Ask Me Help Desk - The silent treatment

The silent treatment

Hi all!
Its been a while since I posted but I'm back again!

My man and I haven't spoke since Sat evening. Well here goes :-

Sat late afternoon I got my period and when I get my period I'm very much in pain and become extra sensitive that I know.
My man was playing loud music and he knows how I can't sleep when music is loud, I asked him to lower it while I go to bed to rest for an 1hr, he did lower it but very slightly, so I didn't sleep I just snoozed, as I got up 1 hr later, he was on sofa fast asleep! So I'm pain but he falls asleep, OK, I know that isn't his fault.
Anhyhow, later that evening he woke up but didn't move from the sofa, it was 8pm and we were both hungry, but the lazy a** didn't even get up to cook dinner, so I got up to do it myself. I asked him to help me, but he just didn't move from the sofa... that so annoyed me, I'm in agony but I still get up and cook for his royal highness. After we ate, he didn't even say THANK YOU!! How rude!
I was so upset, annoyed and angry too!

Anyway... we didn't speak all evening I went to bed at 11pm, got up on Sunday and started to tidy up the kitchen. He wakes up at noon, makes himself some soup, doesn't even offer me any lunch!! Then 30mins later he says I'm popping out for abit... and off he goes!
He came back in afternoon, and I told him I thought he was acting really rude and he was ungrateful... but he didn't say anything!

This morning he woke up for work and left no bye nothing!!

What is wrong with him??

This was all sudden... till Fri all was fine...

well... this is what I have to say about the silent treatment.

I used to get pi$$ed when I didn't think my wife was listening to me when we had a disagreement. Id just stop talking to her for a bit. No big deal, but more distant I guess. Early in our relationship.

then one day I realized that it didn't matter. I could shut up all I wanted and it never got her to realize how upset I was. In fact, after I joked to her at how I realized my "punishing her" by my silence wasn't working, she told me she didn't know she was being punished, and that she was sad that it was over! =)

in other words, she unknowingly enjoyed the fact I was shutting the hell up.

so... is he being a jerk. Sure. A bit. More than normal? I can't say. You can't be too ticked at a person when you are feeling like crap and they don't get it some... you are feeling it, not them.

and I don't know your relationship with him. Is he ignoring you more? Are you looking for problems? Sounds a little like the latter, but I could be wrong. Maybe he's insensitive and you're just getting it.

can you live with it? Is he like this more often than not. Are you looking for a fight? Hard to say.

some of what you've described seems to me to be within the norm of some guys.

We haven't gone through this stage for months, many months...
Im not trying to start a fight at all!! I hate being like this?

Why is he being so rude, and unappriciative?
Why is it the norm... why are men like this?

What should I do, carry on ignoring him. I think he owes me an apologgy!

Ohh!!
Just now my colleague mailed me... and I found out that her husband yesterday gave my man some pron!! OMG!!
Im not pi*sed off... but he didn't tell me!
Any wise ideas of how to go about this situation?

Quote:

Originally Posted by flower81

We havnt gone through this stage for months, many months......
Im not trying to start a fight at all!!! I hate being like this?

Why is he being so rude, and unappriciative??
Why is it the norm... why are men like this?!

What should i do, carry on ignoring him. I think he owes me an apologgy!

I suppose as you said this doesn't happen often, then don't worry about it too much!
However think wisely of how to approach him. After all you did nothing worng and his actions were rude, yes!

Maybe you could use the porn as a way to start a conversation in a joking maner?

He really annoyed me thou!

Am I expecting too much, by expecting an apology or even and quick email or a text... nothing.. why is he so rude?
He knows I think he is rude because I told him so yest... although he didn't even acknowledge that!!

:(

He is getting to me!
KRS I msged him a MMS a slight joke about the porn, and asked if he recvd it... all he replied was YES...

:(
:(

Tonight his mother is coming over for dinner, and I'm going to have to cook for them and ijust can't be bothered now!
Now I'm angry!

Besides he is going away with work for 3 days thurs...

