Greetings all,

It's been 15 months since my girlfriend of three years left me. I still find myself missing her. There isn't a day go by that I not think about her. Memories just keep playing in my mind of her. I keep having dreams about her. I miss everything about her, from the way she smelled to the way she acted in certain situations. I haven't seen her since the breakup but I do know she is in a relationship and has been since the beak up. She has moved on, so why can't I? Why is she still living in my head? I'm trying so hard to move on, and sometimes I feel like I already did. However there are setback days where I REALLY miss what we had. I know there are other people out there but I feel as if they won't compare. I feel VERY lonely at times. It really hits me at nights and on the weekends. I see people my age (19) in serious relationships, having kids, etc.. That's what I wanted. Can anybody please help me? All of your words are appreciated and are VERY helpful. Thanks guys..

I would like to hear what EVERYONE thinks, so please give your input!

Well 3 yrs is a long time, so give yourself some credit!

Are you keeping yourself busy?

One thing I can tell you... don't ever compare her to any girl you meet because I can guarantee you will never be happy!
We are all individuals and comparing her will only make you feel worse.

If you are really in love with someone in a deep way, it can be forever. I am not talking about a superficial crush or the kind of love that only comes from romanticism, like thinking desperately that you have to have or need someone.

I have had many girlfriends in my life. I have been truly in love with several of them. Even though the love may have been mutual between me and with the few, does that mean that we would be perfect for each other as far as living together? Not necessarily.

When I eventually got married to a woman many years ago, I even invited a couple of former girlfriends to the wedding. One of them actually showed up. I was in love with both of them that I had invited. Things just did not work out that I would be together with either of the two, former girlfriends. Sometimes people just take different paths in life.

Just because you think that you are not "fully over" someone does not mean that you cannot love someone else just as much.

It's just another way of looking at things. That has been my experience and I thought that it might help you if I shared it with you.

I do miss a lot of things that I had with some former girlfriends, or shall I say "lovers?" Even to this day, when I and one of the former girlfriends that I invited to the wedding see each other, she will say that she has discussions with her now husband, but they are never like the depth of discussions that the two of us shared. I know that there are many good things with her husband now that are very important to the "glue" that keeps the two of them together.

People get married or are together for many reasons. Without going into the good and/or bad of it, I would say that it boils down to "is it a good "fit" in terms of relationship in all points to consider."

Like you, my ex loves still live in my mind. It is okay. Being "over" someone, does not mean that you are still not in love with them.

You just move on with your life.

As krs said, "Are you keeping yourself busy?" I hope that you are. Lots of things to choose and do in life! It's not all about relationships with other people.

You can stop beating yourself up. What you are thinking is normal if you really loved the person.

Three years together is a long time. I would never be able to forget it if the relationship had been a good one.

Another thing that krs mentioned, and that was concerning making comparisons. I would follow her advise.

You will find another relationship with someone if that is the thing that you seek. There are lots of fish in the sea, and many are looking for the same thing that you are.

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Originally Posted by randomguy19

Greetings all,

It's been 15 months since my girlfriend of three years left me. I still find myself missing her. There isn't a day go by that I not think about her. Memories just keep playing in my mind of her. I keep having dreams about her. I miss everything about her, from the way she smelled to the way she acted in certain situations. I haven't seen her since the breakup but I do know she is in a relationship and has been since the beak up. She has moved on, so why can't I? Why is she still living in my head? I'm trying so hard to move on, and sometimes I feel like I already did. However there are setback days where I REALLY miss what we had. I know there are other people out there but I feel as if they won't compare. I feel VERY lonely at times. It really hits me at nights and on the weekends. I see people my age (19) in serious relationships, having kids, etc.. That's what I wanted. Can anybody please help me? All of your words are appreciated and are VERY helpful. Thanks guys..

