Hello everyone.
So, let me start by saying I am a 20 year old virgin. I met this girl who isn't a virgin. I usually consider a girl not being a virgin a deal-breaker as I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it if a friendship ended up turning into a relationship and I didn't want to put myself through the pain nor cause any inconvenience for the girl.

But anyway, it started as a friendship. I was stupid and thought we could just be friends and I wouldn't end up falling for her, yeah it doesn't work that way. She invited me to her prom and it ended up being one of the most amazing nights I've ever had with a girl. Next thing I know, I've fallen for the girl although her virginity status didn't matter to me in the least because I had forgotten about it and just assumed in my head that she was a virgin even though she told me otherwise. I was happy talking to her and would even get that little goose-bumpy feeling occasionally. Although I'd later find out, she as a tendency for being too thorough with answers to questions and a habit of saying things I don't like to hear. On the phone, she mentioned the dude she had sex with. She talked about how he wasn't shy and did all these positions on her, etc, etc. I told her I don't like for her to talk about her past. Although she ended up mentioning things that remind me of it several times afterward which I again asked her not to do.

But anyway, ever since I can't seem to get the image of having sex with another guy with her giving such an big thing as her virginity to him. It doesn't even bother me that much that its done I mean what can I do with it but more so that I've wasted years of my life being abstinent, waiting for the right girl and expecting her to do the same and it doesn't happen. I guess I'm just jealous that I haven't had the joy of being a girl's first and now that I've met this girl, I'd very much like us to be able to share each other's virginity but I realize that this is impossible as its already done and I only have two choices-to either stay or go.

While I want to stay with her, I'm worried that if we do have sex, I'll end up feeling bad because I'm giving her something I won't get back from her. But if I go, I'm worried that I won't ever meet anyone as amazing as her who fits the whole criteria. I don't know I just need some advice from someone who understands how I feel.

You're putting too much into this whole thing. You either accept that she's not a virgin and move forward or save both of you the hassle and break up with her if you can't overlook it. In a way I suppose I can understand where your problem is... especially if she told you things such as how they did it and positions and all... I mean, who really wants or needs to know that?

On the other hand, you say otherwise that she is everything you want. So now you need to decide if she's worth it or not... and if you decide that she is, you will have to let this whole virginity thing go and not bring it up anymore. Truth told, at your age, it will be tough to find a virgin.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

You're putting too much into this whole thing. You either accept that she's not a virgin and move forward or save both of you the hassle and break up with her if you can't overlook it. In a way I suppose I can understand where your problem is...especially if she told you things such as how they did it and positions and all....I mean, who really wants or needs to know that?

On the other hand, you say otherwise that she is everything you want. So now you need to decide if she's worth it or not....and if you decide that she is, you will have to let this whole virginity thing go and not bring it up anymore. Truth told, at your age, it will be tough to find a virgin.

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Yeah, I realize this. I think its cause I grew up being taught to wait until marriage which I've decided to let go as it dosen't seem anyone else does this anymore. Instead I just believe that whoever you have sex with, your supposed to stay with them as if you were married. So I guess this influences my feelings. And the worst part about it is I didn't ask her to even tell me those things.

As for that, that's exactly what I'm trying to find out for myself now. I suppose obviously I can't ask YOU guys what she's worth to ME. As for finding a virgin at 20 that's exactly what makes me feel worse about it. I feel like my entire teenager-hood was a waste, being abstinent when it ends up not even mattering in the future. But that's exactly what my girlfriend told me just 1000x more harsh. To quote her "I'm not gonna sugar-coat it but finding a virgin at your age is unrealistic and isn't going to happen." Well now I'm getting off subject though although I do know a couple virgins slightly younger than me but none of which I'd be willing to leave my GF for.

"Truth told, at your age, it will be tough to find a virgin."

And will be even tougher as you get older. I agree with Odinn7, you are stressing way too much about this. The art between two people is something shared which is beautiful. Maybe she was in love with the first. It really doesn't matter because neither you or her can go back and change the past.

