Ask Me Help Desk - On a relationship break for the first time.What is happening?

My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 1/2. We really love each other a lot. Lately we have been arguing a lot. I love being with her, so I guess I don't give her much space... lol Like I even go to the bathroom when she is inside, I adore her... lol But seriously, like I love spending every second with her and I never get tired of it. For the whole year and a half, we've spent every single day together and maybe like 20 days out of that whole time we didn't see each other. I know everything about her and she knows everything about me. In the beginning of our relationship she used to make scenes and we would argue so I'd get upset that she wouldn't answer my calls so Id call other girls to get advice on how to deal with this or how do I fix this problem. Well, she found out that I made those calls and it's haunted our relationship since... I haven't done that for the last 8 months ever again because I saw how serious it was to her. Well I only called to get advice and she doesn't like me around any girls, and well I feel like I'm definitely to blame for her not trusting me. But if I love her and I stopped for 8 months then why does she throw it in my face in every argument? Well, we argue a lot anyway, but we have great times together too. She is really upset that we argue a lot and so we took a break last Wednesday. I kept calling and bugging her because I missed her and I'd get mad she was doing this and I said stupid things. On Monday I called her saying, OK, lets stop this please, I love you and I need you. Well, she said "You haven't given me a break this whole time. Every time I look at my phone your calling me, I need a break, let me breath. I said fine, until when then? And she said until Friday. Well it is Thursday and I'm so nervous she might not call tomorrow... I realize how I've been so I'm actually glad she did this, but if she doesn't take me back then this was a waste. I believe this had a good impact on me, although I miss her so much. We play basketball together and we do a lot for each other, but we get on each others nerves a lot. But I heart her so much. I keep thinking about her. I'm actually learning to trust her, and maybe it's because I'm forced to. But I could be a jerk and call her everyday but then that is only putting pressure. Maybe this way she will really know that I do love her because I am able to give her space when she really needs it. I love her! Well I'm 22 and she is 21. WHen we argue she losses respect for me sometimes because she gets so mad, so maybe this break especially since I'm not calling or anything, she will miss me and realize once again that we need each other. But I keep crying and missing her so much and thinking about all the good times, somehow I can't think about the bad even when I try. I just love her so much. I want to hold her cute hands again and kiss her forehead and play with her hair. She makes me so happy! I just hope we can stop fighting. But I think this break makes me understand a lot and appreciate her so much more which I think I always have. B4 this I think I was very impatient, and that was my problem. But this has def. helped me trust her more and be more patient. Especially if I find out she hasn't done anything wrong then I can def. trust her more. I hope she respects me for me respecting her wishes of a break and that she calls me tomorrow saying that she wants me back... Any advice on what to expect or what the problem is or how to make things better or what happens if she doesn't call? Tomorrow it's her brother and sisters birthday and they are going out, and I want her to invite me. They are also going out again on Saturday to a comedy lounge. I want to go and be with her. My brother 20 goes out with my gf's sister, so it's a lot of fun at times. I just want to be with her! What will happen? WHat should I do?

All I hear in what you wrote was"I". No wonder she needed a break and honestly you didn't do that very well either. A big clue was you see everything from your point of view, with hardly any concern as to her true feelings. You are extremely smothering, and this is not healthy, and I have no doubt she needs more space. Instead of waiting on pins and needles, you should be getting a life without her and let her do the same. Do not contact her for any reason whatsoever, and let her call you. Even if she doesn't call Friday, leave her alone. If you can't do that, she is gone. Any pressure from you can only drive her away further. That's what you've been doing all along, driving her away with your smothering. Recognise and change this.

Well it's 10 AM right now and still no phone call. Still thinking about what to say when she calls. Ive learned a lot this week and miss her a lot. I agree with Talaniman. But wish she knew that I can stop smothering and be more patient. We can be better together.

Update!
OMG! She is going to call at 3!! I hope it's good news... will update!

