Ask Me Help Desk - One-sided love

One-sided love

Hi,

I am madly in love with my best friend. I just can't live without talking to him. He is such a wonderful guy. I feel if my love is true, some day he will realize it. But its been more than a year. He considers me only a very good friend. He has another best friend who is a girl too. I feel so much jealousy when he is with her. One sided love hurts so much.

My parents want me to get marry soon but I don't even feel like talking to other guys. I pray to God for him or else I want to die. I have tried many times to overcome this one sided love by not talking to him but not possible. Rather avoiding him, makes me even more crazy for him. Every minute, every moment, I want to talk to him. I can't concentrate myself on any other thing. Please help.

...Threads Merged...

This is not healthy for you. You can't make someone love you and if he doesn't love you then waiting around for him forever will not be good for anyone. You should just let this go and find someone else.

How old are you, first of all? Perhaps it is not really 'love' you are feeling but lust and jealousy combined together to form some sort of obsession. If you both have already communicated and he has stressed that he only thinks of you as a friend, then consider yourself lucky and try not to abuse that trust and level of intimacy. Intimacy and love come in different forms-not everything has to end romantically.

Don't beat yourself up about it though. If it is part of your culture to get married soon, then focus on that if you want, and don't be dramatic about death because of one person. One sided love hurts, but you're not the only who has been through it. You'll look back at this one day and laugh.

Focus on being a friend to him if that's what he wants. You just need to respect his wishes if you really care about this man.

All the best.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleBlackKat

How old are you, first of all? Perhaps it is not really 'love' you are feeling but lust and jealousy combined together to form some sort of obsession. If you both have already communicated and he has stressed that he only thinks of you as a friend, then consider yourself lucky and try not to abuse that trust and level of intimacy. Intimacy and love come in different forms-not everything has to end romantically.

Don't beat yourself up about it though. If it is part of your culture to get married soon, then focus on that if you want, and don't be dramatic about death because of one person. One sided love hurts, but you're not the only who has been through it. You'll look back at this one day and laugh.

Focus on being a friend to him if that's what he wants. You just need to respect his wishes if you really care about this man.

All the best.

Yeah, we are very good friends.. Bt I want to know is he my obsession and nt love? If he is, then please tel me how do I get free from this obsession.. N its really easy for me to get marry.. I don't feel like talking to any other guy.. Evn if I marry smbdy, it won't be fair to him..

It may be obsession. Jealous is a sign of obsession. For all we know he may be as good friends with the other girl as he is with you. You need to detach yourself from him for a while. Focus your time on other things: Maybe take up a new hobby, learn to cook a new dish, garden, take on music lessons, find a new friend. It's not really that complicated, really. It's just a matter of coming to terms with the fact that this person is a friend only, and that is a wonderful thing. I truly love the idea of a man and a woman being JUST friends without any awkward sexual notions coming into play.

Isn't being jealous in this kind of situation a normal thng? I mean Wn u love smbdy, you wl obviously won't like him talking to some other friend.. Shd I detach myself by nt talking to him? Bt I can't do this because I don't want to lose him as my friend also..

Being jealous is not healthy if it is between friends only. Jealousy can destroy the best of friendships AND relationships. Do you trust him as a friend? If yes, then you need to be less jealous and be his friend. You can't stop him from talking to another girl or boy if he wants to, and that's the simple fact. But letting yourself obsess over it is another thing. You can put together many different types of scenarios about him and this other girl, and none of it will be 100% in the end. You're acting emotionally, which is fine, but remember to also use logic.

As odinn7 already stated, this is not healthy for you. You're better off spending your time finding someone you CAN be with romantically rather than obsessing over someone you likely will NOT end up with. You're just dangling with a string of "maybe" and possibilities.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleBlackKat

Being jealous is not healthy if it is between friends only. Jealousy can destroy the best of friendships AND relationships. Do you trust him as a friend? If yes, then you need to be less jealous and be his friend. You can't stop him from talking to another girl or boy if he wants to, and that's the simple fact. But letting yourself obsess over it is another thing. You can put together many different types of scenarios about him and this other girl, and none of it will be 100% in the end. You're acting emotionally, which is fine, but remember to also use logic.

As odinn7 already stated, this is not healthy for you. You're better off spending your time finding someone you CAN be with romantically rather than obsessing over someone you likely will NOT end up with. You're just dangling with a string of "maybe" and possibilities.

