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Hi all,
I was wondering if we can tell stories about our experiences with giving your partner a 'second chance'.
What made you decide to give it a second chance.
How it went.
Did it work out the second time around.
And finally...
Would you do it again?
Gave her two chances. ;] No it didn't work out and yes I would give her another chance. However I would take it so slow as Ive learn t from everything I did wrong. I think I would like to be friends with her for a while if she would be willing. But hey were see, quite happy as I am although miss my ex a lot.
LoveShack.org: Interpersonal Relationship Advice and Assistance Center - Love and dating advice, platonic relationships, and more. has a second chances dedicated forum - u may want to check it out.
My cousin split up with his girlfriend at 18/19 went there separate ways due to boredom in the relationship etc. Few years later they got back together and have been together ever since 10 years now. My auntie and uncle were child hood sweethearts, they married 30 years later after being both married before. Anything can happen, just work on yourself, don't try to analyze things so much and enjoy life - be that fun bubbly person you know you are!!
I gave my old boyfriend a second chance, no it did not work . BUT because I gave him a second chance I spent more time with my now husband. So, yes I guess it did work out :)
Never had a second chance. I always moved on until I got married. Why go back?
Jiser agrees: lol, try, try again until you succeed.
My wife won't let me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Secretly, tal is just a big girl!
The hairy chest gave it away?Quote:
Originally Posted by ForeverZero
Gave her 5 chances and no it didn't work.(Thank God)
I think everyone deserves a second chance, me and my ex dated for a while and he did something horrible, he cheated on me but he was drunk and said if I take him back he will quit drinking and will never do anything to impar his judgement or our love again so yes, I took him back, I know it says ex, well about a month later he died so... please give chances maybe even 3rd and 4thQuote:
Originally Posted by niniback
I was given a second change, 11 years later we are still together and have a pretty good life together with our four kids. If it weren't for my husbands big heart and morals, who knows who I would be today. I love him for my second chance. I guess it all boils down to changing your "path". I didn't get it until I was all the way down under the water and he brought me back to the top to breath. If you feel like it is worth it, then do it. Give someone a chance. Or two.
Jiser,Quote:
Originally Posted by Jiser
You gave her multiple chances and it didn't work, but you would do it again?
What do you think caused it not to work with the second and third chance? Was it that you resumed the relationship without examing what caused it to fail to begin with?
Just curious, if you don't mind me asking :)
In all honesty I realize my mistakes. I gave her 100% practically all the time, I smothered her, textx + calls I gave her everything. I thought that's what a women/girl would want, candles, dinners, holidays and stuff. Its not! I must of become a highly annoying, unattractive individual. Pressures of growing up, exams, school, all too much for her + me a 21 year old guy wanting it all. Life isint like that though. We had different inretests and she wasn't prepared to try them either - I am a very active person!
I am not saying however that my ex did things wrong - she did, she cheated on me with an ex - personally I believe she never got over him, hence why she has got a summer job where he works.
Each time we did break up we took it to fast again and she wanted me back within a week or two. I am hoping to build a friendship up with her over the next few months, maybe meet up at some point. We've been speaking a lot on IM recently but I am quite 'ok!' at the moment. I have some good friends, a lot of hobbies and a lot planned for this summer holidays.
Second chances are okay, mistakes are how we learn and how we grow. I believe that giving someone a second chance when they've learned from the mistake is a good thing to do. But making the same mistake more than once? Then I would start to get suspicious. I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want to learn or grow.
Here's a question then,
How do you deal with someone who seems like they want a second chance some of the time?? It seems that when she's with me, when I'm home from school, she does - when I'm away, she's quite different. She claims she's busy with school and hanging out with friends...
Maybe I should just chalk it up to confusion
Why are you with her then sypher? If its causing so much confusion. It there is any chance of a 'reconciliation' it will be in the future. This is why it is so important to give space to each other, to work on your life, what you want, your career, your friends, family and having fun.
Space gives you time to realize where you went wrong, to learn! In that time apart if you move on and don't want to keep a 'friendship' (used in a loose term) then that's all good and fine. However it takes two for a friendship and two for a relationship, if one party doesn't want in, then its not going to happen and is key, if you don't have allot in common it may be hard to be friends.
You deal with them by leaving them to there own confusion, and moving ahead with your life. Who has time for that nonsense drama??Quote:
How do you deal with someone who seems like they want a second chance some of the time??
Too right tali, shouldn't really bother with drama!! Unhealthy, its hard to let go, but it must be done!
I realize me ex was full of drama and yes its hard to let go, but once you let go that person it get easier day by day. I miss her sometimes now but, I'm happier with out her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jiser
And the pain in my heart is going away it's more of a friend missing.