I'm going to be honest with you and you probably don't want to hear it but...

First, I commend you for waiting. Whether that matters to anyone else or not, good on you... It matters to you and that's all it should matter to. Don't think it was a waste and don't listen to anyone else knocking you for doing it.

Now, here comes the part that you won't like... I think I'm reading a little bit between the lines here and to me, she sounds kind of like a jerk. I wonder if you are still with her because she's your first girlfriend or because you have convinced yourself that she's everything you are looking for... sounds to me like she really isn't everything. I had a girlfriend that was everything I was looking for... I was so sure of it. One day out of the blue she broke up with me and it hurt. When I got over it, I looked back on everything and realized she was a complete self-centered jerk and really didn't care about me like I did about her. Having time away from her I was able to look at things objectively and I was able to see that I thought she was everything but I was only convincing myself of that and she really wasn't. The human brain is an amazingly powerful thing. But anyway, she told you all this detailed information with no concern about how you would take it... didn't care about doing that to you. She got nasty with you and talked down to you simply for doing something that you believe in. I bet if you could look at things more objectively, You would see that she really isn't the one for you. I bet there is so much more that goes on that you just don't see it or don't want to see it.

I truly think this is not going to work out well for you.

You either get over it and deal with it or you break up, You haven't had sex with her and you shouldn't because then if you do leave her you can not expect a virgin/virgin relationship with the next girl. Don't until you know for sure, And there are different organizations of young people that vowed to stay virgin until marriage. Some have had sex prior to their vow but none the less you are better off finding someone that hasn't than letting the 'wrong girl' get you down because you can't deal with her past.

I know you may feel that way right now but somewhere down the line, you'll be able to look past someone's history and learn to love them for the person they really are.

On that note, I also agree with odin. She did not handle this situation like she really cares for you. Someone who really cares for you would not put it so harshly and would try to be more understanding.

Thanks for the advice you guys. I guess I'm just letting her pressure me into getting ready to do something I'm not ready for. As is the story I've been told with her, some guy made her believe you can't give a guy anything other than sex. Perhaps I should wait and see how things plan out as I'd like to at least wait a year or two before/if I do decide to have sex with her as I don't want hormones to play a factor in it at all. She is indeed my first real girlfriend as I'm her first boyfriend (the dude she lost it to was technically a fling). I'm probably just letting that cloud my judgement a bit as we've just been dating a little over a month (we've known each other since late March though). But that isn't long enough to truly know someone. There is still time for some possible hidden motives or agenda to arise.

I've told myself that I'm going to at least wait a year or two to really get to know her
Before I make my decision to have sex with her or not. I figure and hope by then, it won't matter to
Me her virginal status.

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I've told myself that I'm going to at least wait a year or two to really get to know her
Before I make my decision to have sex with her or not.

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Two points here.

Both men and women, that have many previous experiences with sex like to be the first with a virgin.

AND

Hope she waits that long for you to know enough.

I say stick to your guns, it seems to work for you, no matter how it turns out.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Two points here.

Both men and women, that have many previous experiences with sex like to be the first with a virgin.

AND

Hope she waits that long for you to know enough.

I say stick to your guns, it seems to work for you, no matter how it turns out.

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Yeah I realize I'd probably still want to know how its like with a virgin. But I'll cross that bridge when/if I get there. Additionally, if she truly cares about me, I figure she'll wait. I mean would she rather wait until marriage or 2 years worst case scenario... But that's kind of why I think more people should decide to wait. If you do, you know for sure that your each other's first and only. But I'm not here to start a debate

I don't see being exclusive after a month. Maybe in 6.

What she did in the past should have nothing to do with anything now. If she feels she needs to talk about it, then you have to find a way to deflect that without turning her away from you. Look you are 20, you don't mention her age but I am going to presume she is that. She's an adult. So are you. Handle it that way. Her "virginity" status should have nothing to do with anything. I am afraid that whomever you meet in this age group probably is NOT a virgin anymore. Move ahead,, don't look at her past... look at what the two of you can share.

