Ask Me Help Desk - Is my boyfriend lying

Is my boyfriend lying

I found a note in my boyfriends car screwed up saying send me a pic of your then a drawing of a woman's breasts

Did you ask him about it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Did you ask him about it?

Yea he's denied knowing about it and is just saying I'm always accusing him I just don't get why it's on paper if it was a text if think he's chesting

Did it look like his handwriting? Does he drive others around in his car?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah2014

Yea he's denied knowing about it and is just saying I'm always accusing him I just don't get why it's on paper if it was a text if think he's chesting

Are you "always accusing him"?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah2014

Yea he's.......saying I'm always accusing him....

What other things have you accused him of? What suspicions do you have?

I am insecure, well I may question him about other women but not like he makes out its all the time and yea it did look like his writing

I'd back off and just watch and wait (and not say anything more).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'd back off and just watch and wait (and not say anything more).

I can try but it's eating away at me and on the other side of the note it says what u want a pic of

I have found the best way to catch a cheater is to act naïve. The more you accuse and question the more secretive they become and the more they hide. The more naïve you act the more blatant they think they can be. Like they can get to the point where they will talk to the girl on the phone with you in the room if they think you are clueless.
Insecurity doesn't help. You need to do as Wondergirl said and back off and watch and wait. Wait for him to slip up and watch for the red flags. Do not accuse until you have enough solid evidence.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I have found the best way to catch a cheater is to act naive. The more you accuse and question the more secretive they become and the more they hide. The more naive you act the more blatanthey think they can be. Like they can get to the point where they will talk to the girl on the phone with you in the room if they think you are clueless.
Insecurity doesn't help. You need to do as Wondergirl said and back off and watch and wait. Wait for him to slip up and watch for the red flags. Do not accuse until you have enough solid evidence.

Ok I will take your advice thank u, do u have any theories as to what it could be? I asked him if he has nothing to hide show me his mobile which he did and there was nothing bad but he could've deleted it

He could think he is harmlessly flirting with a co worker. Some guys think it's their duty to make a girl feel good about herself by acting flirty. Not much you can do until you have evidence that adds up. Insecurity will only drive a wedge.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah2014

Ok I will take your advice thank u, do u have any theories as to what it could be? I asked him if he has nothing to hide show me his mobile which he did and there was nothing bad but he could've deleted it

No theories at this point. Just play the waiting game. If he's up to no good, he'll slip up sooner rather than later because he thinks you are clueless. Don't count the eggs in your basket until you have a full basket -- in other words, wait until you have enough evidence, and don't accuse him on every little thing.

You might just win an Academy Award on this performance!

How old are both of you? How long have you been dating?

Sounds like a juvenile prank. Does he have any friends who give him something like that?

It was a note with a drawing. It seems to have been tossed aside as trash by someone. Why would he send himself a note asking for a picture of his (I am guessing the censor program left out the slang word) penis?

Do you always look at the trash in his car? This was screwed up which means it would have to be flattened back out to see what was on it. Were you looking for evidence to use against him? If so, then there isn't any trust in your relationship and you should consider moving on. If there is no trust, even if he is innocent and someone played a joke, you wouldn't believe him. There is nothing he could say in his defense that wouldn't sound like lying.

Have you caught him cheating? Are other people saying things to cause problems between you? Do you want to trust him but are afraid to?

If you are insecure, you need to work through your feelings and find your self-confidence. No one can make you feel secure. It has to begin inside yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

He could think he is harmlessly flirting with a co worker. Some guys think its their duty to make a girl feel good about herself by acting flirty. Not much you can do until you have evidence that adds up. Insecurity will only drive a wedge.

Yeah you may be right and he's flirted with a worker before who then got a crush on him and she took it bad when he said it won't go any further, just wish he would make me feel good about myself, also as far as I know there are no women on the site he's Been working at

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah2014

just wish he would make me feel good about myself

No, no, no!! That's not his job. That's YOUR job. YOU have to find ways to feel good about who you are.

Where does your insecurity come from?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

How old are both of you? How long have you been dating?

Sounds like a juvenile prank. Does he have any friends who give him something like that?

It was a note with a drawing. It seems to have been tossed aside as trash by someone. Why would he send himself a note asking for a picture of his (I am guessing the censor program left out the slang word) penis?

