I'm a 20 + old guy (in the closet gay). Although acting straight (but can’t). I'm in love with a straight guy who works in my company. He is so cute and handsome and of course the cherry of all gals (and me). I love him to death.

He enjoys my company and so do I enjoy his, but problem is I’m deeply and desperately in love with him. My brain thinks like a girl when he’s around and I automatically turn gentle. I get jealous when he’s around other guys and also with beautiful gals. I try to get his attention. I keep thinking about him 24x7 and cry till I sleep. Sometimes I feel like hurting myself, but all the images of religion and hell comes in thoughts which stops me. I’m dying from inside.

Gals I respect you but you know a guy’s feeling for guys is just like a gal feeling for a guy. I know that you gals will hate me for that but I cannot help it. Guys will hate me for that as most of them are homophobic. But straight guys you’ll are lucky and born right. We are not. We can’t help it. You know if you were born like that how hard it is to have someone close to you and you cannot do anything because it’s not right. I wish I was born a gal or really straight. I wish I at least be his friend. The day when he marries will be the hardest thing for me.

Guys, if you are like me then please help me how to forget or just try to forget him. I love him so much. But for my wellbeing I need to be away from him. Please advise me some techniques.

Thanks to you all.

First, you really need to get a grip...

Second, it kind of pisses me off that you will come here and say what you just said:

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Gals I respect you but you know... a guys feeling for guys is just like a gal feeling for a guy. I know that you gals will hate me for that but I cannot help it. Guys will hate me for that as most of them are homophobic.

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Making a statement like that right off makes me think that you're trolling us... How great of you to automatically assume that women will hate you and all guys are homophobes. Nothing like stereotyping, huh? But what really gets me is that you think you have it all figured out... like being gay makes you have feelings for someone that you can't control while being straight is like a blessing because you can shut feelings off.

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But straight guys you'll are lucky and born right. We are not. We can't help it. You'd know if you were born like that. How hard it is to have someone close to you and you cannot do anything because its not right.

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You think no straight person had to deal with having deep feelings for someone and not being able to act on it? Wake up and join the real world. Plenty of us have to go through this... I went through it for over 10 years... but the difference is that I realized I couldn't do anything about it and instead of crying and whining about it, I moved forward. This is what you should do as well. Being gay doesn't give you any special privileges or feelings that others don't also experience. If you look at this in a realistic way, you're no worse off than anyone else when it comes to having feelings for someone... but again, the difference as I said, is to not sit and think about it all day long like you have some sort of curse over you.

"But straight guys youll are lucky and born right. We are not."

EXCUSE ME? The only explanation that I will accept for the statement above is that you were dropped repeatedly on your head as a baby. How dare you place judgement on the entire gay community. What gives you that right? I will answer it for you - nobody and nothing gives you that right.

Just because you have internal turmoil about who you are doesn't mean the rest of us do. You may try liking yourself for who you are and then maybe others will like you. If you were a card carrying member of the World Gay Community I would kick you out. Gay people get bashed enough but it is really unacceptable to bash from the inside. What an immature jerk you are.

Oh yeah, one more thing. The above is HARSH and was meant to be.

HA! I was so caught up in my fury that I completely missed that point that Oliver made... and it's a good point too. I was angry enough about how I'm lucky simply because I'm straight... whew...

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I'm a 20 + old guy (in the closet gay). Although acting striaght(but cant). I'm in love with a straight guy who works in my co. he is so cute and handsome. And of course the cherry of all gals (and me). I love him to death. He enjoys my company and so do I enjoy his. But problem is I'm deeply & desperately in love with him. My brain thinks like a girl when he's around and I automatically turn gentle. I get jealous when he's around other guys and also with beautiful gals. I try to get his attention. I keep thinking about him 24x7 and cry till I sleep. Sometimes I feel like hurting me but all the images of religion and hell comes in thoughts which stops me from hurting myself. I'm dying from inside. Gals I respect you but you know... a guys feeling for guys is just like a gal feeling for a guy. I know that you gals will hate me for that but I cannot help it. Guys will hate me for that as most of them are homophobic. But straight guys youll are lucky and born right. We are not. We can't help it. youd know if you were born like that. how hard it is to have someone close to you and you cannot do anything because its not right. I wish I was born a gal or really straight. I wish I at least be his friend. The day when he marries will be the hardest thing for me. Guys if you are like me then please help me how to forget or just try to forget him. I love him so much. But for my well being I need to be away from him. Please advise me some techniques. Thanks to you all.