Yeah you are absolutely right in saying m dangling with a string of 'maybe' n possibilities.. Bt I really wished it to be both sided.. Till nw I was praying, bargaining to God for his love.. Thanks for al your help.. I wl try to act upon your advice.. Yeah its true, I can't force anybdy to love me..

Exactly. It does indeed hurt, I totally get that. I could write a book on how many times I have been lead on and wasted my time trying to hold on to the hope that so and so loved me when in reality I was only wasting my time and making a fool of myself. But mistakes are bound to be made. They make us human. Just try to take it as a lesson learned and next time try not to let your guard down in the future. Maybe wait it out longer in the future until both sides have communicated their true feelings.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleBlackKat

Exactly. It does indeed hurt, I totally get that. I could write a book on how many times I have been lead on and wasted my time trying to hold on to the hope that so and so loved me when in reality I was only wasting my time and making a fool of myself. But mistakes are bound to be made. They make us human. Just try to take it as a lesson learned and next time try not to let your guard down in the future. Maybe wait it out longer in the future until both sides have communicated their true feelings.

Jst one last question.. My parents daily bring a new match for me.. I give them some excuse and reject every guy.. I don't like doing this bt my heart is not ready yet to accept any other person.. I want sm time bt I can't afford to have..

Is there any other relative you can talk to who isn't trying to force a match for you? If so, I'd approach them. If that is not an option, you should talk to both your parents or one of them and tell them exactly what is going on. Else you'll be stuck in this circle for a while.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleBlackKat

Is there any other relative you can talk to who isn't trying to force a match for you? If so, I'd approach them. If that is not an option, you should talk to both your parents or one of them and tell them exactly what is going on. Else you'll be stuck in this circle for a while.

No, I can't talk to anybody..

Quote:

Originally Posted by odinn7

This is not healthy for you. You can't make someone love you and if he doesn't love you then waiting around for him forever will not be good for anyone. You should just let this go and find someone else.

Its easy to say, leave him.. I have tried bt failed.. I don't want to find someone else..

Why can't you just tell your parents your not ready or you already love another guy.There your parents they will listen and undersatnd.
I'm sure your parents won't force you to marry someone you don't like
Remember force marriage isn't right
And if they don't listen I'm sure there is someone else another family member your comfortable with
Or a close friend.

Don't worry,I know its hard

_____________________________________

Remember Love will touch us one time but it will last us a lifetime.”

One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions

Quote:

Originally Posted by xTiffanyx

Why can't you just tell your parents your not ready or you alredy love another guy.There your parents they will listen and undersatnd.
im sure your parents wont force you to marry someone you don't like
Remeber force marriage isn't right
And if they dont listen im sure there is someone else another family member your comfortable with
or a close freind.

Whether you think it's right or not is irrelevant. In some cultures, it is still very much "alright" and accepted. Telling someone that their cultural beliefs are not all right is not the way things are done here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inaya

Its easy to say, leave him.. I have tried bt failed.. I dnt wanna find someone else..

Sure it's easy to say it... and it should be fairly easy to do it when he has made it clear that he wants nothing more than friendship. He told you that and you still hang on. Doing this to yourself is not good for you at all. How does it make you feel now? Bad, right? In 5 years if you're still hanging on, will that be better? I doubt it. It is best to save yourself the pain now and try to let go before you hurt yourself more by clinging to something that can't be.

And so you know... I've let go before too. So don't think it's something that I haven't been through.

Quote:

Originally Posted by: odinn7
(Sure it's easy to say it... and it should be fairly easy to do it when he has made it clear that he wants nothing more than friendship. He told you that and you still hang on. Doing this to yourself is not good for you at all. How does it make you feel now? Bad, right? In 5 years if you're still hanging on, will that be better? I doubt it. It is best to save yourself the pain now and try to let go before you hurt yourself more by clinging to something that can't be.

And so you know... I've let go before too. So don't think it's something that I haven't been through)

Hey its me tiffany,

Inaya, look odinn7 right... You need to move on hanging on to him won't make a difference especially when he told you that its nothing more than freindship.
If you start looking harder maybe you will find someone you like,someone that is suitable for you... who knows this world is full of people out there you just got to look.Life always has its ups and downs its not the first...

Quote:

Originally Posted by xTiffanyx

Why can't you just tell your parents your not ready or you already love another guy.There your parents they will listen and undersatnd.
im sure your parents wont force you to marry someone you don't like
Remeber force marriage isn't right
And if they dont listen im sure there is someone else another family member your comfortable with
or a close freind.

