Lately, one of my friends has been avoiding me like the plague. Things seemed all right between us up until a few weeks ago, but all of a sudden, she started not answering my texts, and then coming up with excuses to not hang out. I've tried subtly asking when exactly she is free to meet and catch up, but whenever we text or talk or talk on the phone, she keeps deflecting. Finally, I tried stopping and talking to her yesterday, and about 30 seconds into the conversation, she said that she was going the other direction. When I said I'd join her, she got a weird look on her face, put her head down, and said no. She then ran off without letting me get a word in edgewise. I sent her a text to find out what was going on, but I got the following response: "I don't need this crap on my mind right now..Just don't txt/email me things for a while, Ok? Sorry for being rude and direct"

Her main excuse is that she is busy with school, but she won't even meet up with me when I know she she is free (she actually told me she didn't want me to stand in line with her while she was getting coffee - something that never bothered her before). Plus she says I need to stop focusing on her and hang out with someone else, but in reality, I've been spending plenty of time with all of my friends except for her.

I think part of the problem is she might like me. Before she started avoiding me, she was asking some really odd things, and smiling a lot, and standing closer to me a lot. I like her, but I really just saw her as a friend. However, I'm worried she thinks I like her back, and even though she's giving me signals (the look she gave me when she ran off might have been an embarrassed smile), I don't think she knows how to handle it. I don't know if this is it, but it would explain a lot. I'm the only one she seems to be avoiding, so I can't ask anyone else if there's something going on.

How do I fix the situation? I want to talk and clear the air, but I don't know what to say, or even how to get her to respond to me. I'll give her a few days (as the last thing she told before running off was that she had school stuff coming up early this week), but I don't know what to do after that.

I know that if she keeps acting like this, I'm going to have to give up on our friendship. However, although she isn't my closest friend, we seem to enjoy each other's company a lot (or at least we did before this started), so I'm not ready to cut ties just yet. Not when I know that something is clearly wrong. Plus, we both go to the same university and live in the same area at the moment; I'd rather fix things than walk around for the next while worrying about whether I'll have an awkward run-in with her.

Clear as glass - she can't handle 'just friends.' I hope you can understand the pain, or discomfort anyway, when one person has more feelings than the other. You have never been infatuated with a girl who didn't feel the same way about you?

Don't hound her. IF you run into her without trying, tell her you think you understand her need to pull away, and will honor it. The end!

Just take the hint and leave her alone because for whatever reason that's what she wants. No more trying to clear the air or fix things. When and if she gets ready to share with you she will, so just say hi and go about your business when you run into her and save you both some embarrassing moments.

Don't act like a petulant kid that can't get their way and wants to know everything. She just ain't ready for that!

"Does not know how to handle it"

Actually it does sound like she knows how to handle it, she has feelings, you do not, so she avoids you, so she is not hurt, sorry but it is how life works.

Thanks for replying. I knew not to hound her, and I'm glad I didn't; She called this afternoon asking if I was busy. Unfortunately I was, so we didn't have a long conversation or really discuss anything, but she briefly apologized for the way she acted towards me the other day. She also suggested a day for us to meet, which was surprising - it's been ages since she has been the one to initiate contact.

Now, based on what she said, I don't think that she wants to meet up to talk about it- rather, just to hang out, possibly because she feels bad about what happened. I don't want to push things, so how long should I wait before I ask what happened (or should I even bother if it seems like she's back to normal)?

My first impression maybe was different. The thing that jumped out at me was that possibly she didn't want to be seen with you because she had a new non-platonic friend who she feared might assume that there was something more than a platonic relationship going on between you two.

I also get the impression that you see the relationship with her as more than platonic. You say "I think part of the problem is she might like me ", but I can't tell for sure that it isn't the other way around. I have no facts to back up my assessment.

I am just stating the impressions that came to me in the first read of your post. I could certainly be wrong.

smearcase, I too can't be sure that this isn't the other way around. For someone who is just a platonic friend with lots of other friends, you sure seem eager to be in contact with her, and you sure seem upset when she backs away. You don't seem like someone who just collects friends to see how many you can have.

Please don't accuse me of that. I clearly said it is platonic because that's the way it happens to be (at least as far as I can tell from my end). If I had left out the part of me suspecting that she liked me, and written in a way that didn't make it clear I was a guy, would you still be accusing me of being too eager? The whole reason I'm asking is because I feel something is wrong, and I'd rather not let things get in between me and the people around me if it can be helped.