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But you don't always claim to be born gay, do you? You posted this on an old thread (now closed) and I think it needs to be added here because it helps explain part of your background:

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Originally Posted by iminlove26

well I have a same story like you. I'm a guy Well i was molested & raped and used by 2 of my cousin brother and that to for a period of 4 yrs from when i was 11 yrs old to such extent that if I was a gal I would get pregnant. i feel so terrible as i have turned secrectly gay now and cannot get attraction towards gals atall. Done by my cousins!! Its at least forgivable, but dear. I really cannot fathom that you own brother biological did this to you. That's very bad. Why don't you take action regarding this or get yourself into a forum with counseller if your brother had remorse of what he did to you. Understand that he must have done it in the adoloscent age as things get curious. But definitely this is sad and heart breaking stuff.. you need to get a counseller immediately. If not helpful then let me know. Dear.

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I think you need to take the advice you gave the other person and seek out a counselor. You cannot keep blaming everyone else. It is time to take responsibility and get the help you need.

Guys guys guys... Forgive me if I have hurt you all. Its was not for you. I really meant the problem was for me. I do not have any problem with ANYONE IN SPECIFIC.. I just have problem with ME... Im sorry sorry sorry . Didn't mean to hurt anyone. Im very sorry. Forgive please do not comment any more... Im sorry;.

Stop apologizing.

After reading that comment about what happened to you when you were younger, things are a little more clear. No, it doesn't make what you said right but it at least shows us why you say it.

It's pretty clear that you don't like yourself. It's pretty clear that you are also traumatized from what happened to you. You do need to see a counselor to talk about this and get some professional help. Living with this burden and what you went through is not good for you.

Odinn7,

Firstly, Thank you very much for understanding. And Well that makes me feel better now after you in person, replied to my comment. I didn't mean to hurt any one. I will try to get help. Although I have forgiven my cousins but as you said I am traumatized. Really. Being an Indian I have never opened this topic to anyone. Although, I will try to get help for me though it is hard for me to open up. But ill try. Problem is I just can't get over the guy I'm fallen for and I'm in depression all the time when I remember him. And this guy is very straight. He won't accept me even if I tell him. Advise me what to do dear. Really. It is so confusing. Will wait for your reply.

Thank you.

Forget about him... nothing good can come from this. If he is not gay, you can't make him gay and he will probably turn against you. Just forget about him. You need to work on yourself first. This is one thing that counseling will help you with. It will help you with what you went through and it will help you to deal with situations like this without making it into such a big deal.

Thank you buddy,

I will try to be away from him and focus on other things. Or else this is going to kill me surely from inside all my life.

I will keep you updated. Thanks much.

I have empathy for you regarding your past. If you don't know what the word “empathy” means, look it up. It is much different than sympathy.

Along with much needed counseling, you need to learn a few things as you become more of a man.

1) What happened to you when you were a child was not your fault and not about sex. It was violence perpetrated against you.
2) When you are gay, being gay is only a small part of the man you are. You have other attributes and talents that make up who you are. Learn to appreciate those as well as being gay. Then and only then you will see yourself as a complete man and someone you care about.
3) Learn to love and appreciate the simple things in life. The love of a dog, flowers, crystal blue skies, exercising, smiling, close friends, whatever makes you happy.
4) Embrace your past as your past. There is nothing we can do to erase our past so we need to overcome the bad parts and love the good parts. We also need to realize that we aren't the only people out there that have had bad things happen to us. Everyone has to overcome tough spots and when we do life is oh so much better.

What I said before is true. You need to do these things to love yourself. Because until that happens you won't find that special person to love you. Trust me. I've been in the depths of despair too and I made it out. If I can overcome then you can as well.

Now as far as falling in love with a straight guy.

NOT A GOOD IDEA.

Every young gay guy does it and we all fall flat on our faces when we get rejected. I've done it more than once. So stay away from the straight guys as far as a love interest goes.

