Me and my boyfriend are on a break... I feel so vulnerable and sad that I just called him today and we ended up arguing because he said he just needs some space and I don't know how to give it to him, and of course like an idiot I was the one who suggested the space but now I'm scared and getting paranoid about it.

He is right I Don't KNOW HOW TO GIVE HIM SPACE... I'm constantly thinking about things between me and him and it's hard to get him out of my mind. So I called... I know it was a mistake and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm scared that this break will turn out permanent and I just don't know how to deal with that. I keep crying, losing sleep at night then end up sleeping all day, don't want to do anything, feel sad, don't answer other peoples phone calls, I'm just a mess and I don't know how to get myself out of it.

The break hasn't even lasted a few days and I'm going insane! Someone put some sense into me please!

I know if I continue this I will loose him!!
What do I do to make him come after me?

HELP PLEASE... :(

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Originally Posted by lilah_k

what do i do to make him come after me?

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At this point there isn't much you can do to make him "come after" you, though there is A lot you can do to make him run away from you.

Your best bet is to do your best and not call him, let him call you. If he wants to talk to you, he will call you. Try to keep your mind busy, go out with your friends, start a new hobby, etc... When other people call your phone, answer... just to keep yourself busy.

If you don't give him what he asks, it is likely it will turn permanent.

It sounds like your entire world is revolving around this guy. That's a large part of the problem. You need to force yourself to do things that are good for you. I mean, get out a piece of paper and write down what you're going to do. Account for every minute from waking up to bedtime to keep yourself from calling him.

I don't know if he just needs temporary space or if he wants a permanent split but if you keep calling and bothering him, you're going to push him away for certain. Let him miss you. Put a big note on your phone that says "DO NOT CALL!" Make a list of ten things to do when you feel like calling and do them all. (1) Go for a 30-minute walk, (2) Call a 1-800 crisis hotline, (3) Rent a movie, (4) Buy a magazine, (5) Take a bubble bath, etc.

All he's done is asked you for space. Give it to him! A partner in a relationship should be allowed to voice their needs. He's done this but what he's been met with is total disrespect on your part. You're afraid of losing him. Fear. Calls. Lack of reassurance. More fear. It's a vicious cycle.

You need to believe in your heart that if he truly loves you, he will be back in your life very soon. If not, there is something better out there for you.

Dear all,
I'm going through exactly what lilah is going through. My boyfriend of 1.5 years asked for a break 3 weeks ago, and I feel like this whole world is just crushing on me!said he needed space to think things over. I can't stop calling him and asking him back, and you're right, it drives him even further away. Like lilah, I've not been eating nor sleeping well. I'm just so afraid of losing him.

Lilia, and sammy. As Gem has pointed out, it does no good to make someone the center of your universe. This is unhealthy and this is not love but more like dependence. You never make someone your life, you make them a part of it and maintain a life that you enjoy without them. If you have nothing to do but to think of them then you must of given that life up and you need to get busy and get it back. Hard work no doubt but worthwhile in the end. My advise is for to accept that your relationships have hit a major road block and leave your partners alone and work on reclaiming your personal lives and finding your own happiness. Before you tell me how hard it is, let me remind you that I already know that its hard work. Probably the hardest thing you will ever do but it must be done to be healthy. Good Luck.

OK... listen... though it's easier said than done but not impossible... I've bn through this too and understand how it is... but the only way I recovered was through the realization and introspection that NO ONE absolutely no one is worth crying over.. trust me... the more u run after something/someone, the more it goes farther... if it is ever meant to be yours... it'll come back to you. You need to have hope, faith and positivities in certain realities of life... if you lost this faith.. u lose yourself. In any case, do not wish to have someone who doesn't have a soul for you... look at it this way... IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOU, YOU WILL NOT GET ANYONE ELSE TO LIKE YOU. IF YOU LOVE YOU, THEN OTHER PEOPLE WILL LOVE YOU. IF YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU DESERVE THE BEST RELATIONSHIP, YOU WILL ATTRACT A HEALTHY, POSITIVE, FULFILLING RELATIONSHIP INTO YOUR LIFE.. sooner or later... so move on my dear.. it's not hard at all... give it just 2 weeks of not calling him... u will see time heals everything... good luck.

Life is a journey, many mountains to climb, many diversions! Sometimes we need a little hurt and a struggle to find who we truly are. It makes us human and the lessons learnt from relationships + breakups will help for the rest of your life.

