Ask Me Help Desk - What does this mean?

What does this mean?

So my ex broke up with me nearly 3 weeks ago and after the initial stages of me begging her back (which I now know is stupid) we've been NC for 4 days.
(for more info read my thread "i still love my ex, dont want to move on")

OK, so after 4 days NC I get this text from her at 6am (before she goes to work) it says:
"Morning! how have ur days at work going? are they happy to have you back?"

(I was off work because of a broken arm)

So what the hell? Why would she care how work is going? Pretty strange questions... I don't understand why she would send me this...

Should I reply? If so what should I say?

If I don't reply is that being childish?

I don't get it...

No its not being childish at all.

She broke up with you. Meaning she forfeited the right to have you in her life anymore as far as I'm concerned.

I wouldn't answer.

I don't think she really wants to know the answer. I think she wants to see if she still has control over you. It is unfair that people do this when they break up with someone.

It is over between you two. There can be no friendship right now and small talk like this is just making it harder.

Although at the time it hurt like hell I am so thankful my ex was good enough to realise that when she broke up with me the best thing she could do was leave me alone. At first I wondered how on earth she could be so cruel but now I realise that it was actually the best thing she could have ever done for me.

Sorry to get off track, but as I said in my opinion you don't owe her an answer to that question.

Your moving on and she is in the past now. As much as that hurts I am here to tell you that responding to her will not help matters at all.

BTW, good to see another Aussie here. Melbourne is an awesome city!!

Follow the above advice! Here is what I posted for someone else, I think it sums up what I think you should do.

Welcome

Your journey to the new you starts now! This is a learning experience which will be a benefit you for the rest of your life. Treat it as one and move on with a new zest for life.

1) Abide by No Contact - It will allow you to heal and of course ignorance is bliss - never try and hear things or pass on things through the grape vine
2) Join the gym - go with mates if you have to
3) Start a new hobby
4) Meet new people
5) Try going different places and running your life differently
6) Unfortunately for us change is the only constant in life and the transition will be painful but you must accept your pain and live in it, feel it and then one day the pain will be gone!
7) There is no saying you won't meet again or become friends but in the mean time you must give up hope until your head clears - probably after a couple of months.
8) Spend time with your friends - they will be your closest allies
9) Read over the forum here and old posts - post here and help others - rant here if you need to
10) Go on a short break
11) Listen to music - not necessarily depressing cut your wrists music.
12) Don't forget she ain't dead and she's living her life and being happy - the best revenge is for you to do the same.

Confusing I know, she probably doesn't know why she text you either so don't stress over it. Do not contact her for any reason right now. She broke up with you so now is your time to get over her. Let your emotions come under control so you can see things a lot more clearly. Be prepared to see her under a light of clarity, since you will not be blinded by love. The important thing is to stay on the path and heal.

I look back at my ex now after 40 days and I can nearly see what went wrong. I can also see how we weren't right for each other. Not saying we weren't good together but she wasn't prepared to take part or become part of what I currently enjoyed doing. This NC will let you see clearly. Maybe you will be friends but first give yourself time, block her.

Thanks guys, its so good to hear from people that have been through it before and who have felt the hurt that I feel...
I still wish I had her in my life, I had so many great plans for our future, but I'm starting to realize that that's over and I have to start looking at MY future now...

The day that this gets easier will be the start of my new life, hopefully that day comes sooner rather than later!

Quote:

Originally Posted by where did i go wrong

so my ex broke up with me nearly 3 weeks ago and after the initial stages of me begging her back (which i now know is stupid) we've been NC for 4 days.
(for more info read my thread "i still love my ex, dont want to move on")

ok, so after 4 days NC i get this text from her at 6am (before she goes to work) it says:
"Morning! how have ur days at work going? are they happy to have you back?"

(i was off work because of a broken arm)

So what the hell? why would she care how work is goin? pretty strange questions... i dont understand why she would send me this...

Should i reply? if so what should i say?

if i dont reply is that being childish?

i dont get it...

Hi, my guess is that she is missing you and wants to know that you are all right, if it is not too painful answer as a friend, nothing too heavy and see where it takes you, if it is too painful tell her how her text makes you feel and ask her what she wanted to achieve by it after so long with no contact. She has made the first move.

Quote:

Originally Posted by iscorpio

Hi, my guess is that she is missing you and wants to know that you are alright, if it is not too painful answer as a friend, nothing too heavy and see where it takes you, if it is too painful tell her how her text makes you feel and ask her what she wanted to achieve by it after so long with no contact. She has made the first move.

I'm not sure... that sort of goes against what everyone else is saying...