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I completely relate to what you are going through. My ex left me after 3 years and it was for me an important part of my life. It has been 7 1/2 months now since the breakup and I still get some bad days but I am (I would say) relatively comfortable with the situation and have accepted that it is over and she is gone. That thought really was hard for me to grasp 5 months ago when I was in complete denial and all over the place. I don't think it all completely dies though, you spent 3 years with her and just because 15 months have passed, does not mean you will forget. The only thing you need to do is try to move on with your life now, perhaps think about dating someone new who can help lift these feelings.

I don't mean a rebound because at this stage, something like dating someone else may help you. It may not but there are other things you can do that I am sure you have heard before. Engage in a new hobby or project, find new friends, whatever it takes to take your mind off her. Have you removed things around you that remind you of her? If not, do so.

Have you considered counseling to help you work through these feelings? Nothing wrong with this. Personally, I have not done this up to this stage because I thought I would be okay battling through it alone but it is not something I have dismissed altogether. Like I say, we all have our ups and downs no matter how long has passed.

One thing that stuck out in what you said was that most of the people you know who are aged 19ish are all in serious relationships and having children. This is way to young in my opinion to be thinking of raising a family. I am 27 and I have not started that process yet... You have to live life first, enjoy your youth, find yourself before choosing to settle down. I know age is just a number but you really do have a whole life ahead of you, much like I do and 19 is way too young to be hung up on the idea that you are missing out on things like raising a family.

Wanting these things are okay but give yourself some years to live a little. Don't compare yourself so much to others. The grass is not always greener on the other side!

Take Care!

We all get those feelings stirred up in us for whatever reason. The main thing is not to just want a relationship, but to want one with the right person. You've been given some very good advice, and all you have to do is get out and have fun and enjoy your youth and friends, because 19 is a little young to be looking for a wife. Find the girl first, and have a lot of fun along the way. Dating does not mean marriage, and if your not ready for a relationship that's okay, just enjoy the moment.

Your in love man no questions ask because that's how I feel to and I know what your going through but my ex is pregnet with this guy that left her and I want to get close but I know what she would do to me but you should try to find her and tell her how you feel about her and see what she says to you iight

[F]Ok I know how you feel. I think I just broke up with my Boyfriend (I am Gay, and honestly wouldn't you rather have some Gay guy telling you how to get your Girlfriend back when we are all about romance, well anyways,) and I want him Back so bad. As my auntie veda(Vee-Da) once said "It is hard obeying the laws of love." (Just for your information my auntie veda is my uncle vern, he is a drag queen) Any ways, ha ha ha ha ha I bet you think I am crazy, but any ways to tell you the truth, you are just gonna have to live with it, and someday to be "Happy"

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Originally Posted by randomguy19

Greetings all,

It's been 15 months since my girlfriend of three years left me. I still find myself missing her. There isn't a day go by that I not think about her. Memories just keep playing in my mind of her. I keep having dreams about her. I miss everything about her, from the way she smelled to the way she acted in certain situations. I haven't seen her since the breakup but I do know she is in a relationship and has been since the beak up. She has moved on, so why can't I? Why is she still living in my head? I'm trying so hard to move on, and sometimes I feel like I already did. However there are setback days where I REALLY miss what we had. I know there are other people out there but I feel as if they won't compare. I feel VERY lonely at times. It really hits me at nights and on the weekends. I see people my age (19) in serious relationships, having kids, etc.. That's what I wanted. Can anybody please help me? All of your words are appreciated and are VERY helpful. Thanks guys..

I would like to hear what EVERYONE thinks, so please give your input!!

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Your not alone I miss my ex very much to,he is the only one I ave ever been with, my first love,only love.I dream we are still together and when I wake up I'm on my own.im trying to move on to.I say I want to get him out of my head and to stop thinking of him but no matter what I do I cant. When you have worked out how to do it let me no.I will do the same.