But based on what you are going through, you need to work on you first. Once you get that on the way to recovery, you will be fine and I am sure you will find someone.

I'm going to assume that you didn't post here to insult, or unjustly characterize people as being sexist or homophobic.

But what that does say to me at least, is that you are unsure of your own sexuality; how you feel, who you think you are, how you fit in, and why you are having the feelings you have, and, how you are trying to make sense and justify them.

My advice to you is, start with the confusion/justification of being gay. That you are 'in the closet' as you've said, means you cannot face the world being who you are, and that is the denominator to how all your relationships, interests, and attractions to men, will fit into your life.

In my opinion, you need to seek help from a gay association, group, organization, and any university/college nearby that offers services to those struggling with what you are struggling with now.

When you are comfortable with who you are, and can live you life comfortably in what is natural for you without hiding and justifying and comparing yourself to straight's, then is the time to think about a gay relationship.

The gay community can help you so much. You won't be judged, and will be helped in understanding who you are, so that you can enjoy your life without all this confusion you are going through.

Nobody can 'make' you gay anymore than anybody can 'make' you straight. Or bi. This world we have to survive in has many people, exactly like you, who struggle with the same issues, and the same stress, of living a life that is secret. And when you keep such a secret, from yourself, and from the world, you are being short changed in living a full and happy life.

Please seek guidance and support. Until you are at peace with who you are, I do not recommend a relationship with any partner.

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Originally Posted by iminlove26

Odinn7,

Firstly, Thank you very much for understanding. And Well that makes me feel better now after you in person, replied to my comment. I didnt mean to hurt any one. I wil try to get help. Although i have forgiven my cousins but as you said i am traumatized. really. Being an Indian i have never opened this topic to anyone. although, i will try to get help for me though it is hard for me to open up. but ill try. Problem is i just can't get over the guy im fallen for and im in depression all the time when i remember him. And this guy is very straight. he wont accept me even if i tell him. Advise me wht to do dear. really. it is so confusing. Will wait for your reply.

Thank you.

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You must first heal to unload your baggage from the past and then you can be professional at work, as you learn to cope and deal with your own feelings which are natural and to be expected. The urges to cross the lines of good behavior will fade as you focus on healthier areas of your life and learn to be happy with yourself and the things you do, and not obsess over the things you want, but KNOW you can't have.

We learn early just because we have feelings for others doesn't mean they have the same feelings so we accept the difference and behave accordingly with the reality of it.

You are only 20ish, and have yet to learn how, but you will. You are still learning about YOU!

Thanks to the internet, gays in India are able to connect with each other much more easily than 10+ years ago. I for one forgive you some of your stereotyped remarks.

Also, not every young man who is raped by other men grows up to be gay. Some do. Some feel a need to have sex with men to punish them, or because it's all they know, or because they are too ashamed to be straight, or too confused to sort out what they want. From the way you write, you really are gay. Perhaps you were gay at 11, before a cousin touched you. Hopefully you will find out who you are in therapy, or a peer group of abused young men.

I think you are in a way punishing yourself with this unrealistic love for this straight man. You can't and won't have to act on it but it gives you something other than your horrible past to fixate on.
Get some counseling, get help from a reputable gay group. This straight guy is not going to change who and what you are, whoever that is.

Iminlove, if you let us know what country you are living in, we will even help you find out what resources are available to you. I understand that it isn't uncommon these days to work in a different country than the one where you were born.

In india.

I'm a guy.. hello dears. Trying hard to be away from him.. the more away I go far from him, the more it hurts.. what to do. I cannot concentrate on anything I'm restless. I need someone. Can anyone give me a nice dating site where I can find someone otherwise. Or else I might hurt myself. My feelings for him are manifesting into pain & danger to myself now.

Can't control anymore. I just want to hear his voice every day... I know this will not go on forever. I can't control my feelings and emotions.. :( :( :( sad sad sad here. depressed.

We already told you that you need to seek professional help to deal with what you've been through and what you're experiencing... now you're going off the deep end here just a few days later... you need help that we don't seem to be able to give you and help that you don't seem to want to actually get.