I agree with iscorpio, why else would she text you had to be on her mind otherwise she would never have text!!

Just want to say thanks to everyone that has replied to my posts, your support and advice has been fantastic in aiding my recovery... it still hurts but its getting easier...

So yeah, now a week NC on my part, she sent me ANOTHER text today. That's 2 in 4 days.
"Hi! did u get my msg last week? Well i hope work is going ok. Let me know how u are and ur arm is. Please"

So...
I know what you mean iscorpio, that she is thinking about me, but replying as a friend is just what she wants. She probably just wants me to say 'yeah I'm doing ok' to make herself feel a little better.
I'm past the denial stage and into the anger stage, she turned my life upside down, why would I want to make things easy for her..

Quote:

I'm past the denial stage and into the anger stage, she turned my life upside down, why would I want to make things easy for her..

All the more reason to leave her alone. Your not ready yet. No hurry take things in your own time.

She just sent a couple of IM's on msn, which I ignored then went offline... (one saying "are you not talking to me?")

Am I going too far, I'm starting to feel a bit bad... but at the same time, I wouldn't know what to say to her.

Stay offline and stay busy with other things. When you know what you want to say, answer.

Quote:

I'm past the denial stage and into the anger stage, she turned my life upside down, why would I want to make things easy for her..

Now you feel bad? How will you feel next. Until those feelings are under control leave it alone.

Just leave it. You aren't ready to contact her. It won't do you any good.

Remember she is the one who asked for this. She broke up with you and it is unfair for her to expect the break up to be all on her terms. i.e. You have to answer her just because she wants to know something.

It isn't being rude. It is taking care of yourself. Just like she did when she left you.

Reread this thread, and your other one. If your honest she is the one dictating all the terms, so re-examine why you feel bad about not returning her contact.

Quote:

am I going too far, I'm starting to feel a bit bad... but at the same time, I wouldn't know what to say to her.

Your just getting started. Takes more than 4 days.

OK so here's a situation that is 1 in a million...
I was watching the news and saw that a russian swim coach assaulted a female employee in a melbourne hotel. Then the camera pans to the hotel my ex works at...

Is this a reason to break nc? Should I see if it was her?
Does it really matter? I mean there's nothing I can do if it was or wasn't her...

Don't panic and stop acting like your together. You'll be all right just hang in. Its like quitting drugs but hang in.

No its no reason to call her! If she is in distress and needs you then she will ask. I believe you when you say your concerned about this but in situations like this we tend to look for excuses to call them.

I was nearly killed by a concrete panel that fell a metre or so away from me at work not long after my ex broke up with me. I used that as an excuse to call her because I was scared. When I look back on it it was so weak and petty.

Just leave her be and focus on yourself.

Thanks guys, I'm hanging in there...

Why don't you head out to the World Swimming Champs to take your mind off things. Lots of eye candy out there. ;)

DAMMIT I broke NC...

She 'confronted' me on msn asking if I had a problem with her and why I was ignoring her...
I was dumb enuf to respond. Anyway she said she had some news, but I said I didn't want to talk. And that was it... sounds harmless enough... but...
LET THIS BE A LESSON TO EVERYONE!! NC means NO CONTACT
I feel like crap knowing that 'she has news' even though I don't know what it is, it still sucks...
I'm really angry at myself for being weak, I don't know what I was trying to achieve...
Anyway, for anyone thinking about breaking NC, MAKE SURE UR READY!!

Relax and get back on the path, beating yourself up is a waste of time. But take it as a lesson that she is good at pushing your buttons. I have no doubt you will see other things you didn't realise about her in the future. I really don't mean it in bad way, but love does blind us sometimes.

Yeah I already am seeing things about her that I didn't really notice, or chose to ignore...
The reason I am angry is because I know how she always like's to be in control... finally, with NC, I had some control back...

I hope this experience helps other people, NC works, don't break it until you are ready to

:P Be strong!! Were rooting for you =D =D :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by where did i go wrong

yeah i already am seeing things about her that i didnt really notice, or chose to ignore...
the reason i am angry is because i know how she always like's to be in control... finally, with NC, I had some control back...

i hope this experience helps other ppl, NC works, dont break it until you are ready to

Of course you have control back...

Go one step further and change your phone number!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Of course you have control back...

Go one step further and change your phone number!!

I think changing my number would hand all control back to her, meaning I would be changing something in my life because of her... I don't think it is a positive move

Quote:

Originally Posted by where did i go wrong

i think changing my number would hand all control back to her, meaning i would be changing something in my life because of her... i dont think it is a positive move

Not at all, with the greatest respect to you.

It is positive...

