Threads merged

Hello everyone.

My ex is back in town after we tried to work on our failing long distance relationship for a year and a half. We have always been on good terms, he even called me two weeks before he actually came to town. He contacted me so often.. Obviously I had my hopes up.

Well, beginning of last month my good friend runs into him at a restaurant. That's how I hear he is back in town. Now its been a month since he's back. I think of him every minute of the day. HE Hasn't CONTACTED ME :(:(:(..

I feel terrible. He's been here for a month now. We had been through so much together including the long distance. We'd been together for 3 years and I feel terrible :( I don't understand why he hasn't contacted me. What should I do? I cannot stop thinking of him. I think I still love him, but how I can I possibly love him after all he's put me through? I hate how I feel. Miserable.

What should you do... the only answer is to forget him. You don't mean as much to him as he does to you... it's clear since he hasn't even bothered to contact you in all this time that he has been back.

Are you sure you love him or you maybe love what you had hoped the 2 of you could have in the future? He sounds like a waste if time. If you go after him, you are only going to wind up hurting yourself more.

Thank you very much for answering my question.

I agree with you when you tell me that he is a waste of time. I loved him... He loved me. He used to tell me so much. I don't want to come across like an adolescent, but I feel that way. I just cannot get myself to believe he just decided to not contact me after he came back. After all that he put me through while he was away.. and I've always been there for him. He just decided to not contact me... I feel horrible. I cannot even think of telling myself that he doesn't care... because he always told me he cared and that he had plans for 'us' when he comes back...
I feel horrible. I need to get myself to forget him.. I know

I cry whenever I think of him. I hate how sensitive this has become for me. I don't know what to do..

Please tell me... should I contact him or just let it be? Or just wait for him to contact me?

Please tell you... I did tell you but you don't like what I told you.

In the end, you're going to do whatever you want and it's pretty obvious that you'll be calling him since you asked again and are hoping someone will tell you to do so.

You're right. I should do the right thing! I am going to try my best to let this go.. Thank You very much

Try and get in touch with him if you can xxx have a look around town for him xx ask your friends to have a look when there out and about xx
Try to tell him how u really feel

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Originally Posted by amy12389034

Try and get in touch with him if you can xxx have a look around town for him xx ask your friends to have a look when there out and about xx
try to tell him how u really feel

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That's some pretty poor advice. Did you read what she said? So yeah, advise her to chase this idiot around like a puppy dog so he can kick her some more... brilliant... excellent advice from an 11 year old who knows so much of the world and surely has all kinds of life experience.

Thank You for responding...

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Originally Posted by odinn7

Please tell you...I did tell you but you don't like what I told you.

In the end, you're going to do whatever you want and it's pretty obvious that you'll be calling him since you asked again and are hoping someone will tell you to do so.

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Hi odinn7... I did follow your advice. I did not contact my ex. In fact, I did well. I kept myself busy for a month. Now its been two months since he's back in town. He contacted me two weeks ago.. and I responded pretty normally.. I spoke to him well.. I thought I had let go of all that pain.. and guess what? He seems to have gotten busy again. He doesn't call me anymore.. hardly texts me. I really thought I could meet him and talk about how and why things went down when we were in a relationship and why he didn't contact me for two months... but I'm wondering, if its even going to be worth it. I just don't understand what he's trying to do.. I know I'm being stupid. But I need to hear your point of view as a third person.. I hope you can respond. Thanking you..

What did he say when he finally got around to contacting you?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What did he say when he finally got around to contacting you?

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He contacted me by texting me.. and he was behaving very normally.. like nothing happened.. and he did mention that he would talk to me about stuff when we meet because it will be more convincing. But I'm not sure what 'stuff he was referring to.. we haven't met yet. I hope I can somehow make him meet me.. so I can get some closure.

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Originally Posted by Anisha N

He contacted me by texting me.. and he was behaving very normally.. like nothing happened.. and he did mention that he would talk to me about stuff when we meet because it will be more convincing. But I'm not sure what 'stuff he was referring to.. we haven't met yet. I hope I can somehow make him meet me.. so I can get some closure.

