My husband and I have been together for 14 yrs. We are in our 30s and I am 6 months pregnant with our 5th kid. We own our own business. We just recently hired on a couple of girls one is 18 the other is 30. My husband quickly became friends with the older one. He has never been interested in our employees before. This one is different.

He is always making excuses for her being late... she should be to work at 10 but don't show up till 3. He has only known her for a few months but he loans her and her cousin the 18 yr old money... to pay fines and get into a new apartment. He has been sending me home when they are there. I told him I am uncomfortable but he thinks I am overreacting. He never wants to talk about it he just says I don't want to argue. He helped the 30 year old move yesterday and at one point he didn't answer his phone for an hour. He said it was because he left it in his truck. But he never does that. He was alone with her for a while.

He has changed in a lot of ways. Like he is working out more. He used to be all over me paregoric or not now... he only wants to if I ask... and its always a little wired. Like he won't look at me he just looks down or faces me the other way... sorry just want to know if I should worry... he says they are just friends... but I feel my gut says otherwise.

If he is acting differently and you are suspecting something then you are probably right.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

If he is acting differently and you are suspecting something then you are probably right.

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Kind of hard to say!
If he is being just a good employer?
Or more than just a good friend to them?

As the saying goes!

"If something is not right!"
"Then it is not!"

How can it be otherwise??
Don't cave is so easily!!
Stay when he wants to send you home
The only way your going to find out is either staying there!
Or do a surprise visit!!
Don't let him fool you!!
You know what you know!!
Follow it through!!

Thanks for the answers guys. How ever the situatin is getting wired... my husband insists that nothing happened. So does the girl... but I still think they are lying.. I may have to do some investing...

Insist on having her over.
For dinner and drinks, bbqs.
Tell him that you would like to meet her.
If he says otherwise.
Then I would be thinking something is not quite right.
If he has nothing to hide.
Then why is he hiding her?

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Originally Posted by mark25624

Insist on having her over.
For dinner and drinks, bbqs.
Tell him that you would like to meet her.
If he says otherwise.
Then I would be thinking something is not quite right.
If he has nothing to hide.
Then why is he hiding her?

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I already know her... and I have confronted them both about sleeping together which they both denied... but yet he was hanging out with her a couple nights ago for a hour and a half and conveniently can't remember what they talked about...

Sends you home??
What about saying NO

Do you and him own the business or does HE own the business.

If she is always late, fire her, you are one of the owners also.

It is your and his money, if he is LOANING her money ask for a signed document for a loan and payment plan.

If he is giving them money, tell him it is your money also and to stop.

Take a active role and tell him you do not trust him and will be controlling this till it stops

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Sends you home ??????
What about saying NO

Do you and him own the business or does HE own the business.

If she is always late, fire her, you are one of the owners also.

It is your and his money, if he is LOANING her money ask for a signed document for a loan and payment plan.

If he is giving them money, tell him it is your money also and to stop.

Take a active role and tell him you do not trust him and will be controling this till it stops

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Haha! Yeah I've told her she is fired twice now and he keeps going over top of me on it. I told them Saturday they were fired if they did not show up went over to their house and they worked out a plan to be here today they of course did not... so I told them again they were fired. And they texted my husband like it was a joke I was playing boss... I told him to back me up... he did not so I told then I am part owner of the Business and when I said they were fired I can. He got mad at me...

She's got to go. You have grounds to fire her. Tell your husband she's a threat to your marriage and has to go. She's also not doing the job.

I think your husband is way out of bounds. Let him be mad and make sure these female stay fired. Stick to your guns.

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

She's got to go. You have grounds to fire her. Tell your husband she's a threat to your marriage and has to go. She's also not doing the job.

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I have told him this and now he has been throwing hints about divroce and maybe we would be better as friends... I've been with this man for thirteen years... he has never been this way before... he hung out at their house for an hour and a half Saturday night and wierdly can't tell me what they talked about...

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Originally Posted by mnmoores83

I already know her...and i have confronted them both about sleeping together which they both denied...but yet he was hanging out with her a couple nights ago for a hour and a half and conveniently can't remember what they talked about...

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If you know him well.
Remember the ways he was vs. how he is today.
Also! Listen to how he speaks.
Does he come home rom her smelling out of the ordinary?

Does he when he comes home reject wanting to have sex with you.
These are the times when you do have to play detective.

So he gets mad at you,

Explain that you will take the business and the house in the divorce and he can have his car and his clothes and the pretty girlfriend.
Tell him that he can not rehire the girl and that she is not allowed in the business again, and if she is, he is not allowed in your house again.

So he gets mad, don't care, stand your ground

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

So he gets mad at you,

Explain that you will take the business and the house in the divorce and he can have his car and his clothes and the pretty girlfriend.
Tell him that he can not rehire the girl and that she is not allowed in the business again, and if she is, he is not allowed in your house again.

So he gets mad, don't care, stand your ground

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I don't want to lose him... id rather have proof... just can't affored to hire the help.

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Originally Posted by mnmoores83

I dont want to lose him...id rather have proof...just can't affored to hire the help.

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I really think you are in denial. All that you're saying points to him messing around with her. Maybe you want proof but I don't think it could really be more obvious at this point.

You don't need proof of anything, what he has done is bad enough to take whatever actions you feel is necessary to protect your dignity and self respect.

He wants to be mad, give him something to be mad about.

A child asks his Mother; Mummy! Do all fairy stories begin with “Once upon a time?”
Mother says: NO sweetheart – sometimes they begin with, “I'll be working late at the office!”

You're right to be suspicious, now all you need is the evidence? For me; this would be tough and excruciatingly painful to have my suspicions confirmed… I think I'd like to stay in partial denial mode for a little bit longer to find out just what's going on inside his head. Is there something else going on or placing pressure on him that has him distracted from reality? After a week or two if he continues to behaviour in this manner, I'd have to sit down with myself again and think real hard on what to do next.

Only you know; “he has never been this way before…” Perhaps this is just a glitch or something that has been building up over time?

Take care

Proof,
god give me a life, what proof do you want, 8X10 photos of them having sex?

Of course something is going on

But that is beyond the issue,
Respect, honor, and how he is treating you
Deal with those issues, those are why you leave him or kick him out.
Merely sleeping with someone else, can actually be forgiven more easier by most people than the way they treat you all the other ways.
** remember some cultures allow mistress or even 2nd and 3rd wife's.

I am looking less at the cheating and more at the treatment of you

There are times where you do need to look under the surface to find just what is going on.
If you have seen some detective shows and movies.
You can work off that.

It could be too that (I'm not saying that they are having sex) he finds that having her in his company ( relationship) a pleasure.

It could be to.
That this may be an emotional relationship.
As to how he thinks, feels about things in his life.
It's that being able to talk to someone that does not really know them that much.

It is so rare for a man to have an emotional relationship with a woman.

From the friendships that I have had in my life.
I would not give them up for anything in this world.

I think! That when we hear the word "cheating" that is all we know.
In stead of finding out if there is.

This isn't the way for a married guy to carry on a friendship with a female. Its insulting, degrading, and demeaning, and should be nipped in the bud, and not tolerated for any reason.

You allow bad behavior, that's what you will get.

Another way of looking at this.
If he spends way too much time with her.
Then! I would have to put my foot down on his.
Just to let him know and express how yo think and feel about the whole thing.
Either he reduces his time with her.

( As much as I really do not want to say this)
Or you can arrange it so you can spend even more time with her.
A.K.A. Divorce.
But! If you do!
Take him to the cleaners.
You have tolerated this for so long.
Well you know!

A Woman can only stand so much lack of attention!!