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Originally Posted by kazzz

ur not alone i miss my ex very much to,he is the only one i ave ever been with, my first love,only love.i dream we are still together and wen i wake up im on my own.im tryin to move on to.i say i want to get him out of my head and to stop thinking of him but no matter wot i do i cant. wen u have worked out how to do it let me no.i will do the same.

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My first real love broke up with me 5-6 times. And each time I still can't get her out of my mind, even when I know she used me and treated me like garbage. Best advice I can give you is read other posts because it helps me a lot. And listen to the advise they give you. I just wish I found this site 4 yrs ago

Thanks and I am reading other post to help me but mine is really different to most of these on relationship. He split with me in jan and its because he loves cocaine much more.we never had argument and worshiped the ground I walked on.then out of blue he said "think we shud go our seperate ways babe coz ive got a coke problem" I still very confussed but I ave got a lot of advice of this site and am avein no contact with him and just hopein and prayin that it will all b OK in the end.

What will be will b!
If it does it does,if it don't it don't!

I believe life has a path for us all and wots meant to be or not, will b.

I completely understand how you feel. My ex-fiance of 5 years just left me and I constantly think about him. I'm still in the beginning stages though it's only been a week. I cry myself to sleep every night ( that is, the nights I can go to sleep ) and I can't get out of this depressed mode. But I have made up my mind not to give in to these feelings because all they do is cause me pain. Of course you are going to have your good and bad days but it's very do-able. I'm trying to find things that make me happy, I lost myself in this relationship and now I'm trying to find myself again.

Do things that make you happy, hang with friends, pamper yourself and just enjoy being alone. I know that it's easier said than done, but again it's very do-able. I wish you all the best in your journey. I know it's hard. When you love someone the way you probably loved this girl, that love will never die. It may get easier to bear but it never dies.

I feel for you dude. We've all been there in some sense. And it takes a lot of self searching and coming to closure with the situation. At times it seems impossible like you will never get those thoughts out of your head, but if you start turning your attention elsewhere and keep doing that, those thoughts will fade. You have to find a way to get closure in your own mind. Keep working it buddy, you'll make it!

I can truly say that I can relate. What makes some of us want to hang on to the past so hard? We see people around us moving forward, but yet we dwell on what once was. I, too, have a person in my past who lingers in my mind. Thoughts of that person run through my head, too, on a regular basis. I never really got over him. For you, it has been fifteen months- for me it has been many more. The one thing that I can tell you is that for the first three or four years after we broke up, I thought of him every day, several times a day. Now that more time has passed, I seem to think of him less and less. It has been a difficult road trying to face the fact that it was over. Just when I thought I was doing well, I would see him out at the store or whatever, and have to relive the pain. I know that it is a cliché, but time does heal all wounds.. With time, you will think of her less and less. When you meet that person who is intended just for you, that person will make you forget all about your ex. Make room in your heart and mind for the good things to come...

I posted 2 weeks back about my ex, and how I still miss her even after a year. My question is, why do I keep dreaming of her? The relationship was more of an addiction and sexual then anything else. She left me for another guy, and to this day I still wonder if I truly loved her or if I was addicted. I guess I dwell on that sometimes. We never really worked out our issues, instead we were sexual. The dreams I have always have a happy ending, that she is happy, and I am in relief because she took me back. 90% of the dreams are however sexual. What could these dreams mean? Could they mean anything?Should I take action on these dreams?

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Originally Posted by randomguy19

I posted 2 weeks back about my ex, and how I still miss her even after a year. My question is, why do I keep dreaming of her? The relationship was more of an addiction and sexual then anything else. She left me for another guy, and to this day I still wonder if I truly loved her or if I was addicted. I guess I dwell on that sometimes. We never really worked out our issues, instead we were sexual. The dreams I have always have a happy ending, that she is happy, and I am in relief because she took me back. 90% of the dreams are however sexual. What could these dreams mean? Could they mean anything?Should I take action on these dreams?