Someone HELP ME

Anyone else's opinion will be grateful

Calm down and relax. If this is the same guy you've been with for 5 years, you both should know enough to be able to talk about things in a more constructive manner. By now you should also know what to expect, and you can't just fly off the handle because its time for your cycle. If you could communicate better, you would know when and how to approach each other without the lingering anger. He may be rude, but you'll never get an apology the way your going about it. And from what YOU wrote sounds to me like you were looking for a fight, but my own knowledge tells me that you vent and need a hug and a little support during this cycle. He hasn't gotten that understanding yet, so be patient and get over the anger and set the stage for some honest communication. He's on your side, but will need time and talking to before he can know what to do. Us men are just slow like that.

Thanks Tal! Yes same guy!

Now I'm fuming, yes.
I have emailed him, expressing how I feel and what I thought of him. But he hasn't replied! You know why is it ME emailing him and text msging him.. no wonder he takes me for granted

You seem to know me more because that is what I crave for is a hug... not to ignore me.. and don't appreciate me!

Im not using my cycle as an excuse as I actually made it clear that I know I become extra sensitive but I can't control it.

I have tried to communicate to say that he upset me and he was rude an ungrateful. What more can I do?
All I want is an apology and thanks for dinner would have been nice, under my circumstances I still got of my a** to cook him dinner
Im not going to put him on a pedestal after all he upset me.

Tonight his mum is over for dinner and I can't be asked with it, all under false pretences.

Your all excited and frustrated now. Stop texting him as he is already frustrated himself, as he has no clue what you need from him. You may think 5 years is a long time, but its not. Your still learning. It took me a longer time to know what to do with my wife who goes through the same thing you do on the cycle, and I remember how frustrating it was. Now's not the time to negotiate as understanding and weathering the storm is more important. Better to call his parents and explain nicely how now is a bad time for you and reschedule this dinner, his mother should understand, and then find a quiet spot, take the Mydol or whatever and take a long nap. There is no point in trying to talk to any one now because It will come off as an emotional rant, but in a few days you will better able to handle things in a calmer manner. He'll learn if you teach him. I did. Talk to each other and learn to listen.

Tal is right!

I passed through the same thing every now and then when I have my horrid cycle. Sometimes he is understanding sometimes he isn't.

Maybe as Tal said we should both teach our men ;)

I get weird moods also around that time, and when I was in a relationship I would explain that I'm having "those days" and to please excuse my behaviour :)
He would be so nice then and make dinners etc.

So when he comes home tonight tell him you apologize for your behaviour and that should get good results :)

Rol, but what have I done wrong to aplogise..
Apologise for what? For cooking him dinner when I was in pain?
And for letting him have his music loud while I wanted to sleep?

In the future I will advise him that its close to cycle time so to beware of my moods, maybe that will change.

But for last wkends episodes.. I don't think I should say sorry

Quote:

Originally Posted by flower81

Rol, but what have I done wrong to aplogise..?
Apologise for what? for cookin him dinner when i was in pain?
and for letting him have his music loud while i wanted to sleep?

In the future i will advise him that its close to cycle time so to beware of my moods, maybe that will change.

But for last wkends episodes.. i dont think i should say sorry

While I understand, you must know you're scaring me, so I can imagine your man is shaking in his boots.:eek:
How many days left?

Yes but how did you ask him?
Did you say it nicely or in a grumpy voice?

Yes warn him anymore . He probably does not realise... I mean how can a guy possibly understand the mood changes which occur at this time.

2 days left :o

But u seriously believe I should be apologising?

Wait till its over and then explain nicely how your mood changes at that time as you feel such pain. Tell him you would love some affection and help from him at that time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rol

yes but how did you ask him?
Did you say it nicely or in a grumpy voice?

yes warn him anymore . He probably does not realise...I mean how can a guy possibly understand the mood changes which occur at this time.

Believe it or not.. I asked him to help me, really nicely!
First I msged him from the bedroom while I was 'trying' to sleep but he didn't reply... so then I got up 20mins later, found him asleep, so I waited till he woke up and asked him as nicely as possibly!

So Tal and Rol - u think I should say sorry?

OK if you asked him nicely don't apologize then.

Just tell him what you need at this time of the month.

Maybe he was tired also if he just woke up on the sofa (I know how that feels!)and didn't feel like going to cook dinner.

