times. But what it sounds like is that he treats you this way because he knows you are a for sure thing. You know his attitude and issues and you allow it and accept it. When men act this way, they know that it won't be easy to find a good woman 1. and to a good woman that accepts all his flaws. Honestly, I know this is not what you really want to hear right now, but, he probably already had met someone when you guys were together, and knows that he can break it off with you so that he can date the other, check it out for a few months or so and if it doesn't work out, then he comes back to you. Seems pretty harsh I know. But this is what I think happened with me.
The result is if things were meant to be with the two of you, then it will eventualyl happen. And remember the saying... if you let something go and it comes back to you, it is yours, otherwise, it never was.
Also sometimes its good to let them get a break from you. They date others and realize how much you really do for them and learn to appreciate you! Let him simmer in his own grief for a bit. Don't take him back right away even though it kills you.

Your hurt, though painful, is natural to feel after a break up. You are a caring person, and have put way more into this relationship than he has, and honestly that is not healthy on your part. He may come back, and I can guarantee that things will not change, and you will be no happier than you were before. Sorry but he is a taker, and you will have misery, because he will never give you what you deserve so instead of crying over him, enjoy your freedom and accept he is out of your life, and you can find a real happiness ,not the fake stuff he offers you. Move on, and get a life you enjoy without him, and cut him from your life altogether. Hard as it is now, you will feel much better later, as you get those intense feelings under control and see things for what they are, and not be his slave any longer.

Hey Everyone...

Ok... so it's Friday and I made it (sometimes barely... ) through the week. But now the weekend is here and I would normally be with him. There has been NC (on either part) since 1:30 Sunday Morning (when he called me to ask if I was going to give him the 2 weeks to see if he "misses me")... I know the right thing is NC... it is helping... (a little.) I considered sending a text today just to say "I'm still missing you..." just to be sure he knows I am. Is this the right thing to do? I know any prospect of a reconciliation NEEDS to come from his side and he would have to chase me... (I'm not kidding... ) but I don't want him to think that maybe we both are better off without each other since he hasn't heard from me either. I miss him so much... what's the right thing to do here?

Even if he doesn't know if you miss him or not, it doesn't matter, if he misses you , he will contact you regardless of any reason... again, just hold on... and never sent that text, he will even take you for granted all the more... don't do the first move.

Your emotions are telling you to contact him, but the best course of action is to make plans for keeping yourself busy, and not contact him at all. If he contacts you, what makes you think he will treat you any better? He may say he will, but actions speak louder than words. If he contacts you, do not respond right away, but make sure your composed and cool when you do. I honestly hope you move on, and stop his settling for his degrading ways. You deserve someone who appreciates your attentions with love and gratitude. He does not.

So my birthday is on Monday... and my BF and I are currently on a "break.." For those who haven't read my story... in a nutshell... 10 month relationship... up and down, he's pretty (very) selfish... but I love him and continue to put up with it... Have taken breaks before, but this time he says he feels different. He wants to see if he can be happier with someone else... etc... etc... but wants me to give him 2 weeks to see if he "misses me"... (he said if I need an answer now, then it is over, but he would like for me to give him the time.. ) I am dying most of the time, but have managed to get through this week with NC whatsoever (on either part... ) Question... my birthday is Monday... considering it's within the "2 week" span, what should I be thinking? Part of me wants him to call... thinking maybe that's a sign that he doesn't want to let me go... part of me thinks if he doesn't, maybe he has found happiness away from me... This is awful. I miss him and truly want a healthy relationship with him... AND WANT HIM BACK... BUT I also understand that if it is ever to work, he's the one who needs to realize things and work for me to come back to him. It can't be from me... I certainly have tried everything else. I am just anxious about how this all turns out... and my heart is hurting. If he doesn't call on Monday, does that mean I should assume he's really gone, even though it hasn't been that long? What to do?!

Why does this NC thing feel so hard so much of the time? I know if it is meant to be, it will be. AND that if we are to get things back, it has to come from him... but it's so hard. I miss him so much... why does it seem like he doesn't miss me? It has only been 6 days... but I feel like I am slowly dying. Should he not have realized by now?