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If I were in this position, I would not meet with him. At this point, nothing he could say would excuse his bad behavior. He's going to talk to you about stuff in person so he's more convincing?? I smell a rat. I'd go No Contact.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If I were in this position, I would not meet with him. At this point, nothing he could say would excuse his bad behavior. He's going to talk to you about stuff in person so he's more convincing???? I smell a rat. I'd go No Contact.

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Yes.. that's right. With him, its always a smelly rat situation. I'm so don with feel in miserable.. he leaves m and come back when he feels like. I really want to stop letting him to do this to me.. I think you're right. I should just go no contact. Even if he messages me or calls me... he so easily hurts me. And he's not even my boyfriend anymore..

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Originally Posted by Anisha N

I should just go no contact. Even if he messages me or calls me... he so easily hurts me. And he's not even my boyfriend anymore..

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Are you strong enough? Or will you cave in?

How can you be strong and do the No Contact? (I'm guessing he will text you for a meeting, and if you don't respond, he might try once or twice more, but then will give up. He doesn't sound very dedicated to you in wanting to patch things up.)

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Are you strong enough? or will you cave in?

How can you be strong and do the No Contact? (I'm guessing he will text you for a meeting, and if you don't respond, he might try once or twice more, but then will give up. He doesn't sound very dedicated to you in wanting to patch things up.)

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I've never ignored him when he contacts me... I've always caved in. But I want to be strong.. I want to get over this. But I know I need some answers from him, about the past.

I'm just wondering, is the face to face meeting with him going to be of any use? Him being this way. As of now, I don't even know if he's going to meet me. He kept asking me to make lunch for him at my house.. and we all know how that ends. So I kept making excuses saying I was busy. That makes me feel he's not really interested in meeting me outside, to talk. He asked if he could come over for lunch a least three times in one week. And now, he hardly contacts me, maybe he just wanted to come home, and didn't think about how I was feeling

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Originally Posted by Anisha N

I've never ignored him when he contacts me... I've always caved in.

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It's time to change.

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But I know I need some answers from him, about the past.

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No, you don't. That's the part of you not wanting to let him go.

If you respond to him and actually meet with him, I guaranteed he will continue to kick your heart around like a soccer ball.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

It's time to change.

No, you don't. That's the part of you not wanting to let him go.

If you respond to him and actually meet with him, I guaranteed he will continue to kick your heart around like a soccer ball.

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I agree with you.I feel it in every inch of my body. I know its time to change.. I'm going to work on myself...

Is it okay if I stop contacting him? As in, replying to his messages?

I'm going to keep myself busy and shape my life up in a more fruitful way. Enough of being used and kicked around. Thank you so much for sharing your point of view. I will stop responding to him and concentrate on other areas of my life instead... thank you wondergirl.

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Originally Posted by Anisha N

Is it okay if i stop contacting him? As in, replying to his messages?

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I give you 100% permission to NOT contact him. No texting, no phone calls, no in-person contact.

Now, stay in touch with us so you don't weaken!

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I give you 100% permission to NOT contact him. No texting, no phone calls, no in-person contact.

Now, stay in touch with us so you don't weaken!

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Wow.. I needed someone to say that to me. Thank you so much for your advice. I will keep you posted :) Wish you happiness and good health.

You'll be OK... just follow what Wondergirl told you. No contact. Once you break that rule and do have contact with him, it will be harder to get over him. Keep reminding yourself of the garbage he has put you through.

Stay strong.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

You'll be ok....just follow what Wondergirl told you. No contact. Once you break that rule and do have contact with him, it will be harder to get over him. Keep reminding yourself of the garbage he has put you through.

Stay strong.

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Yes, now I know for certain that I must stay away from him and that it's the right thing to do. I hope I don't give in. I won't!! :) thank you odinn7. Will keep you posted :) god bless

What you seriously need to do is to block him from your phone, block him from FB and any other way you possibly can.