Thank you all for your kind advice. Well, he didn't really say he wanted a break up for good. All he said was he wanted space and if I still insist on getting back together now, then he'd rather have a clean break. I went to his place today to pass him some stuff but he wasn't happy to see me, so I left shortly after. However, he did send me a goodnight message on my cell. It's strange because when I call, he avoids my calls,but he sometimes calls and sends me goodnight messages every night. So what does he want? I'm so confused.

He's trying to let you down easy, as he doesn't hate you and he wants you in case his other plan doesn't work, but for your own good leave him alone and accept that he needs space, so give it to him. No more good nights and sweet dreams, because as you see they give you false hope and confusion instead of peace of mind, not healthy at all. No Contact whatsoever

Does this mean he wants a break for good but is doing it gradually?
I know that he stilll has a soft spot for me as long as I give him space. He hasn't packed away any of my things left in his house (my clothes are still in this wardrobe and our photos on his desk)

No one can say what he's going to do. The important thing is how you handle this period in your life. So don't wait for him to make a decision, make your own and get a life you enjoy without him to heal and be healthy. Give yourself a chance to see things clearly and objectively and decide what you want from life. More importantly leave him alone until he calls you.

Before I start thanks everyone for advice on my other post.

It's been so hard not to call him. I haven't called in 2 days now... and I somewhat feel really good about it but I've been so miserable. I've been working and doing as much as I can to keep busy but in the process of keeping busy I break down and cry for hours. I believe I cried all night yesterday. I've been having this awful feeling in my stomach that he's going break up with me. I'm trying to prepare myself if it happens and I've already accepted that I'm going to be hurt for a long time if we break up.
It's been really hard because I don't really have anyone to talk to I'm not close with my family and have a best friend that just recently moved away so there is no one right now to have lunch with and clear my head about this whole mess and get out for a bit... for the past 6 months he was really the only thing I had my best friend, love and everything in between.
At this point I have so much regret about telling him to take a break because if I hadn't said anything I would be with him or talking to him on the phone at least I'd have someone to call me to say goodnight.

I know if I call it will just mess everything up because I'm doing good so far even though its sooo DAMN HARD... but I want to hear his voice so bad. It's just comforting... when I talk to him.

I hope he's thinking of me I hope he calls soon.

::tears::

Don't you just hate it? People are so ready to give their advice on how you should... or you should... but when you take their advice and need help carrying it out like it seems that you do, there is no one to help you talk it over and help you through your time of need.

There are a lot of us here to talk to!! who have also been through this and understand how hard it is.
The key thing to remeebr is to always have your own life in place and not to become an "us"
Keep a good balance.

Keep busy, meet new people, get new hobbies, but do not call that guy.

They all tell us to keep ourselves busy, do new things ,meet new people but it's so DAMN HARD. When I try not to call him, he calls to ask what I'm doing etc.. And when I do the same, he gets all upset and asks me to leave him alone. Isn't it unfair.?
I wonder how much time he needs for this "break" . Shall I give him a time frame?I'm like on a roller coaster.

Ive been going through the same thing lately and YES it's really hard. When my boyfriend told me he wanted a break, I just totally went crazy. He was my world, he was my everything. That was about 2 months back. I was so depressed, and have no idea how I made it this far. I do agree with you guys when you say to let him have his space. When we first went on a break, we didn't talk at all. Now he calls me every now and then... we talk maybe once or twice a week. The more distance you give them, the more they try to contact you. I know that he loves me, but needs time to figure out what he wants. I feel that if you truly love someone, you don't need "time apart," no matter what. Of course you have your friends, and your time apart, but as far as a "break," that should never be an option. I am beginning to realize that I can do so much better and that if he REALLY loves me, he will come back. But in the meantime, I'm not going to sit around and wait for him..

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Originally Posted by sammylover

they all tell us to keep ourselves busy, do new things ,meet new people but it's so DAMN HARD. when i try not to call him, he calls to ask what i'm doing etc.. and when i do the same, he gets all upset and asks me to leave him alone. Isn't it unfair.??
i wonder how much time he needs for this "break" . shall i give him a time frame?I'm like on a roller coaster.

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Doesn't sound fair to me either, but why do you put up with it? Sounds like you are more emotionally involved than he is and he knows it. Stop calling him since he needs a break and don't return his calls. I guarantee you will see things about him you couldn't see before. That's how blinded you are right now.

htowngirl02, you're really strong. How did you manage 0 calls for 2 months? I couldn't even do it for 2 days!I am totally blinded. All I want is for him to take me back. And willing to take all this unfairness. It's slightly better now as I've been keeping myself really busy, meeting up with friends etc.however, I do get my down times, I just lie and in bed and cry buckets. Sigh..