Do you always look at the trash in his car? This was screwed up which means it would have to be flattened back out to see what was on it. Were you looking for evidence to use against him? If so, then there isn't any trust in your relationship and you should consider moving on. If there is no trust, even if he is innocent and someone played a joke, you wouldn't believe him. There is nothing he could say in his defense that wouldn't sound like lying.

Have you caught him cheating? Are other people saying things to cause problems between you? Do you want to trust him but are afraid to?

If you are insecure, you need to work through your feelings and find your self-confidence. No one can make you feel secure. It has to begin inside yourself.

Thank u for your reply, no I don't go looking but saw a cig box and went to get one and saw paper so was being nosy, we are early 30s with children and have had lots of uos and downs and issues with him being flirty but no cheating to my knowledge I trust him there well until today, it just feels like he cannot be bothered to defend himself but it was in his car so he must know about it

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah2014

Thank u for your reply, no I don't go looking but saw a cig box and went to get one and saw paper so was being nosy, we are early 30s with children and have had lots of uos and downs and issues with him being flirty but no cheating to my knowledge I trust him there well until today, it just feels like he cannot be bothered to defend him self but it was in his car so he must know about it

Also no diagram where it said what u want a pic of only a pic of breasts where it said later at work send a pic of your then a diagram of breasts

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah2014

Thank u for your reply, no I don't go looking but saw a cig box and went to get one and saw paper so was being nosy, we are early 30s with children and have had lots of uos and downs and issues with him being flirty but no cheating to my knowledge I trust him there well until today, it just feels like he cannot be bothered to defend him self but it was in his car so he must know about it

How old are the children? Are any of them of school age?

He may not know if someone dropped it in the car or he picked up a piece of trash and didn't think about it.

My boyfriend is flirty and it makes me feel crappy about myself because I feel that he makes time to help other girls but he doesn't even have time to go to the store with me to help pick out a pair of work shoes FOR HIM. I have no evidence that he is doing anything with these girls but the way he talks to them I keep my eyes and ears open. I kid him some about 'the other women' but I don't accuse him. Waiting for the moment he slips up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

No, no, no!!!!!! That's not his job. That's YOUR job. YOU have to find ways to feel good about who you are.

Where does your insecurity come from?

Yeah it is my job but I feel insecure from things that have happened in past with him and being cheated on in relationships

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

My bf is flirty and it makes me feel crappy about myself because I feel that he makes time to help other girls but he doesn't even have time to go to the store with me to help pick out a pair of work shoes FOR HIM. I have no evidence that he is doing anything with these girls but the way he talks to them I keep my eyes and ears open. I kid him some about 'the other women' but I don't accuse him. Waiting for the moment he slips up.

Your stronger than I am I can't keep it in

Guys have a way of saying do not compare me with other guys. Same goes with other girls he can not treat you like you are going to cheat on him due to his past experiences. AND you can not try to live up to 'above and beyond' for him to overcome any worries he may have about you treating him the same.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

How old are the children? Are any of them of school age?

He may not know if someone dropped it in the car or he picked up a piece of trash and didn't think about it.

Yeah you may be right I hope so I love him to bits although been rocky lately , yes two are school age whys that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Guys have a way of saying do not compare me with other guys. Same goes with other girls he can not treat you like you are going to cheat on him due to his past experiences. AND you can not try to live up to 'above and beyond' for him to overcome any worries he may have about you treating him the same.

Thank all you guys for your help much appreciated I need to get some sleep now but be on in the morning x

Could they have written the note. Kids are more in the know in that area nowadays than you would think or want them to be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

could they have written the note. Kids are more in the know in that area nowadays than you would think or want them to be.

No definitely not and his got a work car so they generally go in mine plus it's his writing

And the writing on the other side of the paper?

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

and the writing on the other side of the paper?

Pretty sure it's his writing

If he wrote both sides it seems like maybe he wants to get you jealous or he wants to see if you are looking in certain places for whatever?

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

if he wrote both sides it seems like maybe he wants to get you jealous or he wants to see if you are looking in certain places for whatever?

I would like to think your right but I rarely go in his car and he knows how much hassle it would cause