Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend is a teacher and confused about relationship

Girlfriend is a teacher and confused about relationship

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 months and get on really well. We only met last weekend for the first time and things got passionate!

Anyway we used to talk and text every day but since we are in an LD it has not been easy. So ever since last weekend we have both missed each other and last Monday night she broke down in tears saying this is too much but with the pressure of her being a first year teacher probably does not help. She was report writing last week but for last four days she has been coming home and falling asleep. We had a good talk over the weekend and her mind is in a state of confusion and she feels it's not fair on me but I said I would support her. So we both looked at our schedules and agreed to set days out for phone calls and video calls. She liked the idea but she also told me that she was thinking maybe we should take a break but she did not know what that meant. We were meant to speak around 7.30 last night but she said make it later. I called her and no answer.

What do I do in this situation?

Leave her alone. Maybe she liked the online you but not so much the real you. You don't really know her and I don't think she is being honest.
She met you and is not feeling you.
Leave her alone.

Anyway she called me this lunchtime to apologize for not getting back to me last night she sounds tired and down but she told me she loved me and cared about me but she feels it's not fair to put me through this situation but I said I'm here for her ! So what do you think she is not been honest about ?

She does not want to continue the relationship with you. I don't understand what "this situation" is.
I'd leave her alone. This is very immature behavior.

The first thing you should do is learn how to use punctuations.

"she told me she loved me" - doubtful. You may have wanted to hear that and put it in your head that she said it. But I highly doubt she did. If in the very small chance she did say that, she was probably trying to get you off the phone.

You seem to be rushing the relationship which means it was doomed from the start. I suspect you rush all of your relationships. Get to know someone first before you profess your love for them. That means you will finally understand what love is. What you and her have isn't love at all. I didn't profess my love to my partner for well over a year - almost 2 years in fact. You have to know someone first before you tell them you love them.

No I took my time and got to know her for two months we met last weekend and everything was good and she said "I love you and care about you" and that was before I said anything. She just needs to get herself together but she sounded a lot better than the last few days though.

All of this drama after one meeting is suspect. "I love you and care about you" means nothing. You two don't really know each other. I'd still leave her alone.

The first year of teaching is very wild and crazy with the teacher learning more than the students! She has to be super organized, will be checked up on by the principal and more experienced teachers, has to work out a curriculum and plan each day's lessons, then grade papers, record grades, evaluate students holistically and rethink her teaching methods, and so much more. And depending on which grade she has and how long of a commute, she could be really stressed at this point and is looking forward to winter break (or whatever they call it).

Sooooooo, tossing a romantic relationship into the mix will cause her even more stress and upset. Like the others said, back off and let her devote her mind and time to her teaching.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

The first year of teaching is very wild and crazy with the teacher learning more than the students! She has to be super organized, will be checked up on by the principal and more experienced teachers, has to work out a curriculum and plan each day's lessons, then grade papers, record grades, evaluate students holistically and rethink her teaching methods, and so much more. And depending on which grade she has and how long of a commute, she could be really stressed at this point and is looking forward to winter break (or whatever they call it).

Sooooooo, tossing a romantic relationship into the mix will cause her even more stress and upset. Like the others said, back off and let her devote her mind and time to her teaching.

I am doing that and letting her call me when she wants she teaches key stage 2 and gets home around 7pm sometimes she falls asleep she has just done their xmas reports and has parents evening tomorrow night. I said I will support her in anyway I can and we are due to meet up in between Christmas and New year but currently unsure about that !

We are just going to play this by ear so week to week it will be

Do you have a job?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Do you have a job?

Just made redundant over a month ago but she has been supportive through that time but I have a lot of interviews lined up which is good and she is happy that I'm doing stuff to improve my life.

Keep your reports to her about your job search and interviews lighthearted and casual -- look for the funny moments and don't burden her with tales of woe.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Keep your reports to her about your job search and interviews lighthearted and casual -- look for the funny moments and don't burden her with tales of woe.