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Originally Posted by iminlove26

im a guy.. hello dears. trying hard to be away from him.. the more away i go far from him, the more it hurts.. what to do. ? i cannot concentrate on anything im restless. i need someone. can anyone give me a nice dating site where i can find someone otherwise. or else i might hurt myself. my feelings for him are manifesting into pain & danger to myself now.

Can't control anymore. i just want to hear his voice every day... i know this will not go on forever. I can't control my feelings and emotions.. :( :( :( sad sad sad here.! depressed.

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You may want a relationship but you are not in a good place right now to have a relationship. You need to look at all the responses for what you need to do next. If you are not to the point where you can accept yourself as gay, then a relationship will do you no good. You won't be good for your partner and you won't be good for yourself.

You don't sound as though you are emotionally healthy enough for a relationship , as evidenced by your obsession over a straight man and feeling like you want yo hurt yourself. You sound like a love sick teenager.
Get some counseling.

Really don't understand what to say or do. Though, I know you guys are trying hard to make me understand. Well I will take your advise. As I am trying to stay away from him and its hard for me to do so. But, I want to know how long will it take for me to forget him from the time I have distanced myself from him. A month? 2 months.. to completely get over him. Please advise.

Thank you.

There is no set time and it also will depend on how focused you are with moving on. I think if you get into some therapy this guy will fade quickly.

Can anyone tell me what is happening why is this happenning? I have read that home abuse also can get a person obsessed with a stranger who really cares about you who gives you attention. Am I obsessed with this guy because I need his attention and love because I did not get it from my dad and mom.. Is this the reason I just don't want/ FEAR to LOOSE Him? Seems like I'm not sexually attracted towards this guys but Love him to Death.!...

Experts please tell me if the above is the case.

Thank you.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

There is no set time and it also will depend on how focused you are with moving on. I think if you get into some therapy this guy will fade quickly.

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I live in India. I do not trust to expertise of Indian professionals. Although I do visit London Sometimes, I would like to take some counselling over there.

Rgds.

Get some counseling. These are not questions we can answer nor would it be right to do so.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Get some counseling. These are not questions we can answer nor would it be right to do so.

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Ok. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by iminlove26

Really dont understand what to say or do. Though, I know you guys are trying hard to make me understand. Well I will take ur advise. As I am trying to stay away from him and its hard for me to do so. But, I want to know how long will it take for me to forget him from the time I have distanced myself from him. a month? 2 months...? to completely get over him. Pls advise.

Thank you.

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That is up to you. If you sit around your house doing nothing but thinking of him, it is going to take a really long time. If you get out there, meet new people, exercise, have fun, and smile a ton then it won't take long at all. Again - learn to appreciate the little things in life.

Well I'm trying to divert my thoughts to the things I like now. Lets c the outcome. Hope it will be good.

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Originally Posted by iminlove26

well im trying to divert my thoughts to the things i like now. Lets c the outcome. Hope it will be good.

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Thanks to you.. Im trying to forget him. And its working. But the problem now is I keep staring at Other guys. Im scared I might get caught someday for being gay. I just cannot stop looking at men. Even in the canteen, I try to sit where girls are visible to me as I do not look at them, naturally! But sometimes guys sit; then its very awkward when I keep staring at them. I'm very scared of getting caught.

Please advise regarding the same. What should I do for me not to stare!

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Originally Posted by iminlove26

Pls advise regarding the same. What should i do for me not to stare!!

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Take along a book or magazine to read, do a crossword puzzle, play a handheld video game.

Stop trying to be something that your not guy, and start learning to love and accept yourself as a good human being.

I would have to agree with Talaniman. Trying to be someone you are not will only cause you great stress in the future.

Why are you so against being who you are?

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

I would have to agree with Talaniman. Trying to be someone you are not will only cause you great stress in the future.

Why are you so against being who you are?

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You guys won't believe the transition I've been in, in the past week.. Been far away from him actually helped me. I realised that he doesn't care about me. He doesn't even call and ask about me. What kind of friend was that?

Then I wondered.. what a foolish guy I am. Not any more! He doesn't care. Why should I keep thinking about a person who is Not my piece of cake. Well I let go of him already. Not thinking about him anymore. Good thing for me I guess.