Trust me, we know how you feel.

The hardest part is not refraining from calling him, rather not answering when he calls you. Your right, it is unfair that you can't call him to talk, but whenever he decides he wants to call you, he expects you to be there waiting for the phone call.

My advice, stop being there waiting for his phone call. Even if you are there, have nothing to do, Don't ANSWER. As long as he has the impression that are you sitting there waiting to hear from him, he has no problem not talking to you.

Think of it like any other addiction, its going to be hard, but the longer you fight it, the easier it gets. If you give in, you will only set yourself back.

Good luck

I definitely believe that you CAN NOT let him be the center of your life.

Question #1 How old are you?

FACT: 1. If it I meant to be he will call you..
2. Let him call you..
3. Don't worry.
4. Realize there are many guys who are LOOKING for a girl like you!
5. Don't let this stress you out..
6. Keep yourself together, still look nice.
7. Go to the gym and do slow workouts that make your mind and body work together. Crunches really help.
8. Realize that he MAY NEVER call.
9. Its okay to be alone.
10. If this doesn't work. Wait for the right guy to find you. Don't go looking for HIM. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. If you do when he comes you will be prepared.
11. Don't settle for less than what you want.

I'm in my thirties. I know it's silly that a person my age can't deal with this. I really don't know why I love this person so much. I know I deserve better, I realised that from day 1. Guess love is really blind.I know he will come back to me. Question is, when? He still needs his alone time. Do I wait ? As I know he is quite a slow mover. Even with other matters, he takes ages to make decisions.shall I give him a time frame?
I also know nthere are other men out there who are interested in me, but I only want him. Arrrggghhhh..!

He may still have feelings for you and it will be hard for you to understand but at the moment I would say he is holding you there in case he decides he does want you. Its not a good thing for you cause if someone better comes along bang he will be straight onto them. I did this to a girl a few years ago she wanted me all the time I was with he for 4 years and eavery now and then I would be so sick of her chasing me all the time wondering where I was I would say lets just have a bit of a break, and she would say no I don't want a break what do you mean are we getting back together and I would say " Well I just need some time to think about things, I would still message her goodnight babes and missing you or thinking of you but that was when I was actually missing her a little but I was still happy having fun with my mates and going out but I knew she was there...

I tell you what did happen though she then decided that she had had enough and started saying well that's it then and I had to get her back. Your best chance if you really want him back is to go and get your stuff from his house. I think you will be best without him and you will learn this in the future when you meet anice guy although at the moment your probably saying no way thet will never happen, I said that as well but I'm glad I'm not with her now..

If you want though this is what you will have to do it will work probably, Go around to his place and tell him you need all your stuff he won't know what is going on , you then say you have been thinking about things and the break is probably the best thing at the moment because you are young and want to know what its like to be single and spend a bit of time on your own having fun.

It will be hard to do this because you think by leaving your stuff there your still in his life, while you are in his life he won't want you back. He wanted the break so give it to him let him wonder what your doing and I guarantee he will. And promise if you good luck

sammylover, we didn't talk to each other for about 2 weeks... and after that was when the calling began. He would call me a few days here and there and then I would call him. I think what made me stronger was the fact that I still got a chance to hear his voice ever so often. That kept me going and helped time pass. The thing that sucks though is that every time I built myself up, he would call/txt me... and I would go back to my old pitiful self. I was so depressed, so sad, so alone, and almost lost it. The biggest thing that helped me was constantly doing things. Going to the gym, going to class, eating out, movies, and walks. I also joined a few of the free dating services out there, and it really helped talking to others.. not necessarily the whole "flirting" bit, but just talking to others in the comfort of my own home. I recently changed my cell phone number as well, which I think will totally help me so much more with my situation.

I know what you are going though and hate the fact that you are putting yourself through all of this. Know that you are a strong individual and that any guy that makes you feel the way he is making you feel is totally not worth it.

Remember that...
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Is Lilah still crying?

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Originally Posted by lilah_k

me and my boyfriend are on a break...i feel so vulnerable and sad that i just called him today and we ended up arguing because he said he just needs some space and i dont know how to give it to him, and of course like an idiot i was the one who suggested the space but now I'm scared and getting paranoid about it.

He is right I DONT KNOW HOW TO GIVE HIM SPACE...i'm constantly thinking about things between me and him and it's hard to get him out of my mind. So i called...i know it was a mistake and i dont know what to do with myself. I'm scared that this break will turn out permanent and i just dont know how to deal with that. I keep crying, loosing sleep at night then end up sleeping all day, dont want to do anything, feel sad, dont answer other peoples phone calls, I'm just a mess and i dont know how to get myself out of it.

