Ask Me Help Desk - How to get over my girlfriend's past?

How to get over my girlfriend's past?

Hi I have slept with 5 girls and my girfriend had slept with 10 guys! I'm 23 and she is 22 when she was 20 she was given MEOW MEOW with out knowing and ended up sleeping with two lads she felt so ashamed after and couldn't get over it herself, how do I? Just before we met she had slept with 3 lads because she liked them but they used her and she gave another oral! But she slept with one of the lads again before she met me because she really liked him but when she met me she fell in love with me then I fell in love with her then I kept asking questions because she told me about her drug incident! She moved out at 17 because she didn't get on well with her parents! Any help to get over this please! Only honest opinions please! I think she just wanted to be loved she wishes she met me ages ago and regrets her past.

I can only give you my opinion... I believe that if you love her and you want a future with he that you MUST only acknowledge your future together and not focus on the events that happened in the past. Dwelling on the past will only affect the future that you two have found together. I wish you the best of luck!

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Originally Posted by loving1014

I can only give you my opinion...I believe that if you love her and you want a future with he that you MUST only acknowledge your future together and not focus on the events that happened in the past. Dwelling on the past will only affect the future that you two have found together. I wish you the best of luck!

Thanks that's good advice she don't dwell on my past! I've had oral of two girls but I'm not ashamed of it! I broke up with her once and she was so up set she said she ent never felt pain before! One if her ex boyfriends use to stalk her and beat her up and really badly treat her once he tied her up and clamped hair straightened on her foot! Which doesn't play in my mind! Sexail encounters with boyfriends don't bother me

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Originally Posted by Matt999

Thanks that's good advice she dont dwell on my past! I've had oral of two girls but I'm not ashamed of it! I broke up with her once and she was so up set she said she ent never felt pain before! One if her ex boyfriends use to stalk her and beat her up and really badly treat her once he tied her up and clamped hair straightened on her foot! Which doesn't play in my mind! sexail encounters with boyfriends don't bother me

Seriously Matt - reading this it almost sounds like a contest. The count in either of y'alls past doesn't matter. Her past doesn't matter because it is her past. If you really want to ruin this relationship make sure her past matters and make sure you keep bringing it up.

We all have things in our past that we aren't proud of. But it is in the past and in a relationship you should be focused on the future. Let it go and don't dwell on it. If you can't get past this then let her go. It is just that simple.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Seriously Matt - reading this it almost sounds like a contest. The count in either of y'alls past doesn't matter. Her past doesn't matter because it is her past. If you really want to ruin this i dont relationship make sure her past matters and make sure you keep bringing it up.

We all have things in our past that we aren't proud of. But it is in the past and in a relationship you should be focused on the future. Let it go and don't dwell on it. If you can't get passed this then let her go. It is just that simple.

Yeah I love her but I've always lived in my past and now I feel like I'm living hers I hate the thought of someone else touching her I trust her loads because she's always been honest with me but sometimes the images get me down

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt999

yeh I love her but I've always lived in my past and now I feel like I'm living hers I hate the thought of someone else touching her I trust her loads because she's always been honest with me but sometimes the images get me down

How old are you two?

People have history. It is something you can't escape. Some histories include sex, criminal records, cheating, coloring outside the lines, etc. Having a history is how we learn.

But you had sex too so it is completely unfair of you to bring up her past. Heck man I was dating 3 other people until I decided to be exclusive with my partner. And that included being intimate with them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

How old are you two?

People have history. It is something you can't escape. Some histories include sex, criminal records, cheating, coloring outside the lines, etc. Having a history is how we learn.

But you had sex too so it is completely unfair of you to bring up her past. Heck man I was dating 3 other people until I decided to be exclusive with my partner. And that included being intimate with them.

I never slept about though like she did just before we met we do get in so well it's just me and my immature thoughts these lads always use to ting her when we got together she use to ignore them x

Have you ever considered that her past relationships have made her the wonderful person that she is now? That she accepts you because she knows you are a good and worthy person only because she has fallen for guys who turned out not to be so good and worthy -- that she has learned the difference and her relationship with you is the happy result of her past experiences?

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Originally Posted by Matt999

I never slept about tho like she did just before we met we do get in so well it's just me and my immature thoughts these lads always use to ting her when we got together she use to ignore them x

Well maybe if you did you would be more of a fun person to be around. Just saying...

We get a lot of people on here who say the same thing you did and honestly it just erks me. Nothing personal because I don't know you. Apparently according to your thinking she should have told all the other gentlemen callers "Even though I have needs to fulfull I can't sleep with you because I may meet a Matt one day that won't ever let me forget it."

Come on dude be real...

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Well maybe if you did you would be more of a fun person to be around. Just saying...