Lighten up guy, some times people are normal, sometimes they are not. You act like she can do nothing but be your friend and should wrap her life around it. You cannot or should not even be so obsessed with being with this friend so much. It's smothering and annoying in my view, especially when she has her own things to deal with and that goes for ALL your friends.

Why can you not be understanding when she cannot hangout or want to focus on something else and not make this so called normal as an all the time thing? Her adjustments or priorities cannot always be in your time, and indeed you cannot always be available for her either as you have written. That's kind of selfish, and its unrealistic to think you can control or fix your friends when something else comes up in their lives that they do not want to share with you.

You were sure ready to drop this friend when she didn't want to give you attention before,

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I know that if she keeps acting like this, I'm going to have to give up on our friendship.

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Then you say she isn't even your best friend. Clearly guy its your own attitude that needs fixing, and not this friends. True friends understand, and give space and time to their friends. False friends have conditions and issues with people doing their own thing, their own way, and resent it. True friends accept theirs friends even when they are NOT NORMAL.

While I can understand not knowing fully what's going on, don't be so impulsive and make this about YOU, or what you want. She deserves privacy and space as do we all. Its called respect. Show some.

I already asked about this before. However, the situation has gotten much worse, and might even have serious consequences if I don't do anything about it.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-785759.html
Basically, a platonic friend of mine who I used to hang out with semi-regularly started avoiding me around mid-February or so. I've had a little bit of success talking to her, and we've met up once or twice since then, but I never found out what was wrong, and she was acting weird. And for almost the past month, most of our contact has either been through confusing texts and Facebook messages, or when we run into each other on campus, which has been awkward every time. When it got to the point where she was asking me why I bothered sending texts to her (while refusing to tell me why she asked - after all, I wasn't exactly bombarding her with messages), I pretty much gave up trying to contact her, and figured the friendship was over. I was (and still am) upset that I didn't know why, but decided to just give up contacting her then and there.

This Friday though, things got really serious, and now I'm very concerned. After my last class had ended, I decided to walk around for a while, and I eventually stopped to sit on a bench inside the mini mall on the university campus. All of a sudden, my former friend came out of a nearby coffee shop, walked over to me, and asked if I had been following her. When I told her no, she said fine, but I could tell she didn't believe me as she walked away (despite the fact I hadn't actually seen her in a couple of weeks). Sure enough, ten minutes or so later, she sent me an angry text telling me not to follow her! I later got on skype to talk it over with her, but she kept deflecting my questions (to the point that she was contradicting herself), she still doubted I was telling the truth, and she said she didn't want me as a friend. She even disabled the video so I couldn't see her face when talking!
Ideally, I'd like to find out what's wrong and save the friendship, but that doesn't seem possible. However, what can I do if she acts crazy like this? I can't help it if we randomly run into each other - we go to the same school! If she's accusing me of stalking her (even though I'm not), I could get in serious trouble! She doesn't seem open to telling me what her problem is, so what can I do?

Dude... read what you have been writing...

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Ideally, I'd like to find out what's wrong and save the friendship, but that doesn't seem possible. However, what can I do if she acts crazy like this?

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That says it all, and they were in your own words... you keep trying to talk to her practically every time you "bump into her"... you keep trying to save what somehow you call a friendship... she on the other hand DOESN'T want that. Its not hard to avoid her, not talk to her even is you do "bump into each other". DO you have a NEED to talk with every other person in the school you bump into? I guess not... you just pretend she is someone you don't know. Don't call her, don't text her... don't talk to her... if you see her in the hall. You walk on the opposite side of the hall.

She made it abundently clear she doesn't want to talk with her....so you don't. If you keep pushing the issue its very easy to understand why she feels like you are stalking her....nothing you can say or do will make it better...in fact anything you say or do can and will make it worse as she has basiclly been trying to get across to you.

Sorry if thats being blunt....but this can turn into a very serious problem very quick. Your world may revolve around you, your wants and your needs....it however does not rule anyone elses world where you keep butting into and trying to impose yourself into. Hers specifically.

THere is nothing worse than someone you don't want to associate with that keeps trying to talk to you.....and even worse that won't take a hint when you are trying to ne nice about it.....So take her hints and stay away before you get a restraining order or get to have a very uncomfortable meeting at the police station about it.

Leave her completely alone and let her act crazy all by herself. Do NOT even respond to her crazy texts. BLOCK her and ignore her. Friends and being curious STOPS right now, or you are as crazy as she is. I have read all your posts and taking strong hints is not your strong suit, and can only lead to trouble if you continue down this path.

I hadn't really talked to her for a few weeks by the time we ran into each other on Friday, and it had been even longer since the last time we actually saw each other in person. And every time we bump into each other, SHE is the first one to talk and initiate conversation - If she didn't do that, I would probably walk right by.

