Hello everyone :(

Me and my girlfriend had been together 3 years and after travelling for 4 months 2 days after we got back she split up with :( she said that she sil,l loves me and fancies me but wants some time alone and we are broken up which I find the hard part. She says she wants time for both of us to be able to stand on our own two feet and not rely on each other .
We still speak like every 2 days which I like but makes it harder as we have friends in common there are a lot of social meetings which I find hard too :(
It has been 3 weeks since split I'm getting better keeping busy but I really want her back what should I do ?

Bobic, this is textbook breakip 101. And it happens on this site all the time. But there is HOPE!

Step back.

The key here is to STOP communication.

If she loves you and you love her, it is the only way to make her deal with the consequences of her actions.

What she is doing is NORMAL. She is evaluating your relationship like most people do.

But what she's not doing well is communicating.

She is not able to communicate YET what it is that is causing her to take time, but without being a jerk, just back OFF. She may be confused at first, but it's the only way to get her to relax her mnd and communicate later - and for YOU to see if YOU want this as well.

I know it is HARD, very HARD, but communicatng every couple of days just lets her wean herself slowly. She needs to miss whatever it was that was special about you, and she cannot do that until you leave a void.

SILENCE is your ally.

Release control to get control.

Your right ! But we share most of the same friends and I have been invited to her birthday party which I have already bought her as pressie which is a surf board which costg quite a lot of £££ I know at the party all these boys will be trying it on as there scum and ill get angry and reuinin everything :( thank you for your time

That birthday party would be a great opportunity to begin the "void"...

If you want her to miss you - do not attend.

I would politely offer an RSVP.

This is perfect. Go to the party make sure you give her the present, be polite say hi to everyone, stay a little bit (but not too long) then leave.

The key here is less contact, leading to NO contact.

Let her know you can "stand on your own 2 feet".

"absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Your affection for those close to you increases when you are parted from them.

If she loves you, shell come back. Just give it time.

But remember talking with her probably won't be the best idea, a nice ("hey, how are you, heres your gift, i hope you like it".)

Would be fine, but then BACKOFF. Go and speak to someone else at the party.

Remember you're in control here, don't let your emotions get the best of you.

Then just leave. Don't say goodbye, just leave. Let her miss you, and wonder why you didn't say goodbye.

Remember, She's THE ONE THAT NEEDED TIME NOT YOU.

If its meant to be its meant to be, if its not, its not.

Goodluck to you.

Yes, ignore her completely.

She dumped you (sorry) but doesn't want to be mean about it, she will slowly try and communicate less and less till you get the point.

Move on and meet someone else, don't worry about what she is doing.

I really don't think that she wants to completely end it.lowtax as she has told me she picutres us together down the road as I asked her what her ideal idea is which was a break sort ourselves out and be together again maybe youyr right but the way she looks and acts around me makes me think that won't happen and I hope it doest .

SPACE.
GIVE IT.
Sounds like you two have been inseparable.

She wants to make you work a bit on being a bit independent of her... so, just ease back.
But put it on her... it's the only way. You don't have to be a jerk.
I know you love her... just try a little will power for a bit.

And if you go to birthday, politely say you have to run off a bit early...

Thanks for the advice :) any more would be very appreciated !

expect the unexpected my friend. Or it will come back to slap you in the face.

signs of her may wanting to end it:"i still love you, i just need time to think"
"i just need some space" or my personal favorite, " i need some time alone, i want us both to be able to stand on our 2 feet and not rely on eachother"

lol which is a complete lie, in reality it takes 2 in a relationship, you NEED to rely on each other, in order for you to maintain:

loyalty,trust,respect,communication,security="love "<--

GOD I HATE THAT WORD. Lol

And you are right ash we have been in each other shoes for 3 years +4 months trvaelling every second together I enjoy it but maybe its not healthy thanks guys

I think maybe I rely on her more than she relys on me alize which I understand I have to grow up abit but I really hope we can sort it out its hard to see people say on here that its over and there's no hope everyone deserves a second chance we have such a good time every time we see each other we get on great find each other attractive everything :( but pbviously something's wrong :(

Ill give it ago just I really hope this isn't the end I know she feels strongly about me. Ill cut coms after party I really hate this rubbish :( humans are fickle or always want something they don't have :(

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Originally Posted by bobic

i think maybe i rely on her more than she relys on me alize which i understand i have to grow up abit but i really hope we can sort it out its hard to see people say on here that its over and theres no hope everyone deserves a second chance we have such a good time every time we see each other we get on great find each other attractive everything :( but pbviously somethings wrong :(

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Yup, and you'll never know what the problem is unless she wants to communicate with you.

But she won't. U did your part, its her turn now. Just hope she realizes that you still are the best thing that ever happened to her before its too late. And trust me she has to do it alone. Trying to make a woman see that your love for her is truly genuine, is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

virtually impossible.

I will try my hardest I'm the kind of person who hates to be mean or makes someone feel bad I hate it I don't know why maybe I weak but ill try my hardest thanks for all the advice you have been great. She will see that I am the best thing that has happened to her and if not then I hope she finds something or someone who makes her happy :)

I know what you mean, been there done that.

GODSPEED.

Did it work for you ali ?

Lol my situation? I don't think you want that answer.

But if you truly are curious, check out my thread. Read everything.

But I wouldn't, "curiosity killed the cat."

But me and my girlhave no bad feelings at all its almost as if we have broken up c ept for lack of sex and seeing each other

While it may seem like that from your perspective, she may have an entirely different agenda.

Problem is, she won't tell you what's wrong. Just got to wait it out.