You need to get on with your life. Without him. He is holding you back in a serious way.

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I'm just wondering, is the face to face meeting with him going to be of any use?

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Use to you? Or him? It's no use to you. But it is to him as he will still be dragging you along in his drama.

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I need some answers from him, about the past.

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Answers to what? No, you don't need answers to anything.

Time to put on the big girl panties and sweep him out of your life. Totally and completely.

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Originally Posted by J_9

What you seriously need to do is to block him from your phone, block him from FB and any other way you possibly can.

You need to get on with your life. Without him. He is holding you back in a serious way.

Use to you? Or him? It's no use to you. But it is to him as he will still be dragging you along in his drama.

Answers to what? No, you don't need answers to anything.

Time to put on the big girl panties and sweep him out of your life. Totally and completely.

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Thank you so much for your response J_9.
Yes when wondergirl and odinn7 suggested I keep no contact with him... I was wondering if I should block him from my phone..

The thing is, he broke up with me very randomly when we were doing long distance and didn't talk to me for months. Thank god I had college to keep me occupied..

Now that you've mentioned it, I will block him from my phone.the last thing I want.. is a text from him.. and me contemplating if I should reply or not.

I cannot wait to realize one day that he's no longer a part of my everyday thoughts and reason for anxiety I feel. No one should ever feel sad because another person is not being honest and open with them. Thanks to you guys, I'm going to seriously think of myself this time. Thank you for making me see that I don't 'need answers from him.

Hey guys, Im hoping you remember me and my story. Well, I have updates and I really need your advice...

My ex contacted me repeatedly an I finally gave in and met him. He somehow came home and had a two hour long conversation and his and my future about how he still cares for me and even showed her my passport size pictures in his wallet... and a lot of things he told her...
Anyway, my point is.. he hasn't spoken to me yet. About his feeligs, our past long distance relationship and why things fell apart.. he hasn't spoken to me about it yet.
So after that session with my mother, its been a week and a half.. I haven't heard from him at all.. I know he is working hard.. but sometimes I even see him online...

Why is he keeping this silence again? Please advice me on what I should do. I wish I didn't give in and meet him...

But who knew he would make such confessions to my mother about his feelings for me and then disappear..

Please, I hope I hear from you soon guys.

God bless

My advice doesn't change... he keeps proving me right. I mean what kind of message is he sending? He tells your mother how much he cares but can't tell you... can't even acknowledge you... and you just keep eating it up. I am sorry, but you are just asking to get kicked and it's eventually going to happen.

I would be very angry at someone trying to work my feelings through my family, and feel you should be too. It's like he can do whatever he wants and anyway he wants and come and go as he pleases without explanation. All of this I feel to get you to chase him on his terms.

Yes I would be furious, but instead of cussing him out properly like he deserves and having no more to do with him, I would surely tell my family of my wish to no longer consider him a part of your life and tell him to go to hell.

But you stick with No Contact whatsoever.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

My advice doesn't change...he keeps proving me right. I mean what kind of message is he sending? He tells your mother how much he cares but can't tell you...can't even acknowledge you...and you just keep eating it up. I am sorry, but you are just asking to get kicked and it's eventually going to happen.

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Hi Odinn7... you're right about how I keep eat up whatever he has to give me, be it bad or good. I just cannot understand what his intentions are... why can't he be normal? Like other humans.. and tell what's on his mind.
Its like a pattern, he always comes back to see if I care.. and once he's made sure of that, he leaves me to live my life... and knows that I'm there for him. Its like he wants me to be his... but he cannot say it because he cannot commit and he's concentrating on his career, and so am I.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I would be very angry at someone trying to work my feelings thru my family, and feel you should be too. It's like he can do whatever he wants and anyway he wants and come and go as he pleases without explanation. All of this I feel to get you to chase him on his terms.

Yes I would be furious, but instead of cussing him out properly like he deserves and having no more to do with him, I would surely tell my family of my wish to no longer consider him a part of your life and tell him to go to hell.