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Originally Posted by Handyman2007

What she did in the past should have nothing to do with anything now. If she feels she needs to talk about it, then you have to find a way to deflect that without turning her away from you. Look you are 20,,you don't mention her age but I am going to presume she is that. She's an adult. So are you. Handle it that way. Her "virginity" status should have nothing to do with anything. I am afraid that whomever you meet in this age group probably is NOT a virgin anymore. Move ahead,,,don't look at her past...look at what the two of you can share.

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How it should be and how it is are two different things. I feel like she should be a virgin like me but that's not how it is. I feel like it shouldn't bother but it does.
That's exactly what I told myself before I started dating her and look what happened.
Hence why I even considered it as I'd normally say no without even thinking about it, additionally, she's 18.

As for what the other guy said, I did sort of rush things. So that's my fault there. She had said the most beautiful thing to me that day and I sort of acted too fast on it as I originally had plans to hang with a couple girls and decide which I like best which I did for a little while but not as long as I'd have liked. I was sort of enjoying the single life for a minute there. I already asked her to my girlfriend though so can't do that anymore. I sort of freaked out too cause a buddy was telling me that if you wait too long, a girl gets uninterested. In a way, I'm also not really ready for any commitment (especially with this situation) and should have once again thought things through more thoroughly. I feel as though in the future, I'd be able to handle it if I had a past of my own. I think that's probably what hurts the worst just that I have nothing to compare it to. I think if I could just say, well I've been with virgins before, been there done that, it wouldn't be an issue.

Your issue is not with her, but in the way you deal with our own feelings, thoughts, and action. This situation has brought up feelings that contradict your expectations, hope and dreams.

It comes down to how you handle this new reality because for sure you have no control of over her and her feelings or how she deals with her reality. Hell she may not even stick around much longer. It' only been a month so far. Enjoy it while it lasts with no preconceived notions of it growing to be more important than what it is now, and keep your own dignity, and self respect, and manage your decisions with fact as well as feelings.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your issue is not with her, but in the way you deal with our own feelings, thoughts, and action. This situation has brought up feelings that contradict your expectations, hope and dreams.

It comes down to how you handle this new reality because for sure you have no control of over her and her feelings or how she deals with her reality. Hell she may not even stick around much longer. It' only been a month so far. Enjoy it while it lasts with no preconceived notions of it growing to be more important than what it is now, and keep your own dignity, and self respect, and manage your decisions with fact as well as feelings.

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Yeah, it has been quite a rude awakening. You bring up many valid points as well.
I think either way its best for me to wait some time as what if it dosen't work out and I meet someone like me later down the line, it'll be the same thing all over again but the shoe will be on the other foot and I wouldn't wish anyone this kind of emotional pain, it sucks, a lot.

I know. It's really tough to not get carried away by your own intense feelings that feel SO GOOD. Or bad.

Fortunately for you it's only been a month, and have yet to make adjustments that work for you. Unfortunately for you it's only been a month and you are assaulted with this emotional conflict of intense feelings caused by your first adult relationship.

Simply back off the relationship to a safer emotional distance, and focus on other areas of your life that are important. That way the danger of this relationship consuming you is lessened, and give you the perspective of how it fit with your own goals, thoughts and dreams you have for yourself, and your future a you identify what adjustment work for you.

It helps to get facts, and make decision based on them, and NOT JUST those intense feeling, be they good, or bad. Especially with a hot chick that wants your body, and you like her too. Right now my guess is that's all she wants, and a good time.

If YOU know who you are and can stand for it, you won't fall for any BS!! That' why this is about YOU, and what you do about yourself.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I know. It's really tough to not get carried away by your own intense feelings that feel SO GOOD. Or bad.

Fortunately for you it's only been a month, and have yet to make adjustments that work for you. Unfortunately for you it's only been a month and you are assaulted with this emotional conflict of intense feelings caused by your first adult relationship.