Sure I'm hoping that when the winter break is around the corner things will pick up between me and her

Quote:

Originally Posted by jj2014

Sure I'm hoping that when the winter break is around the corner things will pick up between me and her

She may want to spend holiday time catching up with her teacher duties with recording of grades, workbook grading, and getting ready to do report cards in January. She may have family responsibilities too with last-minute shopping, visiting relatives, and celebrating with family members. You may be the last item on her agenda.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

She may want to spend holiday time catching up with her teacher duties with recording of grades, workbook grading, and getting ready to do report cards in January. She may have family responsibilities too with last-minute shopping, visiting relatives, and celebrating with family members. You may be the last item on her agenda.

well she has no kids but we are aiming to meet up over Christmas but it might have to be January but I think it's only right that I help ride out the storm with her but do it low profile.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jj2014

well she has no kids but we are aiming to meet up over Christmas but it might have to be January but I think it's only right that I help ride out the storm with her but do it low profile.

But she has parents, sibs, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and other relatives.

I'm not sure how you can "ride out the storm" with her. Be upbeat and fun and don't add to any stress she may be experiencing already.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

But she has parents, sibs, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and other relatives.

I'm not sure how you can "ride out the storm" with her. Be upbeat and fun and don't add to any stress she may be experiencing already.

I'm been positive but I'm just going to be there for her like she has for me

Just my opinion, but if she was really feeling you, she would not put you on the back burner until the first of the year. You would be a relief for her. I don't understand this "I'm too stressed to deal with you" unless you have been a needy person with her.
I wish you well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Just my opinion, but if she was really feeling you, she would not put you on the back burner until the first of the year. You would be a relief for her. I don't understand this "I'm too stressed to deal with you" unless you have been a needy person with her.
I wish you well.

no I have not been needy we both agreed a while ago that if we can't meet at Christmas then we will meet in the new year ! One of the things she says to me is she needs to sort her life balance out between teaching and home life I think she is not aware of what her limit is she has told me she is finding it difficult to get a work life balance so I have suggested maybe she takes two nights in a week just to switch off and not do any work that might help her not feel so low .

Quote:

Originally Posted by jj2014

I have suggested maybe she takes two nights in a week just to switch off and not do any work that might help her not feel so low .

When you are a first-year (new) teacher, you can't switch yourself off and ignore the work that needs to be done to prepare for the next school day(s) and to catch up with correcting and grading. At night, a new teacher DREAMS about students and school and can't turn her mind off regarding bulletin boards and handouts and tests/quizzes and always papers to correct. She can't walk out of the school building and leave it all behind her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

When you are a first-year (new) teacher, you can't switch yourself off and ignore the work that needs to be done to prepare for the next school day(s) and to catch up with correcting and grading. At night, a new teacher DREAMS about students and school and can't turn her mind off regarding bulletin boards and handouts and tests/quizzes and always papers to correct. She can't walk out of the school building and leave it all behind her.

very true she is 22 and is amazing don't know how she is doing it

She is 22 does anyone think that emotional maturity come in to it ?

Maturity has nothing to do with the fact that she is a priority to you, and you are an option among other options, and priorities for her, and that means back off, and don't chase her at all. She will get around to you when she has time and isn't tired.

You need new priorities yourself, or a better social life. This isn't a relationship, just sometimes internet and text buddies.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jj2014

She is 22 does anyone think that emotional maturity come in to it ?

I'm going to tell you that a first year teacher has no free time and if she's not 100% committed to her job! She won't get a chance for a second year. Wondergirl is right. We know! We've been there. We have papers to grade, meetings to attend, parents to conference with, classes and workshops to attend, mentor teachers to guide us, not including a classroom to maintain, gradebook to keep up, pacing plans to uphold. Need I mention that she has no idea what is coming up and how many kids she needs to help? I can go on and on, but the point is the same. Leave her alone. Jobs are hard to come by, and you being a problem is not going to sit well with her.

WG and teacherjenn are correct and I know because my wife was a first year teacher right at about the time we first met. She wanted to quit every day for many months, and she didn't have the burden of wondering if I would get a job on top of everything else. It was tough way back then and from what I see going on in education- it sure ain't any easier now.
I helped grade papers, sorted stuff, built shelves for her room,
tried to help her interpret policies and procedures, etc. Give her some support and time.

You haven't been "with her" for a couple months if you only met up once. She's backing off because she's not into it. She likes the attention, enjoys the drama (she sure creates enough of it!) but she doesn't want the relationship.