If he really loves you then he would not be asking you for 2 weeks away from you. I think he wants to give you 2 weeks to forget about him. I would definitely not wait for his call on Monday, the day of your birthday. In fact you should be making plans to go out and have fun on your birthday. He sounds very selfish, asking for 2 weeks when he knows your birthday is within the 2 weeks span. You should consider moving on with and find new friends because life is too short.

Happy Birthday.

I agree. If he asks you for two weeks then he obviously doesn't care about your feelings. You should make your own plans for your birthday and don't include him in any part of it. I know you love him, but you should be with someone who truly cares about you. That person is out there, but you will never find him if your stuck on this person!

Wait your turn until he is through with his new hunny bunny,:eek: Be patient.:rolleyes:

Your birthday is a special time for you and why spoil it over those who don't consider it special anymore... hard truth... let's say you've got a new life on the day... welcome it with open arms and forget about those who make you feel miserable... ur deserve better treatment than this... right? All the best...

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but I feel like I am slowly dying. Should he not have realized by now?

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Do you have a job?
Do you go to school?
As I told you in another post he is to busy to worry about you. You have admitted you put more in the relationship than he did so realise how dumb and one sided that was, and also see that if that's what you want back then there is a problem with your thinking to accept this degrading behaviour. Sorry to be cruel but you need a push to get off stupid and here it is. Now get busy doing something besides mooning for some loser. He won't be back until his new hunny bunny kicks him to the curb. WAKE UP.

Talaniman... first of all, thanks for your responses... I really do appreciate your (blunt) honesty. To answer your questions... yes, I do have a job... and a full life. A son and an amazing family and friends... I know what you are saying when you tell me that I don't deserve the way this guy behaves (even when we are together... ) and that I really need to move on. BUT... I really do miss him and am hoping for the best. I know in my heart of hearts that this relationship was negatively impacting me... but it's still hard to let go of someone who you thought could/would be different. As I have mentioned before, he is bipolar... (officially)... and not treating himself. Even though I'm aware of this fact, it is still difficult to comprehend how this all came about. I agree that he may have someone else in mind right now, but I am not sure how realistic it is of him to think he could be happier with someone else. I was really amazing to him. Two days before we broke up, he was telling me how much he wanted to be with me and then, bam... I guess I just don't get it... and my heart hurts.

This is a guy who would come up to my job just to see me for a few minutes... and call me like crazy when things were good. It's just hard to believe that it really might be over this time... like I mentioned, we have been on little "breaks" before... and not spoken for a week or so... but he says this time is "different"... I can't believe it. Could it really be? I don't understand how so much changes in the span of 24 hours.

I keep thinking that maybe his car will just be there one day as I am leaving work... so far, it hasn't... Am I really just kidding myself?

You want him back so he can continue to be selfish and treat you like a doormat ?
Ah... that makes sense.

You are celebrating your birth day...
A new period in your life...
Move on.

This does not sound like the most ideal person to be with.

But hey... if you like a selfish man then I think you have found the right one !


Happy Birthday !

Some times when we are in love with some one, we become blind to the point that the people we love take advantage of us and day after day we live not noticing what is wrong or right with our relationships. We must step out and look from the outside to realize what's really going on- on the inside.

I hope every body's message here helped you find the light and just in time for you to make those plans to enjoy a new beginning on a special day- Your Birthday. Go out with a positive attitude and with expectancy of a bright future.

Got this from some forwarded emails... :)

We call it love when we can't leave someone and see them crying as we
Try to let go. We are wrong, it's just pity. We call it love when
We're too attached and think that losing the one we love will somehow
Make us weak and unable to face to storms of life. We misunderstood,
Its just that we're too much dependent to them. We call it love when
We give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and imagined that
If they leave no one would accept us and our past. We are mistaken,
Its just insecurity. But no matter what the definition is, the truth
Still remains that love isn't something you can bury nor beg. It is
Real and existing. You can't touch it but you can feel it in your
Heart. You can't find it, but it will knock before you when you least
Expect it to come. It can make you the happiest soul in heaven, but
Don't forget that it also can make you the most miserable person in
The whole universe.

:)