Simply back off the relationship to a safer emotional distance, and focus on other areas of your life that are important. That way the danger of this relationship consuming you is lessened, and give you the perspective of how it fit with your own goals, thoughts and dreams you have for yourself, and your future a you identify what adjustment work for you.

It helps to get facts, and make decision based on them, and NOT JUST those intense feeling, be they good, or bad. Especially with a hot chick that wants your body, and you like her too. Right now my guess is that's all she wants, and a good time.

If YOU know who you are and can stand for it, you won't fall for any BS!!!! That' why this is about YOU, and what you do about yourself.

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Thank you and everyone else for the advice. This is by far the best I've heard out of the dozens of people I've asked regarding the subject. I need to stop taking everything so seriously as of yet and focus on me. I mean if I can't take care of me and my emotional issues, how can I take care of her or another's? Lately she's been demonstrating some undesirable behavior anyway as she's seemed to put more of an priority on making out, and sexual things than just taking time together or doing things. But we'll see how it pans out.

Are you exclusively dating each other or just spending time together? I would hope there is no agreement of such kind between you after only a month. I much prefer a 6 month casual get to know you with no commitment period myself.

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Originally Posted by XD005

I need to stop taking everything so seriously as of yet and focus on me. I mean if I can't take care of me and my emotional issues, how can I take care of her or another's? Lately she's been demonstrating some undesirable behavior anyway as shes seemed to put more of an priority on making out, and sexual things than just taking time together or doing things. But we'll see how it pans out.

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You are wise beyond your years. Stick to your guns and get involved with Silver Ring Thing or a similar organization. They will strengthen your values.

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

You are wise beyond your years. Stick to your guns and get involved with Silver Ring Thing or a similar organization. They will strengthen your values.

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Thanks you. I think that an event or something like SRT would help me a lot as I've noticed that my beliefs and morals have become subject to change lately and I was at the brink of just dropping my desire to wait until marriage all-together but then I remember the reason why I have even decided to wait, is because I want one partner and one partner only in my life, obviously I'd want her to do the same.

And for what the other guy said, yes, I'd say we are in a committed relationship as its posted on Facebook and when she told me about this other dude she liked, I'm not even sure why she told me but she said that he asked her out and she said no she was taken already and she seems to get jealous when I talk about other girls so I've been committed. The thing is, I wanted us to be each other's one and only but I figure the reason I even feel that way is because I like her so I'm sure its subject to change if I end up meeting another girl and it doesn't work out.

Hello so I've asked a similar question but this one is a tad bit different.
So my girlfriend who I've been with since April isn't a virgin while I am.
My entire life I've saved myself for my future soulmate so you can kind of understand why it bugs me that she hasn't decided to do the same.
So lately, she's been expressing to me that she's essentially ready to have sex as she would frequently be upset that I didn't want to have sex with her just yet, we discussed it and I explained to her that losing my virginity is a big deal to me and I want us to both be 100% sure we want to do it. She seemed to sort of chill out then until the issue came up again the other day.

And so I have a habit of keeping my feelings to myself because I know how they will make her feel. I would frequently and sometimes still do get upset at the world for its vulgarity. I feel like the one man in the world who has any morals and it saddens me that the one girl who means the world to me decided not to wait for me as I was expecting her to do the same. The thought that another man had his stuff inside of her upsets me, the thought that I will never be her first upsets me though I understand I can be her last but it isn't fair to me how I've spent 9 years being abstinent to have my life's work negated and made pointless. Had I known it would be like this in the future I'd have devirginized every girl I had a chance to. But I'm not that kind of guy and I just feel like its been my downfall.

I told her how I feel for the most part, I left some details out as they were kind of excessive but now she feels like she will never be good enough. She told me that she's sorry she couldn't be my dream girl and she told me she's used to putting emotions aside with sex. She told me she wasn't trippin over a dude being a virgin and she knew he wasn't and it didn't and doesn't bother her. And she said that she feels bad because I don't want her for all she is. I told her that if I didn't would I be trying so hard to make this work? She told me that maybe I should find a virgin girl and lose it to her as that's what I really wanted. Sounded like a breakup to me so I didn't opt to that. Besides, I'm worried I'd end up falling for the new girl if I did that. And the only reason its an issue is because I want something from HER I will never have. But now I'm getting off subject...