Give it time sab :P
I agree, seems that trying to help someone with their confusion is quite impossible when your part of the reason for the confusion :oQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I refused to give her a second chance, she didn't deserve it, and in fact she never will no matter who she is, if she blows it with me its over, end of story.
How's that? :)
If you blew it, would you be asking for a second chance? I think your statement is pretty radical and not really realistic. There are times that people do make mistakes, people learn from mistakes and they can improve themselves from those mistakes. I personally have learned a lot about myself and the mistakes that I have made. If I were given a second chance, I am better prepared on how to handle my relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by ceriphante
Maybe a better question would be about breaking up with that first real love, that's the one that got me.
If I blew it I would not expect a second chance, no.Quote:
Originally Posted by tiredandlonely
And it works perfectly well for me if someone makes a mistake the kind that completely destroys any trust in a relationship then great that they learn but why should someone else have to suffer as a result of their mistake?
If you were not given a second chance it should not rob you of the opportunity to grow emotionally and learn from your mistakes for next time, and if you believe that by not having that second opportunity that it does then who's not being realistic?
With life I think its about taking responsibility for your own actions, and its about time more of us started doing exactly that.
Would not go back. I gave my husband a second chance and he is worse. Now I just complicated it more. Move on and enjoy life. It is too short to have problems.Quote:
Originally Posted by niniback
[QUOTE=ceriphante]
If you were not given a second chance it should not rob you of the opportunity to grow emotionally and learn from your mistakes for next time, and if you believe that by not having that second opportunity that it does then who's not being realistic?
QUOTE]
If I get a second oppurtunity then go Me!! If not it is very unfortunate. I am very realistic about second chances. My mistake has nothing to do with trust, my biggest mistake was about working too much, too much to enjoy my beautiful girlfriend. The trust was there, as a matter of fact, I was the one that had to endure to trying issues with her. I gave her a second chance, and a third chanCe. I was cheated on, which I forgave her for, and she abused some of my prescription medications. All of which occurred prior to our relationship getting serious. These both occurred within six months of our relationship. Most people would have said "good bye", not I, I stuck by her and we worked through it. It was very tough on me emotionally and it took me a very lonG time to completley trust her. Then I started bustinG my butt, to work for our future, and make money now so we both didn't need to work so hard, then she decides to give up on me. If she gives me a second chance, I am going to cherish the oppurtunity. I realize that workinG is not everything. I just wanted us to be OK.. I would rather suffer a little financially, then not to have my girlfrienD in my life. So if it doesn't work, guess what, I have learned but I think that second chances should be given. By saying that you would never ever give any one a second chance, anD you wouldn't expect a second chance, I feel that you are beinG too closed minded. If you were at least accepting that it were possible would be realistic.
She was my first love that's probably why I took her back 1,2,3,4,5,6 times. But all the time we were apart I never healed myself to really see what the problems/issues I / we were having. And when we got back we still didn't really talk about the problems we were having and 7 months later, break up time. I guess if you do give a person a second chance communicate why/how this happened. I probably will never give a person a second chance again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
How long were you apart from her each of the times you broke up? How did she act when you guys broke up? Did you break up with her or vice versa?
Quote:
Quote from tiredandlonely]How long were you apart from her each of the times you broke up? How did she act when you guys broke up? Did you break up with her or vice versa?
Qoute]sab123
Through the 5 yrs we were to gether I broke up with her twice the most I waited was about a week then called a said I was making a mistake(this doesn't include the 5-6 she did to me.)She made me wait On 1 of them about 3 months, 2 of them about 2 months and the rest where a week or two. As far as how many break up I really can't remember. I'm trying to think now and can't I guess it was the stress of the relationship. When she broke up with me it always over the phone and she would just say I want to break up and hang up phone I usually found out a month later why but the firt break up she told me she was going to quit smoking and don't call her for a couple of weeks. About 5 days later I called her because I missed her. When she picked up phone just said I want to break up and hung phone up. I took her 2 months to tell me why she broke up. Talking about torture to myself for3 months (I don't ever want to go through that pain again)
I was in a somewhat similar position. I was with a girl for 16 months. We fought at times. On Valentines Day Weekend, I broke up with her, it last maybe two days at the most. I was just upset. 3 weeks later she was under tremendous stress and she broke up with me. Here I am almost two months later and still really missing her. I attempted to make contact with her several times. I actually went to get my stuff at her house the one day, which made matters worse. She contacted me about a week ago, I sent her jewelry back to her. I asked for the stuff back like a fool. I was hurt, so I wanted to hurt her. Well she called, we talked briefly. She is truly my first real love. Here I am 32 years old, she is 31 we both love each other I know it. We both said some hurtful things when I went to get her stuff. She called me last week, she wants to come to my house on Monday to get her stuff from my house. My friends think she might want to talk. I am looking to get a second chance with her. I have been trying to give her space to think. I know the time has made me a better person, and in the same token has shown me what I really want, which is her. Things will be different if I am given a second chance. Let me ask you, the first time she broke up with you, how long did it last?Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
3 months Read my questions I have posted on this site My ex used me, kept our engagement ring. So If you read mine you my want to heal yourself to make sure she is the one for U.She also is my first love.
