I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we even lived together for the last 11 monhts. Last week out of nowhere he decided that we had to break up, pretty much out of nowhere. He says that he still loves me and that I'll always have the biggest part of his heart but that he is not in love with me anymore. The thing that hurts the most is that he is already seeing someone else. Some girl that he met at work, and even though he says nothing happened while we were still together, they did talk on the phone and then two days after we broke up he went out with her. He said that it was just his way of coping with things... I'm just confused because I'm still totally in love with him, and he always told me that I was the one for him and that he wanted to marry me and have a family and everything, and he pretty much kept on saying the same things till the day we broke up... so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast? I'm still totally in love with him and miss him so much. Thanks for any advice.

There is so much possible advice for this.
You can try to just move on, as hard as it may be. Move on and hope that he relizes what he is missing. This attempt is harder than it seems and is not for the faint at heart. Believe it or not, crying is one of the bodies best medicines. But so is laughter. You should call up some friends. Hang out, laugh, cry, talk to them. It will seem like your heart will rip in two. On one hand you'll want to wait for him, and tell yourself that he'll be back and another will tell you to move on.
On my first heartbreak, I cried so hard I was shaking. I talked to a friend for hours to for comfort.

And in case your wondering if using that a coping method (the dating another girl immediatly) is a common practice. It is, by both sexes. It's a psychological way of dealing with, pain, or distress, by taking yourself out of the situation and putting yourself in a new environment. It's what's known as a defence mechinism.

A part of you will always love him.
The soul heals. The heart mends. Memories, those are what last forever.
-Matt

I just really don't understand anything anymore. I mean for 18 months he was really the perfect boyfriend, he was and is everything that I wanted in a guy. I was sure that I was going to marry him and even when I expressed doubts to him about it he would say things like he knows that we were meant to be together, and I'm the one, and he loves me more then anything... and then out of nowhere he just changes his mind. He says that he needs time to think and that he feels this way now but that he might not feel the same way in a few weeks or months and maybe somewhere down the road we will end up together... but its like I don't want to be apart from him now. Its been 19 days and its just so painfull. Especially knowing that he is already seeing some other girl... but when I asked him to be honest with me, he told me that he was seeing her but that he was thinking about me the whole time... so I don't know if this is the truth or if he is just messing with me... it all just doesn't make sense to me.

Anyone have any advice for me? Please.

It sounds like he has some sort of infatuation with this other girl.

To be honest, it probably won't turn out to be what he wants, and he will learn sooner or later...

BUT (and that's a huge BUT), you cannot live expecting this to happen. Maybe he will regret it, maybe he won't - in either case, you need to move on and be happy with yourself. If you can recovery and be happy with yourself, if he ever decides he wants you back, chances are you will be in a better place and truthfully, won't want to be with him again...

Give him space, try to move on. If it helps, forget he exists. If something changes, he knows how to contact you - just make sure you can move on and see this all clearly before you make any decisions.

Sounds to me like he just freaked out at the whole commitment thing!

Feels for some reason that he needs to spread his wings I would not write him off totally but in the same context do not get involved in another relationship for the sake of it. Step back and take some time for you!

OMG move on. What are you thinking? The guy was at least honest with you maybe that he wanted to see someone else. Bottom line though is that he does not love you otherwise he would not have treated you thusly. Classic question /answer would you have treated him this way? NOPE ? Then move on!

Yeah. I mean I want to move on. But I love him so much. I really thought he was the one for me and I know he felt like that too at one point, even more so then me... is it possible for him to really just fall out of love with me that quick? I know I should move on because if he really loved me he wouldn't do this, but I was so sure about him at one point, how can my instincts be that wrong? I miss him so much.

Broken up with someone they loved and then got back together and things worked out? I'm just wondering if this is possible.

You cannot blame yourself for the short comings of others. Your only human, you cannot predict the future anymore than you can read minds, don't let one guy, create a hole of sadness in your heart.
There is a story:
There was a boy, who had a beautiful heart, he showed it to the world. It was perfect, in every way it pysically could be. One day he met an old man and showed him his Perfect heart. The old man said, "That's a beautiful sight there boy, but i have something far more beautiful." he showed the boy his heart, and it was manged and mis-shapened. It looked of all different colors and sections had stitches and others had holes.
The boy laughed, and said"Why is that more beautiful?"
The man sad, I have shared the beauty of my heart to others, and it has been hurtful at times, and I still have holes in others, but I still have pieces of others hearts forever in mine."
The boy cried. He then offered a piece of his perfect heart, and the old man gave him a piece of his own. The boys heart was now more beautiful than he had ever had seen before.