Like I said, I miss the friendship (she started acting like this without warning after all), but I honestly had given up on her by that point. I'm not trying to run into her, she came out of the blue and made the accusation. She may very well be uncomfortable, but then again, so am I. She has seemed a little unstable around me, and mutual friends seem just as confused as I am, although it seems to be directed mainly at me.

I've already decided to stop having anything to do with her, but what if she keeps acting like this, and things get worse? I already have enough to worry about in my life...

YOU miss a friendsip with someone that's accusing you of stalking her?

If someone accused ME of that... I'd do my best to avoid her... in fact... I would go out of my way to avoid her.

Nothing good can come of it... and if she goes to the police and accuses you of stalking... life is going to get really ugly for you as well as expensive with legal fees.

THere isn't a female walking the earth worth those kind of problems. Particularly if she is mentally unstable.

Th cops would take her word for it...not yours. You would be having to prove otherwise....her actions have clearly been hinting at leaving her alone. Make avoiding her a priority.....for your own sake.

That's what I've been saying - I have been avoiding her. I miss the way she used to act around me, not the way she's been behaving for the last couple of months. And although her change in behaviour upsets me, I haven't clinging onto memories of our friendship in hopes things will be fixed. I would be glad if things could go back to the way they were, but I'm not stupid enough to expect that.

What I would do personally.. if cornered by her in the hall. Is simply tell her you are extremely uncomfortable with the situation she has put you in with these accusations. And that they are clearly signaling to everyone that she doesn't want anything to do with you... and you will do your part to honor her wishes... but she needs to stop approaching you like this as well. It will help if you had a friend with you when this happens to back up what was said. Because if she is unstable as you seem to believe you can't expect a rational or logical behaviour from her.

BLOCK her from being able to contact you. Total waste of time dwelling on her actions, or letting her rattle your cage.

Here's just one reason why I don't trust your words totally:

" I later got on skype to talk it over with her, but she kept deflecting my questions.."

Just how did you get on skype and just why were you asking her ANY questions?
Sorry, but I believe her, and I don't believe you. I think you have a creepy and persistent way of hounding her, all in the guise of 'just friends.'

I am worried for you though.

I was already on Skype chatting with someone else when a message popped up from her that was completely unrelated to all this, asking about school stuff. Since we were both on at the same time, and it seemed for a moment her mood had changed, I foolishly answered, thinking I could sort things out. It was a mistake, but she came to me first. And it ended badly, as I should have expected.

It doesn't matter to me if people on here trust me- I know I'm telling the truth, and that's that. I'm on here to get advice, not to have people side with the person making my life uncomfortable.

I have known people that thought they were not exhibiting any odd behavior but they were. I am leaning towards what Joy said...maybe you don't think what you were doing is bad but it may have come across to her that way. You tell us you just sat on a bench and 10 minutes later she came out yelling at you. You are going to honestly tell us that you didn't know she was in there, yet you sat on that bench for 10 minutes by yourself, just hanging out?

Just erase her number, all contact information. Don't reply to her, don't call her, don't Skype her, don't text her, don't email her, don't send her letters....just FORGET all about her and move on.

'Decided to have nothing to do with her' and 'she kept deflecting my questions' DO NOT GIBE!
The advice you have asked for is going to be tied to our opinions. My advice was inherent in my saying that I don't totally trust you, because I think you are deluding yourself, not because I have some personal reason to mistrust you. So my advice is to stop deluding yourself and to really mean it when you say you will HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HER.

She may be deluding herself too. That's beside the point. She couldn't figure out your 'just friends' demands, and I don't get them either, but she may be tempted to keep trying to see where you stand. Again - that's beside the point. You have to stay clear, 100%.

I'm trying, but things keep getting worse. I just got an email from a mutual friend. He said that she had gotten in touch with him, and was asking all sorts of weird questions about me, and making claims (which aren't true). For example, she claimed I've been following her around the campus the past couple of weeks, but in reality, I've been inside most of the time, finishing assignments and essays. She kept saying I've been acting all angry around her, but I've barely been around her the past few months! She even claims that I came to the university we both attend just to be around her, even though I had accepted my offer before she even got hers!

The claims she made were so ridiculous, even my friend agreed that she was acting weird, joking that she should be medicated. I can do my best to avoid her, but now she's approaching my other friends... and their asking me what's going on. I refuse to play the part of the victim, but it's still unfair. How do I fix that? My one friend doesn't want me to tell her that he betrayed her confidence (as he's still on good terms with her, and only told me out of concern), so what can I do?