Ok... I was with my ex for a year and a half. We had many great memories which I can't stop thinking about. We fought way too much during our relationship. She asked for a break and then dumped me. It's been almost a month and a half since we've been apart. I keep thinking I can't or won't find someone else like her. 3 days ago I called her and I told her I msised her. She cried on the phone and she said she hasn't had as much fun with anyone so far as she did with me and that she was crying a few days ago while thinking of me. 2 days ago After no contact for 3 weeks, I went to see her at her house. She said what are you doing here. Then she was about to go in and suddenly turns around and hugs me and starts crying. Then we both cried and hugged and carressed each other. I told her I still loved her and I missed her. She just cried and told me she doesn't want this but she doesn't want to get hurt. I never cheated on her or anything, but I guess we did fight a lot over anything and it stopped us from being happy. Plus she constantly cursed me out in public and disrespected me a lot. But she is really nice at times and I just love her. So I understand why we broke up but can't accept it how she left all our memories behind. I guess she didn't love me as much to deal with our problems and try to fix them. She was not the type to call back after a fight to try and fix things. So I see how this can be easier on her. She tells me all the time to move on because she has. And after I saw her the other day and she cried, why would she tell me the next day to please go my own way and she will do the same? I wake up every morning with my heart beating fast for her. In a way I think it's better this way because we fought a lot but I miss her so much and I just want her around hugging each other. She changed her number, dleleted our myspace and never contacts me at all unless I contact her. Why would she cry and hug me but still not want me? She says she's happier now without the fighting and she wants to be friends... but I still have feelings. I don't know what to do. I miss her but she just moved on and let me go one day out of nowhere. I've been doing good, it's just the mornings that hurt badly and I keep missing her throughout the day. Should I wait, go on dates, or what? And why is she not wanting this yet is still on a break?

Epo... I have read your other posts... and I feel for you. I'm sad for you that you are still struggling after a year and a half... Are you still hoping? From my experience... (and I'm right there with you... ) hoping stinks. It can kill you. I think you should observe NC... and see what happens. If she wants you back, you'll somehow know it... if that's what's supposed to happen. That's what I'm trying to do. Go out... meet people... Move on... It's all we can do. Time will tell.

To add... it sounds like your relationship was pretty toxic, like mine. It's hard to see it though, and you still miss it...

I was with her for a year and a half... we broke up a month ago.

Whoops... sorry. There's so much to read on this site, sometimes I get things mixed up... (probably also a by-product of my at-the-moment mixed up mind..! ) So it's been almost a month and a half... Are you still hoping for a reconciliation with what sounds like a not-so-great-for-you relationship? It sounds like you might be... and I know that I am... I shouldn't be... but still am. Can mostly only remember the good times, even though they were far outweighed by the bad. Why do you think it's so hard to let go? Is it really a self-esteem/lack of self-love thing like so many here talk about? You got to know... we're better than this!!

She called and broke it off... its been a month now... she doesn't want me and told me to move on... I saw her a few days ago and she cried and hugged me but told me to go... what is that about?

Sounds too me like its over my friend, least you got one a phone call, my girl dumped me by text!!

We met up one night, she cried and I asked if she would give me the chance to win her back, she said yes and proceeded to take my expensive gift, I return home a few hours later and she texts me to say we can never go back to being a couple,

Women!

I can't stand women! They can never be understood!

That's silly. :p

You just have to understand women... which may be hard for first relationships.

There are plently of fishes in the sea.

:D

Quote:

Originally Posted by emopunk7

I can't stand women! They can never be understood!

True, from now on I'm going to be more careful and to be honest have a little less trust in my next girlfriend.

Breaking up is never easy. I am sorry that you are going through this. I understand what you mean about understanding women, believe me most of us don't understand ourselves either.
Find something else to do with your time, but I wouldn't call her for awhile. If she wants to talk to you then she will call.

That first time is a real trip! Sorry it will get no better. Eventually you will know how to handle your feelings in a more mature way.