What the story is about, is love. Your heart may seem broken, but it'll make it more beautiful for the rest of your life. Move on.

This is a tricky one. I was in the same boat as you. In previous relationships that didn't work out, after giving them a second or maybe even a third try... it was never like the first and didn't work out. Now I'm back with the father of my children, thinking that it could have never worked but I'm being proved wrong. The tricky part is how long this will last. Right now it seems like forever but one can never tell. I believe the key is to be completely honest about everything, no matter how painful, and talk things out. Most relationships that are given a good try fail because of lack of communication. Identify what went sour the first go round and build off that. Good luck.

I've personally never known it to happen, either with me or anyone else. I suppose it's possible but highly uncommon.

Yeh I know of people who did.

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Originally Posted by confused11

...so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast?

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Move on. Don't waste time and energy hoping that he'll change his mind. He obviously has no sense of commitment so all of your hoping and waiting will only be in vain. Forget about him altogether. I know it'll be hard at first but in the end you'll be much better off for it and feel a lot better about yourself.

Confused the only thing you know is how you feel and that is legitimate. Follow that you have one of two things to believe in. He did love you and something in him changed, you'll never know for sure what only that the feeling was there. Or that it was just a façade which is your biggest fear. The thing is you will now move forwaed a little less trusting a little more covered of your emotions and the thngs that you are feeling now will be reassured of in the next relaionship ( hopefully ) because you will have learned from the pain of thins experirnce. My guess is that he did care, that things changed for him inside but you can not wait and pine over this guy forever. Do the N/C thing bag up his stuff or box it and put it away not to be seen for more than a year. Believe me it will help.

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Originally Posted by confused11

I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we even lived together for the last 11 monhts. Last week out of nowhere he decided that we had to break up, pretty much out of nowhere. He says that he still loves me and that I'll always have the biggest part of his heart but that he is not in love with me anymore. The thing that hurts the most is that he is already seeing someone else. Some girl that he met at work, and even though he says nothing happend while we were still together, they did talk on the phone and then two days after we broke up he went out with her. He said that it was just his way of coping with things... I'm just confused because I'm still totally in love with him, and he always told me that I was the one for him and that he wanted to marry me and have a family and everything, and he pretty much kept on saying the same things till the day we broke up...so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast? I'm still totally in love with him and miss him so much. Thanks for any advice.

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I than u shoun move on wit yo life

I than u shoun move on wit yo life

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Originally Posted by confused11

I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we even lived together for the last 11 monhts. Last week out of nowhere he decided that we had to break up, pretty much out of nowhere. He says that he still loves me and that I'll always have the biggest part of his heart but that he is not in love with me anymore. The thing that hurts the most is that he is already seeing someone else. Some girl that he met at work, and even though he says nothing happend while we were still together, they did talk on the phone and then two days after we broke up he went out with her. He said that it was just his way of coping with things... I'm just confused because I'm still totally in love with him, and he always told me that I was the one for him and that he wanted to marry me and have a family and everything, and he pretty much kept on saying the same things till the day we broke up...so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast? I'm still totally in love with him and miss him so much. Thanks for any advice.

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Move on he doesn't deserve you!!

Its been a month and one day since my boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me, pretty much out of the blue, and started seeing someone else. I've done the no contact thing for the most part, I've talked to him on the phone once in the last two weeks when he called me to ask me if I was OK after my car got broken into, and then another time I texted him to ask when it would be a good time to pick up some more of my stuff. But that's been it for the last couple of weeks. For the most part I feel much better, Ive been going out with friends and staying busy at work, and I've even met a nice guy who seems to be really into me. But for some reason, I just really still miss my ex. All I really want to do is get back with him, even though he is seeing someone else. I can't even imagine myself with another guy right now, but I don't really want to be alone either. I really, really miss him and I'd even be willing to forgive him for what he did. But its so hard because he could be really happy in his new relationship and not missing me at all. I'm totally lost and confused still. I know I have to continue the no contact and moving on but its just so hard. I really want him back.