So what I was trying to get to is I feel as though I might need therapy because I often see the act of sex blown to epic proportions in my head. Sex in general often disgusts me and I can't even really watch it on TV anymore if there is a sex scene in a movie. Just the thought of even having sex with a non-virgin brings me anxiety. I even feel a little bit disgusted with non-virgins and their decisions not to wait for a person they can spent their life with as a lot of them don't. And although I feel okay about it now, I feel as though the issue will come back with her and I'll end up disappointed again soon that she isn't a virgin.

Why is sex even a topic of conversation with someone you've been with for only 3 or so months? And what tells you this is "The One" you'll be with for the rest of your life? I read way too much dismay and disappointment and even disgust in your post.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why is sex even a topic of conversation with someone you've been with for only 3 or so months? And what tells you this is "The One" you'll be with for the rest of your life? I read way too much dismay and disappointment and even disgust in your post.

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Mmm I guess your right huh?
I don't know she tends to have that affect on me.
I almost feel pressured sometimes like I have to have sex with her.
She'll often take our relationship too seriously for the time we've been together and I often have to remind myself we've only been together 3 months.

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Originally Posted by XD005

Mmm I guess your right huh?
I dunno she tends to have that affect on me.
I almost feel pressured sometimes like I have to have sex with her.
She'll often take our relationship too seriously for the time we've been together and I often have to remind myself we've only been together 3 months.

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It sounds like sex is no big deal to her. According to what you have posted in this thread and in your other one, sex IS a big deal for you. You two live on two different planets.

Don't compromise your beliefs. If you do, you will hate yourself and always regret making that decision.

Holy crappies. Please let this girl go find someone else to date. You know a ton of people bring and create drama to a relationship but by far you are the winner in that category.

"but now she feels like she will never be good enough." You have taken something so special between two people and made it a horrible experience. At this point I hate reading your posts and I feel sorry for her. Dude you really are just a mess. It is either that or you are so immature that you can't have a meaningful relationship yet.

So please break up with her so that she can have a normal life. I will Google how to become a monk for you.

Gee, you seemed like a guy that is confidente, sure of himself once he put his mind to it find a girl with your values and don't entertainment thoughts that pull you away from your direction. Throw away the TV and do not live with a girl that is going to leas to temptation or expect from you what you are not ready for 100%. There is a song... what you going to do when you are with someone and the right one mes along.

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Originally Posted by XD005

I almost feel pressured sometimes like I have to have sex with her.

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There is a word. It is NO. Use it. No apologies, no explanations. Just NO.

My first answer to you in the last question you posted a few days ago still stands.

You will not be able to get over this and even though you keep spouting out how she is the one for you, it is obvious that she is not. You cannot and will not let this go and this is going to destroy whatever it is you have with her now anyway.

And 3 months? How could you possibly know she is "the one" in 3 months... especially if you feel such anger towards her already? She's your first real girlfriend so you're going to feel like she's it but trust me, she's not.

Even if this wasn't a big deal for her, it is for you... and too much so. Reading what you wrote here in this question tells me that you have very deep-seated issues that will need to be addressed. It's commendable that you remained a virgin but then at the same time, you can't go around hating or judging someone simply because they don't have that same view as you do. You are not going to find very many virgins running around at your age.

Yeah, I know I have a lot of issues.
I'm not really mad at her but mad at the guy.
But what is it exactly that I need to do?
And the thing is I feel like once/if I do find a virgin, once we get intimate, I just feel like it doesn't matter that much and that I might as well have stayed with her and if it ends up not working out with the virgin girl, then what? Although I've been trying so hard to get over it, it appears that you might be right. I guess you can't force yourself to get over something like this and I can even see our relationship is already starting to break apart and although the situation bugs both of us, neither of us have the heart to end it even though I think deep down we know it needs to be. We don't kiss like we used to, we don't hold each other as much, we don't even talk for hours like we used to as of lately...