But you stick with No Contact whatsoever.

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Hi talaniman for taking the time to read my question. I haven't contacted him.. and I won't either. Though I did text him once and he replied after 24 hours or more. I just keep breaking the no contact rule, because I want to know what he's up to... I just don't understand him. I want to figure this out I guess...

But I am very furious. If I show him how furious I am... he will run right back into his shell and I will have no have to find my answers.

I am not contacting him in any way whatsoever. I will continue to keep it this way until he has something to say to me, something worth my while. I will continue to concentrate on myself and my work.

I hope you have a nice day :)

It takes a life time to know and understand another human and that's only when there is a willingness to commit to that learning process by committing to share it. He has not, he shares NOTHING, and his actions are a signal he will not. So don't waste your time because of curiosity and false hope and keep this emotional attachment alive in your own mind.

For whatever reason he is stringing you along, its just not healthy on an emotional, and spiritual level, nor fair, so forget the notion he can fulfill any of your wishes. Protect yourself by making a clean cut of his disruptive nature as its but a preview of life with him, as no one can change another and his ways, as some humans are healthier than others, and more compatible than others to you.

You can find happiness without him and do better than him. Do it, and be able to see a better future for yourself than he offers, which is NOTHING.

His words and actions just don't match. That's a BIG RED FLAG you shouldn't ignore.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

It takes a life time to know and understand another human and that's only when there is a willingness to commit to that learning process by committing to share it. He has not, he shares NOTHING, and his actions are a signal he will not. So don't waste your time because of curiosity and false hope and keep this emotional attachment alive in your own mind.

For whatever reason he is stringing you along, its just not healthy on an emotional, and spiritual level, nor fair, so forget the notion he can fulfill any of your wishes. Protect yourself by making a clean cut of his disruptive nature as its but a preview of life with him, as no one can change another and his ways, as some humans are healthier than others, and more compatible than others to you.

You can find happiness without him and do better than him. Do it, and be able to see a better future for yourself than he offers, which is NOTHING.

His words and actions just don't match. That's a BIG RED FLAG you shouldn't ignore.

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Thank you for your thoughtful reply : )
Yes, he hasn't really offered much.. whereas I know for a fact that I've always been there for him.
And you're right.. he is just stringing me along.. oh, and once he does that.. he leaves me hanging by that string.. not for days but for months, even a year.
I feel so upset.. and I hope one day, I will know how he actually felt during this time, I really hope. But I'm not going to make an effort to find out now... I'm not over him, I'm still very vulnerable, but I am staying strong, if that makes sense.
I will try to keep the big red flag in mind.
Btw, I still haven't heard from him. I need to channel y energy somewhere else.. maybe exercise or yoga or something... I must!!

Hey you guys... I hope you remember my story, my sad sob story.
After all the great advice you guys gave me... I fell for 'his crap.. and spoke to him after he contacted me. After all the crap he put me through... I gave it a second chance.
Its been a month that we've sort of 'been together now'-,. and I'm back to square one now. He doesn't care. He hasn't contacted me in over a week... and I just have not heard from him.
I think I will lose my mind if I have to lose him again. I'm in a really bad place right now... he made it seem like we've gotten back together.. and we even had 'talks'...

Well, I know now that he doesn't care. And maybe he doesn't want this. I need help. I need to know of things I can do.. to get over him, and to let him go... for the last time.
I've realised that talking to him only gives me false hope... he has no good to offer me.. and he doesn't want this relationship and does not respect it.

I feel so foolish and stupid. I know I should have never returned his calls in the first place... he hasn't called me now... and I'm dying.

I need to get over this. I need to pull myself together for the last time. I so stupid how I can't get myself to move on and leave him... I don't know what is wrong with me... I don't know why I'm still depending on him to tell me things. Why I'm depending on all the things he's promised me and told me in the very recent past...

I need to I need to I need to move on. My friends have given up on me...