Time will heal the wound he left you with...
1 month isn't really long enough to get over someone you truly care about.
Since this is not a break and he's already in another relationship, you really need to try thinking about other things when he pops into your thoughts.
It wonderful that you're going out with friends and meeting new people!
There's really no need to picture yourself with another guy if your not ready for that - rebound relationships are the pits anyway.
Mingle and enjoy your time... The right guy will come along when your ready...
I know that's kind of hard to think when your heart is somewhere else, but like I said... It takes time...

Best wishes
Kae

Thanks for the advice kae. Yeah you're right, time will make everything better... but what if he is just in a rebound relationship himself? He told me that its his way of coping with this. Maybe he'll realize that he's made a mistake. I know I shouldn't be hoping for this but I am. I'm still really in love with him. He used to tell me all the time that I'm the one, and talk about us getting married and kids and all that. He really seemed to be more in love with me then I was with him at times, that's why I just don't understand how he moved on to someone else this fast.

It was my impression that he broke up with you for this other girl...
He may just be handing you a line about the coping stuff...
You're better off emotionally without the mind games.

Either way, you will be more appealing to him (and others) if you live your life happily now without dwelling on him or the way he has hurt you...

It's difficult for you I know... I'm sorry for your situation.

A month is still to early for you yet.
Just try thinking of other "happier" thoughts when he pops into your mind.

I do hope it gets better, and I know it will...
Kae

So there is no reason for me at all to think that he'll change his mind and realize that he made a mistake? I should just totally move on 100 percent?

You should move on...
That doesn't necessarily mean that he'll never want you back.
If he sees a confidant and happy person, he may very well want you back when he's done with the other girl, but if you really think about the situation, it that really what you want for yourself... To be his girl after he's done with his "coping" girlfriend?

Was this a break or a break up?

It's been a year and a half... he isn't coming back, and even if he did, how could you trust him? I agree that it sounds like he dumped you for this other girl, which implies he was flirting with her and getting to know her while you were together. I think you should move on and find a guy that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

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Originally Posted by vlee

it's been a year and a half....he isn't coming back, and even if he did, how could you trust him? I agree that it sounds like he dumped you for this other girl, which implies he was flirting with her and getting to know her while you were together. i think you should move on and find a guy that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

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It's only been a month, but she does deserve someone who will treat her with love and respect.

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Originally Posted by AKaeTrue

Was this a break or a break up?

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Well it was a break up. But he said that he wasn't sure what he wanted. He said that I become comfortable and complacent and that I wasn't the same person that he fell in love with. So basically he said that he wanted to see if other girls become comfortable and complacent because he doesn't like that, he wants the girl to be their own person, which I thought I was, but not according to him. He said he still loves me more then anything and that I'm at the top of the list of what he wants in a girl but that he needs time. Which I thought was OK at first, but then I found out that he was seeing someone else right away. He told me that nothing happened while we were together and that he only went out with her the first time because he was feeling down and she was at work with him and she was like lets do something to take your mind of things, but now apparently they go out all the time... so I really don't know. All I know is that I still love him more then anything and want him back. I really thought and still do that he is the one for me.

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Originally Posted by confused11

well it was a break up. but he said that he wasnt sure what he wanted. he said that I become comfortable and complacent and that I wasnt the same person that he fell in love with. so basically he said that he wanted to see if other girls become comfortable and complacent because he doesnt like that, he wants the girl to be their own person, which I thought I was, but not according to him. He said he still loves me more then anything and that I'm at the top of the list of what he wants in a girl but that he needs time. Which I thought was ok at first, but then I found out that he was seeing someone else right away. He told me that nothing happend while we were together and that he only went out with her the first time because he was feeling down and she was at work with him and she was like lets do something to take your mind of things, but now apparently they go out all the time... so i really dont know. all i know is that i still love him more then anything and want him back. i really thought and still do that he is the one for me.

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OK, those lines that he gave you sound like BS from an outsider looking in...
It seems to me like he's trying to let you down easy...
If you were at the top of his list, he'd be with you.
If you were at the top of his list, he would have never risked losing you in the first place.
It now sounds like he's using you, his ex girlfriend, as a back up girl.
These are mind games...

I know it must be painful, seeming that you still really love this guy.
But this is not a healthy situation for you.