Its ironic that I found someone online. Hes a cute guy who indeed asked me out by reading my profile. He likes me. I like him a lot. Just waiting to fall in love with him. We had a good Conv. Seems like this guy may be the one who I was searching for. Lets hope for the best. Well I don't hope, I know its going to be the best thing that will happen to me in so many years. Thanks to a site called PlanetRomeo.

Adeos! To the old one.

Rgds & Thanks to you all.
I'm in love. :)

You were so in love last week now you are waiting to fall in love with some guy you just met online. Why for you have to be in love? Why can you not just get to know someone?

You can have fun without giving your heart away to a stranger you know. I am glad you have moved beyond the hopeless love stage but to jump to desperate? That's scary. Slow down guy.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You were so in love last week now you are waiting to fall in love with some guy you just met online. Why for you have to be in love? Why can you not just get to know someone?

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I don't know what's wrong with me.. But some thing's very wrong for sure. I am so desperate to be loved by someone. Its like I want to be loved and share my love to someone. My life is empty. My family life was a mess from the childhood. I have no bondings with my mom and dad whatsoever. She left me with my grandparents when I was 3 months old. Now she tries to be close but its too late. I do not trust my mom as she supports my dad and never supports me. She alwys lectures me.. I mean.. come on! I'm a grown up guy. I need my space and freedom. Too much strictness has damaged me inside out and my personal life is tormenting me back and forth. I need to get healed.

As you guys said I need a counselling but before that I feel I need someone to talk to and hug me as I have never be cuddled by my parents... I also am so desperate to feel someone close to me.. Its hard dear.. but I still tried to get away from this guy. Now I'm getting close to this guy who's gay(ofcourse). At least he will help me heal some of my pain. Or at least ill be free from the burden I'm carrying and appreciate life more easily as it comes. I

I really want to be loved. You could imagine my situation as you are experts. But I'm the one who's suffering. I really feel this relation will help me as I could get love and appreciate myself more and love myself more and also share my loave to this guy. He really likes me and I like him instead. I truly want to know him and fall in love with him.

The worst part I have to accept in this relation is that he is a poor guy and has sex for pay as I literally poor and without family to support him (dad and mom died when he was young & brought up by his uncle). But I hesistated at first on hearing that and was very shocked. Although he said that he would not charge me to make out because he likes me and wants to know more about me. I had to accept the way he is. And I have. As he has been honest with me. I could have walked out easily from him but I can undrstand his situation. He does some part time modelling shows and he has some regular gay customers to look after. :-( I like him a lot. I am really falling for this guy for his honesty.
I told him to stop having paid sex but he do not have choice to support himself. This is the only way he earns a living and also not much educated for me to help him to get him in some jobs. Yet ill try to give him some good work so he stops all that.

At last I am proud that I got over the other guy with some will power.

Now Can you fathom all the above dears! Even I cannot. To some extent. But will go with the flow.

Thanks and Warm Regards,
Im in love 26

If you are a "grown up guy" why do you consistently make bad decisions? You go from "loving" a guy you can't have to "loving" someone who has sex for money. That isn't love and until you find out what true love is, you will continue to feel empty.

There is so much more to say but I don't have the time right now. Just be careful because people who have sex for money tend to carry diseases that can end your life. Get to know a guy first before you profess your love to that person. You honestly need to take a step backwards and figure out you first. The decisions you make can impact your life completely and I don't see a person making good decisions right now.

You sound very desperate and people make foolish decisions when they are desperate. Why you are set on falling for a male prostitute is beyond me. It makes no sense. Leave him alone and get some counseling. You are not emotionally healthy enough for a relationship. At this point.

Afraid you are looking for the wrong kind of love in the wrong places my friend. That's a false love and poor substitute for real love that has to start with you loving yourself and the world you are in by being good to yourself in very healthy positive ways and building a life that you enjoy with friends and activities that make you happy.

Free making out with a prostitute only leads to you wanting more, and being quoted a steep price for it. And you are ripe for the hustler my friend. Your choice to fall for the easy BS, and not hold out for the real thing. Don't be desperate and get carried away by it, be thoughtful and good to yourself and leave those dead end temporary distractions alone.