Don't wait any longer for words, his actions have spoken even louder. Okay so you learned the hard way, but I bet the lesson is well learned. Better late than NEVER! Disappear!!

You are in love with the memories, people tend to romance the good memories while pushing the bad ones to the back of their mind. Of course you are going to still have feelings for him, he was a big part of your life.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't wait any longer for words, his actions have spoken even louder. Okay so you learned the hard way, but I bet the lesson is well learned. Better late than NEVER! Disappear!!!!

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I can guarantee you that I have seen the lesson... but I hope I apply it.. and 'learn. I am generally a sensible person... but with regard to him... I have lost control of my thoughts and I've lost control. I keep waiting for him to contact me... I keep wondering why he suddenly stopped contacting me... I know I must not contact him.. and I will not.
I hate how I've made him such a big big big big part of my life.
I hate how he can control my emotions and thouhts.
I hate how I think of him all the time even now...

I hope I never ever talk to him. I hope I muster up enough courage in my life..

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

You are in love with the memories, people tend to romance the good memories while pushing the bad ones to the back of their mind. Of course you are going to still have feelings for him, he was a big part of your life.

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I hope I stop thinking so much about him. I really really hope. I hope I think less of him at least.. I can't stand how he's always on my mind. I can't stop wondering if he's going to contact me...
I feel so stupid and needy and dumb... ugh

Hi friends :) hope you guys are doing well.. I have something I need to discuss with you guys..

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Originally Posted by Anisha N

Hi friends :) hope you guys are doing well.. I have something I need to discuss with you guys..

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If it is about this person/situation all you have to do is post the question/information in this thread. If it is about your new question (Congratulations on the trainee position.) then those who can help you will read and answer it there.

Thank you Cat :) thanks for keeping an eye out.

I'm so glad I have a job.. it keeps me so busy and keeps me in control. Well, my ex^^ had last contacted me over a month ago.. the last time we spoke he promised me that I was the only one for him. And that he was going to marry only me. And, guess what.. I don't hear from him again.

Anyway, I hope I get over him soon. My best friend has been telling me for two years how much he is in love with me. But he's a bad boy. He is not my type. I really do love him.

If I do decide to move on, I'm afraid my ex will come back. After all, the last Tim we spoke.. he did say a lot of things. What do you think?

Sounds like you are 'the type' of girl he is looking for IF he ever decides to settle down.
He is possibly trying to get your hopes up where you figure you can wait because he wants you... someday. Get on with your life. There is no point in waiting, and waiting, and waiting for something to someday maybe happen. You have no control over making a relationship happen with him so why waste your time on maybe's

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

Sounds like you are 'the type' of girl he is looking for IF he ever decides to settle down.
He is possibly trying to get your hopes up where you figure you can wait because he wants you.....someday. Get on with your life. There is no point in waiting, and waiting, and waiting for something to someday maybe happen. You have no control over making a relationship happen with him so why waste your time on maybe's

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Yes, precisely. I know he thinks we will be perfect together and he truly thinks I'm his type. And I know it's a BIG BIG maybe... I haven't heard from him in ages.. I hope this passes soon...

Do you think I can be in another relationship? Or just not? I haven't been with anyone else, in a relationship, since he left the country. Two years ago.

Threads merged

Hi friends,

Its about me again. I haven't heard from my ex in over two months now... the last time we spoke, he told me we were meant to be forever...

Its not that I want to move on.. I keep wishing he comes back.. will he?
Only because he said so.. will he? I'm not are anymore.. as in, for some reason, I have a feeling that he will come back.. only difference is.. he is taking longer than usual..

I love... him! Or the idea of what we had in the past? I'm not sure. I hope he comes back, or at least contacts me.. so I'll know what his deal is..

If we're together or not. If he is going to be mine forever or not.. or if he wats me or not..

I've blocked him from Facebook, don't have his contact numbers, don't have him on bbm.. so there is no way to contact him, unless I email him.

Should I let him go? But how...