Yeah. I know. Part of me really wants to move on, because I realize what he is doing is bs and not good for me at all. And I realize that if he really loved me he wouldn't do this, but part of me just wants him back so bad. Its just so hard. I know that I just need more time. I just have to be strong and do the no contact thing and move on.

Yes, the no contact this is more for you and to help you move on...
I'm happy to read that you realize the situation...
It is more time that you need.
Try not to dwell.
Time is long and painful when you live in the past.
Hang out with your friends and try to have fun...

Thank you so much for the advice :) I just ate some ice cream and feel better for now. Maybe ill actually get some sleep tonight. I know I'll be OK, just takes times.

Your welcome...
Keep us posted.
This site can also be a good source of therapy
LOL, especially when you need to vent...

Take care,
Kae

So I posted a couple of weeks ago about my boyfriend of 18 months breaking up with me because he was confused/needed time, which turned out to be that he was seeing some other girl he met at work. Well anyway, today I went to our old apartment where we lived together to pick up more stuff, he wasn't supposed to be there, but as I was about to leave, he got there. So right away he hugged me, kissed me on the head and told me I looked really good. He then asked me how I was and was being all nice joking around. Then he told me that he is not seeing that girl anymore and that it was stupid. Then he said we should hang out sometime. I told him I was doing better and I moving on and I have a lot of stuff going on and that if he wanted to hang out he would have to call me. Then about 3 hours later, he stopped by my work, but I was on break so I didn't see him... so I'm totally confused. He was really nice and it was really good to see him and part of me wants to hang out with him, but part of me just wants to get over it and move on. I don't understand what he is doing at all, and I don't want to be his fall back on option. Any advice on this? Thanks for all the help guys.

Well this is a very tricky situation. Im going to be mean here but I'm a guy and 28 years old. When I was 20 years old I had a 16 year old girlfriend and we went out for 4 years I wasn't ready for a relationship but she was really hot and always chased me which was great I used to go out and pick up and she was always texting and wanting to see me. Sometimes I would be on with another girl and then that just didn't work out but I always had her there so I could always just keep seeing hjer and I always had a hot girl to do. That was wrong of me but I was young I feel he may be doing the same maybe he was with this girl from work for a bit then thought once he got her and slept with her it wasn't that great and also maybe she said I don't want anything serious or maybe she ad another guy as well and now he goes back to you. This will continue to happen and he will find another girl and you will be on the outer again until he neeeds a bit and comes back to give you one and thinks how good is tis. You need to move on I bet if you tell him you don't want anything to do with him he will be crying and begging because in all honesty all this guy wants is someone there that he can screw and at the moment that is you until next time. I guarantee ou will find aguy who is not like that some who respects you and cares for you this will be great for you and you will wonder why you ever dated him at all...

Yeah you're probably. He is also your age, 28. And he really seemed like he wanted to settle down and get married and stuff and then out of nowhere he broke up with me. The girl that he was seeing after me got back together with her ex boyfriend. You are right in everything you say, he probably will do this again if I give him the chance. Should I stay away from him completely or hang out as friends?

Stay away from him completely. Tell him to leave you alone. Why go through that crap again? We all know what happens when he fancies another. Don't be old stand by any more. Time to find your own happiness.

Hey guys. So its been about 6 weeks since my boyfriend broke up with me. I've been feeling a lot better lately and I even went out with a guy from work a couple of times. The thing is that I know I'm still in love with my ex and the last week and a half he's been acting really weird. Last week I was at his place getting the rest of my stuff when he came home from work early, he kept on hugging me and even when I said I had to go he said don't go. Then he stopped by my work, but I was on break so I didn't see him. And then the last two nights, he's called. It seems like he finds excuses to call, like to ask how to do something on the interenet and to ask if I had a soccer game and how come I hadn't told him about it because he wanted to come. He gives very mixed signals because the last time we had a serious talk he told me that I should just move on but now he is calling asking to come to my soccer game? I really don't understand, can you guys help me with this at all. Thanks.

It seems to me that your b/f has just realised what he has lost by finishing with you. But to be sure I suggest that next time he rings up, you ask him if you can talk properly and you should find out what he really wants, whether he wants you back as a g/f or he is just missing your company as a friend. You will never know unless you ask him. He seems to be missing you though. Hope my advise is helpful:)