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Maybe your confused about these so called dreams... alls it seems is that you miss her. You can't stop thinking about her. Not even in your sleep. But when you wake up you must realize she did not take you back and that she is indeed gone and it is about time for you to move on. Or you could keep living in the past and dreaming of what you had instead for going out and seeing what you could have. You should come to the realization your dreams are also a nightmare holding you back.

I have dreams about my ex. It just means I haven't quite got over her yet. I see it being about 2008 that I will be totally over her :p Doesn't mean I am not fulfilling a fun life with lots of stuff planned, the dumping gave me a kick up the and so it should for everyone else. A certificate to get out there and enjoy life! :)

19! You're so young! I know it's hard, but try to enjoy things while you're young- don't get wrapped up in kids, family, etc. You have so much time to date, go to school, build a career, and much more.

I can tell you right now that even if you find your true love tomorrow you're STILL going to miss the things about your ex for a long time. If you had a connection it's impossible not to.

Two of my best friends dated for a long time and she's moved on but he hasn't. He's dating someone else right now, but he's still in love with my friend. It's really hard to see him so upset for so long, but he's getting along fine now that he's accepted it.

I've also always believed that if things are meant to be, you'll be together in the end. Just have faith. You're bound to be lonely sometimes, but things will work out.

You are 19...

"I see so many people my age in serious relationships and having kids.."

I am sure that you will also see many people of your age who are going through a rough time because they are having kids so young...


You are 19 years...
Live.
Enjoy.
Experience.

Love can hurt, but you have to move on.

Life is too short.

Good luck.

Hello all.

It's been 15 months since me and my ex has broken up. Mostly because of my doings. I wasn't the best boyfriend and I fully regret it. To show that I'm truly sorry I want to send her a letter but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I haven't talked to her since we broke up. Does this letter sound like it can do any harm?

"I just want to apologize for everything. Looking back I was very foolish, selfish and immature to say the least.

I just became something I wasn't. I accept full responsibility in my doings. I've grown up and changed a lot since

then. I'm not sure if we will ever talk or be friends again in the future but if not I fully understand and I just

wanted you to know that I'm truly sorry. You don't need to respond, and I hope this letter does more good then

harm. I wish you the best of luck in life and want to say that you are a very nice girl and deserve the best.

Thanks for everything."

Thanks guys.. I just don't want this turning into something negative

Do it, and do it TODAY,

I wanted to tell my ex I was sorry, and waited, she died, and I had to tell it to a tombstone, So don't ever wait to tell someone you are sorry.

Don't expect them to accept it, just know you admitted fault and told them you were sorry.

I agree, I would love for my ex one day to say she's sorry for breaking up with me sooo many times. It would make me feel pretty good inside.

Yes send the apology letter. You have nothing to lose after 15 months of no contact. You will get an answer if she misses you enough to work things out or you will get no answer and that is a way to finally have your closure you need to move on.

I think that if you are doing it with the true intention of saying sorry (which I genuinely think you are) then yes, send it.

Saying sorry for wrongdoing and truly meaning it with no expectations shows good character and you have obviously seen the errors of your ways, whatever they were.

Good for you chap..

Yeah man... I think that was good. I'd send it for sure.

Careful, though. Don't expect a response. I think sometimes when we feel guilty and know how to apologize/make it right... on SOME level... we may expect a response. Remember to be happy with the fact that you've realized a lot and are making up for it... and that's all.

I know you already know all this.

Thanks for the response guys... I just feel bad and truly want to say sorry. I don't want her thinking I'm trying to get back with her or "stalk" her or anything.. Just a sorry..

I'm not questioning your motives mind you but after 15 months I think you should look to the future. I've read all your other posts and this one stuck,

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She left me for another guy, and to this day I still wonder if I truly loved her or if I was addicted.

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I think your guilt may be displaced and you owe no apology whatsoever. Many relationship break up and yours is no different, guilt tripping is dangerous and unhealthy, because it obscures other facts, like she had another in the wings, so forget the letter, and her once and for all. Sorry I know how bad you would love to feel better, but taking on the guilt of a cheater, is not the way to go.