The break hasn't even lasted a few days and I'm going insane! someone put some sense into me please!!

i know if i continue this i will loose him!!!!!!!!!
what do i do to make him come after me?

HELP PLEASE...:(

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If you leave him alone he will contact u.every time you contact him he likes it because he knows that you will.show him that he needs you as much as you do him.
If he wasn't answering his phone when you contacted him then he really does want space,but if he is answering it every time then he is telling you how high to jump and your jumping.

The problem is, we're still in contact on a daily basis. It's OK if we talk about other things other than "us" and of course he still refuses to see me. We're just like normal friends. But as soon as I ask for an answer i.e. when would this "break" end, he's threaten to break up for good. So, I'm really confused. Hate waiting but am still hopeful.

I feel like we NEED to fall down every once and a while, it makes us who we are, and it allows there to be good and joy in life. We just need to learn how to get up rather then planing some great recovery.

Hey sammy this is really not your thread so start your own

<,Hey sammy this is really not your thread so start your own
>>
Yeah I'm confsued between everyone ! I thought sammy was lilahs story.! CAN YOU ALL START YOUR OWN THREADS as each case is different and I have not yet heard the reason for sammys breakup.

We know htowngirls and she needs to work on communication issues and herself.

Sammy what's the reason for yours and put it in your new thread. You can put the link to it here.

Sorry guys, am new here, didn't really know how this works and got a bit carried away. Will start new thread.

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Originally Posted by sammylover

the problem is, we're still in contact on a daily basis. it's ok if we talk abt other things other than "us" and of course he still refuses to see me. We're just like normal friends. But as soon as i ask for an answer ie when would this "break" end, he's threaten to break up for good. so, i'm really confused. hate waiting but am still hopeful.

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This is exactly why YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM ALONE!! He will come around if he really wants you but YOU HAVE TO LEAVE HIM ALONE!! Do NOT talk to hime for at LEAST two months. Is it not driving you crazy that he doesn't want to talk to you? Don't you think it might drive him crazy if YOU don't talk to him? You'll never know if you keep calling. For you own sanity, I am not saying to play games, but you can make yourself stronger by believing that this is a game and eventually you will realize that time alone is not so bad after all. You love yourself don't you? Then prove it. Stop acting like a P@*#Y. Not trying to be mean but sometimes you need tough love. :)

For the post above, I didn't realize that I was quoting sammylover so lilah k take this advice too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lilah_k

me and my boyfriend are on a break...i feel so vulnerable and sad that i just called him today and we ended up arguing because he said he just needs some space and i dont know how to give it to him, and of course like an idiot i was the one who suggested the space but now I'm scared and getting paranoid about it.

He is right I DONT KNOW HOW TO GIVE HIM SPACE...i'm constantly thinking about things between me and him and it's hard to get him out of my mind. So i called...i know it was a mistake and i dont know what to do with myself. I'm scared that this break will turn out permanent and i just dont know how to deal with that. I keep crying, loosing sleep at night then end up sleeping all day, dont want to do anything, feel sad, dont answer other peoples phone calls, I'm just a mess and i dont know how to get myself out of it.

The break hasn't even lasted a few days and I'm going insane! someone put some sense into me please!!

i know if i continue this i will loose him!!!!!!!!!
what do i do to make him come after me?

HELP PLEASE...:(

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I know exactly how feel but you know what "u don' t to worry just like all the other excellent advice that you've received on this board follow it" it's strange how we can hurt and find people via Internet and they give us some of the best advice known to man I have a supposedly "Best friend" but I think that she's with my guy as I write but u know what since I can't talk to her (b/c she may just be the enemy) God has guided me here so the best to all of our broken hearts.

I am going through the same thing my guy does not want to talk to me I try to call he does not answer I felt tlike I was going to go crazy I had and still have a big knot in my stomach constantly I finally went to a counselor cryed my eyes out and told her what was going on and what I was feeling we found a HUGE discovery about me I am severely codependant when the counselor started to tell me excatly how "I" was feeling and the things that "I" was doing to get him back was she was like reading me out of a book it was awful and exciting at the same time... perhaps you ladys should look in to what a codependant is and maybe it will help your hearts I am feeling almost human again after figuring out wo I am I still hurts like a bastard but it is getting better good luck

Me again please don't call him I know it will be sooooooooooo freakin hard but don't do it
Look into yourself and ask yourself first and try to make it so it is OK for you to be with him or without him