[QUOTE=tiredandlonely]Nah I never expect a second chance.Quote:
Originally Posted by ceriphante
Nor do I give them :)
But interesting reading all the same...
Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
My ex didn't use me, I asked for and received the jewelry back. That was stupid on my part to ask, but I did and I regretted it. The questions you want me to check out, was that in regards to statement about girl dumpers? I do think she is the one for me, time will tell, I am trying to give her the time, I am trying to give myself the time.
The question that askes you to read are mine about my ex in my profile "Is my ex fiance comimg back again" and "I think my ex fiance is coming back again". And the ring I asked for mine back to, you should have read the e-mail she wrote to me about that(mean person)Quote:
Originally Posted by tiredandlonely
I have read your threads. I think you may be right about jewelry as a control tactic. When I told her I was giving the bracelet and necklace back she sounded content with that, and didn't know when she was going to get it, as she was going to her sisters for the week. I told her that I would get it for her, and she paused to think then said her dad would get it for her. I was very nice to her, then she began to stutter and stumble on her words. I asked her a few times what was up? She told me that on May 7th she was going to be relatively close to my house. She had to pick up a dress for a wedding that she was in, and she wanted to stop at my house to get her stuff. After she brought that up, she told me that she didn't want the jewlery that she would never wear it.Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
My female friends have been telling me that she was acting out. She was upset because by me offering to give her the jewelry back it was like giving up on her and the relationship. They said is sounds as if she still cares, and doesn't want things to end, even though she ended things. By me acting very nice to hear that bothered her and she came back with wanting to get her stuff. The stuff has been sitting here for two months, and it isn't going anywhere. The only real items of value which she actually wants is christmas decorations from her child hood. To me it sounds the same that she wants to come up to talk about things, not so much about the items. By me sending the jewelry back to her she saw that as an oppurtunity to call me. Needless to say though, the jewlelry is still sitting at the post office, because she hasn't signed for it yet. What do you think about that?
tiredandlonely]Quote
My female friends have been telling me that she was acting out. She was upset because by me offering to give her the jewelry back it was like giving up on her and the relationship. They said is sounds as if she still cares, and doesn't want things to end, even though she ended things. By me acting very nice to hear that bothered her and she came back with wanting to get her stuff. The stuff has been sitting here for two months, and it isn't going anywhere. The only real items of value which she actually wants is christmas decorations from her child hood. To me it sounds the same that she wants to come up to talk about things, not so much about the items. By me sending the jewelry back to her she saw that as an oppurtunity to call me. Needless to say though, the jewlelry is still sitting at the post office, because she hasn't signed for it yet. What do you think about that?
sab123[/QUOTE]It sound like she's doing what mine did to me. I told my ex on one of the break ups to get her camera, she said I'll get later. If they leave stuff behind that can be a door back in. I would give all her stuff back and do NC and tell her that and mean it. If she contact you in the future it probally/maybe means she want get back. But youhave to heal yourself and move on its going to be hard but you have to do it. Because if she doesn't come back You'll always be at square one and will never be able to move on. Don't be her door mat.
When I went to get my stuff from her house. I had no intention of actually getting my stuff. I thought we would be able to talk and work things out. That turned out to be a disastrous event. I felt really bad about getting my stuff then, because like you said that was my door back in. It is going to be tough. I realize what I have done in the relationship. I guess she and I still both care about each other. In my heart I believe she does care and loves me. I think the stress got to her and things went crazy after that.
I will sound completley stupid. But this is what I did... which was completley stupid of me.
I had a boyfriend for 2 year. He cheated on me 6 times (yes, 6) and I broke up with him. Two months later I took him back. We were together for 7 months and he cheated on me 12 times this time! Hot damn, he got around. But I would never take him back again.
I don't think you are stupid, I think you were just in love with him. And I hope one day he meets someone and she cheats on him. I kept taking my ex back to because I was in love with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockabilly1955mama
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