I did this and it worked wonders.. I stopped checking my phone wondering if she (my ex) had called or text because she did not know my new number. On the contrary, by doing this it shows her you are willing and able to move on without her and be unavailable. While there is a line of communication open, ask yourself, are you really free?

I can understand your point, but I think it may be a little drastic (no disrespect to you)
My situation is improving and I guess I can handle her being able to contact me by phone. I have ignored her text's, and I'm barely checking for messages at all anymore. My weakness is msn, and after today's incident I have blocked her on my list...

Good man! Keep it up. Delete it and her email 2 and do not store it, try to manually delete it from your brain - if you can do it. Ignore the temptation to re add

Quote:

Originally Posted by where did i go wrong

i can understand your point, but i think it may be a little drastic (no disrespect to you)
my situation is improving and i guess i can handle her being able to contact me by phone. I have ignored her text's, and im barely checking for messages at all anymore. my weakness is msn, and after todays incident i have blocked her on my list...

What works for me may not work for you.

I like Geoffs suggestion but sometimes changing your number might seem drastic. I couldn't because of work but I think I would have had it not been a work phone as well as personal. Not so I wasn't tempted to call her but so I didn't look every 5 minutes to see if she had called or messaged me.

But I understand why you wouldn't want to and that's fine. But if I were you I would block her on MSN, block her emails, take away all forms of contact with her. Don't you see you are allowing it to happen. Deep down I bet you are glad when it does but then afterwards you realise that it makes you feel worse.

Although you think changing your number is drastic surely you can't think that deleting her from MSN is as well. Do that and then things like this won't happen.

Remember you have control over what happens in your life. Not her or others but YOU! Its up to you to control it in the best way you can. And at the moment I don't think you are. But that is fine. We all learn the hard way. Its part of the process.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solid357

she needs you. call her and see what can be done. if you can't move on, and she still needs you, go to her. you can be eachothers strength. two trees falling on eachother can hold eachother up.

Hmmm I don't know, she seemed more angry than needy when she asked why I wasn't talking to her...
What if she doesn't need me, what if she just wants to tell me how fantastic her life is now without me..
That would be setting myself up for more hurt. Wouldn't it??

Quote:

Originally Posted by where did i go wrong

hmmm i dunno, she seemed more angry than needy when she asked why i wasnt talking to her...
what if she doesnt need me, what if she just wants to tell me how fantastic her life is now without me..
that would be setting myself up for more hurt. wouldnt it???

Im sorry but the advice you were given by solid here where did I go wrong is off the mark.

Please re-read everything else we have told you. You need to begin to move on. No contact!!

Its not that I don't trust you, but I'm more concerned about my hurt than hers, after all she was the one that left...

Bloody hell I'm so confused now, I want to know her 'news' even though it will probably make me feel worse...
NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC
Its so hard knowing that she'll be out of my life forever, even if it is for the best...

There is absolutely nothing to be gained by contacting her now. I can assure you of that. As I say, we all know where you are right now and it is painful and hurts a lot. But it does get better. You just have to trust us and listen!!

Ahhhh this sucks...

As we all know, Yes it does. So you had better get busy.

Maybe it's the booze talking, but I'm really ttempted to call her or email her to see what she's been doing with herself...
I mean I dun reallt want to know if she's been happy, but maybe she is missing me, because I'm sure missing her...

Absolutely no drinking and dialing, you will regret that action and make things much worse.

Hey there, I'm going through the EXACT situation and I'm telling you, be STRONG. My girlfriend broke up with me, and she's going out with her best friend now, but still she's still trying to reach me.

I tried NC and I always went back after 1-2 days because she always knows what to say. Last Friday I decided it was time to QUIT for GOOD. I just decided to ignore everything! Her calls, texts, MSN (that one is the toughest)! And it feels like I'm slowly gaining my power back (it's been only like 4 days)

And just as your case, yesterday she sent me was an angry face over the MSN because I was ignoring her, which made me feel bad. But dude, they were the ones that decided to dump us. They don't have the right to be mad at us, WE should be mad at them, but we're so damn blinded by what we feel that we keep wanting everything to go back as they were.

What I'm trying to say is that, every time she tries to contact you, keep doing what you're doing (cause I've been doing the same thing). Say to yourself: "what am I going to say to her?", are you just going to go and say "hi, how you've been?" I know you're dying to just talk for a couple of minutes to find out how she's been doing lately, but REMEMBER how it feels AFTER the conversation. How powerless you feel and how you reassured her that she still has control over you. They KNOW which buttons to push. NOTHING is going to change, the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be going back to square one after all the effort you've done to get to the point you are today.

Be strong brother! I know exactly how it feels!