<<He came back in afternoon, and I told him I thought he was acting really rude and he was ungrateful... but he didn't say anything!
>>
That could have been comminucated in a better way for example. Did he know why you thought he was rude? Men are not mind readers, tell them exactly what you want.

I won't aplogise then and ill wait for next month and ill pre-advise him.

Nor did I feel like cooking dinner that's why I asked for his help!

Yes of course I did, I explained everythin to him why I thought he was rude and ugrateful...

Well you have to do something to let him know your back, and that other one has left. Honestly females expect too much from us dumb males, We have a hard time with toilet seats, so a woman's moods are... Duh, wha, huh!
Feed my ego and my belly, I'll give you the world as long as your patient during house breaking.

Ha ha yeah I'm a girl and I don't see anything wrong with his attitude at all.. I could even have been guilty of the same behaviour many times.
He fell asleep on sofa, he woke up , he was groggy and tired , you came in asking for help for cooking dinner , he probably didn't feel like eating at all if he just woke up , he prob ate dinner while not really wanting it, so didn't bother to thank you as he would have been as happy with a bag of crisps or whatever.
Then you send him messages saying he is rude and ungrateful.

Gosh I must have been a saint to live with lol!

Wish I had your attitude rol... maybe I am just too sensitive at the 'best' of times...
But hey I can't control it...

To me its not acceptable... even if he could have just done with a packet of crisps.. but how would I have known!
Besides... I know my man if I gave him crisps he wouldn't have been impressed! :p

Quote:

but how would I have known!

Right now, I imagine he is thinking the same thing.

I am a woman and I do see that he was being a jerk. If you have been togehhter so long then he should know how you get. All you wanted was a nap to try to get away from the hurt...and he couldn't even oblige you that? Men don't have to go through all the pain that weman do and it sucks...then they call us moody? You guys try having a period and bleeding like a stuff pig, or feeling like you are going to pass out from cramps. I do think that he owes you an apology..and he shoudln't be taking advantage of you. We take care of our guys when they get sick..don't we deserve the same respect?

So robertsqueen how would u aproach him tonight?

<<I do think that he owes you an apology.. and he shouldn't be taking advantage of you.>>

Well I don't think he's taking advantage of her! He's just being a man!

If she wants change in attitude she needs to communicate this clearly , concisely and nicely!

So when he comes home tonight , smile at him nicely and be nice then later on you can say something like " when you didnt talk to me all day yesterday and left this morning without saying goodbye i felt quite bad, i know im having my period and i feel extrasensitive at this time of the month, i was just wondering from now on if you could help me more around that time"

Then you stop talking and let him talk, and tell him you appreciate it.

What me and my huband do is after all of our responsiblities are taken care of we sit down and talk about what upset us that day. We each have a drink and just talk. I am not saying jump down his throat..but you have to let a man know that you won't be walked all over, and that they can't treat you like crap becuase they are mad. I do agree that the silent treatment dosen't do any good, but upset you. I would just tell him that he really upset you..don't accuse him use an I message for example: I felt very hurt when you didn't appreciate that I made dinner for us even when I was in pain...I need for you to please be more considerate of my feelings. If you approach him this way you are not accusing him of anything...but just expressing your feelings. Good luck and keep me posted on how things are going...also I honestly think that men have PMS also and more than weman. lol!

Yeah sounds OK except I would put the "when you first" and then I feel
That way it sounds less accusing

And "I need for you to please be more considerate of my feelings." sounds a bit harsh.
Better to tell a guy exactly what he needs to do.

Quote:

I honestly think that men have PMS also and more than weman. lol!

I agree here as I know how I get and also our bellies don't get big, but we do get pregnant.

Quote:

better to tell a guy exactly what he needs to do.

As fantastic and talented as we are mind reading is not our claim to fame. Communications are so important and how is as important as why when it comes to couples talking and listening to each other. It takes time and practice. I'm still learning how to say "yes dear" LOL

All is fine
THANKS ALL

Communication is the key.. make him sit down but don't force... and ask what's wrong... remember no crying... tears can't get the truth out of anybody... and be calm... if he still doesn't listen... just ignore.. sometimes this style works... he will soon wonder what's wrong with you!!