Believe me, if you were her version of Mr. Right, the distance would be overcome. And this first year teacher excuse is lame. Hey, we're all busy, all under pressure but if we value our relationships we work it out. She doesn't.

Sadly, you have no clue about first year teachers, dontknownuthin :(.

I know several first year teachers and a couple of first year residents. Yes that time is stressful and it takes a lot of time and energy, but I still think if she were really feeling you, you would be a relief for her. You were talking to her online. Things changed after she met you.
I'd back way off.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smearcase

WG and teacherjenn are correct and I know because my wife was a first year teacher right at about the time we first met. She wanted to quit every day for many months, and she didn't have the burden of wondering if I would get a job on top of everything else. It was tough way back then and from what I see going on in education- it sure ain't any easier now.
I helped grade papers, sorted stuff, built shelves for her room,
tried to help her interpret policies and procedures, etc. Give her some support and time.

In what way can I support her ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jj2014

In what way can I support her ?

Don't call/text her; let her do the initiating when she has time. Let her make any moves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Don't call/text her; let her do the initiating when she has time. Let her make any moves.

am I allowed to text her good morning and wish her a good day

Quote:

Originally Posted by jj2014

am I allowed to text her good morning and wish her a good day

It would annoy me, and she never replied to you about a break, so no.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It would annoy me, and she never replied to you about a break, so no.

Were you talking about a break in the relationship ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jj2014

Were you talking about a break in the relationship ?

She mentioned break and then you two never connected, despite an appointment to talk. I'd say you two are broken.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

She mentioned break and then you two never connected, despite an appointment to talk. I'd say you two are broken.

Oh that was for calls and she agreed to the idea but I said we can be flexible on when the calls happen so like Monday and Tuesday of this week she is busy with preparing for parents evening which is tonight and helping with the school nativity play which she was told to do but she needs to say no but she likes to please everybody which is not good. Why she did not tell me this when we met it would have made life easier and could come to an arrangement instead of making things difficult.
Shall I tell her that there is no need for this drama and sort stuff out properly.
I was surprised to get a phone call of her on Monday lunchtime when we were not meant to call till weds

I think you need to leave her alone. IF she wants to call you she will. But I also would not be sitting around waiting. This is too much drama for a 3 month LD relationship. May be she was just trying to appease you by calling. I don't think she is in to you. This started after your meeting.

I don't think you understand about first-year teachers. They are expected to give their all, to do as much as they can. It's part of the "learn to be a teacher" thing. She's learns as much, or more, than her students do.

You had mentioned "the school nativity play which she was told to do but she needs to say no but she likes to please everybody." Why shouldn't she do her part in the school nativity play? It's not a matter of "pleasing everybody." When I taught school, ALL the teachers had a part to deal with (e.g., teaching songs, lining up the kids and keeping them quiet, making and helping them put on their costumes, combing hair, setting up the stage with props and background, etc.) so that the play would be an enjoyable experience for parents as well as students.

Leave her alone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I don't think you understand about first-year teachers. They are expected to give their all, to do as much as they can. It's part of the "learn to be a teacher" thing. She's learns as much, or more, than her students do.

You had mentioned "the school nativity play which she was told to do but she needs to say no but she likes to please everybody." Why shouldn't she do her part in the school nativity play? It's not a matter of "pleasing everybody." When I taught school, ALL the teachers had a part to deal with (e.g., teaching songs, lining up the kids and keeping them quiet, making and helping them put on their costumes, combing hair, setting up the stage with props and background, etc.) so that the play would be an enjoyable experience for parents as well as students.

Leave her alone.

Okay I will let her get on with it I feel I need to be stronger here

She is the one who is causing this drama it needs to stop and she is aware of the impact its having on us

Quote:

Originally Posted by jj2014

She is the one who is causing this drama and she is aware of the impact its having on us

Then YOU stop playing a role in her drama.

Its hard to accept the reality of the situation, but that's what life is about, making decisions based on facts and not just feelings. I don't see her in any position to pursue a romance or give her heart to a struggling unemployed guy. Focus on getting your own act together and see what happens.

Bad timing dude, it will be better later. For now though recognize its just not happening your way.