Dont worry,i know its hard

My parents are not forcing me to marry somebody.. They just want me to get settled by marrying a suitable person

_____________________________________

Remeber Love will touch us one time but it will last us a lifetime.”

One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions

My parents are not forcing me to marry somebody.. They just want me to get settled in my life..

OK

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inaya

My parents are not forcing me to marry somebody.. They just want me to get settled in my life..

Take your time, one event will not solve your problem, but time will heal you if you focus on other things besides the love you can never have.

Unrequited love

I am not being able to get over my one sided love.. I hv tried everything, nt thinking about him, nt talking to him.. Bt its hurting me like anything.. He is my best friend.. The memories of the time we had spent together is haunting me.. I want to get over it.. Want to live my life.. I am so sick of my life.. Please help

...Merged Theads...

Stay busy with friends, hobbies, work, school, other activities.

Please stop opening new threads. You know how AMHD works, how to ask and read the responses.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Stay busy with friends, hobbies, work, school, other activities.

Please stop opening new threads. You know how AMHD works, how to ask and read the responses.

You are being rude.. I am using it just for the second time.. I didn't know if I had opened a new thread.. Ur advice was useless

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inaya

You are being rude.. I am using it just for the second time.. I didnt know if i had opened a new thread.. Ur advice was useless

And you opening a new question to ask pretty much the same thing is useless as well. You already asked this once and got plenty of answers that you didn't care to hear... asking again isn't going to change anything.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/one-sided-love-738815.html

Again... you can't make someone love you. He told you he's not interested so it's time to forget about him and move on.

Actually you've posted seven times before, not once. If you want me to be rude I could mention that you changed the circumstances to fit the answers - arranged marriage/not arranged marriage; pressure from parents/not pressure from parents. You don't want advice. You just want to feel sorry for yourself and be confrontational.

I gave you good ideas - stay busy in various ways. What else do you think anyone can say that will help you? You can't make someone love you. We can't make someone love you.

There is no relationship with "him."

He told you he doesn't want to be with you. He doesn't love you. You need to move on.

You say you "wanna" die if you can't have him - you need help, professional help, because he has become an obsession for you.

Having feelings for someone that doesn't reciprocate your feelings is very hard to get over. I've been in the same situation multiple times, and it sucks. But I'm not going to tell you that there's an exact way to get over him. The only thing that can heal you is time and a busy schedule.
What made it so difficult for me to get over someone like this was knowing everything about him and getting to know him as a person. But no matter what, you're friends should always be your friends. So, you should learn to be happy for his choices and he should be happy for yours. Something really strange that happened to me was the boy I liked for so long got a girlfriend. I thought I would hate that feeling, but it made me realize that he wasn't thinking about me as much as I was thinking about him, so I was able to move on a lot faster. Plus, I saw how he acted with his girlfriend, and I would not want to be in her place. Some people are meant to be friends, some are meant to be more, but you never know until you try, and you did. Stop contemplating the "what if" and try to find someone new. Or just spend time with your friends and family. 8)

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Actually you've posted seven times before, not once. If you want me to be rude I could mention that you changed the circumstances to fit the answers - arranged marriage/not arranged marriage; pressure from parents/not pressure from parents. You don't want advice. You just want to feel sorry for yourself and be confrontational.

I gave you good ideas - stay busy in various ways. What else do you think anyone can say that will help you? You can't make someone love you. We can't make someone love you.

There is no relationship with "him."

He told you he doesn't want to be with you. He doesn't love you. You need to move on.

You say you "wanna" die if you can't have him - you need help, professional help, because he has become an obsession for you.

Listen, I am sorry that I opened a new thread.. Frankly speaking, I don't know about this thing.. New thread or old thread.. That day wn I got advice frm u, I felt very much relieved.. Jst today only, I again started having sinking feeling.. I didn't know whom to talk.. Then I thought of AMHD.. So posted my question, thinking that I wl get some good advice.. I really didn't know, that I had to post it on the same thread..
If I said that your advice didn't help me, you started saying that I'm obsessed.. This I also know that I shd keep myself busy.. Bt the thing is I am not being able to concentrate on anything.. N let me tel u, I am also a doctor

Quote:

Originally Posted by kg14

Having feelings for someone that doesn't reciprocate your feelings is very hard to get over. I've been in the same situation multiple times, and it sucks. But I'm not going to tell you that there's an exact way to get over him. The only thing that can heal you is time and a busy schedule.
What made it so difficult for me to get over someone like this was knowing everything about him and getting to know him as a person. But no matter what, you're friends should always be your friends. So, you should learn to be happy for his choices and he should be happy for yours. Something really strange that happened to me was the boy I liked for so long got a girlfriend. I thought I would hate that feeling, but it made me realize that he wasn't thinking about me as much as I was thinking about him, so I was able to move on a lot faster. Plus, I saw how he acted with his girlfriend, and I would not want to be in her place. Some people are meant to be friends, some are meant to be more, but you never know until you try, and you did. Stop contemplating the "what if" and try to find someone new. Or just spend time with your friends and family. 8)

Thanks kg for your advice.. But the thing is I'm an happy when I am at my job but as soon as my job is over, his thoughts start filling up my mind.. I am not being able to concentrate on anything..

You are not the only Physician in the World who has spoken to another Physician about mental and physical health problems. You were told you are obsessed on your other thread - it's no big news to you.

You're a Physician and your parents are pressuring you to marry, bringing you matches every day? I'm amazed that good matches for Physicians are available on a daily basis. Where in India are you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You are not the only Physician in the World who has spoken to another Physician about mental and physical health problems. You were told you are obsessed on your other thread - it's no big news to you.

You're a Physician and your parents are pressuring you to marry, bringing you matches every day? I'm amazed that good matches for Physicians are available on a daily basis. Where in India are you?

I am from Illinois.. U hv gone mad

I simply do not believe that a Physician in the US cannot spell and resorts to text speak AND has her parents bringing her likely candidates for marriage on a daily basis.

I further do not believe that an educated woman would have such lack of control over herself that she would call another woman "mad."

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I simply do not believe that a Physician in the US cannot spell and resorts to text speak AND has her parents bringing her likely candidates for marriage on a daily basis.

Then don't believe.. That's not my problem.. U cannot be a physician.. This I am sure, the way u are handling all this..

I never said I'm a Physician. Where did you get that from?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I never said I'm a Physician. Where did you get that from?

You are not the only Physician in the World who has spoken to another Physician about mental and physical health problems.. Remember your these lines?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inaya

I am from illinois.. U hv gone mad

I too am from Illinois. Where in Illinois are you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inaya

You are not the only Physician in the World who has spoken to another Physician about mental and physical health problems.. Remember ur these lines?

Judy meant that it would be no shame for a physician to speak with another physician about mental problems resulting from a failed relationship. She did not say she is a physician.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I too am from Illinois. Where in Illinois are you?

Peoria

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inaya

Peoria

Cool! I'll have to drive down there and eat samosas with you. Peoria has a tiny Indian population.

Have you talked to this guy about your feelings? He may feel the same way as you. If you don't ask you may never know and live with regret.Respect his feelings and try to move on if he just wants to be friends. There is someone out there for you, and if he is not it then just know it is someone better for you!

"You are not the only Physician in the World who has spoken to another Physician about mental and physical health problems.. Remember ur these lines?"

You've been asked repeatedly not to use text speak.

How are you possibly interpreting what I said to indicate that I am a Physician - or am pretending to be a Physician.

Don't try to change. Keep loving someone, even if it's one sided. The heart wants what it wants. I'm utterly in love with someone who doesn't love me but that doesn't deter me because being with her is what I REALLY want to do and I can't picture being with someone else. Think of how happy you will be if you guys end up together.

When a person wants to die if she can't be with another person it's gone way too far. Garboozle, your advice concerns me because of your conflicting posts.

Here your "girlfriend" is not and then is a lesbian - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-738983.html

Spending your life suffering an unrequited love does not seem to be working for you.

That MAY have been a miscommunication. Someone told me she was with her girlfriend but girls refer to girls who are friends as "girlfriend" all the time. Let's keep this conversation about the OP though. Unrequited love can actually be a very beautiful and inspiring thing. I say go for it because there is always the chance it will work out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by garboozle

That MAY have been a miscommunication. Someone told me she was with her girlfriend but girls refer to girls who are friends as "girlfriend" all the time. Let's keep this convo about the OP though. Unrequited love can actually be a very beautiful and inspiring thing. I say go for it because there is always the chance it will work out.

Why would you wish someone be as twisted as you are? Oh that's right, you don't believe you are twisted.