I don't know for a fact that she cheated on me. I had big feelings that I was cheated on however. Regardless if she cheated or not I still feel bad for some of the things I said that most likely contributed to the break up. Should I still send it?

Absolutely NOT!!!!!

Did she say sorry to you? Why would you say sorry to her? Also, she left you... Why would you be sorry? If she really loved you, she would've tried to fix things with you... Not break up! Don't send it!

I sent the letter, I know some disagreed and some agreed. But I just wanted to say sorry to her because I know I wasn't the best boyfriend. After I sent the letter me and her started talking again. She told me she still has some feelings for me. She also said that she "wanted" to come back to me after she broke up with me but it was too late. As soon as she broke up with me she started sleeping with a 40 year old man (she was 17 going on 18). She now has a baby by him and is living with him. What I don't understand is that if she truly cared for me why didn't she stay single after she broke up with me? I just have a feeling that she wasn't totally honest and like I said, there may have been some cheating. The bad part about it.. I still have some feelings for her.. I miss what we had.. And I miss her.. But she's taken by the older man. I know there are other people out there but I guess I still have deep feelings because she was my only true girlfriend and I lost my virginity to her. I pray that there is a true girl out there for me.

Definitely do not send anything... You now blame yourself for her leaving. Come on man Wake UP SHE had another guy she should be the one who is apologizing...

15 months have gone by and you miss her a bit and you think maybe you contributed to the break up.

Well let me tell you something no matter weateher you contributed to the break up or not she obviously had another guy in the wings and this is not what she should have been doing if she clearly did not want to be with you then she should have left before finding another. Some people \just cannot handle being alone.

Id let this one go and tell yourself thank god this happened because if she can find another while she is with you she is not worth it...

DON'T do it.
I ' ve read all your questions you' ve posted and I think that you just want her back.
You're telling that you are missing her .
That's the only reason you want to say your sorry to see what her reation might be. Go on with your life without her, by now she already has somebody ese.

The letter sounds adequate. Send it to her and leave it at that.

Um... either some of you don't read all the posts in a thread, or you are unfamiliar with the concept of past tense...

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Originally Posted by randomguy19

I sent the letter

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Anyway, I think the letter won't do much... and even if it did, do you really want to get back with a girl who dumped you for some 40-year-old pervert who knocked her up? She's clearly got issues if she left you for a guy that old...

She was your first, but definitely won't be your last. Move on.

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Originally Posted by randomguy19

What I don't understand is that if she truly cared for me why didn't she stay single after she broke up with me? I pray that there is a true girl out there for me.

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Random:

I want you to listen to me very carefully. You are young and what you like today will be much different when you are older. Life is short, she was someone you will never forget, but like a wrecked Porsche, you need to get a new one.

Based on my experience, when a younger woman shacks up with a very older man, she is trying to replace her Dad. Either he was missing, or abusive or whatever. This is why she didn't stay single after the breakup.

Your age is the age to have fun. I GUARANTEE you that you will find the feelings that you had for her again, but she is now the wrecked car (Baggage.. kid and a father you cannot get rid of). DO NOT try to save her, you are not the white knight.

The best way to get over the past is to be with someone new. You learned from your mistakes, but soon you will realize that it was not your fault. Remember that, it was not your fault.

Now, start getting out and meet a new woman. I know that you can do it!