You don't even KNOW her after only 3 months!!

Why is sex such a huge thing for you? Why is it taking up so much real estate in your head? Get to know your dates and the girls you are with. Forget about sex for now. Find out who they are and who you are.

Not to be mean but I am guessing performance anxiety could be at play here. It is possible you are nervous because she has experienced it before.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You don't even KNOW her after only 3 months!!!!!!

Why is sex such a huge thing for you? Why is it taking up so much real estate in your head? Get to know your dates and the girls you are with. Forget about sex for now. Find out who they are and who you are.

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Your right, your right.
I don't know. I guess I'm peer pressure is getting the best of me
As all my friends often tell me how I'm too old to be a virgin, etc, etc, etc. and I feel like after a certain age, it gets pretty much impossible to find a virgin in the worst case scenario so I guess I feel a sense of false-urgency. But your right, I need to take a chill pill and do things one day at a time.

You say you're not mad at her, just the guy... but read your question again... I see all kinds of anger there... at her. You're judging her and deep down hating her because she didn't wait for you. Why was she supposed to wait for you? Because you chose to wait doesn't mean everyone else needs to. See what I'm saying?

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Originally Posted by odinn7

You say you're not mad at her, just the guy...but read your question again...I see all kinds of anger there...at her. You're judging her and deep down hating her because she didn't wait for you. Why was she supposed to wait for you? Because you chose to wait doesn't mean everyone else needs to. See what I'm saying?

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Yeah I get you. I'm more mad at the world and wish more people would do that but that isn't something I can change. And before you say it, yeah I know, an indication in it-self that she isn't right for me. I guess I know now that I need to break up with her. That's probably going to be the hardest part now as we've had some pretty good times together.

You are very single minded in your harsh judgment of a woman, who fails to meet your 'moral standard' simply because she is not a virgin.

That there is so much more to a person than their sexual history, leaves me thinking that the issue of a woman being a virgin, is not the issue at all.

The issue may be your strange, unconventional view of sex, itself. As you have described sex as being vile, it is unlikely that you would be able, with such a mindset, to view anything to do with sex, as a perfectly normal part of a persons life.

So, the problem as I see it, has nothing to do with a particular woman that you happen to be involved with, but the barrier you have created, because of your disgust with sex itself. All that you judge revolves around sex, your hatred of it, and your need to judge others by it.

If your hatred and self-described vile toward sex were further examined by a professional, I suspect that there would be much more to your story than you are saying here.

I don't think at this point, from what you have said so far, that you can justify your ideas around sex, to include women, that you judge, as an excuse not to face your fears.

You are going to be a very unhappy man if you are unable to figure this out.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

You are very single minded in your harsh judgment of a woman, who fails to meet your 'moral standard' simply because she is not a virgin.

That there is so much more to a person than their sexual history, leaves me thinking that the issue of a woman being a virgin, is not the issue at all.

The issue may be your strange, unconventional view of sex, itself. As you have described sex as being vile, it is unlikely that you would be able, with such a mindset, to view anything to do with sex, as a perfectly normal part of a persons life.

So, the problem as I see it, has nothing to do with a particular woman that you happen to be involved with, but the barrier you have created, because of your disgust with sex itself. All that you judge revolves around sex, your hatred of it, and your need to judge others by it.

If your hatred and self-described vile toward sex were further examined by a professional, I suspect that there would be much more to your story than you are saying here.

I don't think at this point, from what you have said so far, that you can justify your ideas around sex, to include women, that you judge, as an excuse not to face your fears.

You are going to be a very unhappy man if you are unable to figure this out.