(By the way, I was on the bench for maybe a minute before she approached me - she sent her passive-aggressive text ten minutes after she walked away).

Hello Joe, are you listning? From the way you are responding apparently NOT.
Put an end to it and turn off all type of communucation. It is over get real.
Most people don't want to deal with crazyiness. How about you?

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Originally Posted by catonsville

Hello Joe, are you listning? From the way you are responding apparently NOT.
Put an end to it and turn off all type of communucation. It is over get real.
Most people don't want to deal with crazyiness. How about you?

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I said I stopped communicating with HER, not my other friends. Am I supposed to give them up too just because she gets in touch with them?

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Originally Posted by Joeturner07

I said I stopped communicating with HER, not my other friends. Am I supposed to give them up too just because she gets in touch with them?

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How old are you? Handle it your way, the ball is in your court, everyone has
said what was necessary to be said on the subject.

To sum things up, I've been trying to avoid contact for a while. Running into her on Friday was not something I planned, and I only chatted with her on Skype because we were on at the same time, and she sent a message which sounded like she had calmed down. I foolishly believed this, and we had a tense conversation, which I ended first. Since then, I've been avoiding her again, but now she's approaching my other friends. This is a problem, because now some of them are turning on me, either because they believe the stuff she's making up, or because they want to stay on good terms with her.

I've been doing my best to not let this person get to me, but now she's affecting my relationships with other people! I didn't ask for this!

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Originally Posted by Joeturner07

To sum things up, I've been trying to avoid contact for a while. Running into her on Friday was not something I planned, and I only chatted with her on Skype because we were on at the same time, and she sent a message which sounded like she had calmed down. I foolishly believed this, and we had a tense conversation, which I ended first. Since then, I've been avoiding her again, but now she's approaching my other friends. This is a problem, because now some of them are turning on me, either because they believe the stuff she's making up, or because they want to stay on good terms with her.

I've been doing my best to not let this person get to me, but now she's affecting my relationships with other people! I didn't ask for this!

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Joe, remember everyone you meet in life are not your friends, they are aquaintances. If they turn on you after listening to what you consider a crazy acting girl they are just that. Move on, most people only have a few real friends.
One or Two if you are lucky.

If you are losing friends because of HER, then they were not your friends in the first place. You have to accept and adjust to your changing social circle. It's a right of passage into the very adult world of reality, that requires change in your attitude behavior and outlook. You can fight it all you want, and place blame where ever you want, but the final outcomes is what you do about the changes you are facing whether you like them or not.

Sorry but the revelation that people in your social circle like her more than you should tell you something about how you choose YOUR friends, and handle YOUR business. Just do better given the growing FACTS, and cope with them. That's one thing college tends to teach you besides book stuff, is people stuff, and making decisions based on facts and not just feelings. It may well turn out that she is NOT the only person you have to separate from, and leave alone.

KEPT DEFLECTING MY QUESTIONS
KEPT DEFLECTING MY QUESTIONS
No matter how you try to rewrite that ('thought she had calmed down,' what the heck), it is written.
You are deluding yourself.

The threads are now merged so that people can get the full story from the beginning.

I don't think you were 'subtle' as you claimed you were being when trying to figure out why she wasn't communicating.

I don't know which one of you is blowing things up out of proportion, but I don't think you have been as innocent as you may want to believe.

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The whole reason I'm asking is because I feel something is wrong, and I'd rather not let things get in between me and the people around me if it can be helped.

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I think both of you are terrible at communicating and something more is going on, but I have no idea for what to do about it. I do think you should be ready to show proof that you haven't been stalking her if police/authorities become involved.

One other thought is that maybe there is another person who is stalking her and you are being blamed. Is that a possibility?

Yeah. I know I have trouble communicating, but she's worse than I am, not wanting to do anything more than email or text. At least I have some proof that I wasn't following her: I ran into two friends (ones who don't know her) and talked with each of them at different times during the timeframe she claimed I was following her. I hope it doesn't come to this, but if she does take legal action, I just realized that they can support me at least...

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Originally Posted by Joeturner07

Yeah. I know I have trouble communicating, but she's worse than I am, not wanting to do anything more than email or text.

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Joe, I guess you don't get it, read your first sentence. What is it with you? You are playing a game. Read my Lips "Walk away, avoid her at all times, cross the street when you see her coming, don't even make eye contact, do you get it?" Move on before things happen that will make you sorry.

You don't ask what happened. Period. I think that is the wise way to handle it. If you ask her, she may think you are prying And nosy.