Way less trust next time! Im going to join a gym this month... I can't wait for that... I'm hanging out with my friends and trying to stay busy. I just called her and she was annoyed but it was good to remind me of how mean she was to me. Then she wrote me online and said what do I have to say and she said I had 2 min. to tell her. So I just said wow your over rated and forget you. Peace and I signed off... felt so good

Quote:

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Way less trust next time! Im going to join a gym this month...i can't wait for that...I'm hanging out with my friends and trying to stay busy. I just called her n she was annoyed but it was good to remind me of how mean she was to me. Then she wrote me online and said what do i have to say and she said i had 2 min. to tell her. so i just said wow ur over rated and forget you. peace and i signed off...felt so good

My ex is exactly the same, first she wanted some space, so I said OK, then she said she just wanted to be friends again I said OK, then she says she's not ready for friendship, I mean what the hell is going on in her head lol

Its amazing how the girl that was so nice and loving can turn into a mean heartless witch "with a B" over night.

You havd to let her go! Your too CLINGY! That's A NO NO!! Leave her alone she'll come around if she truly loves you give her that space she ask, I was in the same boat as you I was't clingy but w/ the break part, after I quit talking to her, for a few weeks it hit her, so you must listen to your brain not your heart, its hard but it can be done get busy

My ex of 1 year and a half broke up with me. She constantly cursed me out in public and treated me like crap whenever she got mad. Although I loved it when she was happy, I stood in the relationship loving her dearly. Anyway, she broke it off because she didn't want to be upset and feel miserable all the time. After every argument I would always call her and she would never be the one to call me. Sure I made some mistakes (not cheating) but I loved her and I guess she didn't love the same. I still find myself missing her at times especially in the morning and during work, even though she treats me so bad. I keep thinking about the good stuff like hugging and kissing and talking. Anyway, I just keep thinking I won't find anyone else. I'm 22 but I don't think I will be able to find a nice pretty girl. My ex was really pretty to me. Maybe because I was in love. I just don't think I will find someone. Even if I find someone pretty they might have a different religion or might be too busy or might not like me. Please help... Also where can I meet girls at?

It's been 3 months since my ex fiancé droke up with me and I still have those feelings you describe above. But their not as bad as in the beginning. I also was thinking your way about not finding a nice pretty girl. But you still have a lot of healing to do before you start worrying about another girl. As time goes on you start to find yourself and wanting a new girlfriend isn't a priority as much as in the beginning. If your feeling you need a girlfriend rite away it's because you are feeling lonely and are trying to find someone to fill that void that your ex took away. As times goes on yourself esteem gets better and your confindence get stronger. I'm almost ready to start dating again and I'm still afraid I might not meet anyone but as I write this post, I'm thinking I wasn't worried I won't meet anyone or if I was going to have anything in common with someone before my ex and I met. But give it time your low self esteem gets better.

How can someone tell me I'm too clingy... Of course, I'm in love with a girl still. Well I know I will find someone sooner or later. I just know deep down the relationship wasn't good but I just think of the bad and keep putting the blame on myself. I keep thinking we always fought and she didn't trust me because of me. I reassured her daily that I love her and it's only her. She was way too jealous. I called ex's in the beginning which were more like friends, never anything serious... But it was 8 months ago the last time. So y now dump me. I blame it on myself for making the mistakes in the beginning. But I learned and she never forgave me. Every argument went back to that and she said she could never trust me but I loved her so much and I tried so hard daily. She would never call back after an argument but I would and she constantly cursed me out in public but I love her so much. But I'm hurt at the same time and I can't get over this. I blame it on myself! I'm so stupid! I should've done something... I should've never called anybody! I would only call to get advise and I told her that. It's not like I had feelings for others or wanted them, but still I know it's my fault. I should have never started the mess. Why can't she forgive me? Why is she so mean to me? Yet some days she was really nice. I just can't believe its over because of me. I loved her so much.

You can't put all the blame on yourself. It takes two too tango. I'm getting better but I still sometimes still blame myself but when I look at the hole picture it was both our faults.

So true! Thanks a lot!