We get a lot of people on here who say the same thing you did and honestly it just erks me. Nothing personal because I don't know you. Apparently according to your thinking she should have told all the other gentlemen callers "Even though I have needs to fulfull I can't sleep with you because I may meet a Matt one day that won't ever let me forget it."

Come on dude be real...

I know I'm just dum I don't like it that's all I think I'm just weak minded and insecure or summut or jealous because she slept with more people than me

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt999

I know I'm just dum I don't like it that's all I think I'm just weak minded and insecure or summut or jealous because she slept with more people than me

But you did the same!!

Treat her how you want to be treated. Realize that jealousy and insecurity is not attractive. If you can't get over this let her move on to someone else who accepts her for who she is. You aren't perfect and neither am I. And luckily that is OK.

How old are you both?

How long have you known her?

How long did you date before becoming a couple?

How long have you been a couple?

Do you live together?

Two humans with past issues they can hardly deal with themselves, will have a lot of difficulty dealing with each other. When the above questions are answered we can give more accurate suggestions.

I never knew the girl before I've been with her six months every was great till I heard all this it was just a shock but I already fell in love with her

I'm 23 she 22

Girfriends past

Hi people if you think you can you help me then please do! My girfriend in her past thought she was sniffing coke and these two lads one she was seeing gave her mkat not telling her what it was with the plan to her she got really bad off it and she ended going sleeping with one then the other walked in and she started giving him oral then when the first finished the other started to her! I love her till I found out this I don't look at her the same what do I do she was so ashamed and hoped no 1 new about it she was honest and told me about it because she really loves me! What do I do?

If you love her you forgive and never mention it again. She has already been a victim so don't make her a victim again. No different than being hit by a car. How have you been coping for the last month since you last posted?

Your threads were merged together even though some time has passed.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

If you love her you forgive and never mention it again. She has already been a victim so don't make her a victim again. No different than being hit by a car. How have you been coping for the last month since you last posted?

Your threads were merged together even though some time has passed.

No better Cand to the point where I have broke up with her but I'm disgusted in myself because she must feel all again because I can't handle stuff like that x

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

If you love her you forgive and never mention it again. She has already been a victim so don't make her a victim again. No different than being hit by a car. How have you been coping for the last month since you last posted?

Your threads were merged together even though some time has passed.

Tal, I did respond to his new thread, and my response isn't here. :(

Can we remedy that, because I think my reply is valid.

Alty,

Merged but no responses when I did so have no explanation for it. Normally any replies come with the post. Or maybe it was lost because I merged at the same time you submitted. I don't know.

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Originally Posted by Matt999

No better Cand to the point where I have broke up with her but I'm disgusted in myself because she must feel all again because I can't handle stuff like that x

Maybe its better that way but I hope you both learn from this experience.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Maybe its better that way but I hope you both learn from this experience.

I think so I need to move on I call her a princess but I can't treat her like one

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Originally Posted by Matt999

I think so I need to move on I call her a princess but I can't treat her like one

My post to you was lost.

I agree, you should move on.

In the post that was merged with this one you said that you no longer love her, because of her past.

She deserves someone that loves her despite the things she did in her past. You can't do that, so move on and let her find a man that can look past her past, someone that can love her unconditionally. That's not you.

She deserves better.

You're worried about how many guys she slept with....maybe she should be worried about how many girls you slept with....what's the difference? This was before you.

If you can't get over it, do her a favor and leave her alone....it will help if she has a chance to find someone more mature who can deal with things like this as an adult.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

You're worried about how many guys she slept with....maybe she should be worried about how many girls you slept with....what's the difference? This was before you.

If you can't get over it, do her a favor and leave her alone....it will help if she has a chance to find someone more mature who can deal with things like this as an adult.

Yes I'm going to let her go I can't be with a girl who has been with to lads at once it's not right even though she was given the wrong drug! It's always on my mind and not healthy for me as much as I think she amazing and cute it will always be there

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt999

Yes I'm going to let her go I can't be with a girl who has been with to lads at once it's not right even though she was given the wrong drug! It's always on my mind and not healthy for me as much as I think she amazing and cute it will always be there

You're playing the victim, and the jury, and the judge.

If you can't live with someone's actions in the past, you don't love them enough to have a future.

It's not healthy for her to be with someone that doesn't love her enough to accept who she is. You're not nearly as noble as you try to make yourself sound. The truth is, she deserves better than you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt999

Yes I'm going to let her go I can't be with a girl who has been with to lads at once

You've made the right decision. This would always eat at you, and you would use it against her during arguments. Best wishes finding someone who cherishes you and whom you can cherish.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You've made the right decision. This would always eat at you, and you would use it against her during arguments. Best wishes finding someone who cherishes you and whom you can cherish.