OK thank you very much for everything fingers crossed :)

Good luck.

UPDATE !

OK I didn't speak to her for about 3 days on the second day she sent a text asking what I'm up to if I'm OK bla bla bla I didn't reply she then rang me later saying why didn't I reply to her text and was annoyed as I had seen her the day before I said I found it hard and she said that I didn't find it hard the day before when I saw her ? I feel like I have to make contact now and that I have hurt her feelings or ruenined all chances of getting back together what do I do??

OK so I gave the no coms a go 1st day fine. Second day she sent a text asking what I'm up to etc etc (I did not reply) third day she sent another text = no very nice not to text back =
3rd day she rang me saying why I'm I not replying to her so I told her I found it hard to communicate and u want space. She then started saying that I didn't find it hard before and that I'm acting different but I'm not I'm just busy and getting on with things what do you guys think I should do ?

I

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feel like I have to make contact now and that I have hurt her feelings or ruenined all chances of getting back together what do I do??

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This is exactly what she wants you to feel. Instead of concern she is annoyed, that you do not do what she wants, and that is to call and talk to you. She knows full well what it does to you and she will give you false hope to make sure she keeps you where she wants you. Do not make contact.

I feel like I have left it on a bad note which is horrible can so do I make it clear to her now ? i.e. ring and have a chat be nice then leave it.?

Leave it alone now. She knows what you feel already. Leave her alone.

I

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feel like I have to make contact now and that I have hurt her feelings or ruenined all chances of getting back together what do I do??

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She is trying to put you in friends mode, She has no intentions of having a romantic relationship with you. Accept this and move ahead with getting your emotions under control. Why are you putting her needs above your own? Not healthy. She ignores your needs altogether and on purpose. What you do is leave her alone.

Yea man, if when you make contact with her after she wants a break, she's keeping you on a leash. Don't let her mess with your head. You have a life of your own let her know that she's not that important, as you obviously aren't that important to her correct?

She did want a break after all...

yes, it's true. be tough. if you walk away she will repect you MORE.

Go back and she will respect you LESS. If it is to be - you can decide in about 3 months.
This is something you need to trust... or you will fal trying to control this quixotic minx.

Bobic,

If you two had the bond and the respect for each other that it seems you did, she will not hold this against you. She may seem mad now, but chances are she is getting upset because she is starting to realize that you Aren't dependent on her, which is exactly what you should be doing. By calling her, you qould be relinquishing all control that you hve started to earn, and as soon as she knows your back waiting for her, she will no longer be concerned about whether you are talking to her or not.

Trust me, I know from experience, if you call her you will feel better for a short time. And as soon as that wears off, you will feel worse than you have till this point. You will spend the next days waiting for her to call you again, wondering what she is doing, why she isn't contacting you, and you willb e miserable when yo urealize she isn't going to. Best to let it be. If she was worth your three years, I'm sure she will eventually understand you are doing what you need to do to be healthy within yourself.

I know this probably isn't what yo uwant to hear, because you know hearing her voice would make you feel better and for a minute you could feel like all is fine, and back to the way it was. Don't think that, it will just make you realize how much you miss her. In complete honesty, I made the mistake you are thinking about more than once, and only now do I wish I had stayed with my initial no contact, it would have prevented me from starting over again and having to deal with the hardest part (the beginning) all over again. Ask tal, he has read my post :)

Best of luck

Well thanks for the adivce guys ! Sadly I bumped into her today and had a chat silly me it was nice and she was jealous of a few things I am doing and getting on with I am also jealous but wouldn't tell her :p but it was nice. Now the complete no contact starts ! Got to be done thanks guys

Out of sight out of mind almost !

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Originally Posted by bobic

well thanx for the adivce guys ! sadly i bumped into her today and had a chat silly me it was nice and she was jealous of a few things i am doing and getting on with i am also jealous but wouldnt tell her :p but it was nice. now the complete no contact starts ! gotta be done thanx guys

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It sounds like you handled it well. You didn't let on to your feelings, as she really has no right to know anymore. You also didn't ask anything beucase you were curious. That is another lesson that is a hard one to learn. Curiosity about things generally just leads to more hurt and more questions. I have learned that questions are bad, they just lead to more questions, and the answers are generally not the ones you want to hear. Even if they are the ones you want to hear, will you believe them?

But we are still friends we are best friends really I'm not curious about what she does she can do what she likes just going to be hard to cut off completely :(

Maybe traveling together for 4 months straight was too much constant time together. Maybe she just needs a little break.

That's what I hope she says she doesn't want any ties at the moment she wants abit of time by her self which is fine we have been together since we were 17 so its fair enuff and 4.5 months everyday together is not normal for anyone !

Heh yea, if its of any consolation, I went back to my girlfriends house to get my stuff, after I found out she was cheating on me. She felt so bad she started to cry in tears. But I just walked away. Heh...

But sadly I want to give it all back to her.
But I cant, and I won't. So don't you give up either, we got to stay strong NO contact, none.

Nothing at all, that's the way to win her back, girls like to be wanted and needed and if she sees that you're not trying to push her to get back with you or begging her to be with you again, she's going to start having second thoughts and she'll be the one coming after you, when that happens, you're in control and she's all yours, just keep yourself busy, like you have been doing, date, be confident, be fun and most of all, don't always be available to her, when she calls, don't pick up all her calls, good luck

No contact...Uhhh, no SEE Ever...

This is not a strategy on this one. This is a survival mode.
This girl is years away from not hurting you. You owe her nothing.
And that should be liberating... I hope :-)

Wait 3 months MINIMUM and see how you feel. You WILL be in a better place.
Believe it!