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I suppose it could likely stem from my past. I was sexually abused as a child. Although I don't remember the ordeal in the slightest bit I'm told that it happened by my mom. Additionally, back when I was a "normal" teenage boy who had a sex stain on the brain, I couldn't get any as hard as I tried, I couldn't even get a girlfriend in fact. I thought about just having sex to say I did but I wanted it to be legit even if it meant I had to wait till I was 40 or whatever... Next thing I knew, all my friends were getting in relationships, taking girl's virginity and thinking nothing of it. It disgusted me and seeing the media put such a emphasis on sex didn't help.Eventually I just gave up and figured that when I meet that one girl, she'd wait for me. And on top of that, my current girlfriend recently opened up about her past, again I didn't ask her and wish I hadn't heard it because now I feel worse. She told me that she was just like me, she wanted to wait until marriage, and then lowered her standard to it just being a special guy, and then going into her senior year of HS, she just lowered it to whatever guy wants to have sex.
And that's exactly what happened. It hurts me even more to know that had I just came to her quicker than I did, I'd have had someone who thinks the same way that I do and has a similar past as far as relationship difficulties and decided to save themselves. Perhaps I should seek therapy. I've also been chronically depressed and was suicidal in my childhood and my parents never took me to get anything done about it even though I often complained about it, perhaps that took a toll on my mental health as well. And even now that I'm old enough, I can't afford to see a psychologist. So too late for being an very unhappy man, that's practically the story of my life. But yeah your right, I see what your saying.

How old where you when your mom told you that you were molested? Before or after you were a normal teen ager? Why did she tell you?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

How old where you when your mom told you that you were molested? Before or after you were a normal teen ager? Why did she tell you?

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Before my "sexually active" teenager years.
Probably about 13 - 16, maybe even 12.
But I know it happened when I was a young child.
And I don't know why she told me, I remember we had a family friend and I believe she told me
Because she didn't want me to go over there, I think that's why.

It really is time to get to the real problem here, which has, as you know, manifested itself in many areas of your life.

Sexual assault, suicidal, depression...

There is no barrier to becoming a person who knows, and accepts their past, from living a normal, decent life. But first, you need to know in my opinion.

Try not to guess, or torture yourself, for answers, until you are able to accept them, and that takes time, through therapy. Yes, I think you do need therapy. In a way you have already begun to figure out the possible connections to how you feel and think now, particularly about sexuality, and the difficulties you face.

To go through life struggling with such a burden, really denies you access to living a healthier, happier life.

I don't know where you live, but find a way to get the help you need. There is help out there for you, and would be invaluable to you in my opinion.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

It really is time to get to the real problem here, which has, as you know, manifested itself in many areas of your life.

Sexual assault, suicidal, depression............

There is no barrier to becoming a person who knows, and accepts their past, from living a normal, decent life. But first, you need to know in my opinion.

Try not to guess, or torture yourself, for answers, until you are able to accept them, and that takes time, through therapy. Yes, I think you do need therapy. In a way you have already begun to figure out the possible connections to how you feel and think now, particularly about sexuality, and the difficulties you face.

To go through life struggling with such a burden, really denies you access to living a healthier, happier life.

I don't know where you live, but find a way to get the help you need. There is help out there for you, and would be invaluable to you in my opinion.

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Yeah I suppose your right because I remember there being a time when I didn't even think about who was and who wasn't a virgin, I was pretty young probably 15 or 16 when the rest of it kicked in but then again most people in your age group are virgins at that age although it didn't really hit me that I had missed my opportunity until I turned 18, I remember freaking out and feeling much anxiety like I had to find a virgin NOW or it would be too late and I realize that logically that is the wrong attitude to have. But emotions don't follow logic so I really do need therapy...

Hopefully I can figure out a way to get it because I've noticed it has affected my life a lot more now, ever since the break up with my ex (the girl before my current gf), I've seen life relatively gray-scale and muted. I don't really feel happy just a constant sadness (most intense when I first wake up in the morning, I sometimes struggle to even do it), I have close to no will to live and feel as though I don't have anything to live for, and the list goes on and on. Yeah, I didn't really realize this until you guys mentioned it. :\