....and who can live up to your standards.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

....and who can live up to your standards.

Yup, and that too.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

....and who can live up to your standards.

I'm guessing anyone that's had less sexual partners than him, or a virgin. If you've had a past, even though that's in the past, the OP can't handle it, even if he claims to love you. I doubt the OP knows the true meaning of love. Love is accepting everything about a person, understanding that the past is the past, and being able to move on. He can't do that. He's too insecure.

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Originally Posted by Alty

I'm guessing anyone that's had less sexual partners than him, or a virgin. If you've had a past, even though that's in the past, the OP can't handle it, even if he claims to love you. I doubt the OP knows the true meaning of love. Love is accepting everything about a person, understanding that the past is the past, and being able to move on. He can't do that. He's too insecure.

I can deal with her sleeping with people in the past just not the mmf it's a horrible picture in my head and I don't look at her the same

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt999

I can deal with her sleeping with people in the past just not the mmf it's a horrible picture in my head and I don't look at her the same

Than get over her already. Why do you keep posting about this over and over again if you've dumped her? Move on, let her move on, let her find someone that can accept everything about her. She deserves that.

You couldn't stand the heat so getting out of the kitchen is a good choice. Don't feel guilty.

You need to stop asking questions, especially the ones that give you information you can't deal with. If she is forking over this information on her own, tell her she needs to stop. However, as far as her past goes you just make a decision of not caring. And to be completely honest with you, why does it matter? Everyone has a past, some darker than others, the past doesn't matter what matters is that she is with you now.

Girfriends past

Ok guys thanks for all the advise I do love my girlfriend lots we get in so well and have a great time together but how do I forget these thoughts I've tried everything it would be nice to get answers from people in my situation

You don't forget, you don't let them bother you and think of something else to focus on.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You don't forget, you don't let them bother you and think of something else to focus on.

We all no that's easier said than done lol it's only because I love her why it hurst I know this! Ill do this :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt999

We all no that's easier said than done lol it's only because I love her why it hurst I know this! Ill do this :)

Your problem is nothing in the grand scheme of things. The fact that this is bothering you this much, that you can't let it go, is troubling.

You've been with other people before her. She's been with other people before you. Why does it bother you this much? Is it only because she's had more sexual partners than you have? If so, why is that bothering you?

Love is unconditional. The past is the past, you can't change it. If you can't accept her past, you should let her go, let her find someone that doesn't ruin the relationship because of his own insecurities.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Your problem is nothing in the grand scheme of things. The fact that this is bothering you this much, that you can't let it go, is troubling.

You've been with other people before her. She's been with other people before you. Why does it bother you this much? Is it only because she's had more sexual partners than you have? If so, why is that bothering you?

Love is unconditional. The past is the past, you can't change it. If you can't accept her past, you should let her go, let her find someone that doesn't ruin the relationship because of his own insecurities.

I get that it's the mmf that she was drugged in to it mate it eats me up because I love her I'm seeing a counsellor to help me change the way I think because I do dwell on it! We get on so well I never bring it up no more because I hate seeing her upset x

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt999

I get that it's the mmf that she was drugged in to it mate it eats me up because I love her I'm seeing a counsellor to help me change the way I think because I do dwell on it! We get on so well I never bring it up no more because I hate seeing her upset x

A counselor is a good idea, because this is your issue, not hers. She can't change her past no matter how you feel about it. It's not possible. The only option is for you to change how you feel about it. This is obviously eating you up, which is a problem, and is not conducive to a long term happy relationship no matter how much you love her.

You're the one that needs to change. She can't change the past.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

A counselor is a good idea, because this is your issue, not hers. She can't change her past no matter how you feel about it. It's not possible. The only option is for you to change how you feel about it. This is obviously eating you up, which is a problem, and is not conducive to a long term happy relationship no matter how much you love her.

You're the one that needs to change. She can't change the past.

This is what I have realised myself I want to be with her but can't change the past so I need to change the way I think! I really don't know why it bothers me some times I laugh at it! I no it doesn't matter just gets me guys loving the support though I know I'm not the only dippy person that thinks like this x

I can't say I wouldn't have anger issues if I was with a girl that went through this. It was a sexual assault and she was but a victim. But you are taking some good positive step by getting help to deal with your feelings and that a good thing.

Good Luck.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I can't say I wouldn't have anger issues if I was with a girl that went through this. It was a sexual assault and she was but a victim. But you are taking some good positive step by getting help to deal with your feelings and that a good thing.

Good Luck.

Thanks Taliman she is not a slag or anything like that! I would love to smash there heads in! Sometimes I picture kicking the head of the first guy who she was seeing at the time makes me feel a bit better lol