I was your age once and went through the same thing. The same things happen over and over with women until you learn to read them. Keep reading this forum and you will be much more successful in your future endeavors. Best of Luck!:)

Hello guys.. I'm the poster about sending the apology to my ex. Well here is the new situation. We started talking and became friends because of it. We even hung out after a year and 1/2 of not seeing each other. When she dropped me off she told me online how she cried on her way home. She also said that she misses the way things were. Since I sent the letter she has really been coming on to me. She even asked questions about my penis. Is that very moral? I have feelings for her still and she has feelings for me. She left me a year and a half ago and moved on to a 40 year old man. She was only 17 at the time. Now she is 19. She may of even cheated on me. I don't know the truth. She told me how she thinks her boyfriend may be unfaithful to her. Yet she is going behind his back to see me. It seems simple but it's not. She has a baby by him and she says that she loves him. She told me if they beak up that we could retry a relationship. I'm so happy to talk to her and it feels so good getting emails from her. There are signs that I'm seeing though. That is telling me to run, to not go back. Despite these signs I still love her and have feelings for her. My best friend blocked me because I'm talking to her. What do you guys think I should do? I LOVE talking to her, but it's hard on the heart. I tried moving on but I can't.

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She told me if they break up that we could retry a relationship.

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She knows how you feel so she is filing you with nonsense to keep you around so she has a friend and safety net.

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That is telling me to run, to not go back.

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That's common sense talking dude, listen to it.

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She may of even cheated on me. I don't know the truth.

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Yes you do. Your in denial, she is a cheater

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I LOVE talking to her, but it's hard on the heart. I tried moving on but I can't.

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After a year and a half, you should have been gone, and that letter which you should not have sent, has brought her back to give you misery and confusion. She didn't do this, you did. So do what you have to to get out of this no-win situation, and as far from her as you can get, or this will get worse.

Good one champ. I would normally advise definitely move on there are much better girls than this. You will realise this wheyou find one. I was in similar situation to yours 4 years ago. She didn't havea babythough with the guy. I didn't take her bck and I am pleased thati didn't because I learnt after thatwhen I was with another ghirl that what I felt for her was not love just a bit of neediness and I was with her 3years.

I know how you are feeling ow your heart was broken and you probably had so many things going through your head for many months, slowly with time you have got better but inotice even after 1 1/2years you still have some feelings.I bet started to feel likey ou were over her a bit but not completely but now once again you see a glimer of hope and you are buzzing again. Talking about your penis well yesshe must have some interest but again my last ex did this for a month to me she would ring up and talk dirty on the phone whilewe were on a break this lasted for a whileand till she was over me. Your ex may be doing similar she will talk about things like this to try and get you excited, its hardto say which way she is looking at it like she just still wats to know that you are around this could be a reason why she does thnat or then she may genuinely want to give it another go...

You come on here asking for advice, realyi know you are not going to take any advice if someone says let her go and move on. So you have said what should I do. Ell you should have long ago moved on.

I think you do not needto ask what I should do you should be more asking how should I go about this. Because we all know if given the opportunity you will go back with her. I know what andhow you are feeling and you are definitely not going to move on ifshe wants a relationship. What you need to work out is how you arebest goingto handlethe relationship if it begins again. Workout whatmay have been wrong last time and wereyou to needy baby you should get more interests and so on. Then again mate ican only say one thing shedid this to you once so there may only be more heartreak on thego. But I know one thing your willing to take the chance like many others... GOOD LUCK

Hello.

You know deep inside that it can't ever work between you. If you didn't know that you would never be asking this question.

Im not going to say anything about how your helping her cheat on her Man by being with her behind his back.

Im not going to say a word about the fact she is cheating on him and she will cheat on you.

Im not going to talk about how you deserve a better life then waiting for her to maybe split up with her 40 year old guy.

What I will say is STOP now that you have seen that she can't be trusted. Find your Mrs. Right...

Good Luck
Dennis777

Follow your gut instinct.. Your gut is telling you that there are "red flags". Don't walk away from her, RUN! It does not matter if she's dating a 40 year old guy. What does matter is that she has not learned from her mistakes. She cheated on you and now she's possibly thinking of cheating on him (emotionally she's already cheating by asking you about your penis and sweet talking you).. What makes you think she won't hurt/cheat on you again when its obvious she hasn't changed since you dated her?